MTG Salvation

Hello, I am an avid forum goer who has just started professional writing, and I have recently had an article I submitted posted to The Advocate,and wondered if anyone could evaluate and give me feedback. I'm not entirely sure if this is something this community does, but it can't hurt to try right? Thanks to anyone who reads this. It is an opinion piece on homosexuality, and the recent removal of the discrimination laws in my town. www.advocate.com/commentary/2015/04/10/op-ed-how-get-when-your-community-betrays-you

It's kinda strange how shift between GLBTQ and LGBT seemingly at random.

It seems kind of disjointed. Half of the piece is directed at the influence of churches in the decision, while the rest is a smattering of washroom issues, general overview, and personal impact. I think it could've benefited from more focus.

Then again, this is just my opinion. I wasn't published by The Advocate, so take my critique with a grain of salt. On a slightly unrelated note, you have my sympathy regarding the topic.

I greatly appreciate you taking the time to read and right a response. I will take your critique to heart, there is always room to grow! I had a lot going through my mind when I was writing this, and they had a very quick deadline, so next time hopefully I can focus more.

I agree with Talore. In general, to be honest, I found the piece ... well, written to the choir, with a lot of wishy-washy statements betraying your lack of knowledge in the areas you're writing in. E.g. this:

Another issue pushed by the anti-equality side was "safety" in women's restrooms, with men masquerading as transgender folks in an effort to harm women and children. I was never aware this was an issue, and I firmly believe you would be hard-pressed to find instances of this actually happening.

You can actually look it up! [For the record, I'm not going to since I'm lazy and am not writing a current article for ... anywhere, but I think it's happened twice. Twice ever. That's just what I remember offhand.]

Things like this:

It feels terrible being knocked down in a futile fight that will never be won, knowing full and well that when and if this ever comes up for any other minority, it will be shot down hard.

I'm confused as to what you're saying here. Is the futile fight that will never be won the fight for LGBT rights? (I would say that's clearly wrong, personally.) Is the oppression LGBT people feel somehow more real to you than the oppression that other minorities currently feel???

And this:

I, however, had no idea that the vote was going to turn out that way.

... I'm not sure what this sentence is supposed to do, really. In general, things like these just make it feel like a lot of the article was written off of the top of your head. As you said to Talore, the deadline was short. It looks like it had the desired effect anyways on your readers, though, so that's good. As long as it gets there, the precise methodology of getting there almost doesn't matter. But you have a lot that you can work on for the next one, if it happens.