I'm guessing this is the place, if any, for the storytiming of Deathrite Shaman's journey to being banned.
It's fairly silly, but something I just put together and thought I'd share. Enjoy!
Enter DR. S; Deathrite Shaman. The good doctor represented a holistic approach to dealing with the Tarmogoyf cancer of BG.
Many disliked how Dr. S refuted Snapcaster Mage's solutions, but the shaman's efforts to curb Tarmogoyf growth from within were noble enough.
But Tarmogoyf is one stubborn tumor! Dr. S tried clearing up the gangrene dredged up from the body ofBG, but he could remove only traces.
The doctor tried to re-culture healthy growth from BG, but everything died. Everything but the tumor. What didn't grow, died. And what died grew the Tarmogoyf.
So Deathrite Shaman took to the old art of using leeches, applying Scavenging Oozes.
For a time, it seemed they did the trick. But it was trying work that needed regular attention.
The 'Goyfs and the Oozes could be unstable, difficult to control.
Thankfully, there were electric pillars in the cages of the subjects. Unfortunately, the doctor himself would get shocked on occasion.
One day, Deathrite Shaman went on a date. He was so tired from slaving away at the malignant masses of 'Goyf and Ooze on the operating table, and needed to catch a break.
He met his date in a bar called Mono'Noir. He went there sometimes to escape the pressures of being green. His Elf friends always took his alternative solutions as an excuse to just sit around and be dorks all day.
Dr. S's date wasn't like that. She had ambition. She had strength, she was Liliana of the Veil.
She really appreciated him. She also brought out his darker side, and it thrilled him. He was in love.
After a magical evening, Dr. S rushed late to the clinic the next day. He was shocked, to find the subjects had broken out of their electric cages.
Now the 'Goyfs and the Oozes were running amok and Dr. S beheld their horror: Autonomous lumps of fatty growths now leashed to the heart of BG, dragging the helpless body around like a ragdoll.
Sinister interests gathered, some who delighted in the mess of destruction, and others who saw opportunity. The doctor was surprised to find offers left and right for his 'services,' which he accepted to fund his research.
Deathrite Shaman was put on trial, and an investigation was mounted by the modern medical authority to find out what went wrong. The investigation was led by none other than Snapcaster Mage.
As Dr. Snap provided evidence at the trial, Dr. S could sense the smug satisfaction. Dr. S was on trial for professional negligence, and Dr. Snap had been sneaking around flashing peeks of his activities. "This is downright probing!" Protested Dr. S.
Liliana was among the onlookers subjected to Dr. Snap's flashback of events, and while the evidence Dr. Snap produced was incriminating, there was only one factor left unchecked: motive.
Liliana thought she caught Dr. Snap grin at her as he continued to display evidence. But before the details of Dr. S's nightly activities could be brought to light, there was a shout.
Dr. S. admitted to having a love affair, . Dr. Snap attacked Liliana, blaming her for the recent crisis. Deathrite Shaman defended her, and sprang into a fight with Snapcaster Mage.
The two men of science traded blows, they clobbered each other. By the end, Deathrite Shaman felt the dizzying weight of Snapcaster Mage's flash gun.
But Dr. S got in a good hit when he cracked one of his 'model' skulls onto Dr. Snap's. Dr. S showed persistence, but Dr. Snap's tenacity was undying. Guards came to restore the peace, and the trial concluded later.
Dr. S was presented with an ultimatum. He would either be sentenced to imprisonment, or continue tending to the BG cancer crisis. As an additional condition, Deathrite had to abide by a court order to keep away from Liliana. Dr. S refused the terms, and so it would come to pass that her visits were all he would look forward to in his hive in Mt. Legacy Penitentiary.
Dr. S had pleaded with the court. "Tarmogoyf's what you should be locking up, not me!" But the BG cancer had spread. Dr. S recognized in that moment the faces of officials as the shady dealers who approached him for his culturing services, now all calling for his imprisonment. All his work to undo Tarmogoyf instead proved its power. He showed them all the futility of removing mere traces of such power. He showed them how the futility in itself could be used to bring about despair. The Tarmogoyf wasn't merely weaponized cancer, but grew cemented to the face of BG as a fixed mask of accepted tyranny.
Postcredits:
Deathrite Shaman works out in his cell, doing chin-ups on a pull-up bar. He's hailed by Elf inmates, whom he ignores. A guard tells him there's a conjugal visit. Deathrite is suspicious, "I saw Liliana yesterday."
Dr. S gets brought to a cold gray room with a table in its center. From the shadows there sounds a ringing, and a golden gleam peeks out. A crown spins around flaunting fingers of a hand.
"Whose is that?" Asks Deathrite.
"It may as well have been yours." Responds a trace of a figure.
Deathrite recognizes the voice. "It's been some time."
"Yes, yes," the figure steps out. A thin man with a long sweep of hair only over half his head.
"So, are you the reason I'm here?" Asks Deathrite, unimpressed.
"Well, you were really starting to steal my thunder . . ." The thin man flicks back a cloak and sits down on a chair.
". . . but I can't take all the credit. Dr. Snap did a wonderful job." The cloaked man crosses his legs and lets the crown dangle by a finger.
Deathrite knocks the table back, grabs the thin man and holds him up against a wall.
The thin man smiles. "Yes, yes, awfully tough, for a dork."
"You're awfully chatty for someone with a hand around their neck."
"I think we both know how this would turn out. Let's not get messy now."
Deathrite drops the man. "Alright, what do you want?"
"I want to thank you. You've accelerated such a greedy environment. And now I get to watch them all burn."
"What are you talking about?" snaps Deathrite
"I cut a deal with your darling Dr. Snap."
Deathrite spits.
"Oh, don't worry, it's for the best. It seems in the wake of such tyranny, everyone has adjusted quite nicely."
"Granted," the thin man continues, "It's not the peaceful solution you wanted, but we'll get there eventually."
"So I take it Dr. Snap is some kind of big hero now?"
"Why, yes, yes. All because of you. And here you are. Rotting."
"I don't know what's worse. But if it all means things are going in the right direction, I'll accept power without glory."
The thin man smiles. "Greatness, at any cost."
You don't call "dying to removal" if the removal is more expensive in resources than the creature. If you have to spend BG (Abrupt Decay), or W + basic land (PtE) to remove a 1G, that is not "dying to removal". Strictly speaking Goyf dies to removal, but actually your removal is dying to Goyf.
"The doctor tried to re-culture healthy growth from BG, but everything died. Everything but the tumor. What didn't grow, died. And what died grew the Tarmogoyf."
Truly hilarious.
It's fairly silly, but something I just put together and thought I'd share. Enjoy!
Many disliked how Dr. S refuted Snapcaster Mage's solutions, but the shaman's efforts to curb Tarmogoyf growth from within were noble enough.
But Tarmogoyf is one stubborn tumor! Dr. S tried clearing up the gangrene dredged up from the body ofBG, but he could remove only traces.
The doctor tried to re-culture healthy growth from BG, but everything died. Everything but the tumor. What didn't grow, died. And what died grew the Tarmogoyf.
So Deathrite Shaman took to the old art of using leeches, applying Scavenging Oozes.
For a time, it seemed they did the trick. But it was trying work that needed regular attention.
The 'Goyfs and the Oozes could be unstable, difficult to control.
Thankfully, there were electric pillars in the cages of the subjects. Unfortunately, the doctor himself would get shocked on occasion.
One day, Deathrite Shaman went on a date. He was so tired from slaving away at the malignant masses of 'Goyf and Ooze on the operating table, and needed to catch a break.
He met his date in a bar called Mono'Noir. He went there sometimes to escape the pressures of being green. His Elf friends always took his alternative solutions as an excuse to just sit around and be dorks all day.
Dr. S's date wasn't like that. She had ambition. She had strength, she was Liliana of the Veil.
She really appreciated him. She also brought out his darker side, and it thrilled him. He was in love.
After a magical evening, Dr. S rushed late to the clinic the next day. He was shocked, to find the subjects had broken out of their electric cages.
Now the 'Goyfs and the Oozes were running amok and Dr. S beheld their horror: Autonomous lumps of fatty growths now leashed to the heart of BG, dragging the helpless body around like a ragdoll.
Sinister interests gathered, some who delighted in the mess of destruction, and others who saw opportunity. The doctor was surprised to find offers left and right for his 'services,' which he accepted to fund his research.
Deathrite Shaman was put on trial, and an investigation was mounted by the modern medical authority to find out what went wrong. The investigation was led by none other than Snapcaster Mage.
As Dr. Snap provided evidence at the trial, Dr. S could sense the smug satisfaction. Dr. S was on trial for professional negligence, and Dr. Snap had been sneaking around flashing peeks of his activities. "This is downright probing!" Protested Dr. S.
Liliana was among the onlookers subjected to Dr. Snap's flashback of events, and while the evidence Dr. Snap produced was incriminating, there was only one factor left unchecked: motive.
Liliana thought she caught Dr. Snap grin at her as he continued to display evidence. But before the details of Dr. S's nightly activities could be brought to light, there was a shout.
Dr. S. admitted to having a love affair, . Dr. Snap attacked Liliana, blaming her for the recent crisis. Deathrite Shaman defended her, and sprang into a fight with Snapcaster Mage.
The two men of science traded blows, they clobbered each other. By the end, Deathrite Shaman felt the dizzying weight of Snapcaster Mage's flash gun.
But Dr. S got in a good hit when he cracked one of his 'model' skulls onto Dr. Snap's. Dr. S showed persistence, but Dr. Snap's tenacity was undying. Guards came to restore the peace, and the trial concluded later.
Dr. S was presented with an ultimatum. He would either be sentenced to imprisonment, or continue tending to the BG cancer crisis. As an additional condition, Deathrite had to abide by a court order to keep away from Liliana. Dr. S refused the terms, and so it would come to pass that her visits were all he would look forward to in his hive in Mt. Legacy Penitentiary.
Dr. S had pleaded with the court. "Tarmogoyf's what you should be locking up, not me!" But the BG cancer had spread. Dr. S recognized in that moment the faces of officials as the shady dealers who approached him for his culturing services, now all calling for his imprisonment. All his work to undo Tarmogoyf instead proved its power. He showed them all the futility of removing mere traces of such power. He showed them how the futility in itself could be used to bring about despair. The Tarmogoyf wasn't merely weaponized cancer, but grew cemented to the face of BG as a fixed mask of accepted tyranny.
Postcredits:
Dr. S gets brought to a cold gray room with a table in its center. From the shadows there sounds a ringing, and a golden gleam peeks out. A crown spins around flaunting fingers of a hand.
"Whose is that?" Asks Deathrite.
"It may as well have been yours." Responds a trace of a figure.
Deathrite recognizes the voice. "It's been some time."
"Yes, yes," the figure steps out. A thin man with a long sweep of hair only over half his head.
"So, are you the reason I'm here?" Asks Deathrite, unimpressed.
"Well, you were really starting to steal my thunder . . ." The thin man flicks back a cloak and sits down on a chair.
". . . but I can't take all the credit. Dr. Snap did a wonderful job." The cloaked man crosses his legs and lets the crown dangle by a finger.
Deathrite knocks the table back, grabs the thin man and holds him up against a wall.
The thin man smiles. "Yes, yes, awfully tough, for a dork."
"You're awfully chatty for someone with a hand around their neck."
"I think we both know how this would turn out. Let's not get messy now."
Deathrite drops the man. "Alright, what do you want?"
"I want to thank you. You've accelerated such a greedy environment. And now I get to watch them all burn."
"What are you talking about?" snaps Deathrite
"I cut a deal with your darling Dr. Snap."
Deathrite spits.
"Oh, don't worry, it's for the best. It seems in the wake of such tyranny, everyone has adjusted quite nicely."
"Granted," the thin man continues, "It's not the peaceful solution you wanted, but we'll get there eventually."
"So I take it Dr. Snap is some kind of big hero now?"
"Why, yes, yes. All because of you. And here you are. Rotting."
"I don't know what's worse. But if it all means things are going in the right direction, I'll accept power without glory."
The thin man smiles. "Greatness, at any cost."
"OH GOD MY BRAIN IS EXPLOADING AT HOW BAD THE ART IS ON MY OWN CARD"
-A friend's first impression of Ancestral Recall
10/10, I tapped.
"The doctor tried to re-culture healthy growth from BG, but everything died. Everything but the tumor. What didn't grow, died. And what died grew the Tarmogoyf."
Truly hilarious.