MTG Salvation

This is my on going novel facing right now a trilogy. I'm only posting the first two chapters. This might not even be the official name of the first book. But who knows? I have written a whole lot more, however, I prefer to restrain it to just 2 Chapters. Please read on and if you like you can just post some feedback, but in reality, you don't have to post. Even if you liked it.



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A man paced in his room. He was rather pale and tall, a look of great wisdom in his eyes. The man seemed mature of age, as he had lived for ages; not decades. Yes, the man was mysterious. His lips spoke of prophecies, truths, reality, wisdom, and death. One could say he resembled the Maker. The maker of our realm. A realm, not of kingdom, but as in the realm of the mortals. Of course, I refer to him as a God… As Slatos. Slatos is the name of this… creator. And the name of this sage, I will not yet reveal. However, I can tell you, that he is very powerful. Ujum, very powerful indeed. This man can take a legion of dragons and banish them into the depths of the last dimension. So powerful that he could bring the dead back to life and exile them from the living in the blink of an eye. OHO! This might sound like a fairy tale, but he is very real. The prophet is more real than the spirits we worship, Ah, haha; I’m getting carried away with details! Let’s get on with the prophet.

(The prophet walks to a chair and sits down staring at the ceiling)

(The prophet slumps down on his chair and falls asleep)
Yes, a prophet. One of the most sagacious of them all. Fights when the time is right, and never runs. Powerful, he was simply powerful, meanwhile, in the other side of the world at the continent of Blue Ridge one of the legends was just a newborn. At the small wizard city of Sonesia. Ha, he was such an energetic fellow. His name was Grados Minia. Grados had been born with black hair and gray eyes; eyes that were soon to change. You see, wizards and mages, as they come of age, their eye color tends to change depending on their specialized element. Wind users have green eyes, whereas water users have blue eyes, dark magic users have black eyes, light magic changes eye color to white, fire changes eyes to red, and earth makes brown. And of course, those who combine elements also they have combined eye colors. Let’s take the most popular combination of eye color, black/white. Black/white is especially seen in those that use light and dark magic. Not to mention it’s loved by women in the wizard/mage world. Trust me, you have black/white eyes, you are bound to have 10 chicks on you. Not to leave out the women, if a girl has water/green eyes, she is sure to have 10 more guys around. Let me see if I can remember why the eyes change… ummm… Ah! Ok, I remember now, supposedly the mana from the specialized attributes (wind, water, earth, fire, dark, light, in case you didn’t know) is the cause of such phenomenon. Well, back to dear old Grados ^__^ . His parents were hard workers, his mom, Loria Blackletter, was a teacher of Magic History and his father, Cryton Minia, was an economic and war advisor for Sones Castem III. Sones Castem III is the governor of the city and dear grandson of the founder of Sonesia. The founder’s name is also Sones Castem. Now, Sones Castem III is relative of Soner Castem III which is the governor of Soneria. Soneria was founded by Soner’s grandfather who is also named as Soner Castem. (phew) It’s really a big family I must admit. All of its members had made a contribution to magic. The Castem family is one of the largest in the world, they are practically larger than the population of goblins living in the Dragoon Mountains - just in case, the Dragoon Mountain is in some other continent ^__^; - (sigh) And again I’m drifting away from the main story again. I’ll just continue.

As I was saying, tiny Grados Minia, came from an accomplished family. He was very proud of the life he led. A life of joy and love. He grew to be handsome, valiant, energetic, and most importantly, he was always smiling no matter how tough situations got. Amazing child, never let his humor fade even when his parents were killed. Ah! Ooops. That was meant for dramatization! Oh well… >__<. Indeed, his parents were victims of a terrible fate. Loria Blacketter suffered from a kind of sickness in which the mind is rendered useless… How can I explain? Uh… Ummm… Well, her mind slowly decayed, started to bleed and a… ah… this is rather hard. She suffered from a mind implosion. Yes, her mind exploded inside out. It is a natural occurrence amongst magic users really; even elves. Alchemist -those who study all components of magic- have stated that this sickness is caused by excess storage of manna into one body or in this case… the brain. This sickness was named “Milw Znod” or mind-blow. Milw Znod was derived from the ancient language Nagixia. It was a language spoken by the gods of old. That was soon to be partially forgotten. I sound more like a history teacher than a storyteller, so now I shall explain what happened to Cryton Minia, Grados’ father.

How do I start? (ponders) Ok… Cryton Minia was assassinated. To make matters worse, he was killed in front of young Grados. Traumatizing event, I admit. Cryton’s throat was slit, blood spilled endlessly. They were together, Grados and Cryton, just weeks after Loria’s death. They had just finished paying their respects and they sat at a cliff overlooking the city and the never-ending ocean, its waves crashed against the west shores of Sonesia. The sky was as bright and clear as ever. It was rather cool and the sweet breeze caressed their skins. That day, Grados had the best talk in weeks with his father.

(Cryton looked to the sea and puts his hand on his son’s shoulder)

(Grados, as always, smiled)

(Cryton smirks as he continues to look forward)


(Grados looks at his father)

(Cryton smiles proud of his son’s words)



(Grados said jokingly)




(Grados blushed)


(Cryton raised his eyebrows at this quote and jokingly says)



As you can see, they were both very close; they shared a bond not seen very much between other father/sons. I must say, family tragedies often brings its members closer together too, but they were always this close. Grados and Cryton admired each other. Cryton admired his son’s humor and strong will and Grados admired his father’s charm with the ladies and his great swordsmanship. Cryton was an exceptional swordfighter. He could predict his opponent’s movement before it was even thought of. Of course, I might be exaggerating, but that does not change the fact that he was almost the best swordsman ever known. This is why he was a war advisor. The man could see the enemy’s movement way before they decided to even attack. And no, he was not a psychic or a seer, Cryton just believed in the old saying, “Expect the unexpected”. Many would squirm upon hearing this statement, but Cryton knew exactly how to use that saying. I bet you are wondering how he got killed if he was so amazing. Well, that’s when a little thing called irony comes in. Ok, let’s see… Thing is that, Grados’ father’s skills work only when he is focused on his target. So… in this case, he was surprised. You might ask - How can an expert be surprised? - The answer is pretty simple - Expert swordsmen are not GODS! - and besides an assassin killed him, and assassins can be really sneaky when it comes to killing. So, technically, the murderer crept behind him, and <SLASH!> Cryton’s neck is slit. It all went like this: Grados looked at his father and suddenly he caught a small glimpse of the killer and shouted -WATCH OUT!-, but it was too late, the assassin had already put the knife on Cryton’s neck and cut it as if the neck was made of up… umm… uh… Made up of… Argh, I’m really bad with analogies… Got it! As if the neck was made up of CHEESE! I know, I know, pretty bad, but it’s my analogy and I’m proud. So, anyways, Cryton’s blood splattered and even as soon as the man fell to the ground, it continued to pour scattering through the moistening soil. The assassin then jumped from the cliff turned around to face the rocky cliff wall and stab the wall with his knife, eventually stopping his free fall. After that, he began to slowly descend as the panicked Grados began to mutter a spell…

(Grados was standing on the edge of the cliff with his eyes closed, and hands together)


And then, suddenly, the creeping clouds parted and a ray of searing light shot out of the heavens crashing against the killer’s face which deteriorated an eye and an ear and burned off half the face. As the light hit the man, he lost grip of the bloody knife and fell cursing the child. You might wonder what Grados’ spell was called, and I’ll be glad to tell you; Nitsg ov Soke, means Light of Hope, as you might’ve guessed it is Nagixia.

After the whole incident, Grados had killed the assassin and miraculously his father was still breathing, although almost impossible.

(Grados kneeled before his father and lifted him carefully)


(Cryton tried to open his eyes once more before his complete demise)


(Grados leaned closer to his dad knowing what he wished to say)


(Grados said with a shaking voice and thought for a moment. Then he came up with a solution)


(Delusion got the best of Cryton; his breath began to slowly fade. Fade into the black… Black Death)


(Desperately Cryton fell from Grados’ grasp, Grados put his hands with blood together, muttering a spell as fast as he could)


(A slow and gentle stream of light fell from the sky caressing those touched by it with warmness and tranquility. As if a goddess of love had come down. Grados in grief fixed his teary eyes upon his father’s body basked in red wine)


It wasn’t the first time he had cried. Young Grados had cried the night of his mother’s death also, however, the reason he was able to surpass that sadness was, because he believed that his father would remain by his side. Sadly, tragedy showed him that he was wrong and destroyed that which was left of his hopes. (sigh) It was a terrible day. Despite Grados’ efforts to restore Cryton’s life with the revival spell he failed – in case curiosity had befallen the spell’s name is Revival of Soul-. His father was never brought back.








Unkind fate happens to us all. It happens in such a variety of ways. Families are slain, kingdoms fall, evil imprisons the holy, and even the mind fades into madness. And perhaps the worse was the last one. Losing the sense of reality and completely letting yourself be captivated by your own world. (sigh) Yes… Fantasy can be such a remarkable thing; helps you escape from that life that hurts you so much and create a new one in your mind. It is most unfortunate that people rely so much in escapees from the real world. Fantasy creates ignorance, while it is great… It can be horrible as well. Sometimes you must face what destiny has presented you. Face it with courage and a stern spirit and believe me… You shall be rewarded wonderfully. It is a simple fact. The world was created for us to live in not to destroy it; and life was created for us to live in not to desecrate it nor shield ourselves from its cruelness. Mysteries were meant for us to solve… Not… to fear them. Humanity is shameless. So much hatred is spawn everyday against each other, against nature. Tell me: what do we gain from such actions? WHAT!? Absolutely nothing. Not even power or wealth, for in the end emptiness will invade your soul and depression prevails.
Life should never be taken for granted, life should be enjoyed and made into what you wish by hard work and accepting reality. Of course, not everyone is the same and so they can’t all view life in a similar way. However, it is a mere example of how it should be looked. And it will grant happiness, I assure you. Believe in yourself, your abilities, your ideals, accept reality and other opinions, and happiness shall be gained.
Well, on with the story, I am not here to preach… ^__^ I guess I also got serious there but, this is how life works and it should be accepted. It just burns my soul to see people killing themselves just because life has been unfair. Humanity is a cowardly race… Always afraid of the unknown, of destiny. Anyways… Soon after Cryton’s death, dear Grados reported the incident to Sones Castem. Upon hearing what happened, Sones immediately began preparations for Cryton’s funeral. *sigh* Yes… I remember the day… It was day 15th in the month of Sitra. The months are called after each god and goddess, Sitra being the goddess of prosperity. I may have a clue of what your thinking… ummm, yes… Life is an irony. It is for everyone. It is part of its reality, of its cruelty. That day Grados learned so many things, so many secrets. As if… As if death was the key that unveiled the past, the tyranny, the wars… and even… life itself. I believe death brings about life and I shall tell you why as my story progresses. On the month of Sitra, day 15th, Grados returned home after the funeral all broken down. His eyes became red and started to gain shadows under them. It was really sad since he used to have glorious gray eyes. Well, poor Grados got home and took a shower… I believe it was around dusk and after that he stayed on his balcony staring at the sky, reminiscing about his father’s last words, his mother’s last gaze, and the last time he felt secure and confident. He felt an incredible anguish, as if his pride had been taken away, as if… He did not deserve to live any longer. He thought about… forgetting his sorrow, forgetting the cruel world in which he lived and strip his life, strip his existence! He wanted to fade into a void of mourning and despair. He continued throughout the night having feelings of fault, for what he clearly wasn’t to blame. He felt sorry for not acting faster and saving his father. And it is what happens today in the world. Many regret what wasn’t their fault, what they couldn’t stop from happening and then those urges to fade from the public eye, from your own eye. That night… Grados had a dream. An inspiring dream, one could say it was a revelation from the gods.

(Grados appears in a field… alone… strange sounds coming from far away… sounds of… metal clashing… the stench of blood filled the air… As he looked at the ground, he saw himself on top of a lake of crimson liquid… He looked into the distance and saw silhouettes surround him. Dark figures fighting… Was this… a war? Grados tried to walk backwards and as he did he seemed to stride across the cherry lake… The young man bent down and plunged two fingers into the red water and tasted both fingers… It was blood. Clouds began to form upon him and as it started raining more blood came downward… Some fell on the wizard’s face… onto his eyes, as if his tears were of blood. Soldiers died before him, still unable to comprehend what was happening… Suddenly, a light between the black clouds appeared shining before Grados Minia…)

(Grados responded confused)










(The god looks around… suddenly with a flick of his hand, the whole landscape, the whole DREAM changes entirely and Grados appears in space overlooking the world then Fanril continues speaking in admiration)



(Grados upon hearing the god’s words he remembered something he had been wondering all his life)


(The heavenly being lets out a booming laugh and then stops to think for a moment. For a while he maintained a clueless face until the words slipped from he mouth)




(Suddenly the god stomped his foot against the ground as he clapped his hands and a blinding wave of light consumed the dream and swept Grados of his feet and fell. The light then began to fade… Darkness began to engulf the landscape…)
Slowly Grados opened his eyes to reveal that it was still night, however as he looked out the window, he could see the sun steadily rising over the hills. The orange light that the sun emitted prevailed in the dark sky. The clouds tainted with a red-yellow color. Grados got out of bed and got dressed. Went down the stairs and looked around, everything was still the same. He picked up his backpack and strode out the door leading to town and upon midway he found the Mayor coming his way.
(Sones Castem III was wearing long blue and green robes. He was walking rather slow with his hands grasped together. As he saw Grados he smiled and began to walk a bit faster)

(Sones spoke with light sarcasm, something that Sones was really known for. He loved sarcasm and it made Sones look human. If truth be told, Sones Castem’s presence gave every place he went to a god-like feel. In fact, it is somewhat freakish. Grados looked at Sones and cleared his throat nervously. )




(Grados took a step back surprised)





(Sones looked at Grados dead straight at the eye, grabbed Grados’ hands and gave him the bag of money.)

(Said Sones satisfied)

(Still astonished, Grados spoke)

(Sones strode away and disappeared into the town)
Ha, ha, everyone respected Grados, as you can see. Young Minia left the town and headed north. Along the way he encountered caravans and students and travelers of all sorts and countries. Many of these spoke of the wizard towers south of the Blue Ridge Continent. Others spoke of mythical items only found in fantastic caves. One in particular told the story of a legendary Sage who discovered how to unlock the powers of one’s soul. The very power the god had mentioned. The secrets of the Sage were said to be in the center of a forest just east of Bradok City. Bradok city is a port city northwest of Sonesia and west of Alcazan city. To get to the forest, Grados had to find Znue Road that extended across the Znue Mountains and then head north. So, Minia was set, he wanted to uncover the secrets, he wanted to explore. After hearing the traveler’s tale, the wizard purchased a map of the continent and went off, practically skipping. Hours passed and he walked and walked. Thirst occasionally invaded Grados, however it was a good thing he brought his spell books that showed him how to convoke water. With a wave of his hands over the cup and saying the word –Siwjagiol- (this meant Hydration) the cup would fill up with fresh, cold water. In no time night fell again and he decided to camp under a tree. Looked for wood and convoked fire (the spell for fire is -Vije- , I hope you guessed the meaning of Vije) to light it up. Patiently he spread his bed sheets and pillow. He laid down on the sheets and looked at the stars imagining all sorts of creatures he was going to see, like huge monster guardians protecting some altar etched with the secrets of that divine power humans apparently have. He imagined himself powerful defeating each guardian one by one using all sorts of spells. Quite an imagination he had. As the fire began to fade, so did Grados consciousness gradually drifting into a deep sleep.

I finally get around to reading this and I must say your writing style is... unique. It switches speech into the main body of the text and description into the side-text. It may be just me but I am not really used to it.

As for comments, I can see the storyline there but I think you are trying too hard to mix humor and laughters into what is obviously a rather intense serious story, what with the rain of blood, and death of parents, and destiny comes a calling, and all that. It also really doesn't suit this type of story when you used emoticons like that, even if they were meant as humorous additions.

An example here would be the slitting of the father's throat. The analogy comparison to cheese is inappropriate when one is trying to convey emotions such as shock or sadness. It's like it's mocking the death of the father. Also, when one's throat is slit, one can hardly breathe at all what with all that blood bleeding into the interior of one's throat trying to drown oneself let alone trying to speak. There's a reason why assassins use throat-slitting as a silent assassination method.

Also, your style of writing disrupted the flow of the story when you tried to explain the meanings behind minor things like the meaning of the spell names, the reasons behind eye colors, the locations, rhetorical questions, etc. etc. May I suggest the use of footnotes and/or extended chapters after the epilogue? You'll find that using footnotes will allow you to explain the flavor behind each thing of interest better without the constant interruption of the flow of the story.

Overall, I think you are trying too hard to mix humor into it but I am sure as time passes, this style of writing would be far more natural to you and then the discrepancies wouldn't be so obvious. Until then, keep writing. And no, I wouldn't advise you to revise the early parts of your story right now. What would be a better path to take would be to keep going on and finish it up. Wish you the best in your writings.