MTG Salvation

This year I was assigned a Writing Journal with a large number of topics, instructed to bend each topic as far as possible while still on topic. So, The first one I choose was Innocence vs. Experience. I though a Fable in the likes of Aesop would be an interesting way to express this so I came up with the following. My comments will be at the end.

Innocence vs. Experience
World Lit.

Innocence was a gullible person. He believe what a criminal said as much as his mother. His older brother took pity on him, for Experience knew much better than to trust in the unknown. Whenever the precipice of Innocence’s chastity would come into focus, he would only commit a greater act of selflessness than even Experience could imagine.

It was a cold day when Innocence proved once and for all that treading the road for the first time was far more important than treading it twice. Experience had sent him out for a cow, one which could provide them with steady income and sustenance. Experience had saved his money for a long time to come close to affording this venture, it was however Innocence’s luck in a game of poker that had won the last few dollars. Innocence was always winning something or other, beginners luck as Experience always said.

As Innocence was slowly wandering the path to Farmer’s Place, he saw an old man hunched over a boulder. “What’s wrong mister?” Innocence inquired without pause. “Oh, nothing that you should trouble yourself with young chap, *cough*.” The mysterious figure sputtered out. “Don’t be silly mister, What can I do to help?” Innocence offered a hand. Clasping the child hand the man raised himself to full stature, Innocence took an audible gasp at his appearance. A tall man easily over twice Innocence’s height, drabbed in dark clothes with intriguing red coattails. “Mystery is the name. I can’t pay for my cough medicine, and I can’t go to work without it.” Mystery coughed out. “Well mister, I have some money here, I bet you could get your medicine with it.” Innocence said as he fumbled for his coin purse. “Lad, I’d be much obliged, but my elixirs are far much more than you could afford..” Mystery smiled. “Oh Mister, my brother and I have saved and saved, we can definitely pay for it.” Innocence pleaded, showing the full coin purse.
Mystery snatched the purse and ran as fast as his powerful legs could carry him. “Well, at least he’s feeling better…” Innocence mused heading back home.

Experience heard his younger brother trudging the steps into their humble abode, causing himself quite a bit of panic. Experience heard no cow. As quickly as possible, Experience bolted from the house to meet his sibling.

“You didn’t buy the cow right?” Experienced asked. “No, there was a man…” “There’s always someone, or something. The important thing is that you learned something.” Experience interrupted. “Oh I did brother, You really should help those in need.” Innocence said clearly proud of himself. Experience smiled, “Of course you should.” both brother’s ended the day a little wiser.

The moral of the story is that Innocence alone is naïve, and Experience alone is cold. Together, however, make a good person. To have experience and maintain your innocence is the best anyone can hope for.


I feel it wasn't really that....Fablely, or at least not as much as I had in mind.
It may not be perfect, but then again its not supposed to be. I need to show imperfection to show improvement in future entries. The only mistake i put in it was "Buying a Cow" which was all I could think of that Experience would wan't. Something expensive, renewable, and a good investment.
Thoughts? Criticism? Hate Mail?

21 people saw this and not 1 post? Come on guys this forum is pretty pointless if there is no activity.

okay heres my 2 cents, but only if you put your 2 cents on my paper

im ignoring the grammer (i think it was just mostly typos, like believe instead of believed in the first line)

i really like the story, but its not fable-esque. it sounds like jack and the beanstalk without the beanstalk/giant. maybe alter the part about him buying the cow, or change the time in which it took place. the moral is good, and i definitely didnt see it ending the way it ended, which was very good. it takes a lot to get by me sly like a fox.

6/10

That was quiet good the ending suprised me. And I've always been a fan of storys that have and underlying moral. Good job. =D.

ill agree with sir blakely ill comment on yours if you coment on mine ( Rasputin chronicles)
i think your "Fable" although it has underlieing moral intrest lacks a strong ending
the idea that the character "experince" would never explain to innocence how what he had done while sounding right was wrong robs the story of some of its morals.
I thought the point of the story was that if the two things are combined that the result is good, if this is so then you need to have them work together alittle

and feel free to smash my story im not done yet so i need all the help i can get