Corpulent Greatsword4
Artifact - Equipment (R) 5: Attach Corpulent Greatsword to target creature you control. Corpulent Greatsword deals 3 damage to that creature. Then, put 5 +1/+1 counters on that creature. Activate this ability only as a sorcery. "The sword itself is worthless. Too heavy to swing effectively. But, if you can lift it, you gain something that no other sword in the world can match."
-Hyman, Revoza Elder
Whitemage57 (Quest of the Elvish Warrior): So much bad wording. I mean, the entire card, practically, is misworded. That first ability has an absolute nightmare of a trigger condition to word correctly. ("When a creature an opponent controls that was dealt damage by a creature you control dies this turn..." is about as close to correct as I can come up with.) Just for sheer weirdness on that trigger, this should be rare.
Vertain (Blessings of the Proven): Yuck. This is potentially "Do nothing." for RRWW (don't ask me why you're casting it when you don't have any creatures that have dealt combat damage). I'd rather make the targeting restriction be "target creature you control that's dealt combat damage this turn", which eliminates the ability to decide "I don't want to do anything except up my storm count".
Arcel (Mark of the Jatori): Seems a little expensive. And a little high on rarity. Uncommon and 2GU seems fair. (If this gave shroud, it could probably be as cheap as GU... it does basically turn an Air Elemental into a Simic Sky Swallower if it's giving out shroud.)
Emocakes (Whispers of the Wild): Ugh. I'm not sure why Time Reversal was printed at mythic in the first place. I'm also not sure why "each player draws a card for each creature that player controls" should cost GG more than "each player draws seven cards". In fact, I'm pretty sure it shouldn't. 2GGUU seems like a better cost for this to me, and possibly as low as 1GGUU instead.
Top 3:
...you all lose.
No, really, I mean it. None of you should get any points for this. All of your cards range from "weird" to "bad" to "weird and bad".
In order from "least disliked" to "most disliked":
1 - Arcel
2 - Emocakes
3 - Vertain
ced395 - First Blood 10/12
Yeaow. This really wouldn't do well against sorcery/instant heavy decks, or against self-mill or resurrector decks, but this is quite the card. This doesn't quite feel like a ceremony... more of an event. But, quite powerful without being too strong.
Balance 3/4
Coolness 3/4
Cards in Deck 4/4
jwanders - Trial by Fire 8/12
Nice catch with "if it survives". I... can't really see me using X except to destroy enemy creatures, and just paying RG to attach this to my fatties. Perhaps you meant to make X the enchanted creature's converted mana cost?
Balance 2/4
Coolness 3/4
Cards in Deck 3/4
Komachi - The Royal Road 11/12
Interesting. The one time you might want your creatures to fight each other, instead of the opponent. Giving two creatures of yours with power < toughness something like Hexproof or Double Strike would be very nice. I see you can't have either creature be an opponents, or an allies.
Balance 3/4
Coolness 4/4
Cards in Deck 4/4
LnGrrrR 0/12
Balance 0/4
Coolness 0/4
Cards in Deck 0/4
Thelas 0/12
Balance 0/4
Coolness 0/4
Cards in Deck 0/4
Ninja Caterpie - Mark of the Leader 9/12
I almost missed this card. You should mark your cards with your tribe. Enchant creature, good. Eats its foes, or something. And then acts as a anthem, with the more creatures it ate giving more power. Two Words: Arcbound Overseer. The flavor makes sense, if you stop thinking of that ability as representing eating the heart of the opponent to gain their courage, or maybe it makes better sense in the Gruul Clans context, but the card can be abused pretty badly.
Balance 2/4
Coolness 4/4
Cards in Deck 3/4
vito653 0/12
Balance 0/4
Coolness 0/4
Cards in Deck 0/4
Cypher28 - Wayfarers Locket 9/12
Doesn't... really... seem... like a ceremony. More like an item to be awarded for completing one. Landfall to untap is cool. I don't believe that the tap effect is very balanced, though, since an artifact deck doesn't really care what colors it runs, so would carry an equal mix of each. So, you'd likely have all 5!
Balance 2/4
Coolness 3/4
Cards in Deck 4/4
Lordschuft - Tattoo of Initiation 9/12
Can't say I've seen tattoos before. Pretending this is the only one, it adds up to +4/+4 and hexproof, for 9GW, if you have 4 in deck. Assuming there are more tattoos, though, this gets worse. You could probably search for one that makes them indestructible, or makes them a lord, and easily beat even the best decks.
Balance 2/4
Coolness 3/4
Cards in Deck 4/4
1. Komachi
2. ced395
3. Three way tie, breaker vote to: cypher28
*Happy Birthday To ME!*
*I have just turned twenTY!*
*I will now check round four....*
*Happy Birthday To MEEEEEE!*
When Blade of the Tribe enters the battlefield, name a creature type.
Equipped creatures has protection from all other creatures that don’t share a creature type with it and gains +1/+1 for each creature that shares a creature type with it.
Cursefire Pits
Land (R) T: Add R or B to your mana pool. BR,T: Cursefire Pits deals 3 damage to each creature and each player. Cursefire Pits doesn’t untap on your next untap step.
Rite of Revoza's Heroes 1RW
Enchantment - Aura (U)
Enchant creature
Enchanted creature you control has vigilance and first strike. R: Enchanted creature gets +1/+0 until end of turn. “Our people’s legendary champions were empowered by our traditions. Now it is your time to feel what they have felt.” — Chief Shaman of Revoza Tribe
Design (8/10)
Creativity – 2 Firebreathing and general white soldier buff combined and put an an aura. Not too creative...
Elegance – 4 Simple and elegant.
Potential – 2 No weaker or stronger than most enchant creatures in the format. Frankly, unless it's rancor or armadillo cloak level, creature auras will hardly see play in real standard - EDH or other formats may be more amenable.
Development (7.5/10)
Viability – 3.5 I can see it being printed - immediate and closest comparison I can find is armadillo cloak. Given that R-W are opposing colors, and firebreathing is a bit more powerful than lifelink or trample, I get a feel they may bump up the rarity a bit.
Creative Writing – 2 A bit generic... I don't think you can be called a hero immediately after returning from your first kill or your first rite of passage.
Polish – 2 no problems.
Rites of the Lionheart1GG
Enchantment (R)
Whenever a creature you control attacks, put a charge counter on Rites of the Lionheart. 1GG, remove all charge counters from Rites of the Lionheart: Put a +1/+1 counter on target creatire for each charge counter removed this way. "Slaying the beast is only the first step on the path of the hunter. Becoming that which beast and man fear alike is the true goal of the Lionheart." - Seer Vantha
Design (9/10)
Creativity – 3 Interesting mesh of combining attack with +1/+1 counters.
Elegance – 4
Potential – 2 will see play if the pace of standard becomes slower.
Development (6/10)
Viability – 1 Umm. charge counter on a green enchantment? Green generally doesn't get flat enchantments that act like artifacts - and charge counters are almost always only found on artifacts. And a specific subset of artifacts from mirrodin.
Creative Writing – 3 meshes closely with a sense of becoming one with the animal.
Polish – 2
Quality (4/5) creatire->creature, "on the path" in the flavor text needs to be "in the path"
Corpulent Greatsword4
Artifact - Equipment (R) 5: Attach Corpulent Greatsword to target creature you control. Corpulent Greatsword deals 3 damage to that creature. Then, put 5 +1/+1 counters on that creature. Activate this ability only as a sorcery. "The sword itself is worthless. Too heavy to swing effectively. But, if you can lift it, you gain something that no other sword in the world can match."
-Hyman, Revoza Elder
Design (10/10)
Creativity – 4 Very intersting ability! I like the creative use of temporary damage vs permanent counters here.
Elegance – 4 Only way the ability could be worded.
Potential – 2 very powerful - It's a shade that doesn't fall off at EoT.
Development (7/10)
Viability – 1 I think it's overpowered. Even if you place this on a 1/1, the damage will only be counted after the +1/+1 counters are placed. It's very, very strong for its cost, and that it's in artifact form only make it worse.
Creative Writing – 4 I love the flavor and concept of lifting the weapon sword-in-the-stone style to prove your worth. Great mesh between name, ability, and flavor text.
Polish – 2 no problems.
Quality (5/5) The second sentence in the flavor text can be reasonably assumed to be a direct transcription of spoken dialect - so it's excusable to be a fragment.
Rites of Danu'EtalisWWRRGG
Enchantment - Aura
Vanishing 3
Enchant creature you control
Enchanted creature cannot attack or block.
At the beginning of each upkeep, put two +1/+1 counters on enchanted creature.
Design (8/10)
Creativity – 4 Ohh, very nice. I've always thought vanishing was an often overlooked mechanic. I like your reversal of common tropes by switching from an immediate but temporary benefit to a permanent but delayed benefit.
Elegance – 4 great wording, elegant way to bring the concept to fruition.
Potential – Way too costly and weak. Sorry, what were you thinking when you were costing this? :/ 6 mana gold for a +6/+6 after 3 turns.... and on an enchant creature, the most vulnerable card type in magic...
Development (5/10)
Viability – 1 Ugh, the concept and ability is so great, and I feel so bad that the mana cost completely ruins this from being printable. Yes, it includes the three colors that place most emphasis on sheer combat. But 6 colored mana? Gold? It's too expensive and will never see print.
Creative Writing – 2 You have more than enough space for a flavor text. I get a sense that this creature's supposed to go into a mediation of some sorts for 3 turns, then come out. But I'd have appreciated it more if you described something more in the card...
Polish – 2 no problems.
Lottery of WorthG
Instant (U)
Flip six coins. Target creature gets +1/+1 for each flip you win. "And your worth is . . . seven! Seven worth! Congratulations, you are now a man!"
— Elder Yovom
Design (7/10)
Creativity – 2 Coin flip for creature buff is something we've seen before many times.
Elegance – 3 +1/+1... what? +1/+1 counters? +1/+1 until end of turn?
Potential – 2 This will have great use in Chance Encounter decks. I think it has the highest guaranteed flip-per-card ratio out of all printed cards.
Development (3/10)
Viability – 1 Are you sure you didn't mistype the mana cost by accident? How in any way is this G except for the +1/+1 counter?
Creative Writing – 2 I don't see it. You don't have links to your previous cards, so I don't know if it's a common theme here or not - but your entire worth as a man is being selected by a lottery, or a coin flip? The flavor really needs some reworking imo.
Polish – missing the most important part of the rules text. Are you also missing "you control" after the target creature, or is that intended?
Quality (4/5) Sighh.... It had so much potential too. But the errors in the text and wrong color just ruins it... If only a bit more thought was put into it....
Feast of Nudity2BB
Sorcery (Rare)
All creatures get -1/-1 until end of turn. If a creature would be reduced to 0 toughness this way, it gets +0/+1 until end of turn.
For each creature each player controls, that player must pay 1 or sacrifice a permanent. To prepare for the coming of age, young men must feast with their elders. This feast is enough to scare off many.
Ritual Garments1
Artifact - Equipment (Uncommon)
Equipped creature gains no benefit from other equipments or auras. Equipped creature gets -1/-1 and intimidate.
Equip 1 "You will wear this hat. All other clothes are prohibited at the Feast of Nudity."
Sign ups:
Round 1 (Forgot Rarity :embarrass:):
Round 2:
Design (8/10)
Creativity – 4 Wow, one of the few cards submitted for this contest that actually has a negative side effect. I like how you portrayed the inebriated atmosphere through card mechanics. I'm ignoring the second card - 1 card per entry please.
Elegance – 2 Too clunky - with the mana cost and possibility to affect your own creatures, I don't think you needed the second part of the first ability. The card seems to be trying to do way too much. A stronger first ability or only the second ability may have sufficed.
Potential – 2 Hmmmmmmmmm. It's a pretty good one-sided wrath - I can see it being played in standard.
Development (8/10)
Viability – 3 Not sure if wizard would print something that's as disparate as this.
Creative Writing – 3 Again, I like the name, first ability, and flavor text. But how does the second ability mesh with the joyous festivity flavor? And how is something that's supposed to be a festival, black and requires sacrifice?
Polish – 2 no problems.
GideonJur@'s Rites of Danu'Etalis
I really like Vanishing used this way; don't thing this needs such a hefty mana cost, though.
silence_dais's Rite of Revoza's Heroes
Vigilance and fire-breathing interact nicely. Overall seems kind of underpowered for a dual-colored aura. Compare with Scourge of the Nobilis, which gives +2/+2, lifelink and firebreathing for :2mana::symwr:
Flabort's Feast of Nudity & Ritual Garmets
Not sure why you went with two cards. Feast of Nudity, besides sounding a bit passed PG-13, is a weird effect weirdly worded. Ritual Garments is a very expensive way of giving intimidate, even without the -1/-1 and nerfing other equipment and auras. Plus you can't just say "benefit" as magic is a game where normally negative thing can suddenly become positive.
queensauce's Rites of the Lionheart
This could be charged up pretty quickly, but only with an adequate amount of work on your part. I'm happier with "charge" counters being limited to artifacts; something more flavourful would have been better here.
CrustaceanCrusader's Lottery of Worth
I don't really mind the coin-flip bleed into green in this case, as it's more determining how big the effect is. I'd be much happier with this adding counters at sorcery speed, though, so it's not a combat trick requiring you to win a certain number of flips. Also, not sure if you meant to add counters or missed "until end of turn".
Atogaholic's Corpulent Greatsword
There's an unfortunately complex rules problem with this: The game only checks to see if creatures die between each spell/ability resolving (called a State-Based Effect check). So this ability deals the the 3 damage and adds the counters all at once, before the game checks to see if the 3 damage killed it, meaning even a 1/1 will survive having this attached.
Top 3:
1. GideonJur@
2. queensauce
3. silence_dias
Also, not sure if you meant to add counters or missed "until end of turn".
I missed "until end of turn". Assuming I missed "put a +1+1 counter on target creature for each" probably reflects more on you than it does on me. The syntax is just not right to be adding counters, so it's rather blatantly a simple omission.
Rite of Revoza's Heroes: I'd say we're looking at a pretty well balanced card here if nothing particularly flashy. Although firebreathing on a first striker seems a tad busted. The flavor of the card is... a tad generic. I feel like you could put it on a lot of the cards that were designed. Something a little bit more specific about this rite would have been nice.
Flabort:
Feast of Nudity: Sooooo you kinda have two cards. So I'm gonna crit the first one. I'll be honest, I don't really get the point of this card. The -1/-1 really has no effect. Everything loses it. Things that couldn't kill something before... still can't kill it. And you're not wiping the board because if it would die... it doesn't. Soooo that whole ability seems kinda moot to me. I guess it helps with removal spells? The only real viable situation I can see with this is something like Feast of Nudity followed by a Pyroclasm. The only thing that would be beneficial to this over something like Damnation would be that you might squeeze a couple mana out of your opponent and you might have a couple creatures left on the board. But that still amounts to at least 3RBB. And he might still have some too depending on the deck and how much mana he had open. Flavor wise I'm just about as confused. People get -1/-1 because they have to dine with their elders? Naked? Then spend a mana not to commit seppuku in dishonor of seeing their grampies junk? I think I'd also think very strongly about whether I wanted to go slay the great Land Squid if I was just gonna bail out after because I couldn't handle some elderly nudity.
queensauce:
Rites of the Lionheart: Interesting card. I can see this taking some flak for the fact that the target of the ability could be killed before the counters land but it also means your opponent needs to keep mana open for a kill spell to avoid you getting a 20/20 beater or some such. The flavor lacks a bit in the explanation as to how this is part of the ritual. What exactly is your hunter receiving? An enchantment to me is something that is covering the battlefield. ('Whenever a creature you control' instead of 'Whenever this creature') I guess you could argue that it targets the tribe as a whole. Overall thought, a well done card.
CrustaceanCrusader:
Lottery of Worth: I uhh... don't really know what to say? Assuming this card follows the odds of being 50/50 it's a giant growth. But it's got potential to be much better and potential to be much much worse. It's also missing the until end of turn clause. I'm also not a huge fan of flip a coin cards. It's just a tad too... not Magic. But putting my personal hang-ups aside, this card still needs some work. Flavor is just outta wack. You're determined as a man based on whether you win coin flips? Not that you went and killed your creature. Also there's no previous flavor refering to your tribe as a group of gamblers. Fork wielders yes, but gamblers no. Also how do you get seven worth with six coins? I'm all for a card that makes a little fun but this sits a little too far into the Unhinged/Unglued area for me.
Atogaholic:
Corpulent Greatsword: As it's been pointed out in the discussions thread this cards draw back... isn't much of a drawback. It's just target creature gets +5/+5. Guy doesn't even need to be holding the sword. Is it trying to say "Here have this hunk of metal in the shape of a sword that makes you stronger by trying to lift it."? Corpulent Dumbbell? Only thing that keeps this card from being broken is the sorcery clause. That keeps it at a reasonable level. The flavor is a bit weak. Mainly cause you're getting a hunk of metal to lift for becoming a man or member of your tribe.
GideonJur@:
Rites of Danu'Etalis: I like this card, it's almost like a suspend card. Creatures out of commission for 3 turns but when it's back it's bigger and badder than ever. It also gives the feel of a ritual (or rites). The creature has to take time to go and become stronger and better as a result of the ritual. Although some flavor text to explain that would cement my suspicions fairly easily. Other thing is I think it should be double U instead of double R. There's nothing really red about it's ability. The blue could at least reference the vanishing... which isn't really strictly blue but it does feel more like a blue effect.
1. Design a new Ravnica mechanic for one of the old guilds and make a card around it.
2.Design a mono-colored card using two Ravnica mechanics that both come from the color you're using.
3. Blow up a land.
Winner is Judge Wins: 12345
ced395 - First Blood
Mechanics: Simple and elegant. Well done.
Flavor: A little wordy maybe. It tries to explain the card in depth which might not be necessary. No points docked though.
jwanders - Trial by Fire
Mechanics: Very interesting! Well-rounded and fairly costed. The reminder text isn't necessary in my opinion. Maybe it would be though to differentiate it from the similar replacement effects from cards like Vigor or Phantom Nishoba.
Flavor: Pretty clear what's going on here. A little cliche, but well-fitting.
Komachi - The Royal Road
Mechanics: Well, I like the idea of making your creatures duel to give them new powers. Except granting flying or lifelink isn't green or red. Granting infect seems off after listing a group of evergreen abilities. The memory issues included in granting different abilities to different creatures might also be a problem.
Flavor: Well-written and definitely gets the point across.
LnGrrrR - dropped
Thelas - no entry
Ninja Caterpie - Mark of the Leader
Mechanics: This feels a little more black than green, but it's not unheard of in green. Not the easiest to pull off, but super awesome with Graft, Sunburst, and/or phantom creatures. I like the "build-around-me" feel that it has.
Flavor: Another missed opportunity on an otherwise awesome card. It is well-named though.
vito653 - no entry
Cypher28 - Wayfarers Locket
Mechanics: Interesting idea. I'm assuming those will only last until end of turn. And including infect on a list of evergreen abilities feels off. Also, where's the rarity?
Flavor: Flavor text and the card mechanics match up well.
Lordschuft - Tattoo of Initiation
Mechanics: Interesting sub-type for an enchantment, but it feels a little forced. This could easily just be "search for an Aura" and be just as flavorful. But otherwise it feels balanced. (sidenote: the comma on the type line isn't necessary)
Flavor: A creature's achievements shown as tattoos sounds cool. The flavor of a creature just being able to manufacture tattoos lessens it a little. Also... I can Naturalize your tattoo? Meh.
U// Sedris and the Traitor Kings U// G Seshiro, the Appointed G B// Vaevictus Asmadi - "I'm 'exy and I know it" B// W// Treva, The Renewerer W// B/ Rakdos, Lord of Grouphate B/ W//// Cromat the Charmer W////
Whitemage57 - No way that this card has room for flavor text. I'd probably reword the first ability to the more standard "whenever an opponent's creature dies, if a creature you control dealt damage to it this turn...", but the card itself I think is neat.
Emocakes - This mana cost gave me bad Soulquake flashbacks. It doesn't do very much, unless you already have a bunch more creature than your opponents.
Arcel - Well designed card, though maybe a bit weak for a rare.
Vertain - This is pretty clunky, not a huge fan of this.
Whitemage57 Sengir Vampire is the obvious place to check for the correct wording here, although I guess that might not be the case if you weren't playing in the early years. One counter is pretty weird for a Quest, the whole idea is that you build up to something. It shares too much space with Quest for the Gemblades.
Emocakes
Doesn't exactly feel like what happens after the hero comes back, but maybe it's the flavor of awakening after achievement or whatever. Anyhow, this seems overpriced compared to Collective Unconscious, but I guess assuming you have way more creatures than everyone else somehow it is a lot of advantage. Getting rid of graveyards is probably good for EDH.
Arcel
I think you can probably go bigger for a 5 mana aura. It's nice enough if you can catch your opponent tapped out or whatever, but it's quite a risk otherwise.
Vertain
I guess, sure. No way all that text fits, so I'll take the flavor as just being extra. I don't really like the cost, I'd rather it had a reasonable cost and was balanced by not doing so much stuff. I guess it is basically a huge Lightning Helix with a weird condition that can be foiled by instant speed removal.
Yewlas is out of town, so once I get home from work (about 2 hours after the deadline) I'll begin counting up the scores so we can get the 8 people moving on and post round 4.
I'll also be adding up scores from round 2 right now and posting them here. If you have a round 2 top 3 probation, make sure you pm me your top 3 from that round.
And of course, make sure you finish your critiques for this round before the deadline. Those bonus points are important.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
I'll bet you wish you had a non-unglued/unhinged card that shared your first name.
Ced395 - I love the idea of a "if this is the first card killed" trigger! I feel like this would suck against an early darksteel myr. Still it oozes with flavor.
jwanders - Dealing damage to a creature, then putting +1/+1 counters on it is how the cool people do it. I would have had it prevent the damage though, because it can get confusing if you deal damage, but its toughness increases, so it never really changed, but it still has damage, etc. Still a nice card though.
Komachi - I don't really like cards that offer a choice of a plethora of unrelated keywords. And seriously, infect has no place here.
Ninja Caterpie - Reminds me of Champion of Lambholt for some reason. Anyways I feel like this card is good and would actually get played.
Cypher28 - Just too much. Wording is long and clunky and I don't really like the effect. The landfall untap part is pretty clever though. Also, infect???
Lordschuft - Believe it or not, +1/+1 and hexproof on an aura that costs 2 is insane. And it can even search out more of its kind. (how does this make sense flavor-wise?) This should cost at least 2WG. Still, props for a tatoo idea.
I changed my settings, so not even a whole page of them for me...
Ashamed of posts from years ago.
Corpulent Greatsword 4
Artifact - Equipment (R)
5: Attach Corpulent Greatsword to target creature you control. Corpulent Greatsword deals 3 damage to that creature. Then, put 5 +1/+1 counters on that creature. Activate this ability only as a sorcery.
"The sword itself is worthless. Too heavy to swing effectively. But, if you can lift it, you gain something that no other sword in the world can match."
-Hyman, Revoza Elder
...you all lose.
1 - Arcel
2 - Emocakes
3 - Vertain
(Probably NSFW) So you may have heard I'm trying to write a TV series...
Most Nominated for Random Categories, 2013
2. ced395
3. Komachi
There was once [The Pack], but no more.
Yeaow. This really wouldn't do well against sorcery/instant heavy decks, or against self-mill or resurrector decks, but this is quite the card. This doesn't quite feel like a ceremony... more of an event. But, quite powerful without being too strong.
Balance 3/4
Coolness 3/4
Cards in Deck 4/4
jwanders - Trial by Fire 8/12
Nice catch with "if it survives". I... can't really see me using X except to destroy enemy creatures, and just paying RG to attach this to my fatties. Perhaps you meant to make X the enchanted creature's converted mana cost?
Balance 2/4
Coolness 3/4
Cards in Deck 3/4
Komachi - The Royal Road 11/12
Interesting. The one time you might want your creatures to fight each other, instead of the opponent. Giving two creatures of yours with power < toughness something like Hexproof or Double Strike would be very nice. I see you can't have either creature be an opponents, or an allies.
Balance 3/4
Coolness 4/4
Cards in Deck 4/4
LnGrrrR 0/12
Balance 0/4
Coolness 0/4
Cards in Deck 0/4
Thelas 0/12
Balance 0/4
Coolness 0/4
Cards in Deck 0/4
Ninja Caterpie - Mark of the Leader 9/12
I almost missed this card. You should mark your cards with your tribe. Enchant creature, good. Eats its foes, or something. And then acts as a anthem, with the more creatures it ate giving more power. Two Words: Arcbound Overseer. The flavor makes sense, if you stop thinking of that ability as representing eating the heart of the opponent to gain their courage, or maybe it makes better sense in the Gruul Clans context, but the card can be abused pretty badly.
Balance 2/4
Coolness 4/4
Cards in Deck 3/4
vito653 0/12
Balance 0/4
Coolness 0/4
Cards in Deck 0/4
Cypher28 - Wayfarers Locket 9/12
Doesn't... really... seem... like a ceremony. More like an item to be awarded for completing one. Landfall to untap is cool. I don't believe that the tap effect is very balanced, though, since an artifact deck doesn't really care what colors it runs, so would carry an equal mix of each. So, you'd likely have all 5!
Balance 2/4
Coolness 3/4
Cards in Deck 4/4
Lordschuft - Tattoo of Initiation 9/12
Can't say I've seen tattoos before. Pretending this is the only one, it adds up to +4/+4 and hexproof, for 9GW, if you have 4 in deck. Assuming there are more tattoos, though, this gets worse. You could probably search for one that makes them indestructible, or makes them a lord, and easily beat even the best decks.
Balance 2/4
Coolness 3/4
Cards in Deck 4/4
1. Komachi
2. ced395
3. Three way tie, breaker vote to: cypher28
*Happy Birthday To ME!*
*I have just turned twenTY!*
*I will now check round four....*
*Happy Birthday To MEEEEEE!*
Ashamed of posts from years ago.
Jatori critiques Asalo
Revosa critiques Oorsprag
Asalo critiques Jatori
Oorsprag critiques Revosa
Yep. That's the one. Sorry- delayed by Mother's Day.
Mechanic Creator's Contest III- Winner
[Clan Flamingo]
1) Mobiusman
2) Gerrard's Mom
3) Eskimo Rage
Artist: //gatherer.wizards.com/Pages/Search/Default.aspx?action=advanced&artist=[%22Daniel%20Ljunggren%22">"]Daniel Ljunggren
2. ced395
3. Komachi
____________
Design (X/10)
Creativity –
Elegance –
Potential –
Development (X/10)
Viability –
Creative Writing –
Polish –
Quality (X/5)
Total: X/25
Design (8/10)
Creativity – 2 Firebreathing and general white soldier buff combined and put an an aura. Not too creative...
Elegance – 4 Simple and elegant.
Potential – 2 No weaker or stronger than most enchant creatures in the format. Frankly, unless it's rancor or armadillo cloak level, creature auras will hardly see play in real standard - EDH or other formats may be more amenable.
Development (7.5/10)
Viability – 3.5 I can see it being printed - immediate and closest comparison I can find is armadillo cloak. Given that R-W are opposing colors, and firebreathing is a bit more powerful than lifelink or trample, I get a feel they may bump up the rarity a bit.
Creative Writing – 2 A bit generic... I don't think you can be called a hero immediately after returning from your first kill or your first rite of passage.
Polish – 2 no problems.
Quality (5/5) no problems.
Total: 20.5/25
Design (9/10)
Creativity – 3 Interesting mesh of combining attack with +1/+1 counters.
Elegance – 4
Potential – 2 will see play if the pace of standard becomes slower.
Development (6/10)
Viability – 1 Umm. charge counter on a green enchantment? Green generally doesn't get flat enchantments that act like artifacts - and charge counters are almost always only found on artifacts. And a specific subset of artifacts from mirrodin.
Creative Writing – 3 meshes closely with a sense of becoming one with the animal.
Polish – 2
Quality (4/5) creatire->creature, "on the path" in the flavor text needs to be "in the path"
Total: 19/25
Design (10/10)
Creativity – 4 Very intersting ability! I like the creative use of temporary damage vs permanent counters here.
Elegance – 4 Only way the ability could be worded.
Potential – 2 very powerful - It's a shade that doesn't fall off at EoT.
Development (7/10)
Viability – 1 I think it's overpowered. Even if you place this on a 1/1, the damage will only be counted after the +1/+1 counters are placed. It's very, very strong for its cost, and that it's in artifact form only make it worse.
Creative Writing – 4 I love the flavor and concept of lifting the weapon sword-in-the-stone style to prove your worth. Great mesh between name, ability, and flavor text.
Polish – 2 no problems.
Quality (5/5) The second sentence in the flavor text can be reasonably assumed to be a direct transcription of spoken dialect - so it's excusable to be a fragment.
Total: 23/25
Design (8/10)
Creativity – 4 Ohh, very nice. I've always thought vanishing was an often overlooked mechanic. I like your reversal of common tropes by switching from an immediate but temporary benefit to a permanent but delayed benefit.
Elegance – 4 great wording, elegant way to bring the concept to fruition.
Potential – Way too costly and weak. Sorry, what were you thinking when you were costing this? :/ 6 mana gold for a +6/+6 after 3 turns.... and on an enchant creature, the most vulnerable card type in magic...
Development (5/10)
Viability – 1 Ugh, the concept and ability is so great, and I feel so bad that the mana cost completely ruins this from being printable. Yes, it includes the three colors that place most emphasis on sheer combat. But 6 colored mana? Gold? It's too expensive and will never see print.
Creative Writing – 2 You have more than enough space for a flavor text. I get a sense that this creature's supposed to go into a mediation of some sorts for 3 turns, then come out. But I'd have appreciated it more if you described something more in the card...
Polish – 2 no problems.
Quality (4/5) rarity?
Total: 17/25
Design (7/10)
Creativity – 2 Coin flip for creature buff is something we've seen before many times.
Elegance – 3 +1/+1... what? +1/+1 counters? +1/+1 until end of turn?
Potential – 2 This will have great use in Chance Encounter decks. I think it has the highest guaranteed flip-per-card ratio out of all printed cards.
Development (3/10)
Viability – 1 Are you sure you didn't mistype the mana cost by accident? How in any way is this G except for the +1/+1 counter?
Creative Writing – 2 I don't see it. You don't have links to your previous cards, so I don't know if it's a common theme here or not - but your entire worth as a man is being selected by a lottery, or a coin flip? The flavor really needs some reworking imo.
Polish – missing the most important part of the rules text. Are you also missing "you control" after the target creature, or is that intended?
Quality (4/5) Sighh.... It had so much potential too. But the errors in the text and wrong color just ruins it... If only a bit more thought was put into it....
Total: 14/25
Design (8/10)
Creativity – 4 Wow, one of the few cards submitted for this contest that actually has a negative side effect. I like how you portrayed the inebriated atmosphere through card mechanics. I'm ignoring the second card - 1 card per entry please.
Elegance – 2 Too clunky - with the mana cost and possibility to affect your own creatures, I don't think you needed the second part of the first ability. The card seems to be trying to do way too much. A stronger first ability or only the second ability may have sufficed.
Potential – 2 Hmmmmmmmmm. It's a pretty good one-sided wrath - I can see it being played in standard.
Development (8/10)
Viability – 3 Not sure if wizard would print something that's as disparate as this.
Creative Writing – 3 Again, I like the name, first ability, and flavor text. But how does the second ability mesh with the joyous festivity flavor? And how is something that's supposed to be a festival, black and requires sacrifice?
Polish – 2 no problems.
Quality (5/5) no problems.
Total: 21/25
Final Rank
1. atogaholic 23/25
2. Flabort 21/25
3. silence_dais 20.5/25
4. queensauce 19/25
5. GideonJur@ 17/25
6. CrustaceanCruscader 14/25
GideonJur@'s Rites of Danu'Etalis
I really like Vanishing used this way; don't thing this needs such a hefty mana cost, though.
silence_dais's Rite of Revoza's Heroes
Vigilance and fire-breathing interact nicely. Overall seems kind of underpowered for a dual-colored aura. Compare with Scourge of the Nobilis, which gives +2/+2, lifelink and firebreathing for :2mana::symwr:
Flabort's Feast of Nudity & Ritual Garmets
Not sure why you went with two cards. Feast of Nudity, besides sounding a bit passed PG-13, is a weird effect weirdly worded. Ritual Garments is a very expensive way of giving intimidate, even without the -1/-1 and nerfing other equipment and auras. Plus you can't just say "benefit" as magic is a game where normally negative thing can suddenly become positive.
queensauce's Rites of the Lionheart
This could be charged up pretty quickly, but only with an adequate amount of work on your part. I'm happier with "charge" counters being limited to artifacts; something more flavourful would have been better here.
CrustaceanCrusader's Lottery of Worth
I don't really mind the coin-flip bleed into green in this case, as it's more determining how big the effect is. I'd be much happier with this adding counters at sorcery speed, though, so it's not a combat trick requiring you to win a certain number of flips. Also, not sure if you meant to add counters or missed "until end of turn".
Atogaholic's Corpulent Greatsword
There's an unfortunately complex rules problem with this: The game only checks to see if creatures die between each spell/ability resolving (called a State-Based Effect check). So this ability deals the the 3 damage and adds the counters all at once, before the game checks to see if the 3 damage killed it, meaning even a 1/1 will survive having this attached.
Top 3:
1. GideonJur@
2. queensauce
3. silence_dias
Hahahahahahahahahah.
I missed "until end of turn". Assuming I missed "put a +1+1 counter on target creature for each" probably reflects more on you than it does on me. The syntax is just not right to be adding counters, so it's rather blatantly a simple omission.
silence_dias:
Rite of Revoza's Heroes: I'd say we're looking at a pretty well balanced card here if nothing particularly flashy. Although firebreathing on a first striker seems a tad busted. The flavor of the card is... a tad generic. I feel like you could put it on a lot of the cards that were designed. Something a little bit more specific about this rite would have been nice.
Feast of Nudity: Sooooo you kinda have two cards. So I'm gonna crit the first one. I'll be honest, I don't really get the point of this card. The -1/-1 really has no effect. Everything loses it. Things that couldn't kill something before... still can't kill it. And you're not wiping the board because if it would die... it doesn't. Soooo that whole ability seems kinda moot to me. I guess it helps with removal spells? The only real viable situation I can see with this is something like Feast of Nudity followed by a Pyroclasm. The only thing that would be beneficial to this over something like Damnation would be that you might squeeze a couple mana out of your opponent and you might have a couple creatures left on the board. But that still amounts to at least 3RBB. And he might still have some too depending on the deck and how much mana he had open. Flavor wise I'm just about as confused. People get -1/-1 because they have to dine with their elders? Naked? Then spend a mana not to commit seppuku in dishonor of seeing their grampies junk? I think I'd also think very strongly about whether I wanted to go slay the great Land Squid if I was just gonna bail out after because I couldn't handle some elderly nudity.
Lottery of Worth: I uhh... don't really know what to say? Assuming this card follows the odds of being 50/50 it's a giant growth. But it's got potential to be much better and potential to be much much worse. It's also missing the until end of turn clause. I'm also not a huge fan of flip a coin cards. It's just a tad too... not Magic. But putting my personal hang-ups aside, this card still needs some work. Flavor is just outta wack. You're determined as a man based on whether you win coin flips? Not that you went and killed your creature. Also there's no previous flavor refering to your tribe as a group of gamblers. Fork wielders yes, but gamblers no. Also how do you get seven worth with six coins? I'm all for a card that makes a little fun but this sits a little too far into the Unhinged/Unglued area for me.
Corpulent Greatsword: As it's been pointed out in the discussions thread this cards draw back... isn't much of a drawback. It's just target creature gets +5/+5. Guy doesn't even need to be holding the sword. Is it trying to say "Here have this hunk of metal in the shape of a sword that makes you stronger by trying to lift it."? Corpulent Dumbbell? Only thing that keeps this card from being broken is the sorcery clause. That keeps it at a reasonable level. The flavor is a bit weak. Mainly cause you're getting a hunk of metal to lift for becoming a man or member of your tribe.
Rites of Danu'Etalis: I like this card, it's almost like a suspend card. Creatures out of commission for 3 turns but when it's back it's bigger and badder than ever. It also gives the feel of a ritual (or rites). The creature has to take time to go and become stronger and better as a result of the ritual. Although some flavor text to explain that would cement my suspicions fairly easily. Other thing is I think it should be double U instead of double R. There's nothing really red about it's ability. The blue could at least reference the vanishing... which isn't really strictly blue but it does feel more like a blue effect.
Top 3:
2. queensauce
3. silence_dias
^ Done by ME! (My first banner)
1. Design a new Ravnica mechanic for one of the old guilds and make a card around it.
2.Design a mono-colored card using two Ravnica mechanics that both come from the color you're using.
3. Blow up a land.
Winner is Judge Wins:
1 2 3 4 5
Club Flamingo Wins: 1!
Mechanics: Simple and elegant. Well done.
Flavor: A little wordy maybe. It tries to explain the card in depth which might not be necessary. No points docked though.
jwanders - Trial by Fire
Mechanics: Very interesting! Well-rounded and fairly costed. The reminder text isn't necessary in my opinion. Maybe it would be though to differentiate it from the similar replacement effects from cards like Vigor or Phantom Nishoba.
Flavor: Pretty clear what's going on here. A little cliche, but well-fitting.
Komachi - The Royal Road
Mechanics: Well, I like the idea of making your creatures duel to give them new powers. Except granting flying or lifelink isn't green or red. Granting infect seems off after listing a group of evergreen abilities. The memory issues included in granting different abilities to different creatures might also be a problem.
Flavor: Well-written and definitely gets the point across.
LnGrrrR - dropped
Thelas - no entry
Ninja Caterpie - Mark of the Leader
Mechanics: This feels a little more black than green, but it's not unheard of in green. Not the easiest to pull off, but super awesome with Graft, Sunburst, and/or phantom creatures. I like the "build-around-me" feel that it has.
Flavor: Another missed opportunity on an otherwise awesome card. It is well-named though.
vito653 - no entry
Cypher28 - Wayfarers Locket
Mechanics: Interesting idea. I'm assuming those will only last until end of turn. And including infect on a list of evergreen abilities feels off. Also, where's the rarity?
Flavor: Flavor text and the card mechanics match up well.
Lordschuft - Tattoo of Initiation
Mechanics: Interesting sub-type for an enchantment, but it feels a little forced. This could easily just be "search for an Aura" and be just as flavorful. But otherwise it feels balanced. (sidenote: the comma on the type line isn't necessary)
Flavor: A creature's achievements shown as tattoos sounds cool. The flavor of a creature just being able to manufacture tattoos lessens it a little. Also... I can Naturalize your tattoo? Meh.
1. Ninja Caterpie
2. Ced395
3. jwanders
Custom Race: Guaroga
G Seshiro, the Appointed G
B// Vaevictus Asmadi - "I'm 'exy and I know it" B//
W// Treva, The Renewerer W//
B/ Rakdos, Lord of Grouphate B/
W//// Cromat the Charmer W////
Emocakes - This mana cost gave me bad Soulquake flashbacks. It doesn't do very much, unless you already have a bunch more creature than your opponents.
Arcel - Well designed card, though maybe a bit weak for a rare.
Vertain - This is pretty clunky, not a huge fan of this.
Top 3:
1) Whitemage57
2) Arcel
3) Vertain
Jimmy Groove
Whitemage57
Sengir Vampire is the obvious place to check for the correct wording here, although I guess that might not be the case if you weren't playing in the early years. One counter is pretty weird for a Quest, the whole idea is that you build up to something. It shares too much space with Quest for the Gemblades.
Emocakes
Doesn't exactly feel like what happens after the hero comes back, but maybe it's the flavor of awakening after achievement or whatever. Anyhow, this seems overpriced compared to Collective Unconscious, but I guess assuming you have way more creatures than everyone else somehow it is a lot of advantage. Getting rid of graveyards is probably good for EDH.
Arcel
I think you can probably go bigger for a 5 mana aura. It's nice enough if you can catch your opponent tapped out or whatever, but it's quite a risk otherwise.
Vertain
I guess, sure. No way all that text fits, so I'll take the flavor as just being extra. I don't really like the cost, I'd rather it had a reasonable cost and was balanced by not doing so much stuff. I guess it is basically a huge Lightning Helix with a weird condition that can be foiled by instant speed removal.
2. Emocakes
3. Vertain
Yewlas is out of town, so once I get home from work (about 2 hours after the deadline) I'll begin counting up the scores so we can get the 8 people moving on and post round 4.
I'll also be adding up scores from round 2 right now and posting them here. If you have a round 2 top 3 probation, make sure you pm me your top 3 from that round.
And of course, make sure you finish your critiques for this round before the deadline. Those bonus points are important.
1. KHANanaphone
2. Ixias
3. Random_Nation
Ced395 - I love the idea of a "if this is the first card killed" trigger! I feel like this would suck against an early darksteel myr. Still it oozes with flavor.
jwanders - Dealing damage to a creature, then putting +1/+1 counters on it is how the cool people do it. I would have had it prevent the damage though, because it can get confusing if you deal damage, but its toughness increases, so it never really changed, but it still has damage, etc. Still a nice card though.
Komachi - I don't really like cards that offer a choice of a plethora of unrelated keywords. And seriously, infect has no place here.
Ninja Caterpie - Reminds me of Champion of Lambholt for some reason. Anyways I feel like this card is good and would actually get played.
Cypher28 - Just too much. Wording is long and clunky and I don't really like the effect. The landfall untap part is pretty clever though. Also, infect???
Lordschuft - Believe it or not, +1/+1 and hexproof on an aura that costs 2 is insane. And it can even search out more of its kind. (how does this make sense flavor-wise?) This should cost at least 2WG. Still, props for a tatoo idea.
Top:
1. Jwanders
2. Ced395
3. Ninja Caterpie
1. Vertain
2. Arcel
3. emocakes
The Anabyn
Stay Hungry My Friends....
1. Gerrard's Mom
2. MDenham
3.Void Nother
Sig & Avvy by Disappointing Signets Inc.
CCC&G BRAGGING RIGHTS
Mafia Statistics
I collect pacifism: 228
And special thanks to everyone who critiqued each round :).
2 - GideonJur@
3 - queensauce
You got 99 attackers but I'm blocking with 1.
The Winner is Judge | 7
This Winner is Also Judge | 6
Club Flamingo | Lots