My fiancee and I have set our wedding date for November, and we just recently sent out invitations. The invitations list our wedding website, and one of the sections on the website is to give details of a registry.
We're in our mid twenties so we have each had time to accumulate plenty of household items, and now that we're moving in we have duplicates of many items such as toasters, sets of towels, glassware, silverware, dishware, linens etc. And I would never be the type to register for things I consider frivolous, such as fine china.
The conundrum is that we don't really need to register for the traditional registry items. Some websites suggest registering for honeymoon stuff, but our lodging and plane tickets for the honeymoon are already paid for.
It has crossed my mind to simply not register, but I've read about other people doing that, and they ended up getting miscellaneous things that were wasteful.
Tl;dr: what to register for if we have everything?
Go for the humanitarian option. Suggest that the guests don't get you gifts but make a donation to a specific charity that both you and your future spouse support to be made in your name equal to the amount that they would have bought getting you the wedding gift.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Every normal man must be tempted, at times, to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag and start slitting throats.
- H.L Mencken
I Became insane with long Intervals of horrible Sanity
All Religion, my friend is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination and poetry.
- Edgar Allan Poe
My fiancee and I have set our wedding date for November, and we just recently sent out invitations. The invitations list our wedding website, and one of the sections on the website is to give details of a registry.
We're in our mid twenties so we have each had time to accumulate plenty of household items, and now that we're moving in we have duplicates of many items such as toasters, sets of towels, glassware, silverware, dishware, linens etc. And I would never be the type to register for things I consider frivolous, such as fine china.
The conundrum is that we don't really need to register for the traditional registry items. Some websites suggest registering for honeymoon stuff, but our lodging and plane tickets for the honeymoon are already paid for.
It has crossed my mind to simply not register, but I've read about other people doing that, and they ended up getting miscellaneous things that were wasteful.
Tl;dr: what to register for if we have everything?
If you truly do not need anything, like would be the case if you've been living on your own for a while, you could pick a charity both you and your fiance like and ask people for donations to that charity in lieu of presents.
All that wasted crappy random miscellaneous gifting directed to a good cause. (seriously, who needs 10 different hand towels none of which match?)
My fiance's friends asked for monetary gifts only, in these days of economic uncertainty it really helps, especially considering how much the average wedding costs.
Unless you are having a very small wedding, you pretty much need a registry if you want to avoid getting junk.
If you don't expressly instruct people to give something, they will cluelessly give you junk no matter how many times you ask them to bring no presents.
So yeah, make a registry, and put various charitable donation options if there is nothing you want for yourselves. Most people will understand that you're serious about not wanting presents if you provide another option.
Getting married later this week, and I'm in your exact situation. We have a fully furnished apartment, plus more stuff of mine from my parent's house and stuff we've been given over the years. We did not register, but it's also an Indian wedding and traditional Indian wedding gifts are cash or jewelry - which we've made clear to my side (but since everyone seems to forget they were given an invitation and call us personally to ask for times and location... and my mother is giving people bad information when they call her... so who knows how that will all shake out). I've just been telling anyone who asks to give money, as the wedding is coming straight out of my bank account and I could seriously use a refill.
The way I see it coming out is this:
- Indian Relatives: Cash/Jewelry (We will probably clear $5,000+ from all the Indian guests and my fiance's family, many of them are very wealthy and they like to compete for having given the most lavish gift)
- My family: A mix of cash and random gifts, gift cards (Maybe $2,000+ from them, I know one of my grandmothers is giving us $1,000, which is extremely generous but we also gave her two years to save by waiting so long for the wedding)
- My friends or other guests: Random gifts and gift cards.
I will let you know how it ultimately turns out, but even when we did register (for the Bridal Shower) we got maybe one thing from our registry out of presents from almost twenty guests (we registered for everything from $10 to $100 for a full price range) and everything else was random stuff or gift cards. Ultimately with your friends and family friends it's a crapshoot, but with family it should be easier to actually get money. This is consistent with what I've heard from all my friends who got married the last couple years, although you have to take in the culture of guests as well - you should know whether or not your family/friends are cheap or bad gifters by now.
But the bottom line is that it isn't really about the presents anyway - the presents are nice but ultimately we invited people we want at our wedding, not with the expectation that we will 'get stuff'. Go in expecting nothing and you won't be disappointed by the results. You can always pull all the junk together after the fact and return it (most people are at least considerate enough to supply a gift receipt) - or better yet send your family or the bridal party to do it while you are on your honeymoon.
I don't know if it is still their policy, but when I got married (2008) Bed, Bath and Beyond allowed you to return any items from your registry for cash...not store credit...cash.
So, we registered there, and returned whatever we didn't want/need for money!
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
EDH UBW Sharuum BR Olivia Voldaren UR Jhoira URG Riku U Vendilion Clique
I don't know if it is still their policy, but when I got married (2008) Bed, Bath and Beyond allowed you to return any items from your registry for cash...not store credit...cash.
So, we registered there, and returned whatever we didn't want/need for money!
My wife and I did the same thing... even going so far as to returning three of the same thing (that we only registered for one) because we didn't need *four* of them...
But, our registry was a list of stuff you need for living together, since neither of us had most of it...
Register otherwise you'll get more of the same thing. We did an online registry but things weren't real polished back in the day and you get crap.
Look for stuff you wouldn't normally want to spend money on. I'd really like about $500 to buy organizers right now. You could ask for gift cards to certain places you both like.
My gut says you have essential items but not nicer things. A full set of silverware and china, a water filter, upgrades or replacements. Towels, sheets. The nice thing is that people don't HAVE to buy you stuff, but don't think they don't want to.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Out of the blackness and stench of the engulfing swamp emerged a shimmering figure. Only the splattered armor and ichor-stained sword hinted at the unfathomable evil the knight had just laid waste.
My fiancee is not in favor of the charity route, and I feel like asking for cash is tacky. I've never "asked" for anything in my life.
My fiancee wants to register but when I ask her what will be on our registry and point out that we have all the traditional items that would be on it she just replies "I don't know."
She's said she wants a new dining room table, and I agree we could use a new one. However, that is only one thing and the folks (parents/grandparents) that would get us something like that intend to contribute money towards a downpayment on a house.
My fiancee is not in favor of the charity route, and I feel like asking for cash is tacky. I've never "asked" for anything in my life.
Asking for cash for a wedding gift is not tacky at all, it is exceptionally common these days, especially given how people are marrying later and later. Some banks even let you create a "wedding registry" bank account that people can deposit $$ into.
Then again I find the whole idea of a big expensive wedding ridiculous anyway. Two plane tickets, a room at the Venetian, and a walk over to The Little Chapel of Las Vegas FTW! My entire wedding was under $500
Then again I find the whole idea of a big expensive wedding ridiculous anyway. Two plane tickets, a room at the Venetian, and a walk over to The Little Chapel of Las Vegas FTW! My entire wedding was under $500
If only - Indians who elope are pariahs, so my fiancee and I were stuck unless she wanted to alienate her whole family.
Several family/friends getting married have requested contributions for a single large item (typically furniture or a painting).
I like helping them to acquire something they wouldn't otherwise be able to afford, to see it when I go to visit, and to know that will last them for years, possibly generations. Chose something that won't go out of fashion, and that is made to endure.
"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less." -Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass
If asking for cash feels too direct, you might ask for cash indirectly through a honeymoon fund - i.e., HoneyFund - or one of the other sites that allows gift aggregation. Your guests won't be fooled, but most will be pragmatic - i.e., most know a reception costs $XX/head and many will want to at least reimburse for that.
Or you might register at a place you'd shop at anyway.
My fiancee wants to register but when I ask her what will be on our registry and point out that we have all the traditional items that would be on it she just replies "I don't know."
Things you may have but possibly don't and haven't thought about:
nice China set - sure, you may only use it once or twice a year, but its really nice to have, and you'll never justify buying it yourself.
Extra bedding sets - High quality sheets/blankets are expensive, it can never hurt ot have a 3rd or 4th extra pair.
Matching casual dish set - the single/early twenties lifestyle of random plates and dishes you got a the thrift store and/or acquired over time is great. Having a full set of matching casual dishes is even better.
On the same note, Themed/matching kitchenware -- My wife and I registered for all black and stainless steel kitchenware (knives, can opener, coffee grinder, etc.), again going for the matching look that you don't necessarily already have with stuff accumulated over time.
Other than that I have to admit I don't understand the dislike of the charity option... if it s a choice between getting a bunch of crap you don't want which is going to get thrown away/given away anyway, why not skip the middle man? It's better for everyone involved.
She's said she wants a new dining room table, and I agree we could use a new one. However, that is only one thing and the folks (parents/grandparents) that would get us something like that intend to contribute money towards a downpayment on a house.
It's also a tihng that costs in the thousands of dollars for a good one, and a thing nobody wants to get you a bad one of...
Cookware is a way you can definitely go, especially if you like cooking. You probably have pots and pans already from both sides, but how good are those, really? You've probably got the standard cheap metal pots and pans or several-year old cheap nonstick stuff that's starting to chip that everyone ends up having in college or their early years out on their own.
If you've got most of anything else you might need, indulge a little. A couple of nice cast iron pans are a great addition to any kitchen. You can also or alternately get some high quality stainless steel or nonstick ceramic stuff.
Also, look around a little to see if there are any non-standard appliances you might want. You've already got toasters and microwaves and etc out the wazoo, but do you have:
A nice ricemaker
A pressure cooker
A dutch oven
A toaster oven
A deep fryer
A slow cooker
etc.
There's also:
Baking pans - cookie sheets, brownie pan, cake pan, pie tin, springform pan, etc)
Utensils - a nice chef's knife or two, cutting boards, spatulas, whisks (try a ball whisk, it's fantastic), etc.
If neither of you like to cook, you might not need much of this, but as someone who cooks most of our meals, these were things that I was able to happily put on our registry, despite living together for two years and having most of what we needed day-to-day. There's a lot of recipes that take somewhat niche materials to prepare, and this let me fill a lot of those requirements.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
My Moderator Helpdesk
Currently Playing:
Legacy: Something U/W Controlish EDH Cube
Hypercube! A New EDH Deck Every Week(ish)!
Well, I thought I'd report back in. My wife and I got mostly cash gifts (either checks, actual cash or gift cards), but apparently people tracked down our Bridal Shower Registry and bought us a ton of stuff, too, so we got a bunch of stuff for our kitchen and bath. One about four or five people got us what we would consider 'bad' gifts (including one person bringing us $6 worth of junk from Kohls...). All in all, the no registry route worked out pretty well for us, as most of our guests got us nice gifts.
I think the key is to make sure that your immediate family is ready to go to bat for you making sure guests and relatives know cash is preferred. I still don't understand why people get so upset about giving money - a newlywed couple is in need of that more than anything else.
I think the key is to make sure that your immediate family is ready to go to bat for you making sure guests and relatives know cash is preferred. I still don't understand why people get so upset about giving money - a newlywed couple is in need of that more than anything else.
The thing I tell people to point out now is that a lot of these places give out deals after the wedding date. Both Target and Bed bath and Beyond had special "complete your registry" events/coupons. At target they gave us a 15% off our entire purchase coupon that we could use on things on and off our registry. Bed bath and beyond had a special event for people that had registered with them where everything was 20% off and again it didnt have to be on the registry to get the deal. When you are possibly talking about hundreds of dollars of stuff getting 20% off is huge and makes that gift money go a lot farther.
Of course you will always have that one family that gives you 3 foot tall candle holders from their own trinket store...
Of course you will always have that one family that gives you 3 foot tall candle holders from their own trinket store...
That's so true. The three worst presents we got (and really the only three bad presents), were a cheap mortar/pestle ($3), Unreturnable Candlesticks because they aren't sold in the US (Obvious Regift) and a Bottle Vase several years out of style so returning it meant getting virtually nothing (regift).
We're in our mid twenties so we have each had time to accumulate plenty of household items, and now that we're moving in we have duplicates of many items such as toasters, sets of towels, glassware, silverware, dishware, linens etc. And I would never be the type to register for things I consider frivolous, such as fine china.
The conundrum is that we don't really need to register for the traditional registry items. Some websites suggest registering for honeymoon stuff, but our lodging and plane tickets for the honeymoon are already paid for.
It has crossed my mind to simply not register, but I've read about other people doing that, and they ended up getting miscellaneous things that were wasteful.
Tl;dr: what to register for if we have everything?
URNiv-Mizzet, Burn
UW Geist, Pillow Fort
WBGGhave, Tokens
BR Olivia, Tribal
- H.L Mencken
I Became insane with long Intervals of horrible Sanity
All Religion, my friend is simply evolved out of fraud, fear, greed, imagination and poetry.
- Edgar Allan Poe
The Crafters' Rules Guru
If you truly do not need anything, like would be the case if you've been living on your own for a while, you could pick a charity both you and your fiance like and ask people for donations to that charity in lieu of presents.
All that wasted crappy random miscellaneous gifting directed to a good cause. (seriously, who needs 10 different hand towels none of which match?)
If you don't expressly instruct people to give something, they will cluelessly give you junk no matter how many times you ask them to bring no presents.
So yeah, make a registry, and put various charitable donation options if there is nothing you want for yourselves. Most people will understand that you're serious about not wanting presents if you provide another option.
The way I see it coming out is this:
- Indian Relatives: Cash/Jewelry (We will probably clear $5,000+ from all the Indian guests and my fiance's family, many of them are very wealthy and they like to compete for having given the most lavish gift)
- My family: A mix of cash and random gifts, gift cards (Maybe $2,000+ from them, I know one of my grandmothers is giving us $1,000, which is extremely generous but we also gave her two years to save by waiting so long for the wedding)
- My friends or other guests: Random gifts and gift cards.
I will let you know how it ultimately turns out, but even when we did register (for the Bridal Shower) we got maybe one thing from our registry out of presents from almost twenty guests (we registered for everything from $10 to $100 for a full price range) and everything else was random stuff or gift cards. Ultimately with your friends and family friends it's a crapshoot, but with family it should be easier to actually get money. This is consistent with what I've heard from all my friends who got married the last couple years, although you have to take in the culture of guests as well - you should know whether or not your family/friends are cheap or bad gifters by now.
But the bottom line is that it isn't really about the presents anyway - the presents are nice but ultimately we invited people we want at our wedding, not with the expectation that we will 'get stuff'. Go in expecting nothing and you won't be disappointed by the results. You can always pull all the junk together after the fact and return it (most people are at least considerate enough to supply a gift receipt) - or better yet send your family or the bridal party to do it while you are on your honeymoon.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
So, we registered there, and returned whatever we didn't want/need for money!
UBW Sharuum
BR Olivia Voldaren
UR Jhoira
URG Riku
U Vendilion Clique
NB: wife and I are Chinese so that's how we roll. Wedding gift registry tends to be a western thing.
My wife and I did the same thing... even going so far as to returning three of the same thing (that we only registered for one) because we didn't need *four* of them...
But, our registry was a list of stuff you need for living together, since neither of us had most of it...
If you have everything, expressly tell your guests to give absolutely nothing (there's nothing really worse than the gifts you receive, really). Here are a few possible ways to word that: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20080822085219AAuf4xe
Look for stuff you wouldn't normally want to spend money on. I'd really like about $500 to buy organizers right now. You could ask for gift cards to certain places you both like.
My gut says you have essential items but not nicer things. A full set of silverware and china, a water filter, upgrades or replacements. Towels, sheets. The nice thing is that people don't HAVE to buy you stuff, but don't think they don't want to.
My fiancee is not in favor of the charity route, and I feel like asking for cash is tacky. I've never "asked" for anything in my life.
My fiancee wants to register but when I ask her what will be on our registry and point out that we have all the traditional items that would be on it she just replies "I don't know."
She's said she wants a new dining room table, and I agree we could use a new one. However, that is only one thing and the folks (parents/grandparents) that would get us something like that intend to contribute money towards a downpayment on a house.
URNiv-Mizzet, Burn
UW Geist, Pillow Fort
WBGGhave, Tokens
BR Olivia, Tribal
Asking for cash for a wedding gift is not tacky at all, it is exceptionally common these days, especially given how people are marrying later and later. Some banks even let you create a "wedding registry" bank account that people can deposit $$ into.
Then again I find the whole idea of a big expensive wedding ridiculous anyway. Two plane tickets, a room at the Venetian, and a walk over to The Little Chapel of Las Vegas FTW! My entire wedding was under $500
If only - Indians who elope are pariahs, so my fiancee and I were stuck unless she wanted to alienate her whole family.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
Eh, as I found out Italians (my family) and Irish (her family) aren't fans of it either. They get over it.
I like helping them to acquire something they wouldn't otherwise be able to afford, to see it when I go to visit, and to know that will last them for years, possibly generations. Chose something that won't go out of fashion, and that is made to endure.
My 380 Beginners’ Cube on Cube Tutor
"When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said, in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less." -Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass
Or you might register at a place you'd shop at anyway.
If you have everything, what else is there to ask for? I suppose it's your call.
Things you may have but possibly don't and haven't thought about:
nice China set - sure, you may only use it once or twice a year, but its really nice to have, and you'll never justify buying it yourself.
Extra bedding sets - High quality sheets/blankets are expensive, it can never hurt ot have a 3rd or 4th extra pair.
Matching casual dish set - the single/early twenties lifestyle of random plates and dishes you got a the thrift store and/or acquired over time is great. Having a full set of matching casual dishes is even better.
On the same note, Themed/matching kitchenware -- My wife and I registered for all black and stainless steel kitchenware (knives, can opener, coffee grinder, etc.), again going for the matching look that you don't necessarily already have with stuff accumulated over time.
Other than that I have to admit I don't understand the dislike of the charity option... if it s a choice between getting a bunch of crap you don't want which is going to get thrown away/given away anyway, why not skip the middle man? It's better for everyone involved.
It's also a tihng that costs in the thousands of dollars for a good one, and a thing nobody wants to get you a bad one of...
If you've got most of anything else you might need, indulge a little. A couple of nice cast iron pans are a great addition to any kitchen. You can also or alternately get some high quality stainless steel or nonstick ceramic stuff.
Also, look around a little to see if there are any non-standard appliances you might want. You've already got toasters and microwaves and etc out the wazoo, but do you have:
A nice ricemaker
A pressure cooker
A dutch oven
A toaster oven
A deep fryer
A slow cooker
etc.
There's also:
Baking pans - cookie sheets, brownie pan, cake pan, pie tin, springform pan, etc)
Utensils - a nice chef's knife or two, cutting boards, spatulas, whisks (try a ball whisk, it's fantastic), etc.
If neither of you like to cook, you might not need much of this, but as someone who cooks most of our meals, these were things that I was able to happily put on our registry, despite living together for two years and having most of what we needed day-to-day. There's a lot of recipes that take somewhat niche materials to prepare, and this let me fill a lot of those requirements.
Currently Playing:
Legacy: Something U/W Controlish
EDH Cube
Hypercube! A New EDH Deck Every Week(ish)!
I think the key is to make sure that your immediate family is ready to go to bat for you making sure guests and relatives know cash is preferred. I still don't understand why people get so upset about giving money - a newlywed couple is in need of that more than anything else.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
The thing I tell people to point out now is that a lot of these places give out deals after the wedding date. Both Target and Bed bath and Beyond had special "complete your registry" events/coupons. At target they gave us a 15% off our entire purchase coupon that we could use on things on and off our registry. Bed bath and beyond had a special event for people that had registered with them where everything was 20% off and again it didnt have to be on the registry to get the deal. When you are possibly talking about hundreds of dollars of stuff getting 20% off is huge and makes that gift money go a lot farther.
Of course you will always have that one family that gives you 3 foot tall candle holders from their own trinket store...
That's so true. The three worst presents we got (and really the only three bad presents), were a cheap mortar/pestle ($3), Unreturnable Candlesticks because they aren't sold in the US (Obvious Regift) and a Bottle Vase several years out of style so returning it meant getting virtually nothing (regift).
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath