To update everyone who was SO intrigued (sarcasm) by my last bout of trouble, I did go see a therapist about the Salvation Diagnosed Depression and guess what? ya'll were right! who would of thought? although i refuse to take pills, i was taught several ways to deal, and it feels much better.
so onto the problem:
my ex (the last one that i asked about) turned out to be insane. who would of thunk. now, i know thats a harsh thing to say, but hey, when your making out and she decides that grabbing a steak knife and cutting your back is erotic, sorry honey you have some issues. so i dropped that like a spring cold and started hunting around again to try and find someone a little less homicidal. so i start talking more to this girl who i've known for about a year, and enter problem....
THE DREADED LOVE TRIANGLE!!!!:o
So i really like this girl, and she really likes my friend, but he doesn't give a damn. the problem really lies in the fact that i'm having such a hard time reading this girl, who i'm 95% sure likes my friend but am not at all sure what she thinks about me. sometimes we get along like peas and carrots, other times she deals with me with "yup" "uh-huh" and stuff like that (the conversation killers). but the good thing about this all is my friend litterally doesn't care. he thinks shes nice and all, but only is friends with her. at least that is what he tells me.
so what should i do? drop the situation (which i really don't see a need for as it'll at least keep me entertained till college)? ask her out? pull the highschool thing and ask her friend what she thinks which the gossip will quickly spread around and then, if i'm lucky, the girl will be like an open book and i can plan my course then? i really don't know, advice would be superb.
oh and by the way, i'm not going in on this unlessi have a 99% certainty that i'll get a yes, as another "i just wanna stay friends" won't bode to well with my confidence pre-college
Dood, I have no idea how asking versus not asking is going to change how getting another "I just wanna stay friends" is going to impact your confidence level. If you are going to be turned down when you ask her you are still going to be turned down if you snoop around and do research to figure out you will be turned down.
That being said, just ask the girl out already. If she says no then you have the time to move on to better things, if she says yes you have more time of actually going out with her. Take the plunge. Immediately if at all possible.
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thats true, and i probably should just take a stab in the dark, but snooping does also give me something to do (im a second semester senior, trust me, finding something like thatg is golden), plus if i don't actually get the i just wanna be friends its alot easier to chalk up to bad luck than anything else, plus, im notsure i've made this clear, but thats my single least favorite line i've ever heard? why? because 95% of the time its just a sympathy saying, where they actually dont give a damn about being friends... if you can follow what i mean
plus, im notsure i've made this clear, but thats my single least favorite line i've ever heard? why? because 95% of the time its just a sympathy saying, where they actually dont give a damn about being friends... if you can follow what i mean
of course a girl gives a damn about still being friends. Unlike guys, girls are social creatures. Each and every guy that they turn down with the line "let's just stay friends" and whom they are able to stay friends with, is another guy whose other friends they are able to add to their social network and possibly draw additional friends from eventually, possibly even future boyfriends from. In otherwords, Girls may not like you, but they definitely like the friends you add to their collective social networks.
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"As the size of an explosion increases, the number of social situations it is incapable of solving approaches zero." -- Varsuvius, Order of the Stick
well you see the problem i have had is the others in the group generally force me out due to the increased awkwardness brought on.
who knows, maybe i'll just champ it and drop the question sometime soon. maybe I'll just let a small crush run its course and go to college next year.
though, just hypothetically of course, what would you say if said situation happened to a kid who has never in his life had a girlfriend, and all attempts have led to extreme ostracism? a kid that has the confidence and charm of a fruit fly? just curious is all
of course a girl gives a damn about still being friends. Unlike guys, girls are social creatures. Each and every guy that they turn down with the line "let's just stay friends" and whom they are able to stay friends with, is another guy whose other friends they are able to add to their social network and possibly draw additional friends from eventually, possibly even future boyfriends from. In otherwords, Girls may not like you, but they definitely like the friends you add to their collective social networks.
That's ridiculous. I'm sure a good half of girls are not wired to be on the lookout for potential boyfriends 24/7 like guys are looking for girlfriends. That's because girls care about intimacy and a lasting relationship and a high school swing accomplishes nothing. The only reason guys are looking for girlfriends in high school is so they could get in someone's pants. The only other reason anyone would want a boy/girl friend at that age is for social status but that just gets too confusing beyond my comprehension level. High school relationships generally lead to nothing and you shouldn't take it anything but lightly. Even if your last impressions before college are good, after college you come out a different person. You'll be soon to feel a lot of people you used to respect are really shallow...
ya thanks for all the advise i think im just gonna let it die, its not worth the confidence hit, plus, i figure if i wanna get the balls to do it, ill be doin it outta school anyways so its a whole new ball game then
ya thanks for all the advise i think im just gonna let it die, its not worth the confidence hit, plus, i figure if i wanna get the balls to do it, ill be doin it outta school anyways so its a whole new ball game then
Asking her as soon as possible is the best way for a reason ya know. Where will you be if she says yes...the answer is alot happier. if she says no...the answer is the same damn place you are now.
only good things can happen.
unless she just laughs at you in front of every one...then its a bad thing.
Asking her as soon as possible is the best way for a reason ya know. Where will you be if she says yes...the answer is alot happier. if she says no...the answer is the same damn place you are now.
only good things can happen.
unless she just laughs at you in front of every one...then its a bad thing.
actually there are several outcomes:
1. She says yes, a lot of pain and wondering for nothing.
2. She says No, chalk it up to bad luck, finish off the summer, go to college.
3. She says No, lose a friendship, chalk it up to bad luck.
4. She says No, laughs at me, depression hits like hurricane Katrina on the levees of NO (too early?:o)
5. she says no, no laughing but same depression outcome
6. I don't do anything, chalk it up to bad luck, finish the summer
7. i don't do anything, depression hits.
so basically there's a 50/50 chance I'll have to fight depression without an answer, and a 50/50 chance for depression, 25/75 for losing a friend, which makes a 75/25 chance to get a bad outcome out of a no. punching simple numbers, i think I'll take my chances the other way
If romance at this stage in your life is causing these problems for you and you're close to getting out of that environment, presuming you're in high school, wait it out. Focus on other pursuits and underlying personality issues that can help you maturate into the man you want to be.
Just honestly, bide your time, focus on self improvement and building new friendships and deepening old worthy ones with friends and family, and then pounce on the matured hot little Bridgette down the street from your dorm in a few months when you're in a more stable and matured position.
When things are in balance, you've build up new successes along the way, your resiliency coupled with your confidence will be vastly improved. I'm a strong believer in "bad things" or failure as a wonderful teaching tool, but there are other ways to get this "failure fix" and still have the same maturity and levels of wisdom without the negative side effects.
If romance at this stage in your life is causing these problems for you and you're close to getting out of that environment, presuming you're in high school, wait it out. Focus on other pursuits and underlying personality issues that can help you maturate into the man you want to be.
Just honestly, bide your time, focus on self improvement and building new friendships and deepening old worthy ones with friends and family, and then pounce on the matured hot little Bridgette down the street from your dorm in a few months when you're in a more stable and matured position.
When things are in balance, you've build up new successes along the way, your resiliency coupled with your confidence will be vastly improved. I'm a strong believer in "bad things" or failure as a wonderful teaching tool, but there are other ways to get this "failure fix" and still have the same maturity and levels of wisdom without the negative side effects.
ya and my friend i think is startin to eye her, so its almost definently a no go. oh well, better luck next time i guess...
Before I read your last post (spoilers ftl), I would have said this.
Run.
Honestly, you are absolutely fooling yourself if you think that any girl who is interested in your friend is going to jump into your arms after hearing that you like her. Even if your friend is the world's biggest d-bag and doesn't care about her at all she'll still hang onto him like a lost puppy.
It's how girls work honestly. Once they find their mark it's extremely hard to veer them off course, especially if you're in the "friend" zone (which it sounds like you are). Let your friend get his, and in the 10% likelihood that your girl realizes what a tool she's been maybe she'll run back to you if you aren't a jerk. It's probably not going to happen though, you really shouldn't fool yourself.
Also, please please please take medication. I know some people don't like taking pills because they don't know how it will affect them, but at least try some different medications. Taking medication for my OCD honestly saved my life, I don't know where I would be without it.
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To update everyone who was SO intrigued (sarcasm) by my last bout of trouble, I did go see a therapist about the Salvation Diagnosed Depression and guess what? ya'll were right! who would of thought? although i refuse to take pills, i was taught several ways to deal, and it feels much better.
so onto the problem:
my ex (the last one that i asked about) turned out to be insane. who would of thunk. now, i know thats a harsh thing to say, but hey, when your making out and she decides that grabbing a steak knife and cutting your back is erotic, sorry honey you have some issues. so i dropped that like a spring cold and started hunting around again to try and find someone a little less homicidal. so i start talking more to this girl who i've known for about a year, and enter problem....
THE DREADED LOVE TRIANGLE!!!!:o
So i really like this girl, and she really likes my friend, but he doesn't give a damn. the problem really lies in the fact that i'm having such a hard time reading this girl, who i'm 95% sure likes my friend but am not at all sure what she thinks about me. sometimes we get along like peas and carrots, other times she deals with me with "yup" "uh-huh" and stuff like that (the conversation killers). but the good thing about this all is my friend litterally doesn't care. he thinks shes nice and all, but only is friends with her. at least that is what he tells me.
so what should i do? drop the situation (which i really don't see a need for as it'll at least keep me entertained till college)? ask her out? pull the highschool thing and ask her friend what she thinks which the gossip will quickly spread around and then, if i'm lucky, the girl will be like an open book and i can plan my course then? i really don't know, advice would be superb.
oh and by the way, i'm not going in on this unlessi have a 99% certainty that i'll get a yes, as another "i just wanna stay friends" won't bode to well with my confidence pre-college
That being said, just ask the girl out already. If she says no then you have the time to move on to better things, if she says yes you have more time of actually going out with her. Take the plunge. Immediately if at all possible.
Halfdane
Sek'Kuar
Please remember to autocard, just do [ card ] CARD NAME [ / card ] and for decks you can cover the whole thing in one deck tag like this: [ deck ] All of the cards in the deck [ / deck ]
of course a girl gives a damn about still being friends. Unlike guys, girls are social creatures. Each and every guy that they turn down with the line "let's just stay friends" and whom they are able to stay friends with, is another guy whose other friends they are able to add to their social network and possibly draw additional friends from eventually, possibly even future boyfriends from. In otherwords, Girls may not like you, but they definitely like the friends you add to their collective social networks.
who knows, maybe i'll just champ it and drop the question sometime soon. maybe I'll just let a small crush run its course and go to college next year.
though, just hypothetically of course, what would you say if said situation happened to a kid who has never in his life had a girlfriend, and all attempts have led to extreme ostracism? a kid that has the confidence and charm of a fruit fly? just curious is all
Huh?
Even for a gross generalization, that's not very accurate.
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That's ridiculous. I'm sure a good half of girls are not wired to be on the lookout for potential boyfriends 24/7 like guys are looking for girlfriends. That's because girls care about intimacy and a lasting relationship and a high school swing accomplishes nothing. The only reason guys are looking for girlfriends in high school is so they could get in someone's pants. The only other reason anyone would want a boy/girl friend at that age is for social status but that just gets too confusing beyond my comprehension level. High school relationships generally lead to nothing and you shouldn't take it anything but lightly. Even if your last impressions before college are good, after college you come out a different person. You'll be soon to feel a lot of people you used to respect are really shallow...
Just in case you do: Just ask the question.
Or you could send her an e-mail linking her to this thread
In which case she would find:
Do you want to go out with JohnGalt?
Asking her as soon as possible is the best way for a reason ya know. Where will you be if she says yes...the answer is alot happier. if she says no...the answer is the same damn place you are now.
only good things can happen.
Extendo
Read my Blog!
actually there are several outcomes:
1. She says yes, a lot of pain and wondering for nothing.
2. She says No, chalk it up to bad luck, finish off the summer, go to college.
3. She says No, lose a friendship, chalk it up to bad luck.
4. She says No, laughs at me, depression hits like hurricane Katrina on the levees of NO (too early?:o)
5. she says no, no laughing but same depression outcome
6. I don't do anything, chalk it up to bad luck, finish the summer
7. i don't do anything, depression hits.
so basically there's a 50/50 chance I'll have to fight depression without an answer, and a 50/50 chance for depression, 25/75 for losing a friend, which makes a 75/25 chance to get a bad outcome out of a no. punching simple numbers, i think I'll take my chances the other way
Just honestly, bide your time, focus on self improvement and building new friendships and deepening old worthy ones with friends and family, and then pounce on the matured hot little Bridgette down the street from your dorm in a few months when you're in a more stable and matured position.
When things are in balance, you've build up new successes along the way, your resiliency coupled with your confidence will be vastly improved. I'm a strong believer in "bad things" or failure as a wonderful teaching tool, but there are other ways to get this "failure fix" and still have the same maturity and levels of wisdom without the negative side effects.
Ambition must be made to counteract ambition.
Individualities may form communities, but it is institutions alone that can create a nation.
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
Here is my principle: Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle.
ya and my friend i think is startin to eye her, so its almost definently a no go. oh well, better luck next time i guess...
Before I read your last post (spoilers ftl), I would have said this.
Run.
Honestly, you are absolutely fooling yourself if you think that any girl who is interested in your friend is going to jump into your arms after hearing that you like her. Even if your friend is the world's biggest d-bag and doesn't care about her at all she'll still hang onto him like a lost puppy.
It's how girls work honestly. Once they find their mark it's extremely hard to veer them off course, especially if you're in the "friend" zone (which it sounds like you are). Let your friend get his, and in the 10% likelihood that your girl realizes what a tool she's been maybe she'll run back to you if you aren't a jerk. It's probably not going to happen though, you really shouldn't fool yourself.
Also, please please please take medication. I know some people don't like taking pills because they don't know how it will affect them, but at least try some different medications. Taking medication for my OCD honestly saved my life, I don't know where I would be without it.