I actually think the green pact is going to be a bigger deal than the blue one. Not really sure why, but I just have a feeling it'll be lethal, and it's easy to put it in the right deck.
Really, the free counter has to be fake. It's an incredibly overpowered card of which every combo deck (blue or not) in every format will run 4 of without hesitation. I screamed fake the minute I saw it, and stand by it. Even after all the mess they did in TS block, WotC should know better.
I doubt it's fake, really, considering the whole "pay this much next turn or die" thing. I think a counterspell would be reasonable under those circumstances, even though I know it'll be the most annoying thing to happen to me all game ~_~;;
Really, the free counter has to be fake. It's an incredibly overpowered card of which every combo deck (blue or not) in every format will run 4 of without hesitation. I screamed fake the minute I saw it, and stand by it. Even after all the mess they did in TS block, WotC should know better.
Ah, rumor season.
I personally don't see it happening, myself, but I'm not going to go so far as to say it has to be obviously fake. I don't think it's an auto 4-of in any deck, though, either, considering you really CAN'T run it without at least splashing blue. Like you said, combo decks could make a lot of use of it, though. I really doubt WotC would ever release a 0 mana counterspell, but there have been plenty of things I thought we would never see that we did in this block alone.
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[16:23] Alacar Leoricar: maybe if you do it'll make the porn more meaningful
Well the thing is with these pact cards, they are kinda dangerous, you **** up your mana playing and you can't pay the upkeep cost of the pact, so you lose the game.
Hey the ethersphere...
I'm looking forward to doing something stupid in response to someone playing a pact.
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[16:23] Alacar Leoricar: maybe if you do it'll make the porn more meaningful
I really dreaded going to work. This is Scott's job, not mine. I need some way to seperate myself from this.
For my name, I have decided fully on Sakura Patricia Anderson. My birth name was Scott Patrick Anderson. Patrick came from my mother (Patricia) so I kept it in her honor. While I prefer Sakura or Saki, I accept Trish. Some people have trouble with Sakura for some reason. I have started using Trish on the phone, it is very empowering. This also leaves my initials the same.
Mostly, it was an awesome week. Only a few hang ups. Have not found a therapist yet, but have some solid leads. Boaught a bra, cant wear it yet :-(. I tried to neet my face and failed and burned it bad, after it healed I tried to wax....One strip removed three hair. I am stuck shaving...and untill I get some makeup even that isn't very conclusive. I don't want to be wearing fake boobs and having stubble...I'd feel so small.
New girl in my life. She is awesome, also Bi. Accepts me as I am and will be, fully supportive. Spent alot of time with her this week. Best sex I have ever had...I don't feel rushed or that I have to be a man with her at all. It is great. I'd go into details, but I'd get banned.
Last night was hell for me. After the waxing incident. Then Jen inferred I was a cross dresser. I yelled at her...which is totally unlike me...I do not yell. I had a break down.
I thank you lilly for your attempt to help me last night, and apologize for telling you off so rudely. You are my sunshine.
The creeping doom of realization that I had to go to work the next day was and still is very painful. I barely slept. This is Scott's job, Scott's life. This is not mine. I feel trapped. I need to seperate myself from this shell. I wish I could quit, but I need the income. I wish they would fire me, then I could get EI and have money to move away from this town. Leave Scott behind me completely.
I emailed this to my group of friends today. The "them" in the first bit is Jen.
Hello all
I would like to call attention to something which was said to me at the trail end of a conversation I had with one of you recently, because it really made me realize where I stand with each of you. I see how you act tpwards me and it is the same from each of you.
them "I just do not know what to say to you anymore, everything I say seems to offend you."
me "It is because you do not understand what I am going through. You haven't looked anything up on this have you? You haven't asked me have you?"
them "I guess I just do not care."
That is the root of the problem. How can you have a friend in your life who is going through some kind of crisis or has some kind of issue and not want to find out what you can about their problem and help them the best you can?
I know at least one of you has done some research, and I appreciate that. I have news for you though, you are looking at the wrong things. Spouting finance issues at me then telling me I can dress like a woman and still be a man just makes you look like an idiot. This has nothing to do with money, it is not a choice. If this was just a money thing, it would be so much easier. My life would not have been a living hell. This is not the story of some femme guy looking to dress up.
I have tried sending you some information on the subject, has any of you even read it?
I have been told I am being selfish lately. Lets put something into perspective. If you were given the choice of being you, or being some other person your friends seemed to want you to be; which would you choose? Every time you guys call me he, him or Scott you are making me be who you want me to be. The person you know as Scott is nothing more than a coping mechanism. When a baby is born, people make alot of arbitrary decisions based on the childs genitallia. Right down to blue for a boy, pink for a girl. This is where Gender Identity Disorder starts being an issue.
Male and Female brains are wired completely differently. Do some research into Neurobiology and you will see the truth in this. Alot of the gender stereotypes we have grow from basic truths of neurology. Sometimes nature mixes things up and you get girls more adept at math then most or boys who excell at language or some such. Sometimes it mixes up a great deal and you get a brain that is completely mixed up. This is where GID starts. The brain is telling the child it is a girl. It thinks like a girl and associates with alot of traditionally female things. People see a ***** and raise the child as a boy. This cause a havoc of confusion, a large number of Gender Dysphoric youths commit suicide by the time they are ready to graduate.
There is no connection between Sexual Identity and Gender Identity. There are as many Bi Gay and Lesbian Trans-people as there are those born to the correct gender.
I cannot be Scott, I cannot be a man. That identity is damaging to me. That life causes me pain. Scott is dead, you all need to accept that.
For those that have trouble with the name Sakura; I understand that. Though being a bunch of Anime freaks I have no idea why a Japanese name is such a problem. It was mentioned that the image you get is of something silly. It is as common a name in Japan as Sarah or Lisa. Too me it is not silly. It has more value and meaning to me than my birth name. To make things easier though, I am giving people a choice. My middle birth name was Patrick, I was named partially after my Mother. I am keeping the same middle name only changed to Patricia in her honor. So I will answer to Sakura, Saki, or Trish. I cannot see how any of you can have a problem with Trish.
You guys really need to ask yourselves a question. Are you my friend, or are you Scott's friend? If you are Scott's friend, then I cannot have you in my life anymore. You do more harm than good. You enable the coping mechanism, and hinder my growth as a person. You wouldn't want me holding you back from living your life, and would seek my support. Please don't hinder my life anymore. I am not making a choice out of wimsey, this is about survival. I cannot live like this anymore. Scott is dead, you all need to accept it or you lose me.
I have given you guys alot of room. So many people have accepted with no issue whatsoever, why can't you. Am I truly being selfish here, or are you. You are clinging onto someone who never excisted just because it is easier for you.
Just want you all to know I love and miss you all. I needed alot of time for myself this week so I was not here much this week, I am sorry.
I really dreaded going to work. This is Scott's job, not mine. I need some way to seperate myself from this.
For my name, I have decided fully on Sakura Patricia Anderson. My birth name was Scott Patrick Anderson. Patrick came from my mother (Patricia) so I kept it in her honor. While I prefer Sakura or Saki, I accept Trish. Some people have trouble with Sakura for some reason. I have started using Trish on the phone, it is very empowering. This also leaves my initials the same.
Mostly, it was an awesome week. Only a few hang ups. Have not found a therapist yet, but have some solid leads. Boaught a bra, cant wear it yet :-(. I tried to neet my face and failed and burned it bad, after it healed I tried to wax....One strip removed three hair. I am stuck shaving...and untill I get some makeup even that isn't very conclusive. I don't want to be wearing fake boobs and having stubble...I'd feel so small.
New girl in my life. She is awesome, also Bi. Accepts me as I am and will be, fully supportive. Spent alot of time with her this week. Best sex I have ever had...I don't feel rushed or that I have to be a man with her at all. It is great. I'd go into details, but I'd get banned.
Last night was hell for me. After the waxing incident. Then Jen inferred I was a cross dresser. I yelled at her...which is totally unlike me...I do not yell. I had a break down.
I thank you lilly for your attempt to help me last night, and apologize for telling you off so rudely. You are my sunshine.
The creeping doom of realization that I had to go to work the next day was and still is very painful. I barely slept. This is Scott's job, Scott's life. This is not mine. I feel trapped. I need to seperate myself from this shell. I wish I could quit, but I need the income. I wish they would fire me, then I could get EI and have money to move away from this town. Leave Scott behind me completely.
I emailed this to my group of friends today. The "them" in the first bit is Jen.
Hello all
I would like to call attention to something which was said to me at the trail end of a conversation I had with one of you recently, because it really made me realize where I stand with each of you. I see how you act tpwards me and it is the same from each of you.
them "I just do not know what to say to you anymore, everything I say seems to offend you."
me "It is because you do not understand what I am going through. You haven't looked anything up on this have you? You haven't asked me have you?"
them "I guess I just do not care."
That is the root of the problem. How can you have a friend in your life who is going through some kind of crisis or has some kind of issue and not want to find out what you can about their problem and help them the best you can?
I know at least one of you has done some research, and I appreciate that. I have news for you though, you are looking at the wrong things. Spouting finance issues at me then telling me I can dress like a woman and still be a man just makes you look like an idiot. This has nothing to do with money, it is not a choice. If this was just a money thing, it would be so much easier. My life would not have been a living hell. This is not the story of some femme guy looking to dress up.
I have tried sending you some information on the subject, has any of you even read it?
I have been told I am being selfish lately. Lets put something into perspective. If you were given the choice of being you, or being some other person your friends seemed to want you to be; which would you choose? Every time you guys call me he, him or Scott you are making me be who you want me to be. The person you know as Scott is nothing more than a coping mechanism. When a baby is born, people make alot of arbitrary decisions based on the childs genitallia. Right down to blue for a boy, pink for a girl. This is where Gender Identity Disorder starts being an issue.
Male and Female brains are wired completely differently. Do some research into Neurobiology and you will see the truth in this. Alot of the gender stereotypes we have grow from basic truths of neurology. Sometimes nature mixes things up and you get girls more adept at math then most or boys who excell at language or some such. Sometimes it mixes up a great deal and you get a brain that is completely mixed up. This is where GID starts. The brain is telling the child it is a girl. It thinks like a girl and associates with alot of traditionally female things. People see a ***** and raise the child as a boy. This cause a havoc of confusion, a large number of Gender Dysphoric youths commit suicide by the time they are ready to graduate.
There is no connection between Sexual Identity and Gender Identity. There are as many Bi Gay and Lesbian Trans-people as there are those born to the correct gender.
I cannot be Scott, I cannot be a man. That identity is damaging to me. That life causes me pain. Scott is dead, you all need to accept that.
For those that have trouble with the name Sakura; I understand that. Though being a bunch of Anime freaks I have no idea why a Japanese name is such a problem. It was mentioned that the image you get is of something silly. It is as common a name in Japan as Sarah or Lisa. Too me it is not silly. It has more value and meaning to me than my birth name. To make things easier though, I am giving people a choice. My middle birth name was Patrick, I was named partially after my Mother. I am keeping the same middle name only changed to Patricia in her honor. So I will answer to Sakura, Saki, or Trish. I cannot see how any of you can have a problem with Trish.
You guys really need to ask yourselves a question. Are you my friend, or are you Scott's friend? If you are Scott's friend, then I cannot have you in my life anymore. You do more harm than good. You enable the coping mechanism, and hinder my growth as a person. You wouldn't want me holding you back from living your life, and would seek my support. Please don't hinder my life anymore. I am not making a choice out of wimsey, this is about survival. I cannot live like this anymore. Scott is dead, you all need to accept it or you lose me.
I have given you guys alot of room. So many people have accepted with no issue whatsoever, why can't you. Am I truly being selfish here, or are you. You are clinging onto someone who never excisted just because it is easier for you.
Just want you all to know I love and miss you all. I needed alot of time for myself this week so I was not here much this week, I am sorry.
1. To be honest, Sakura is probably a bit difficult for some people because it's fairly outlandish by most standards. If you were, for example, of Asian heritage, people might be more ready to accept it, whereas on a white person it seems less natural. Additionally, Asian names are trendy- which, to be totally honest, could be a factor in why someone may disregard your change as some sort of frivolous whim as opposed to a serious alteration to your life. I'm not judging or criticizing, merely offering my perspective on this. Whatever name you choose is your business, but the thing about names is that names carry with them subconscious connotations.
2. It seems as though you don't just want to transition genders but become someone else altogether. Scott's job is still your job. Scott's family and friends are still your family and friends. You've decided to be forthright and live as the gender you truly are, but that doesn't mean you need to abandon who you were before. So let me ask you- if there were a way for you to become your inner gender without altering any other conditions of your life except where you gender is concerned, would you prefer that, or would you prefer to just start over as an entirely different person?
I'm not close enough to the situation to say, but based on just the way you talk about things, it seems like you may have more issues at hand than just the typical struggles that come with transitioning. It IS okay for you to be who you are, you know- and that includes who you were before the transition. Just so you know.
The person who was Scott and the person you call Sakura ARE the same person, regardless of how their body or gender is perceived. Telling loved ones that the person they once knew "is dead" is going to be difficult for them to accept, and as much as you need their understanding and acceptance, you'll need to extend the same courtesy to them. This has all happened very quickly, and you've effectively pulled the rug out from many of the people who knew you with a change that A) they may not entirely understand, and B) is inherently a very drastic change to make. You are telling them that someone they knew and cared about is gone, and an entirely new person has taken their place- you've swapped Scott out for Sakura, and you are telling them that these two people are not one and the same. You really can't just expect to "recast" your role in their lives so suddenly with complete support. You said before you were living a lie- and that may be the case. But here's the deal- by being friends with Scott and being part of Scott's life, they were not part of the lie- they are also victims of the lie.
I'm looking forward to doing something stupid in response to someone playing a pact.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA go to hell you'll do that the minute I tutor something like Teneb dammit I hate blue.
@Sakura: Well...all I can say is that you have to try to be as patient with your friends as you want them to be with you. This can't be one-way. And yes, if they're Scott's friends they're your friends as well, because at the end of the day, Scott or Sakura, you're still going to have the same soul and evoke the same fond memories in these people that you did as a biological male.
This has all been happening to you very quickly, and I understand how your emotions can be so charged and your nerves so raw, but remember to take a step back from the situation every once in a while and keep everything in perpsective. Your friends love you - the ones who do, at least, will still be there after you've changed. They don't understand what's happening, and this is a given because they aren't you. Sure, none of them seem to be picking up all the transgender literature they can find, but despite that they're still sticking by you. As natural as it seems for you to be going through this, it's not something they're used to (and I'm saying this bit from experience, believe me), so give them some time to get used to things as they'll eventually be. You're just finding your comfort zone, your "box," but some of your friends are having to force themselves out of their boxes in order to empathise and really be there for you. That might take some time.
1. To be honest, Sakura is probably a bit difficult for some people because it's fairly outlandish. If you were, for example, of Asian heritage, people might be more ready to accept it, whereas on a white person it seems less natural.
2. It seems as though you don't just want to transition genders but become someone else altogether. Scott's job is still your job. Scott's family and friends are still your family and friends. You've decided to be forthright and live as the gender you truly are, but that doesn't mean you need to abandon who you were before. So let me ask you- if there were a way for you to become your inner gender without altering any other conditions of your life except where you gender is concerned, would you prefer that, or would you prefer to just start over as an entirely different person?
I'm not close enough to the situation to say, but based on just the way you talk about things, it seems like you may have more issues at hand than just the typical struggles that come with transitioning. It IS okay for you to be who you are, you know- and that includes who you were before the transition. Just so you know.
1: I agree on that. It is why I use Trish on the phone, and accept people calling me it. I might even stick to it. I love the name Sakura, it is beautiful and has alot of meaning for me. I will keep it. I may go by Trish in RL and just use Sakura online.
2: Alot of who Scott is is also who I am...but alot is also a shell. Being reminded of that shell is painful. People who do not know Scott so much for the most part are having less trouble accepting me. I need to seperate myself from him. This is his job, people here know Scott. Everywhere I see Scott. All my life people have expected Scott and I have been Scott. People are still expecting Scott, and it is making this very hard. I may not need to fully kill him off, but I definately need to cut him out of my life for a while so I can rebuild. I am very weak and new, and it is easy to fall into old patterns and habits. It is easy to doubt oneself. Ultimately we are both the same person, but ones excistance is very crippling to the other's growth.
People are expecting me to be Scott and not letting me be Sakura.
NINJA EDIT (Cue cherry blossoms) : I am being a little dramatic by telling people Scott is dead, I agree. This particular group of friends is being particularly ignorant and unsupportive. They said at first that they accept me and understand...but they do not. They each have stated they refuse to call me a she or by any name other than Scott.
By the way, Gigadrowse wont stop people from paying for a Pact. They can still float the mana in response to the Drowse. Some well timed Land Demo or Exhaustion will work nicely though.
1: I agree on that. It is why I use Trish on the phone, and accept people calling me it. I might even stick to it. I love the name Sakura, it is beautiful and has alot of meaning for me. I will keep it. I may go by Trish in RL and just use Sakura online.
2: Alot of who Scott is is also who I am...but alot is also a shell. Being reminded of that shell is painful. People who do not know Scott so much for the most part are having less trouble accepting me. I need to seperate myself from him. This is his job, people here know Scott. Everywhere I see Scott. All my life people have expected Scott and I have been Scott. People are still expecting Scott, and it is making this very hard. I may not need to fully kill him off, but I definately need to cut him out of my life for a while so I can rebuild. I am very weak and new, and it is easy to fall into old patterns and habits. It is easy to doubt oneself. Ultimately we are both the same person, but ones excistance is very crippling to the other's growth.
People are expecting me to be Scott and not letting me be Sakura.
By the way, Gigadrowse wont stop people from paying for a Pact. They can still float the mana in response to the Drowse. Some well timed Land Demo or Exhaustion will work nicely though.
1. What about Sakura as a middle name?
2. Sweetie, people are gonna expect Scott for a while. It may be frustrating, and it may feel unfair, but to your friends, family, and co-workers, Scott was a part of their life. They are hesitant to accept the new you because they loved and knew the old you- and they will need time to let Scott go. I've been told before that for parents and family of TS people, sometimes the transition process can be very traumatic and difficult. Parents have said that they often go through periods of grieving, as if they lost a child, because in many ways they have. But at the same time, they have never lost anything, which can result in tension between the loved ones of the TS individual and the TS individual.
It just takes time- sometimes a long time. And yes, for some people there will never be enough time. Some will resist it, too. Those that actually care will come to understand, but it will take time to adjust. Others will take less time. Part of the situation is that you are attempting to change your image. It is one thing for people to change their use of pronouns and names, but just putting on a camisole and calling yourself a female name is not enough to alter how they have come to perceive you. Some people are going to feel betrayed for a while, as I've said. It's not fair to you, as you will become the focus of those negative feelings, but as I have said, they were also the victims of a particularly large lie.
Just understand- if you kill Scott off, you are killing off a part of yourself- and considering the process of transition is intended to allow you to become who you really are, I would be very careful about this. You would, in many ways, be doing to yourself what the world has inadvertantly done to you for years.
However, you've stated your terms, and now it's all out. They can either start the process of adapting, or not. And if not, then you know what? They're dead wood. Might as well trim it. But don't trim it until they have had a chance to adjust first, and by all means don't cut them out because they have feelings for the persona of Scott. They did, after all, know him first.
3. I'm not really counting on my opponents being that smart, to be perfectly honest.
I am willing to wait and be patient, but I do not see any acceptance whatsoever, or care to ever accept. No effort.
I expect from my friends the same as I would do for them.
I have been rather direct and blunt to them in that last letter, I am leaving it up to them. If they truly do value me as a friend then they will show it. I have been told things by some of them that indicate otherwise though. I let them call me he, and Scott....and once in a while ask nicely not to be referred that way. I generally let it slide and wait for them. I get told i'm petty, selfish and immature and need to grow up. I let them live their lives and take their time and I get treated like garbage and ignored.
I understand this is hard for them, but they aren't even trying. Every step forward I take is me being selfish. I have heard frequent refusal to even try.
I am willing to wait and be patient, but I do not see any acceptance whatsoever, or care to ever accept. No effort.
I expect from my friends the same as I would do for them.
I have been rather direct and blunt to them in that last letter, I am leaving it up to them. If they truly do value me as a friend then they will show it. I have been told things by some of them that indicate otherwise though. I let them call me he, and Scott....and once in a while ask nicely not to be referred that way. I generally let it slide and wait for them. I get told i'm petty, selfish and immature and need to grow up. I let them live their lives and take their time and I get treated like garbage and ignored.
I understand this is hard for them, but they aren't even trying. Every step forward I take is me being selfish. I have heard frequent refusal to even try.
I can understand the lack of patience for those who won't make an effort. The comment that seemed like a red flag was the dread for returning to work- after all, didn't you say that your workplace was fairly supportive?
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[16:23] Alacar Leoricar: maybe if you do it'll make the porn more meaningful
Work is supportive...but all my friends work here. If they can't accept me then I feel alienated here.
Plus seeing the name Scott all over everything sux. You have any idea how many times per day I have to type that. I am going to see if they can change that at least. I can accept it on my pay stubs...until I can get a legal change...but having to type it is awful.
Work is supportive...but all my friends work here. If they can't accept me then I feel alienated here.
Plus seeing the name Scott all over everything sux. You have any idea how many times per day I have to type that. I am going to see if they can change that at least. I can accept it on my pay stubs...until I can get a legal change...but having to type it is awful.
Okay, well, the context is a bit different knowing that you have a lot of friends there.
I understand. It's not the same, but I know how it feels to have to do that. Every time I fill out a form and have to check single instead of married, every time I pick up the paper and have to see the wedding announcements- Don't forget, I'm pretty accustomed to living a lie, myself. So I can understand the desire for change and liberation. It's not nearly as unsettling a lie to live with, but I daresay I at least have an inkling of what it is like to have to go through life having to pretend you are something you aren't.
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[16:23] Alacar Leoricar: maybe if you do it'll make the porn more meaningful
I know how you feel though. Maybe we aren't living the same challenges, but the result is the same. We get swept under the rug and expected to just deal.
One friend told me that the cost for surgery is too high and I will never be able to retire happy as a result so I should just be a man dressed as a woman. It is hard to comprehend our issues, because they are so alien to people who do not live it.
One friend told me that the cost for surgery is too high and I will never be able to retire happy as a result so I should just be a man dressed as a woman. It is hard to comprehend our issues, because they are so alien to people who do not live it.
That is in no way true. Granted, the costs are high. However, having reassignment doesn't ensure that you also need to blow through your retirement funds, either. And let's not even get into how one doesn't even need reassignment surgery to transition effectively, anyway.
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[16:23] Alacar Leoricar: maybe if you do it'll make the porn more meaningful
I know how you feel though. Maybe we aren't living the same challenges, but the result is the same. We get swept under the rug and expected to just deal.
One friend told me that the cost for surgery is too high and I will never be able to retire happy as a result so I should just be a man dressed as a woman. It is hard to comprehend our issues, because they are so alien to people who do not live it.
I didnt want to get involved in this conversation becuase it has taken place maybe 4 or 5 times in the past two months but.....Sakura and Photon I know how you feel. It is less of a concern for me as I still am in school but the feeling of having this sort of problem just swept under the rug and having to deal is wrong. And I'm here if you guys need someone to talk to.
Just count your blessings that he said "foot" and forget all about it.
Sadly not. I left it a bit too late to plan much in the way of excursions. Having said that, I don't think Compostela is far from Bilbao, so it might be worth a trip out there.
Is said friend gay? If not, they'll probably be out of place in Brighton. It's populated almost entirely by angry and stereotypical lesbians and confused tourists.
Back in London, trying to psych myself up for heading back to work by playing Lightning Break. It's sickeningly addictive. I may have some personality problems.
Oh, and listening to the Long Blondes. Everyone else go and do the same. If they get popular enough because I spread the word around, I might then get to marry Kate Jackson.
To be totally honest, I sort of only glanced over the post at first, and I didn't see "foot" until I read it closer. I didn't see anything else, though- just "once imbedded in my butt...", and then I turned red and suffered the embarassment of thinking of Kraj in flagrante delicto. Then I read it over, and the very thought of the line out of context left me confused, perplexed, and I daresay a little destroyed. So I had to sig it as such and share the awkward WTFishness with the world.
*marks Brighton off his Never Visit list*
Not that I have a problem with the girls, it's just that their firebreathing and first strike make me highly uncomfortable.
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[16:23] Alacar Leoricar: maybe if you do it'll make the porn more meaningful
Heya, everubody. Okay day? Mine has been pretty good so far. Woke up late, but also left work early. Go me.
Quote from Joyd »
He's still pretty disgusting; Man-o-War is perhaps the best-known tempo spell of all time; Venser costs U more, but has flash and can hit spells and non-creature permanents. My bad
Yeah - too bad he doesn't have evasion, but that's asking a bit much. Very exciting card I'm surprised at how good he's allowed to be.
Quote from Kraj »
You'll find it squishy and absorbant. Unfortunately for you, once your foot is firmly imbedded in my butt it will be quite impossible to remove it. Granted, you shall experience a surge of strength and durability, but it is merely part of the process in which I assimilate your powers as my own. This will erase any competitive advantage you may have had in the contest. I'm sorry to inform you my victory is inevitable...
Hee hee hee. Mmm, absorbant! Squeezably soft!
@Sakura: May I offer you a word of advice?
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All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the light that you see. All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the peace that you feel. All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to fill your heart on my own.
But the rainbow is an image of hope for many reasons, as it is a brilliant sight coming out of oftimes dismal weather.
I don't think it's an auto 4-of in any deck, though, either, considering you really CAN'T run it without at least splashing blue.
Actually, you can. You can run it on any combo deck, protect yourself while going off and win the same turn (which most combo decks do anyway). Think an Alluren blueless deck, or a Dragonstorm one. You'll most likely kill them by drawing infinite cards or dealing 20 damage without even an island on the table. Scary and wrong, I say!
Fortunately, Hydro dismissed it as almost surely fake... I gotta trust my clansmate on this one.
Quote from Tanthalas »
Is said friend gay? If not, they'll probably be out of place in Brighton. It's populated almost entirely by angry and stereotypical lesbians and confused tourists.
ROFL, I'm soooo gonna have him read this! No, he's not gay... he actually told me wonders about Brighton when comparing it to London, saying that it also has a vibrant nightlife and is a happier, lighter city (being coastal and all). Knowing myself, though, I really have a feeling I would like London much better, in the same way I vastly prefer São Paulo to Rio.
Lol. Photon is speechless! Never thought I'd see the day...
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She knows why.
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Hey there LittleDragon!
Ah, rumor season.
I personally don't see it happening, myself, but I'm not going to go so far as to say it has to be obviously fake. I don't think it's an auto 4-of in any deck, though, either, considering you really CAN'T run it without at least splashing blue. Like you said, combo decks could make a lot of use of it, though. I really doubt WotC would ever release a 0 mana counterspell, but there have been plenty of things I thought we would never see that we did in this block alone.
I'm looking forward to doing something stupid in response to someone playing a pact.
I really dreaded going to work. This is Scott's job, not mine. I need some way to seperate myself from this.
For my name, I have decided fully on Sakura Patricia Anderson. My birth name was Scott Patrick Anderson. Patrick came from my mother (Patricia) so I kept it in her honor. While I prefer Sakura or Saki, I accept Trish. Some people have trouble with Sakura for some reason. I have started using Trish on the phone, it is very empowering. This also leaves my initials the same.
Mostly, it was an awesome week. Only a few hang ups. Have not found a therapist yet, but have some solid leads. Boaught a bra, cant wear it yet :-(. I tried to neet my face and failed and burned it bad, after it healed I tried to wax....One strip removed three hair. I am stuck shaving...and untill I get some makeup even that isn't very conclusive. I don't want to be wearing fake boobs and having stubble...I'd feel so small.
New girl in my life. She is awesome, also Bi. Accepts me as I am and will be, fully supportive. Spent alot of time with her this week. Best sex I have ever had...I don't feel rushed or that I have to be a man with her at all. It is great. I'd go into details, but I'd get banned.
Last night was hell for me. After the waxing incident. Then Jen inferred I was a cross dresser. I yelled at her...which is totally unlike me...I do not yell. I had a break down.
I thank you lilly for your attempt to help me last night, and apologize for telling you off so rudely. You are my sunshine.
The creeping doom of realization that I had to go to work the next day was and still is very painful. I barely slept. This is Scott's job, Scott's life. This is not mine. I feel trapped. I need to seperate myself from this shell. I wish I could quit, but I need the income. I wish they would fire me, then I could get EI and have money to move away from this town. Leave Scott behind me completely.
I emailed this to my group of friends today. The "them" in the first bit is Jen.
I would like to call attention to something which was said to me at the trail end of a conversation I had with one of you recently, because it really made me realize where I stand with each of you. I see how you act tpwards me and it is the same from each of you.
them "I just do not know what to say to you anymore, everything I say seems to offend you."
me "It is because you do not understand what I am going through. You haven't looked anything up on this have you? You haven't asked me have you?"
them "I guess I just do not care."
That is the root of the problem. How can you have a friend in your life who is going through some kind of crisis or has some kind of issue and not want to find out what you can about their problem and help them the best you can?
I know at least one of you has done some research, and I appreciate that. I have news for you though, you are looking at the wrong things. Spouting finance issues at me then telling me I can dress like a woman and still be a man just makes you look like an idiot. This has nothing to do with money, it is not a choice. If this was just a money thing, it would be so much easier. My life would not have been a living hell. This is not the story of some femme guy looking to dress up.
I have tried sending you some information on the subject, has any of you even read it?
I have been told I am being selfish lately. Lets put something into perspective. If you were given the choice of being you, or being some other person your friends seemed to want you to be; which would you choose? Every time you guys call me he, him or Scott you are making me be who you want me to be. The person you know as Scott is nothing more than a coping mechanism. When a baby is born, people make alot of arbitrary decisions based on the childs genitallia. Right down to blue for a boy, pink for a girl. This is where Gender Identity Disorder starts being an issue.
Male and Female brains are wired completely differently. Do some research into Neurobiology and you will see the truth in this. Alot of the gender stereotypes we have grow from basic truths of neurology. Sometimes nature mixes things up and you get girls more adept at math then most or boys who excell at language or some such. Sometimes it mixes up a great deal and you get a brain that is completely mixed up. This is where GID starts. The brain is telling the child it is a girl. It thinks like a girl and associates with alot of traditionally female things. People see a ***** and raise the child as a boy. This cause a havoc of confusion, a large number of Gender Dysphoric youths commit suicide by the time they are ready to graduate.
There is no connection between Sexual Identity and Gender Identity. There are as many Bi Gay and Lesbian Trans-people as there are those born to the correct gender.
I cannot be Scott, I cannot be a man. That identity is damaging to me. That life causes me pain. Scott is dead, you all need to accept that.
For those that have trouble with the name Sakura; I understand that. Though being a bunch of Anime freaks I have no idea why a Japanese name is such a problem. It was mentioned that the image you get is of something silly. It is as common a name in Japan as Sarah or Lisa. Too me it is not silly. It has more value and meaning to me than my birth name. To make things easier though, I am giving people a choice. My middle birth name was Patrick, I was named partially after my Mother. I am keeping the same middle name only changed to Patricia in her honor. So I will answer to Sakura, Saki, or Trish. I cannot see how any of you can have a problem with Trish.
You guys really need to ask yourselves a question. Are you my friend, or are you Scott's friend? If you are Scott's friend, then I cannot have you in my life anymore. You do more harm than good. You enable the coping mechanism, and hinder my growth as a person. You wouldn't want me holding you back from living your life, and would seek my support. Please don't hinder my life anymore. I am not making a choice out of wimsey, this is about survival. I cannot live like this anymore. Scott is dead, you all need to accept it or you lose me.
I have given you guys alot of room. So many people have accepted with no issue whatsoever, why can't you. Am I truly being selfish here, or are you. You are clinging onto someone who never excisted just because it is easier for you.
Just want you all to know I love and miss you all. I needed alot of time for myself this week so I was not here much this week, I am sorry.
1. To be honest, Sakura is probably a bit difficult for some people because it's fairly outlandish by most standards. If you were, for example, of Asian heritage, people might be more ready to accept it, whereas on a white person it seems less natural. Additionally, Asian names are trendy- which, to be totally honest, could be a factor in why someone may disregard your change as some sort of frivolous whim as opposed to a serious alteration to your life. I'm not judging or criticizing, merely offering my perspective on this. Whatever name you choose is your business, but the thing about names is that names carry with them subconscious connotations.
2. It seems as though you don't just want to transition genders but become someone else altogether. Scott's job is still your job. Scott's family and friends are still your family and friends. You've decided to be forthright and live as the gender you truly are, but that doesn't mean you need to abandon who you were before. So let me ask you- if there were a way for you to become your inner gender without altering any other conditions of your life except where you gender is concerned, would you prefer that, or would you prefer to just start over as an entirely different person?
I'm not close enough to the situation to say, but based on just the way you talk about things, it seems like you may have more issues at hand than just the typical struggles that come with transitioning. It IS okay for you to be who you are, you know- and that includes who you were before the transition. Just so you know.
The person who was Scott and the person you call Sakura ARE the same person, regardless of how their body or gender is perceived. Telling loved ones that the person they once knew "is dead" is going to be difficult for them to accept, and as much as you need their understanding and acceptance, you'll need to extend the same courtesy to them. This has all happened very quickly, and you've effectively pulled the rug out from many of the people who knew you with a change that A) they may not entirely understand, and B) is inherently a very drastic change to make. You are telling them that someone they knew and cared about is gone, and an entirely new person has taken their place- you've swapped Scott out for Sakura, and you are telling them that these two people are not one and the same. You really can't just expect to "recast" your role in their lives so suddenly with complete support. You said before you were living a lie- and that may be the case. But here's the deal- by being friends with Scott and being part of Scott's life, they were not part of the lie- they are also victims of the lie.
AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA go to hell you'll do that the minute I tutor something like Teneb dammit I hate blue.
@Sakura: Well...all I can say is that you have to try to be as patient with your friends as you want them to be with you. This can't be one-way. And yes, if they're Scott's friends they're your friends as well, because at the end of the day, Scott or Sakura, you're still going to have the same soul and evoke the same fond memories in these people that you did as a biological male.
This has all been happening to you very quickly, and I understand how your emotions can be so charged and your nerves so raw, but remember to take a step back from the situation every once in a while and keep everything in perpsective. Your friends love you - the ones who do, at least, will still be there after you've changed. They don't understand what's happening, and this is a given because they aren't you. Sure, none of them seem to be picking up all the transgender literature they can find, but despite that they're still sticking by you. As natural as it seems for you to be going through this, it's not something they're used to (and I'm saying this bit from experience, believe me), so give them some time to get used to things as they'll eventually be. You're just finding your comfort zone, your "box," but some of your friends are having to force themselves out of their boxes in order to empathise and really be there for you. That might take some time.
I would go on and on myself, but I only have 8 minutes till work.
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1: I agree on that. It is why I use Trish on the phone, and accept people calling me it. I might even stick to it. I love the name Sakura, it is beautiful and has alot of meaning for me. I will keep it. I may go by Trish in RL and just use Sakura online.
2: Alot of who Scott is is also who I am...but alot is also a shell. Being reminded of that shell is painful. People who do not know Scott so much for the most part are having less trouble accepting me. I need to seperate myself from him. This is his job, people here know Scott. Everywhere I see Scott. All my life people have expected Scott and I have been Scott. People are still expecting Scott, and it is making this very hard. I may not need to fully kill him off, but I definately need to cut him out of my life for a while so I can rebuild. I am very weak and new, and it is easy to fall into old patterns and habits. It is easy to doubt oneself. Ultimately we are both the same person, but ones excistance is very crippling to the other's growth.
People are expecting me to be Scott and not letting me be Sakura.
NINJA EDIT (Cue cherry blossoms) : I am being a little dramatic by telling people Scott is dead, I agree. This particular group of friends is being particularly ignorant and unsupportive. They said at first that they accept me and understand...but they do not. They each have stated they refuse to call me a she or by any name other than Scott.
By the way, Gigadrowse wont stop people from paying for a Pact. They can still float the mana in response to the Drowse. Some well timed Land Demo or Exhaustion will work nicely though.
1. What about Sakura as a middle name?
2. Sweetie, people are gonna expect Scott for a while. It may be frustrating, and it may feel unfair, but to your friends, family, and co-workers, Scott was a part of their life. They are hesitant to accept the new you because they loved and knew the old you- and they will need time to let Scott go. I've been told before that for parents and family of TS people, sometimes the transition process can be very traumatic and difficult. Parents have said that they often go through periods of grieving, as if they lost a child, because in many ways they have. But at the same time, they have never lost anything, which can result in tension between the loved ones of the TS individual and the TS individual.
It just takes time- sometimes a long time. And yes, for some people there will never be enough time. Some will resist it, too. Those that actually care will come to understand, but it will take time to adjust. Others will take less time. Part of the situation is that you are attempting to change your image. It is one thing for people to change their use of pronouns and names, but just putting on a camisole and calling yourself a female name is not enough to alter how they have come to perceive you. Some people are going to feel betrayed for a while, as I've said. It's not fair to you, as you will become the focus of those negative feelings, but as I have said, they were also the victims of a particularly large lie.
Just understand- if you kill Scott off, you are killing off a part of yourself- and considering the process of transition is intended to allow you to become who you really are, I would be very careful about this. You would, in many ways, be doing to yourself what the world has inadvertantly done to you for years.
However, you've stated your terms, and now it's all out. They can either start the process of adapting, or not. And if not, then you know what? They're dead wood. Might as well trim it. But don't trim it until they have had a chance to adjust first, and by all means don't cut them out because they have feelings for the persona of Scott. They did, after all, know him first.
3. I'm not really counting on my opponents being that smart, to be perfectly honest.
AHEM. Mamelon and I are most often your opponents. Count on it.
I have good friends who are accepting me fine.
I am willing to wait and be patient, but I do not see any acceptance whatsoever, or care to ever accept. No effort.
I expect from my friends the same as I would do for them.
I have been rather direct and blunt to them in that last letter, I am leaving it up to them. If they truly do value me as a friend then they will show it. I have been told things by some of them that indicate otherwise though. I let them call me he, and Scott....and once in a while ask nicely not to be referred that way. I generally let it slide and wait for them. I get told i'm petty, selfish and immature and need to grow up. I let them live their lives and take their time and I get treated like garbage and ignored.
I understand this is hard for them, but they aren't even trying. Every step forward I take is me being selfish. I have heard frequent refusal to even try.
I can understand the lack of patience for those who won't make an effort. The comment that seemed like a red flag was the dread for returning to work- after all, didn't you say that your workplace was fairly supportive?
Plus seeing the name Scott all over everything sux. You have any idea how many times per day I have to type that. I am going to see if they can change that at least. I can accept it on my pay stubs...until I can get a legal change...but having to type it is awful.
Okay, well, the context is a bit different knowing that you have a lot of friends there.
I understand. It's not the same, but I know how it feels to have to do that. Every time I fill out a form and have to check single instead of married, every time I pick up the paper and have to see the wedding announcements- Don't forget, I'm pretty accustomed to living a lie, myself. So I can understand the desire for change and liberation. It's not nearly as unsettling a lie to live with, but I daresay I at least have an inkling of what it is like to have to go through life having to pretend you are something you aren't.
I know how you feel though. Maybe we aren't living the same challenges, but the result is the same. We get swept under the rug and expected to just deal.
One friend told me that the cost for surgery is too high and I will never be able to retire happy as a result so I should just be a man dressed as a woman. It is hard to comprehend our issues, because they are so alien to people who do not live it.
That is in no way true. Granted, the costs are high. However, having reassignment doesn't ensure that you also need to blow through your retirement funds, either. And let's not even get into how one doesn't even need reassignment surgery to transition effectively, anyway.
I didnt want to get involved in this conversation becuase it has taken place maybe 4 or 5 times in the past two months but.....Sakura and Photon I know how you feel. It is less of a concern for me as I still am in school but the feeling of having this sort of problem just swept under the rug and having to deal is wrong. And I'm here if you guys need someone to talk to.
* ShinSakura hugs
Missed you greatly hun. How have you been?
I honestly do not know if I am going for surgery, actually. I will know when I get to that point.
To be totally honest, I sort of only glanced over the post at first, and I didn't see "foot" until I read it closer. I didn't see anything else, though- just "once imbedded in my butt...", and then I turned red and suffered the embarassment of thinking of Kraj in flagrante delicto. Then I read it over, and the very thought of the line out of context left me confused, perplexed, and I daresay a little destroyed. So I had to sig it as such and share the awkward WTFishness with the world.
*marks Brighton off his Never Visit list*
Not that I have a problem with the girls, it's just that their firebreathing and first strike make me highly uncomfortable.
Yeah - too bad he doesn't have evasion, but that's asking a bit much. Very exciting card I'm surprised at how good he's allowed to be.
Hee hee hee. Mmm, absorbant! Squeezably soft!
@Sakura: May I offer you a word of advice?
All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to be the peace that you feel.
All that I yearn for, for richer or poorer, is to fill your heart on my own.
Gaymers | Magic Coffeehouse | Little Jar of Mamelon | Natural 20
Fortunately, Hydro dismissed it as almost surely fake... I gotta trust my clansmate on this one.
ROFL, I'm soooo gonna have him read this! No, he's not gay... he actually told me wonders about Brighton when comparing it to London, saying that it also has a vibrant nightlife and is a happier, lighter city (being coastal and all). Knowing myself, though, I really have a feeling I would like London much better, in the same way I vastly prefer São Paulo to Rio.
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