Sad but true

So, apparently there was a who's who contest on MTGS. Good thing I missed it. If I were ever to vote in such a crappy contest it would only be to nominate MikeyG as best local Maddox follower and "not to be taken seriously" blogger. Cheers to you, you won a free beer. If you ever come to Croatia, give me a call.
On to business. I was away for awhile and not to mention lazy, so it's time for an update. So what's new in the horror world? How should I know, I was on a vacation. Actually, I'm awaiting "I am legend" anxiously, but the trailers are pretty bad and seems like they changed the original story to make a wimpier script. Curses. Time will tell, I guess.
In the meantime, I checked out the following:

"Hitcher"

There once was a movie named "Hitcher" and it was about a murdering hitchhiker on a killing spree. It had a merciless Rutger Hauer portraying the villain and it was a decent, if unimpressive, movie. As years went by, it became a cult classic. How that happened I haven't the foggiest idea. I mean, "Mad Max" is a cult classic, "Hitcher" was just another thriller, but then again, who am I to judge. The guys in Hollywood obviously thought it was time for a remake. Originality strikes again. There were several great remakes in the past, such as John Carpenter's "The thing" (yes, it was a remake) and Zack Snyder's "Dawn of the dead", but much more of the useless ones such as "Omen 666", "The fog" and many others. The new "Hitcher" is much like the new "Omen", it offers nothing to a viewer that saw the original, the same old story with worse actors. Even the legendary "finger in the fries" scene was ruined. This is a waste of time, grab the original.
ZM's verdict: 4/10 (I give it 4 because it's still a high budget effort)

"Intruder" (uncut version)

"Intruder" is one of those infamous slashers from the late 80's that, while good, was overshadowed by "Friday the 13th", "Halloween"and the like, as happened to many others such as "The burning" or "Mutilator". So, what's so special about this one you ask? First, it has Sam and Ted Raimi in it and that's always a bonus, and second, it has the legendary Greg Nicotero doing the gore effects. If you don't know of him, let's just say that he's currently the best horror fx master out there, much like Tom Savini was back in the day (if you don't know who he is, check out Sexmachine in "From dusk till dawn"). Anyway, if there's Nicotero around, blood will drench the screen and this one delivers hands down. Forget those lame knife stabbings from "Halloween", we're talking electric saws through the face here. I saw "Intruder" several years back, and to be honest, I'm not sure what this uncut version adds to the original, but it's still a good movie if you can look past the usual slasher plot gaps. The story itself revolves around the employees of a supermarket that get massacred after closing hours. Not much else to say, really, there's a bunch of victims, violence and an uncharacteristic bad guy with a weird motive.
ZM's verdict: 7/10

"Shrieker"

This is one of those movie that really pisses me off. It's about a guy that uses black magic to summon forth a demonic shrieker and must offer it 5 victims in order to gain control of it. They tried to do their best to logically explain the premise and be serious about the occult. And that's what irritates me. As someone who extensively studied occultism and religion, I can appreciate the effort, but how can you do it while the story tries to sell some crap that the shrieker was created by the old ones before the time of man (Lovecraftian influence, fiction), meanwhile you see the drawings of the Lament configuration (Clive Barker's influence, fiction) and then summon it using Judeo-Christian symbolism. Horrible. Not to mention that the acting and the effects were pathetic as well. Oh, the monster is bad too. The only thing that saved this one from going straight to the "Crap list" is the decent dialogue. Still bad.
ZM's verdict: 3/10

Species 4, the awakening

I must say, right off, that I never much liked this franchise. The first was a good enough movie, mostly due to Natasha Henstrige's nudity. The second was more bloody, but much worse, while the third was much of the same. I'm not saying the movies are bad, they just don't appeal to me. So, I'll be the first to admit that this fourth installment is pretty serious and watchable. Again, we have one of the species appearing as a human and a doctor trying to keep her under control. As the movie progresses, he finds it increasingly harder to do so as the number of victims rises. The main problem with this movie is its slow pace. Very little happens in the first hour or so of the film, as the doctor manages to keep the subject under control. After she finds out about her true heritage things pick up, but you're still left with a feeling that there was supposed to be more action. Despite that, it's a nice sf/horror(not much, really)/thriller.
ZM's verdict: 6/10

The crapwatch:

Of course, more crap then one can bare to see coming my way every day... Sad but true.

"Psychotica"

I had to watch this German flick without subtitles, and considering my minimal knowledge of the language, I thought it impossible at first, but turns out you can be mute and deaf and still get it. This is torture porn at it's lowest. "Hostel" was pretty bad, but at least there was a story, here you have a girl undergoing psychic torture. Basically, she just dreams about her own gruesome demises. Ten times. Horrible. There was just one redeeming "Dinner" scene that reminded me of "Waxwork", but not much else. The ending is just as bad. Avoid this.

"La tomba" (The tomb)

Well, at least I know Italian. This movie is just like "The mummy" with Brendan Fraser only 10 times worse and a bit more "horror". If you ignore the decent "spider in the mouth" scene, there's nothing here worth your while.

"Ice queen"

I can't force myself to discuss this movie. This is perhaps the worst piece of celluloid crap I have ever seen and I've seen such stuff as "Surf Nazis must die", "Death metal zombies", "Kurtaran adam" and "Chicken park". This is abysmal. I had a serious headache afterwards. This movie should be used as a torture technique. If you see it, burn it.
4
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