Right now, I guess, I'm feeling kind of melancholy... reflective might be a better word.
I got into a bit of an argument with someone via e-mail today. I had mistaken what she meant in part of an earlier e-mail. She was commenting on something, I guess, rather than asking what it meant. When I suggested a translation, I got a reply along the lines of "I already know. Didn't you read my e-mail? I dislike noobs". Well, you can imagine that didn't go over well with me... and so a few e-mails were sent back and forth, ending in several apologies on both sides. I think we both understand each other a little bit better now, though.
She is fiercely independent - as I am learning more and more - and in offering help, it must sometimes seem an unintended insult. I admire her for that independence. At the same time, I recognize a kind of stubbornness that I am guilty of myself... letting one's need to be independent alienate one from other people. I've had to fight that ever since I came to Japan. Being in a foreign country, I was forced into a situation in which I had to accept help - I literally couldn't do anything on my own. It's a humbling experience to suddenly not be able to read your own mail. I hope I can share a little bit of that acceptance of other people with her.
She wrote about our "quarrel" today on her blog... goodness, but I wish I could read Japanese. I've been relying on Google and Babelfish for translation - and while they work in principle, machine translation is very poor, so I can never quite be sure of what is being said. I can get the general idea, but the details are often lost. I'm hoping that I've not done or said anything to offend her too much.
She suggested going out sometime again - when, I have no idea. She mentioned (during our exchange of apologies) that she doesn't like owing people, in any shape or form - so perhaps it was my mistake that I offered to treat her to dinner today rather than simply inviting her. Well... let bygones be bygones, I suppose. Water under the bridge. I'll know better what to do next time. We're still friends, and that's what matters. I guess the fact that I'm willing to write this much about one person is indicative of just how in over my head I am, right? I tell myself that I shouldn't do this to myself, but... I can't help it. There's just something about her. Just seeing her smile makes me happy. A dozen different love songs come to mind... each appropriate in different ways.
Reflections on my year in Japan are coming soon. First, I'm
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Posted Jan 1, 2009Oh, and that part about Babelfishing the blog got me interested. As a beginner linguist (and a teacher of foreign languages), I wonder what troubles you in Japanese language the most. Is it the kanji?