I pride myself on my exactitude. As you'll see from this letter, I provide copious detail and try to be as precise as possible when describing the ways in which we must respect each other and learn to live together in peace. To plunge right into it, someone has been giving Sanity 's Eclipse's brain a very thorough washing, and now Sanity is trying to do the same to us. Pardon my coarse language, but everyone ought to read my award-winning essay, "The Naked Aggression of Sanity 's Eclipse". In it, I chronicle all of Sanity's opuscula from the infantile to the immature and conclude that Sanity likes saying that rummy know-it-alls make the best scoutmasters and schoolteachers. Okay, that's a parody—but not a very gross one. In point of fact, I'm convinced that Sanity will beat plowshares into swords in the near future. No, I'm not in tinfoil-hat land; I have abundant evidence from reliable sources that this is the case. For instance, after hearing about Sanity's obstreperous attempts to perpetuate the nonsense known technically as the analytic/synthetic dichotomy, I was saddened. I was saddened that he has lowered himself to this level.
Sanity, already oppressive with his drugged-out, annoying taradiddles, will perhaps be the ultimate exterminator of our human species—if separate species we be—for his reserve of unguessed horrors could never be borne by mortal brains if loosed upon the world. If you think that that's a frightening thought then consider that I am deliberately using colorful language in this letter. I am deliberately using provocative phrases that I hope will stick in the minds of my readers. I do ensure, however, that my words are always appropriate and accurate and clearly explain how there are many roads leading to the defeat of Sanity's plans to annihilate a person's personality, individuality, will, and character. I myself truly contend that all of these roads must eventually pass through the same set of gates: the ability to unite rich and poor, young and old. The take-away message of this letter is that Sanity 's Eclipse's jibes will send us to Hell in a handbasket sometime soon. We should hold these words to our bosom, use them as a shield against Sanity's inequities, and wield them unilaterally against those who would preach fear and ignorance.