I Feel. Therefore, I Am.

I feel like my mind is in shambles sometimes. Like my capacity to think in dept about anything is an almost-frequent occurrance. Is it because of the sheer lethargy that I have embraced for the past two years? Perhaps. Is it because I've become socially/intellectually disconnected from school or institutions of learning in general ever since I dropped out of college 2 years ago? Perhaps.


I feel and that's all I can do. I think about my current condition, my perdictament, and I almost end up having a feeling of disgust. The lack of confidence or the lack of making the difficult desicions. If you have ever known me personally for a long period of time, you'd know that I do tend to have a hard time making decisions that effect my current lifestyle.


For the most part, the last 2 years, I've felt quite considerbaly like a vegetable. Sitting in my used swivel chair that I've bought for 20 bucks, using the same computer my parents gave me after (or was it just before?) my high school graduation, visiting the same places on the web and playing the same mmorpg (World of Warcraft... yeah, I know), living in the same house my whole life.... I need a change. How ironic, it seems, that I am able to communicate this in such a fashion that I could not utter it aloud to someone close to me? Perhaps for now, I can... later someone will know.


Granted, I've probably never truly considered that I actaully liked change; only in small doses. The fact of getting a real, tangible, reliable job made my mind freeze. I would feel that particular feeling of paralysis every now and again when I would think about jobs and searching for them.


But now, now it's a little different. Now, there are circumstances that have come up that propel me into either getting a job or face a very unwanted change. I am quite sure that I do not want to disclose the details of this particular event(s) but I feel that the time is now.


This is supposedly my blog and this supposedly is where I write out my soul to anyone it may concern could take a gander, correct? Well, perhaps. Pugnacious being my Soul against Self, it would total up as and only still be a fraction of what my experience is/was/will be.



I Feel. Therefore, I Am. You may have wonder what I meant by that statement. Simply put, this is my thoughts and feelings in this considerably moment that flashes by in an instant into eternity. Who can discover such small instances such as this? Who could ponder what is real in the moment such as this?


I ramble. It must be part of my nature. I'll have to admit, listening to Shpongle in the moment indeed helps as much. But now it's late and my mind unravels itself and licks its wounds. It turns into a dream, or in some cases, a trance. Where the blending of reality with consciousness seems to waver.


I Feel. Therefore, I Am.
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Redington

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