C4 Communication: 001

Please God, bless some of these people with paralyzed vocal chords. Better yet, go for the famous chords/fingers combo so the typing stops, too. In fact, forget the chords and just chop off their hands. I want to be able to hear the gutteral wailing at the realization that quite a few pleasurable manual exercises will be forever lost to these simps.

My personal motto has lately become "I don't give a damn who you are." There are a lot of reasons for this, but I won't really get into more than I have to. This is, after all, a rant and even rants need some measure of intelligence and brevity.

Since I've been a member of MTGS I've been accused of a lot of things. Being a crazy liberal, throwing my sexuality in people's faces, being largely disagreeable, and most of all not knowing what I'm talking about. I assure you that even if the first three are true, the final accusation is anything but.

I'm almost thirty. Given my age I feel the need to explain something to those people who just don't seem to understand it. Put simply, I really don't care who you are and, in most cases, I don't give a hot damn about your opinions. What you think of my "lifestyle" matters about as much as a fart in a windstorm. Any clever observations concerning my habits or opinions, the company I keep, the places where I choose to spend my time on this site, or anything else concerning me in even a vaguely personal way are simply prattle. The most important thing to remember here, too, is that these observations are usually wrong and never, ever smart.

Something else I find unusual is that most of these hurtful barbs are thrown around from one of two distinct directions. I can't say I'm ever surprised. It isn't as though I'm the only person here undergoing such scrutiny; this just seems to be par for the course for most people on MTGS who aren't male, white, heterosexual (or passing), and part of the "Free KCW" mailing list. Two years, right? Two years I've been here and it's hardly changed. Compared to the rest of the internet this site is a stagnating cesspool of exclusivity. So you came here from News. I'm waiting for the rest of that statement from everyone who's ever made it that's going to cause me to care in the slightest. So you're part of an exclusive clan...a clan. On a Magic website. Granted a popular one, but is it ever going to be showcased on G4 or something? Hell no. Biggest reason why? People like you.

There's a distinct notion of old versus new on MTGS. The grognards who have nothing more of merit to contribute here are constantly gnashing their teeth, like the old junkyard dog trying to scare the newer pups away from his only bone. The hilarious thing about this is that these grogs don't understand how foolish they're making themselves look when they throw temper tantrums about new mod choices and controversial, "undeserved" bannings. They don't understand how idiotic it is for them to "infiltrate" clans like the Coffeehouse and try to sow discord or start fights. What is this, Metal Gear Solid? Do you people think you're the freaking Patriots, come to knock the freedom-haters out there down a peg? Did I miss the part of the site rules that states "obnoxious teenagers with not-so-ironic screen names are allowed to hide in their cave and throw feces at the productive members of the site?" Half the time I can't even understand your grammer-less posts, let alone take your arguments seriously.

Funny thing happened the other day, actually. At E3, the mecca of gaming for Americans, the president of Square-Enix announced that Final Fantasy 13 would be a multi-platform game and no longer a Ps3 exclusive. I was incredibly, profoundly amused to find people crying wolf over this and claiming that S-E had "let them down" and "made a horrible mistake." People immediately began throwing themselves at the proverbial gates of square-enix.com and gathering up signatures for petitions to "stop the insanity." One of my first thoughts when I saw the internet explode this way was "gee, this sounds a lot like how people react when...well, I dunno, when ANYTHING happens on MTGS." Nobody with a brain and eyes to match could tell me that I'm wrong there.

for the love of God, stop taking yourselves so seriously. If it continues this way, all you're really going to be remembered for is providing comic relief during the next Forum Awards. Seriously, in a year or so this site will have another hundred thousand members and your constant clucking and chomping at the bit will be drowned out in the uproarious din of people who aren't so full of themselves.

Until then, keep pretending that we cower in awe when your screen name pops up in the browser window. Keep pretending that this isn't a privately owned gaming site and is in fact Newsnight or Primetime Live and that your posts are editorial gold. Keep pretending that your YTMND bondage girl banners are clever and avant garde and that people ever give them a second look. Keep on pretending that the Americans are dumb and so are the n00bs except the ones good enough to get into that one clan. I mean, whatever gets you off, right?
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ethersphere

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