Mouthwash communication: peroxide

I refuse to expound too much on my last blog entry simply on the grounds that if I did, I'd likely rack up flame warnings faster than a Gutter member in a thread about 9/11. So no. Just have faith in my ability to categorize other gay men by how important they think fashion and/or cynicism is to their everyday life. Rest assured hardly any category is a positive one, even some of the categories I inhabit.

I guess I come off as being very judgmental sometimes. Most people, in the revelry of their humanity, give off an unmistakeable odor of judgment anyway. I'm a lot more laid back than I seem. Sure, when it comes to discussions on console RPGs and the like I become pretty vehement - mostly because I know I'm right - but other than that I can roll with the punches pretty well.

The fact is, it isn't so much that I'm judgmental as I'm jaded. Even though I'm only 26, I've seen a lot of life's little dark spots and lived to tell the tale. Josh regularly comments that my life is a Lifetime movie, and he's pretty much right. Even now, with my life slowing down and adultood truly sinking in, I don't have time to worry about other people's hangups anymore. I'm not really prepared to coddle people or sugarcoat things, but I'm certainly not as euphoric in or proud of my distance as some other forum members.

There are a lot of things about people that I love. Our ability to recover from anything and be happy despite what life throws at us. The constant struggle of personal evolution and the great rewards it can bring. Friendship, companionship, and most of all true love. By the same token there are hundreds of things about people - the ones I've known, at least - that I have no patience for and will walk away from immediately if they're pressured on me.

I wish sometimes that I could write the whole internet a letter. It would say, in no uncertain terms, that things like cynicism and bitterness aren't funny or cool. People who display these attitudes are generally sad and unhappy and dying for some kind of fulfillment, even if they refuse to acknowledge that themselves. I'd also say that it's perfectly alright to be unhappy, even sad or depressed sometimes. The term "emo" would be banned from every mouth in the country if I had my way. It's hurtful, asiniine, and juvenile, especially when spewed from the lip glossed mouths of little girls and gay men.

I would tell college kids to do two very important things for themselves. First, stop talking about college as though it's the only and most important thing that's ever happened to you. Nothing makes you sound more like a snob than refusing to shut up about your next exam in biolinguisitcs for the terminally ill 101. Second, stop trying to put your foot in every door there ever was. It seems like being so busy you can't sleep at night is the only way to have worth in this country anymore. Free time is not to be looked down on. It's to be cherished by everyone who has some, because without it people wither and lose their light.

I guess the most important thing to say to the internet as a whole is this. You aren't the only person in the world whose opinions or experiences matter. Basically...get over yourself. You'd be surprised (or maybe not) at how many people I've had to bite my tongue and fight off the urge to scream this line at, especially online.

Communicating with people who hold fast to these misguided notions feels like washing my mouth out with peroxde after a route canal. every selfish, immature statement is just another bruise rent open by careless bubbling alcohol and if I'm not entirely mindful of what I'm doing, I find myself forced to swallow it and I'm sick for days. That's how it feels to not care what other people think and yet still care about those people.

It's better to leave your sores open than to brag about your scars.
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