MTG Salvation

EDIT: props to therestless for some good advice and pointing out some things I'd forgotten


I really like teaching people how to play Magic. And recently, I've found myself doing so quite often. So it occurred to me: teaching someone how to play is quite hard, because of the game's extreme complexity and the reliance of big chunks of the game on other big chunks, which in turn rely on different chunks again. I've got a reasonably pattern of tuition set out by now, but I want to do it right every time, because there's nothing better than a bad learning experience at turning someone off the game. So, I decided to write this tutorial, both as a script for me and as useful reading for new players. Yes, I know the Basic Rulebook exists. It's pretty good, too. However, I have three objections to it. Firstly, it's official Wizards produce, and therefore has more than a little product placement in it. Secondly, some concepts are presented in (what I consider) the wrong order. Thirdly, something that I've written myself will be far more useful to me as an aid.

This version is a fairly rough draft, written up in Notepad (hence the lack of formatting). Eventually, I want to have this nicely set out and put in a binder, with A4 sleeves alternating with card sleeves to hold the example cards. If anyone can be bothered to read through the whole thing (it might be too long for the first lesson, come to think of it), I would greatly appreciate any feedback on how to improve it (or on any typos I might have missed).





Wizards of the Coast never gets tired of boasting that Magic: The Gathering is the world's oldest, biggest and most popular trading card game. And spin it how you like, it's true. In other words, good choice! Magic may not be the simplest game to learn, but this complexity is part of what makes it so long-lasting, not to mention enjoyable.

Before we dive in, however, a warning: you are probably itching to get started playing games. This lesson won't actually tell you how to do that. Instead, it covers most of the basic concepts underlying the game, without which you wouldn't have the first clue about how to play. Next lesson will cover actual gameplay, so be patient. It's worth it.

Getting in Character
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"In the Magic game, you play the role of a planeswalker—a powerful wizard who fights other planeswalkers for glory, knowledge, and conquest. Your deck of cards represents all the weapons in your arsenal. It contains the spells you know and the creatures you can summon to fight for you."

Thus runs the official blurb. Basically, a planeswalker is someone with the ability to travel between worlds, and use the magic they have learned on their travels. They can do this for good or evil, to save a world or find priceless treasure. Your motivations are your own. And how, you ask, do you do all this with cards? Well...

Playing the Game
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In essence, the goal of a game of Magic is to win. What a surprise. Most of the time, you'll achieve this by 'killing' your opponent (reducing their life total to zero). However, you could also destroy their mind (empty their library of cards), or do something so incredible, glorious or downright cruel that your opponent has no choice but to capitulate (use one of the various cards that let you win the game on the spot). And sometimes, your opponent's own greed could bring about their demise (some cards make you LOSE the game on the spot if you aren't careful).

To play, you need two things: a deck, and some way of recording life. The minimum deck size is 60 cards, but there is no maximum. The only rule is that you have to be able to shuffle it. In most formats (a format is a type of play that all players agree on beforehand, governing what cards may be used and how to put your deck together, and occasionally adding new rules. Most official tournaments are based around a single format), both players start the game with 20 life. However, some multiplayer and casual formats make you start with more.

The Five Colors of Mana
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To cast your spells and summon your armies requires huge amounts of magical energy, or mana. This mana is split into five fundamental colors, representing five philosophies and sets of ambitions:

-White: the color of virtue, order, selflessness and righteousness. A white-aligned planeswalker can be a crusader against evil, sacrificing everything to protect a place, people or ideal. However, he or she could also be a xenophobic zealot, ruling with an iron fist and exacting justice on friend and foe alike.
Themes: efficient weenies (small creatures); protection and prevention; mass and symmetrical effects; stalling; removal
Common creature types: Soldier, Knight, Cat, Cleric, Angel

-Blue: the color of knowledge, artifice, subtlety and manipulation. A planeswalker fed by blue mana could be an eccentric scientist, constantly researching new gadgets, spells and potions to add to his or her arsenal. Alternatively, he or she could be a callous trickster, bending everything and everyone to his or her will through deceit or magical might.
Themes: card advantage; countering spells; artifacts; manipulation of permanents; big, clunky creatures
Common creature types: Wizard, Merfolk, Leviathan, Vedalken, Fish

-Black: the color of power, greed, cruelty and selfishness. Many planeswalkers draw upon black mana to gain great power, knowledge or riches, often at a greater price, or to commit foul deeds. However, some black planeswalkers can almost be fair to those they come into contact with, as long as they help them achieve their own goals, and thus have more in common with some white-aligned planeswalkers than they would like to admit.
Themes: reanimation; creature destruction; paying with creatures and life in lieu of mana; discarding cards; searching for cards
Common creature types: Zombie, Vampire, Horror, Demon, Spirit

-Red: the color of free will, rage, randomness and brutality. Most red planeswalkers are free sprits, wandering the planes at their whim, and not always respecting local laws and customs. There are also those who stir up great armies to fight for them, not necessarily for a greater cause, and often just for the sheer joy of battle and pillaging.
Themes: fragile but fast creatures; direct damage; random effects; swarms of creatures; hurting yourself as much as you hurt your opponent
Common creature types: Goblin, Elemental, Warrior, Dragon, Barbarian

-Green: the color of nature, spiritualism, savagery and empathy. Green-aligned planeswalkers are mainly neutral entities, wandering the multiverse in search of a place worth their attentions, or simply a good hunt. However, a few take a more active part in the affairs of others, whether to defend, nourish or destroy.
Themes: large creatures relative to their cost; mana acceleration; making creatures bigger; graveyard recursion; tokens and counters
Common creature types: Elf, Beast, Shaman, Treefolk, Wurm

These five colors can also be combined, and each combination has its own personality traits. For example, a red- and black-aligned planeswalker might be nihilistic, bringing destruction wherever he or she roams, and a green-white-blue planeswalker could be a caring, doting protector of the people, whose attentions sometimes border on the neurotic. These alignments are of course flexible, and colors mean different things in different places. You'll find out plenty more yourself.

Zones of Play
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The game takes place in several zones. Each of these zones has different rules associated with it and different things that end up there.

-Library: this is what your deck is called while you're playing. It is your repository of stored knowledge, spells and other goodies. Every card starts off in your library.
-Hand: most of the time, cards make the transition from your library to play via your hand. Your hand represents the spells, monsters and so forth that you can cast or summon right away. You draw cards from your library on a regular basis. Your hand is also normally the only zone you can play cards from.
-Stack: the stack is a strange place, hidden in the æther. Spells you cast and creatures you summon must make the perilous trip through this zone before they can have an effect on the game.
-Battlefield: this is where most of the action takes place. From the lands you draw your mana from to the epic clashes between armies of creatures, the majority of important stuff takes place on the battlefield.
-The corpses of fallen fighters mingle here with broken artifacts, forgotten or burned-out spells, and ruined landscapes. Everything normally goes to the graveyard when it dies, and instants and sorceries travel there once they've done their job.
-Exile: things that end up here are often gone for good. While there are numerous ways of zombifying or reviving dead creatures and remembering spells, a card sent into exile is very tricky indeed to get back. However, some cards sent to exile have ways to get them back built into the effect that sent them there in the first place.

There are a couple of other zones, but they don't have impact on normal Magic, so we'll return to them later.

Card Types
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As you might have gathered by now, there are quite a few different kinds of card that you have at your disposal. These cards are grouped into seven main types, plus Tribal.

-Land: most of the time, the mana you need for your magic is drawn from the very landscape around you. Lands represent these stores of mana in-game. Each color of mana is associated with a basic type of land: white mana is produced by Plains, blue by Islands, black by Swamps, red by Mountains, and green by Forests. Beyond these five types of basic land, there are lots of other lands which do all sorts of things besides adding mana. Some of them don't even add mana at all!

[example cards: any two basic lands, any dual land of any kind, Urza's Factory, Any land from the Kami or Zen rare cycles (although Zen's are better for this), Dark Depths]

-Creature: these are the bread and butter of most decks. Creatures of all shapes and sizes can attack players to reduce their life, as well as stopping your opponent's creatures from doing the same to you. Many creatures can also perform all sorts of other shenanigans, even if their prowess in combat isn't exactly top-notch.

[example cards: Nessian Courser/Fomori Nomad/Blade of the Sixth Pride, Hellkite Overlord/Dragon Tyrant, Skirk Fire Marshall/Siege-Gang Commander/Goblin Sharpshooter, Black Knight, Arcanis]

-Artifact: most planeswalkers have a handy array of weapons, tools and magical items to assist them. Most artifacts have abilities that can be used to help you or hinder your opponent. Some are equipment that can be given to your creatures to aid them in combat or, more rarely, let them do other things outside it. There are even some creatures who are entirely artificial, or sentient beings who have chosen to augment themselves with metal.

[example cards: Staff of Domination, Mirari, Loxodon Warhammer, Skullclamp, Clockwork Dragon, Ethersworn Canonist/Master Transmuter]

-Enchantment: some spells have lasting effects on the world, or on a particular creature, player or other object. These are enchantments. They can be as intangible as a peculiar feeling, fearsome as a choking fog, or real as a creature who suddenly grows to ten times its size. Enchantments often have global, continuous effects. There are also auras, which grant a bonus or penalty to a particular object or player.

[example cards: Dread of Night/Antagonism/Bad Moon/Barren Glory, Necrogen Mists/Lethal Vapors, Mythic Proportions, Glorious Anthem/Gaea's Anthem, Mire Blight/Frozen Solid/any other reasonably flavorful negative aura]

-Instants and Sorceries: these two card types makeup your arsenal of one-use-only spells. Whether they grant you knowledge, make a pact with a powerful demon, fry an irritating creature on the other side of the board, or any of a myriad other things, instants and sorceries can be vital to winning the fight. Unlike the other card types instants and sorceries do something once, then immediately go to the graveyard. However, there is very little that can't be accomplished with the right instant or sorcery. Also, you're probably wondering: why are these two types lumped together like this? The answer is that they are almost the same. The only major difference is that instants can be cast at a lot of moments when sorceries cannot. More on that next lesson.

[example cards: Inspiration/Rush of Knowledge/Compulsive Research, Promise of Power, Incinerate, Dark Banishing/Hideous End/Unmake, Shieldmate's Blessing/Mending Hands, an Ultimatum]

-Planeswalker: you and your opponent are not alone in the multiverse. There are powerful allies whom you can call upon in times of need. Other planeswalkers may ally themselves to your cause. Depending on the actions you make them perform and how well you look after them, their loyalty to you will increase or decrease, and a more loyal planeswalker is more willing to perform greater and more difficult tasks for you in the future.

[example cards: any two+ planeswalkers]

-Tribal: a type that exist mainly for semantic reasons. Tribal is added to noncreature cards in order to give them creature types. Why not give them creature types anyway, and not bother with this weird type? As I say, semantics. Just take it from me that it works better within the established rules framework this way.

[example cards: any two+ tribal cards]


Together, lands, creatures, artifacts, enchantments and planeswalkers are known as permanents (because they stick around on the battlefield).

Parts of a Card
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[N.B.: this should be illustrated with close reference to actual cards]

A note on semantics: until now, I have been using the word 'spell' in the loose, fantasy sense. However, the word has a very specific meaning within Magic. Strictly speaking, it refers to any object on the stack. Creatures are not actually 'summoned', they are cast as spells just like instants and sorceries (and everything else except lands, for that matter). From now on, the words 'spell' and 'cast' will be used with their proper in-game meanings ('summon' hasn't had a meaning since 1999).

-Name: a card's name. Fairly self-explanatory, really.

-Mana cost: The vast majority of nonland cards have a bunch of symbols in the top-right corner. This represents how much mana you need to spend in order to cast the spell. The pictograms represent the five colors of mana - white mana is represented by a sun, blue by a water drop, black by a skull, red by a fireball, and green by a tree. The background circles for these symbols are also colored in case you forget. The numbers, meanwhile, represent 'colorless' mana. Some cards produce colorless mana, but most of the time you will still be spending colored mana to pay this part of a spell's cost. Basically, the colorless mana requirement can be paid using any mana in any combination of colors. For example, a cost of {5} could be paid with {2}{W}{W}{R}, {W}{U}{B}{R}{G}, {5}, or any other combination you care to think of.

Some cards have an {X} in their mana cost. The value of X is entirely up to you. Usually, the more you pay for {X}, the more powerful the spell is.

Some mana symbols appear as two normal colored mana symbols mashed together. These are known as 'hybrid' mana symbols. A hybrid mana symbol counts as one mana symbol of both of its colors, but can be paid for with one mana of either of its colors. For example, a cost of {W/B}{W/B}{W/B} can be paid for with {W}{W}{W}, {B}{B}{B}, {W}{W}{B} or {W}{B}{B}. Some hybrid mana symbols have a colorless half. These work as you would expect: for example, a cost of {2/U} can be paid with two mana in any combination of colors (and colorless), or with one blue mana (although you could pay two blue mana for it if you really wanted to).

Some cards cost 0. This means that they are free. However, a few cards have no mana cost at all. They are not free. Their mana cost simply cannot be paid. You'll have to find other ways of casting them.

A lot of cards refer to something called 'converted mana cost'. A card's CMC is the amount of mana in its printed mana cost. For example, the CMC of a card with a mana cost of {2}{R}{R} is 4, and the CMC of a card with a mana cost of {W/U}B is 2. While a card's actual mana cost can be altered by various effects, its CMC cannot, and is always the same (with one exception, which you'll read in a second).

There are three quirks that you should know about when it comes to CMC calculation:

1. For CMC purposes, hybrid mana symbols are treated as having a value equal to the highest payment possible for them. So {R/G} is 1, but {2/B} is 2.
2. A card with no mana cost has a CMC of 0.
3. An X is a mana cost is usually treated as 0 for CMC purposes. However, an X in the mana cost of a spell on the stack is treated as whatever value was chosen for it when the spell was cast. So a card costing {X}{R} usually has a CMC of 1, but if it is on the stack and you paid {5}{R} for it, its CMC is 6 as long as it remains on the stack.

[example cards: any card with no colorless requirement, any card with no colored requirement, any multicolored card with a colorless requirement, any card costing {W}{U}{B}{R}{G}, a card with an X in its mana cost, any hybrid card, an ARB hybrid card, a card with a mana cost of 0, a card with no mana cost]

-Background: the only useful thing about a card's background is that it shows you what color the card is (unless the card is multicolored, in which case the background is always gold). The color of a card is almost always the same as the colors of mana in its mana cost. The few exceptions to this rule tend to specifically say so. This is also a good time to bring up an important point: for any rule, there are usually cards that provide an exception. This occurs so often that I won't bother saying it any more, but you can take it for granted that when I say 'always' I really mean 'always...unless a card specifically states otherwise'. One of the Golden Rules of Magic is that if a card contradicts the rules, the card wins.
[example cards: any monocolored, nonartifact card, any hybrid card, Transguild Courier]

-Art: ooh, pretty!

-Type Line: Three things are displayed on a card's type line: its supertypes, types and subtypes. I have already run through the types above. Supertypes are adjectives (other than tribal) that precede the card's type(s). The only supertype that has an inherent meaning is 'legendary'. Legendary permanents represent single figures in the Magic universe: zillions of s exist, but there is only one . Two legendary cards with the same name can't coexist on the battlefield. If such a situation ever arises, the resulting paradox puts both cards into their owners' graveyards.

[example cards: any easily recognisable, common-as-much creature (Eager Cadet, Ravenous Rats, etc); any named legendary creature (ones without titles following commas are best, such as Nicol Bolas and Heartless Hidetsugu)]

Subtypes appear after a dash. The most common subtypes you'll encounter are creature types. Every creature (bar one) has at least one, and most have two. These describe the creature's race, occupation, state of being, and so forth, but have no inherent meaning. An important set of subtypes that do have inherent meaning are the basic land types: Plains, Island, Swamp, Mountain and Forest. A card with one of these subtypes inherently has the ability to add mana of the corresponding color to its controller's mana pool. Aura and Equipment are also important subtypes with their own meanings, but I'll get to those in a later lesson.

[example cards: a few creatures with juicy types, a basic land, a Shockland]

-Expansion Symbol: this is the strange little thing at the right of the bar in the middle of the card. It has no effect on gameplay, but two things can be gleaned from it. Firstly, the shape of the symbol tells you the edition that the card is from. For example, cards from the 10th Edition Core Set have an X, and cards from the Time Spiral expansion have an hourglass. Secondly, the color of the symbol tells you how rare the card is. Black expansion symbols are found on common cards, silver means the card is uncommon, a gold-symboled card is rare, and an orange symbol denotes a mythic rare. You might also come across purple expansion symbols. They were used in the Time Spiral expansion to denote cards that had been reprinted exactly from a previous appearance.

[example cards: a 10E card, a TSP card, a card of each rarity, a timeshifted card]

-Text box: This is where of a card's abilities and effects go.

-Flavor text. Some cards have text in italics inside their text box. If it's in brackets, it is reminder text, just giving you a nudge in the right direction when it comes to using the card. If it isn't it's flavor text. This has no impact on the game. Rather, it is a little titbit that gives an insight into a plane, place or character, or simply a good laugh.

[example cards: a card whose text box is full of rules text, a card with no rules text and lots of flavor text, a card with both, Gorilla Titan]

-Power/Toughness Box: A very important bit of info that appears on creatures. Power (on the left) determines how much damage a creature can deal in combat, and toughness determines how much it can take in return. More on this next lesson.

[example cards: any creatures, but ones with interesting P/Ts are best. Go go Char Rumbler!]

-Loyalty Box: This number shows how loyal a planeswalker is to you initially. Of course, this is liable to change. More on planeswalkers next lesson.

-Small Print: Artist credit, collector number, and legal stuff. Nothing to see here.



A Very Important Symbol
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You might have noticed a funny symbol in some cards' text boxes by now. It looks like an arrow curved to the right. This is the 'tap' symbol, one of the most important concepts in Magic. This symbol instructs you to tap the card it's printed on. All that means is to turn it sideways. "Big deal", I hear you say. However, here's the clever bit: you can't turn a card sideways if it's already sideways. Hence, you can't tap a card that's already tapped. Thus, tapping 'uses up' a card in the short-term. Lands (usually) tap to add mana, creatures tap to attack, and all sorts of things tap to use their abilities, so it comes up a lot.

There is also the untap symbol, which works in reverse, as you can imagine. However, this doesn't occur nearly as much.



And that's all for the first lesson! Next time, if your brain hasn't exploded yet, come the details of how to actually play.

For those of you who are unaware of recent trends in FPSs, Team Fortress 2 has complete thrashed its predecessor in the popularity stakes, beaten only by the nigh-eternal Counter Strike and its Source version in the long-term player figures. This popularity comes hand-in-hand with a thriving competitive scene. And of course, when you go pro, the most miniscule, unmeasurable advantage is coveted. Thus, scripts. My title image today is the main section of a keyboard according to The Competitive Team Fortress 2 Configuration, which is apparently de rigeur for the best players out there. Some of this might seem a little incomprehensible (in my case, the focus on interp is baffling, because I can't for the life of me figure out why you'd want it at more than 0), but in any case, it is clear that competitive TF2 is technical stuff, and scripts (also known as macros) help those player to achieve this technical precision.

Now, VALVᴱ is beginning to subscribe to this crazy new idea called 'continuing customer service', which means that TF2 is continually getting new content, all completely free (did I mention that I <3 VALVᴱ? Although they can be pretty crap at hitting deadlines, it must be said, and hitting that superscript E is already starting to annoy me). Recently, a lot of these updates have been rolled out in consultation with top US and European clans. A lot of this has actually undermined the usefulness of two of the most popular and powerful scripts - auto-reload, and pistol autofire, since the game now performs these functions automatically.

I think the TF2 community breathed a collective sight of relief about this latter change. You see, TF2's pistols (the secondary weapon for both the engineer and scout, although the engineer has a whopping 200 ammo in reserve compared to a scout's 36 (and a 12-round clip)) originally fired as fast as you hammered the mouse - holding down the mouse would result in a considerably slower firing speed than giving yourself RSI. And then users of a simple script designed to simulate repeatedly clicking the mouse when you were holding it down noticed an interesting thing: they were actually firing faster than they ever had manually. Indeed, faster than it was actually possible to fire manually, due to the simple mechanics of mice.

All of a sudden, people were calling foul. This was a clear advantage gained from using a script that not only took the 'skill' out of the activity, but actually gave better performance than was physically possible without the script. The regular community quickly split into three camps: those who used scripts, those who used scripts that they felt didn't give an 'unfair' advantage, and those who opposed scripts on principle. So the change of pistol firing to make it always fire at its fastest speed (slower, I note, than was previously possible under the script) when the mouse button is held down was little short of a godsend.

As you may have guessed by now, I fell (and still fall) into the first of the above categories. Given how easily accessible and obviously intentional scriptwriting is, and that the auto-pistol was not exploiting a glitch so much as it was bypassing a mechanical limitation, I found it incredible that some people could oppose it on principle.

Anyway, I have digressed too far from my original topic. I cannot code in any real language to save my life. However, I saw the potential usefulness of knowing TF2's extremely simple scripting language, and mastered it in a day or two (trust me, this is not impressive. When I say simple, I mean simple. More on this later). I originally wrote a few scripts for public release on FPSBanana. However, this soon became tiresome, and I retreated to the safety of my own configs, writing less polished and more arcane scripts for my own use. These lean heavily upon each other, and therefore cannot be released individually, and I am not so arrogant as to presume that anyone else would remotely like my preferred configuration, so I have no desire to release them as a pack either. However, in my time scripting, I have found myself repeatedly frustrated by the bareness of the language. To that end, I prevent, in a place as completely inappropriate as MTGSalvation, viper's Top 3 TF2 Scripting Bugbears:



This is another rather controversial element (the TF2 crowd loves nothing better than a good scandal). Putting it simply, I would love a scripting command that checked for a certain condition before proceeding with an appropriate action based on that condition. Obviously, I'm not talking about something like

If crosshair=hitbox[head] "+attack; -attack"

That is what's known as cheating, kids (albeit in an extremely primitive manner). But simple things like what class you are and what weapon you have out would hurt nobody, but make scripting that much easier. For example, here is a scripters' resource I wrote which loads scripts based on what weapon you are using:

Alias wsl12 "slot1; wait; bind q wsl21; wait; bind mwheelup wsl31; wait; bind mwheeldown wsl21; wait; bind 1 wsl12; wait; bind 2 wsl21; wait; bind 3 wsl31; wait; [slot 1 script]"
alias wsl13 "slot1; wait; bind q wsl31; wait; bind mwheelup wsl31; wait; bind mwheeldown wsl21; wait; bind 1 wsl13; wait; bind 2 wsl21; wait; bind 3 wsl31; wait; [slot 1 script]"
alias wsl21 "slot2; wait; bind q wsl12; wait; bind mwheelup wsl12; wait; bind mwheeldown wsl32; wait; bind 1 wsl12; wait; bind 2 wsl21; wait; bind 3 wsl32; wait; [slot 2 script]"
alias wsl23 "slot2; wait; bind q wsl32; wait; bind mwheelup wsl12; wait; bind mwheeldown wsl32; wait; bind 1 wsl12; wait; bind 2 wsl23; wait; bind 3 wsl32; wait; [slot 2 script]"
alias wsl31 "slot3; wait; bind q wsl13; wait; bind mwheelup wsl23; wait; bind mwheeldown wsl13; wait; bind 1 wsl13; wait; bind 2 wsl23; wait; bind 3 wsl31; wait; [slot 3 script]"
alias wsl32 "slot3; wait; bind q wsl23; wait; bind mwheelup wsl23; wait; bind mwheeldown wsl13; wait; bind 1 wsl13; wait; bind 2 wsl23; wait; bind 3 wsl32; wait; [slot 3 script]"
wsl12

Ugly bugger, isn't it? And the worst thing is that it only covers weapon switching made by default means - other scripts that switch weapons have this puppy in tatters in a flash. A simple conditional clause could make a foolproof version of this that takes all of a minute to write. However, I suspect that there would be too much opposition from people crying that this is an inevitable slippery slope leading to easy, sanctioned aimbotting. Uh huh.


Well, the title is not strictly true. There is a method of introducing timing into your scripts, namely the 'wait' command. However, this is as much a problem as it is an aid, for two reasons:

1. This command does not wait milliseconds, as would be logical. Instead, it waits frames. You know, those things whose rate per second fluctuates so wildly? Yeah. This isn't an absolute nail in the coffin because of the fps_max command, which caps you frames per second at the level of your choice (most people go for 60). However, although you can set the maximum frames per second, your minimum is entirely in the hands of your graphics card...and your CPU...and your RAM...and your monitor...and your internet connection...and the server...need I go on? The upshot of this is that any script which relies upon precise timing has to be tailored to each individual, and then only works with any degree of consistency if you can guarantee a reasonable FPS.
2. A little cvar (client variable) exists called sv_allow_wait. When set to 0 by a server's owner, all 'wait' commands trying to be executed by players connected to that server will be disregarded. So people scared about people 'cheating' with scripts can break them. Hmph.

However, the most annoying part of this is neither of these. It is the fact that it is impossible to create a simple script that turns you round by a set angle. The movement and speed commands are parsed in game units, a constant value. So you're trying to multiply a constant by a value that changes almost continuously. And once again, opposition from the ignorant will most likely can any move to change this should it even arise.



Scripts you want to run are placed into your config files. In a pleasing and rare concession to scripters, the config.cfg and autoexec.cfg files are supplemented by .cfg files which load when the relevant joinclass commmand is executed in-game. This means that your Soldier scripts will always be loaded when you become a Soldier, no shenanigans necessary (in stark contrast to weapons). That doesn't mean, of course, that there are no problems. Oh no. The great big clanger here is that your bound keys don't feel the need to reset themselves when you change class. This means that, unless you aren't careful, you could find yourself doing some very stupid things, like trying to zoom in as a Sniper and shooting the ground instead (if you had a rocket-jump script bound to RMB from playing a Soldier, as a lot of people do). This means that you either have to write out and copy/paste a long list of 'default 'binds' at the top of every class config (which is tiresome and probably not foolproof), or force load a secondary config file whenever you change class (which causes a crapload of inexplicable lag). Worse, there are lots of things that you can't realistically reset, and can cause all sorts of fun little coding artefacts and conflicts. Too many times have I pored through a script, baffled at what is making it lock up, and eventually found some insignificant line in another script on another config that is causing a highly creative and completely counterproductive conflict. While this doesn't actually prevent you from doing things, the sheer amount of time it has made me waste makes it easily rank as my number one.


So there you have it. My self-absorbed little rant about something only a couple of hundred people in the world actually care about, and even worse, I didn't fill it with my customary images. Those of you still reading, you have my sincerest apologies. Oh yes, and these:

More actual Magic stuff soon! My half-finished draft report from 2 months ago is looking a little sad by now, but I hope to get it done soon.

Clarkson made a Chuck Norris joke. Excellent. (And yes, that episode just aired here. Sigh.)

My friend just pulled off the most epic win in an EDH game. It was my Nemata, Grove Guardian against his Mentos, the Freshmaker, and I thought I had it in the bag. I had Nemata, Doubling Season, Patron of the Orochi, Mana Reflection, Keeper of Progenitus, Beastmaster Ascension and a very, very large army of newly created Saprolings that would each swing for about 8 next turn. And an Eternal Witness. I had previously swung with the Witness and Patron in order to trigger Nature's Will (necessary!), but for some reason he hadn't killed the Witness with his lone blocker, an Arcanis, though he knew full well I don't run instant speed pump (and the Ascension wasn't active). I scratched my head, but he only smiled at me knowingly. Then, on what should have been his last turn, he cast Time Warp. I shrugged - my army could hold off anything he threw at me. Then he dropped Rite of Replication. Kicked. On my Witness. Think about that for a second.





Right. If you haven't figured it out, here's what happened. Rite resolves. He gets 5 Witness tokens. Each of their CIP abilities triggers. Rite goes to the yard. Each CIP ability then goes on stack. He targets Time Warp and Rite. Then he gets another turn, and guess what happens. Only in EDH, people.

Hey, anyone who happens to be reading. Since my life is slow right now, and I'm looking for something to keep me amused, I figure 'Why not start a blog?' And here we are. Here, as the title says, I plan to ramble about whatever takes my fancy. Usually it'll be Magic-related, occasionally not. So, without further ado, let's begin! (oh yes, and anyone who wants to know who I am can go here)


Ah, Muck Drubb. Countless times (yes, countless. Our playgroup is a bit weird like that) have I seen this poor, devoted slave jump in front of a spell meant for his betters. Although I grimace as the creature I was aiming at continues to rampage through my board/hand/life total unabated, I have no choice but to grudgingly appreciate the design of the Drubb. And that brings me to my musing for today: cards that you can't help but like. I suspect everyone has entirely different opinions on this. Today, I'm just going to post a few more of mine, mostly from my early days, and why I love them so much.



My first ever deck was, to be honest, a monstrosity. It was an amalgamation of every black and green(and, once I cracked a Proteus Staff, blue) card I owned, no exceptions. At its most ridiculous, it probably hit 300 cards. And only about 60 lands to boot. Its strategy consisted of:

1. Wait for land
2. Wait for Avatar of Woe or Devouring Strossus to show up, while throwing little creatures around somewhere
3. Hope your opponent was doing much the same

Step 3 wasn't as ridiculous a prospect as it sounds, of course, because the rest of my playgroup was doing much the same. Nonetheless, any playgroup whose deck to beat is Life Boost clearly has issues. I tell you this as background. When I first set eyes on Spiritmonger, I was smitten. It has more power and toughness than it costs? And it gets bigger still? And it's nigh-unkillable? I was practically slavering. Although I was unable to convince the lucky owner of that particular copy to part with it (having just swapped a Wake that I picked up in a random booster for an equally drool-worthy Crush of Wurms), it became my life's goal to own a copy of this god among cards. And you know the embarrassing part of all of this? To this day, I have never gotten my hands on a single one. Ahh, Spiritmonger. Wish you were here.

The more astute among you will already have noticed that this slithery trio grace the banner at the top of the page. It is true that their connection to my serpentine alter ego is no coincidence, but that doesn't mean that I don't like the cards for what they are.

On the whole, counterspells disgust me. As an avid combo player, I dread those two untapped islands staring at me from across the table, just daring me to try and go off. But there's something about Mystic Snake that makes it all alright. What it is, I am at a loss to tell you. Maybe it's my love of 187s in general. Certainly, this guy is a champion among that group, able to ditch a bomb into the sea and chump with the best. On the other hand, maybe it's my longstanding wish that GU got more love in general. It's a great colour combination, and yet most of the few cards that were printed in it have been condemned to rot in shoeboxes (ref. Yavimaya's Embrace, Malignant Growth, and practically the entire Simic guild, which dashed my newly-raised hopes anew).

Lorescale Coatl also fits the bill as an awesome GU card. It gets huge without even trying, and even has its own specially designed pump spells (though I'd watch that last one if I were you). A great excuse to draw cards, I'm still trying to figure out how best to utilise the Coatl in a way others haven't yet.

If I do make a Lorescale Coatl deck, I suspect that Ohran Viper will worm its way into it. This versatile little critter is brilliant against control, and still pretty good against aggro. He's no Shadowmage Infiltrator, granted, but he plays his part admirably all the same. And has awesome art (which is nevertheless nudged out by the Coatl for centre space in my banner).

So there you go. These are just some of the cards that make me glad to be a Magic player, and believe you me, there are plenty more. Maybe I'll talk about them at a later date. And that about wraps up my first blog entry. May there be many more to follow. Next time...who knows? I have a hunch it will be about Zendikar, though. Thanks for reading! (and well done, if you got this far!)