My poem was styled after the traditional style of Tanka Japaneses poetry (which is 57577). I modified it slightly by having the meter go 57557. I think that shortening the second to last line gives the final verse a lot more weight. I've been watching Chihaya Furu lately and have become fascinated with it. I love how the form contains so much while saying very little! It's a real challenge to try and express complex emotions and situations in only five lines.
I think it's kind of you to call so much.
There's something special in the way you say
My name and wait between the static hush
For a reply and ask me if today
Will be different than the first of March.
Nothing has changed; It's still as dank and cold
My body doubled over like an arch
And I am tired of holding up your world
By the raw skin of my teeth slick with sweat.
Maybe it's time that you and I agree
To just stop talking and forget we met.
Is it that hard for you to leave me be?
Can you let it go? Can you let it pass?
No? Well I can't pay my debt. Kiss my ass.
My throat hurts;
Daniel P. tastes like kitty medicine
Soft and fluffy.
Brittany and Kyle
Pick at each other while listening
To Alex Hendly and the Round Table.
Everyone has AIDS.
Everything causes cancer…even slugs.
Consider when they retroactively
Deposit radioactivity
From the power plant on your coffee mug.
I bet you never even thought of that.
Cancer is more than just second hand smoke
In our face as we hold our breath and choke
Back the urge to have a heart to heart chat
With the gentleman who murders babies.
It is an ideology of fear
That says we can control the day and year
As easily as we control rabies.
Your mother in law can give you cancer
Just don’t mention I said that about her.
The wall will be Reaganized
With a thimble and the rat-ta-tat-tat
Of my machine gun finger.
I'll kill it nice and slow
Just the way I like to do
And it will lay in a quiet ruin
As silent as it was standing.
I think I'll keep a piece for myself
And lock it in a shoebox
In the corner of my closet
Beneath the clutter.
Somehow, I'll find it again
Wondering why I kept a ratty shoebox
In the corner of my closet.
Then I'll shrug my shoulders,
Take a peak inside and I'll say:
"So that was my life".
Somewhere, out there, is a place far from here
Away from the splintered fenceposts of town
And the busted bell that called far and near
Now a deadweight noose on the steeple's crown.
It used to be a boom town, a new town
The kind that made men out of sweat and grit
Who dove in dreams so deep they almost drowned.
Now it's a ghost town, a hick town worth spit
And somehow, I don't know how, I'm stuck here
Choking on the tight knot in my dry throat
That wants to drink an ocean deep and clear
But it's easy to say "Swim!" from the boat!
Somewhere, anywhere, there just has to be
A way to get out. A place just for me.
Are you going to Scarborough fair?
If that's too far then come with me to Savannah.
That's all I really ask.
Just a four hour drive to the coast
Where a city stands in time with Ruth Chris
And cobblestone streets.
It won't be any trouble at all.
I'll drive five under and pay for the gas
In my truck that has over a hundred thousand miles on it.
The trip will add three hundred more.
I'll play Hank Williams and Lefty Fitzgerald
And we'll sing Margaritaville until we get sick of it
And burn the CD with sparklers on Tybee Island.
You can pick your favorite poison
And I'll drink water because I lied to myself
And said I don't drink alcohol but really
It's because I can't afford a cheap hotel
With roaches instead of room service
Besides, someone has to drive us home.
Do you still want to come?
I was going to go by myself anyway
But I though it would be better with someone else.
Sunsets are nice but they're better with you.
Parasols are shady but they're cooler with you.
Coca-Cola is sweet but it's sweeter with you.
Please don't make me go by myself.
In springtime when the world is Shangri-La
And all the waste of winter disappears
Rejoice and revel at this time of year
It is the time for beer and sakuras!
The wind will beat from petals soft applause
That Hails the burgeoning halcyon spring
Days in terminus now sweet and fleeting.
So go! and drink your beer and sakuras.
Fall deeply into your red Dixie cups
And let the green brimming grass stain your pants
As you contemplate the pink elephant's
Lazy parade weaving through baby buds
That say goodbye too soon...but there's always
The memory of beer and sakuras.
Our lips is the frailest line
For careless whispers
To dangle on a moment
Of ecstacy and terror
Of your impassionate eye
Has buried my heart
Deep within an embered vault
To be forgotten in flames.
From beneath its frozen crown,
So too do I weep
From the crushing weight
Of your unspoken reply.
There's something special in the way you say
My name and wait between the static hush
For a reply and ask me if today
Will be different than the first of March.
Nothing has changed; It's still as dank and cold
My body doubled over like an arch
And I am tired of holding up your world
By the raw skin of my teeth slick with sweat.
Maybe it's time that you and I agree
To just stop talking and forget we met.
Is it that hard for you to leave me be?
Can you let it go? Can you let it pass?
No? Well I can't pay my debt. Kiss my ass.
Daniel P. tastes like kitty medicine
Soft and fluffy.
Brittany and Kyle
Pick at each other while listening
To Alex Hendly and the Round Table.
Everyone has AIDS.
Consider when they retroactively
Deposit radioactivity
From the power plant on your coffee mug.
I bet you never even thought of that.
Cancer is more than just second hand smoke
In our face as we hold our breath and choke
Back the urge to have a heart to heart chat
With the gentleman who murders babies.
It is an ideology of fear
That says we can control the day and year
As easily as we control rabies.
Your mother in law can give you cancer
Just don’t mention I said that about her.
With a thimble and the rat-ta-tat-tat
Of my machine gun finger.
I'll kill it nice and slow
Just the way I like to do
And it will lay in a quiet ruin
As silent as it was standing.
I think I'll keep a piece for myself
And lock it in a shoebox
In the corner of my closet
Beneath the clutter.
Somehow, I'll find it again
Wondering why I kept a ratty shoebox
In the corner of my closet.
Then I'll shrug my shoulders,
Take a peak inside and I'll say:
"So that was my life".
Away from the splintered fenceposts of town
And the busted bell that called far and near
Now a deadweight noose on the steeple's crown.
It used to be a boom town, a new town
The kind that made men out of sweat and grit
Who dove in dreams so deep they almost drowned.
Now it's a ghost town, a hick town worth spit
And somehow, I don't know how, I'm stuck here
Choking on the tight knot in my dry throat
That wants to drink an ocean deep and clear
But it's easy to say "Swim!" from the boat!
Somewhere, anywhere, there just has to be
A way to get out. A place just for me.
If that's too far then come with me to Savannah.
That's all I really ask.
Just a four hour drive to the coast
Where a city stands in time with Ruth Chris
And cobblestone streets.
It won't be any trouble at all.
I'll drive five under and pay for the gas
In my truck that has over a hundred thousand miles on it.
The trip will add three hundred more.
I'll play Hank Williams and Lefty Fitzgerald
And we'll sing Margaritaville until we get sick of it
And burn the CD with sparklers on Tybee Island.
You can pick your favorite poison
And I'll drink water because I lied to myself
And said I don't drink alcohol but really
It's because I can't afford a cheap hotel
With roaches instead of room service
Besides, someone has to drive us home.
Do you still want to come?
I was going to go by myself anyway
But I though it would be better with someone else.
Sunsets are nice but they're better with you.
Parasols are shady but they're cooler with you.
Coca-Cola is sweet but it's sweeter with you.
Please don't make me go by myself.
And all the waste of winter disappears
Rejoice and revel at this time of year
It is the time for beer and sakuras!
The wind will beat from petals soft applause
That Hails the burgeoning halcyon spring
Days in terminus now sweet and fleeting.
So go! and drink your beer and sakuras.
Fall deeply into your red Dixie cups
And let the green brimming grass stain your pants
As you contemplate the pink elephant's
Lazy parade weaving through baby buds
That say goodbye too soon...but there's always
The memory of beer and sakuras.