Intensify 2R (You may pay an additional 2R up to twice as you cast this spell)
Target creature can't block this turn.
Smoke Bomb deals 3 damage to that creature if you intensified.
Smoke Bomb deals 5 damage to that creature's controller if you intensified twice.
Very few trios of effects can be written with even a single one of them on a single line, so the additional words don't necessarily add lines, and the wording takes less space if you use a single paragraph as on Tremors (though it's probably going to be 5-6 lines on most cards, I'd assume).
Oh, I've myself been terrible about sitting down to describe my thoughts. FWIW, I see a lot of interesting things and good designs. My main concern (which might turn out to be incorrect, though, since I haven't actually played the set and you have) is that I'm not always sure how these cards gel together properly (plus occasional color pie concerns, about which I'm admittedly a bit of an obsessed wonk XD).
The marshal cards (aside from the various other issues I have with the mechanic) read at levels varying between lackluster-to-average, probably overpowered (Leap into Battle), and so high-costed as to be of dubious usefulness (Blade Storm, Light of Revelation) while simultaneously giving too high bonuses (Tavern Brawl).
You do NOT have a lifegain archetype or even theme. Without cards that get some sort of bonus from life gain all you have is... well, whatever amount of life gain you've chosen to put into the set.
Where are the white bears?! Where's the white enchantment removal? Heck, where's the white removal period? White normally gets at least two full-on removal spells in addition to eventual tap effects.
The 3 life gain on Apostate Healer may be more than needed. It's unusual already for a repeatable common life gain effect to grant more than 1 life.
I've already said all I had to say about Banish several times. (spoiler: I don't like it)
Wizards tend to be cautious about efficient and/or evasive lifelinkers like Basilica Ghost at common. I'd be doubly so in a set where Erupt and Marshal seem to conspire to markedly weaken the removal (marshal reduces its amount, erupt reduces it efficiency to reduce the chances of killing lands with it).
I've said it before and I will say it again: power higher than 3 on a white common like Combat Veteran is out of color pie. (3/5 vigilance would work and still be a very good card)
Still not sure why a common like Daybreak Defender needs that indestructible line when so little removal can kill it during your own turn in the first place. You have no common, and hardly any uncommon that can kill it. Push that effect to some uncommon and make a standard-level card instead?
Angelic Spirit feels like a poor puzzle card. I'd swap the effect with that of Apostate Healer. Also, you really have to figure out your off-color effect cycle. Mixing bonus from off-color mana use and activated abilities is already stretching it, but this one now has payment to a triggered ability (and it could just as well cost too)...
Skull Collecter is not white. I know I've said that guild mechanic allow some bleed, but an ability word has different requirement from a keyword. When the result is the Sengir ability, which is very firmly in G/B, it is no longer merely a color bend.
I think my biggest issue with white commons is these must help with both Boros and Orzhov wanting to be aggressive (Reap means cards that want to attack too!), and cards like Archer's Tower and Temple Guard are not helping with that, while the individual combat tricks are too lackluster to pierce through in a meaningful way. What you have is an awkward white deck that wants to survive until it can win with a surprise Leap into Battle (a probably overpowered card, as I mentioned: "everything flies" actually does not fly at common) or Angelic Ascension and I'm not sure the noncreature cards actually enable that (reminder that the limited amount of removal means an opposing bomb becomes essentially unanswerable).
You like big butts and you cannot lie~. Seriously, though, why Archer Squad? Also archers are not an orzhov thing at all.
Personally, I'm not all-in on the Glint-Sleeve Artisan 3/3 for 2W thing, so obviously I think Card Name (make it an accountant :P). My biggest issue with it is white getting ramping and fixing for no good reason. Again, this should be black (admittedly, white is somewhat lacking in abilities that fit well here, this is the sort of problems that you don't notice until you have to make cards with the mechanic.).
False Humility looks like a weird riff of Shadow Lance. Oh, and also what made you think it was okay to put the shade ability in white?
Is Glaring Truth how you intend to power your "enchantment theme"? By bleeding a blue ability into white via a card that's not really good enough for limited (it could just as well go on a creature, maybe even a common one)?
Wow. Spirit of Serenity is a very, VERY good Fiend Hunter variant, what with the whole "keep it off another turn" shtick. However returning the "bounce on stack" trick to standard may not be a good idea (is "if the exiled card would be put anywhere else, put it into its owner's hand instead" functional to get around that?), and that first ability is awfully awkward.
I like how Aegis Knight is a baby Aegis Angel. I'm not sure if flash can be included at that cost, but these days it's hard to tell what's considered an acceptable cost on a rare...
To elaborate a little on the aura thing, you have several enchantments (oddly enough concentrated in UW, is it linked to the Azorius mechanic?), but you don't actual reward cards. Without cards that actively push you to draft an aura/enchantment theme (the way Ethereal Armor or Sphere of Safety did in RTR), what you actually get are cards that are subpar because on their own, they do not support a deck (I see the same issue with Arcane Saboteur, which I'd expect to link with Sabotage) Blue
[Coming soon!]
I see where Marshal is trying to go, I really do. I just hope making that destination an uncounterable overload (You even use the "each creature" wording on the noncommon ones!) is as unsatisfying for you as it is for us looking at these cards. The other four mechanics look fine to me. I'll have a card-by-card commentary later on.
EDIT:
The more I think about marshall, the less I like it:
It uses up slots that could/ought to be used for other types of spells: protection spells, removal, tapping, the auras for your purported orzhov theme etc.
It doesn't work that well with an aggressive r/w deck (you want very few actual marshal spells, probably no more than a single, maybe two Leap into Battle, and a lot of creatures)
The red cards don't work too well with Erupt (Erupt means you WILL lose lands along the way and, even with the terrible removal, and you have no significant ramping in G/R) and neither work well with Mutate (you already have a mana sink) either.
It limits what you can actually do on a combat trick.
I'm confused.
You want this to be able to survive a 2/3 with three +1/+1 counters on it (thus a 5/6), or this with three +1/+1 counters on it (a 6/6) to survive a 2/3?
If you want this with three +1/+1 counters on it (6/6) to survive a 2/3 with three +1/+1 counters on it (5/6), currently it does (for the same reason a creature that has been Giant Growth'd doesn't start to die at the end of the turn).
I had to go dig up into the rules to check up on this (I wasn't sure when the trigger resolved relative to the automated actions). The rules actually aren't super clear on it, but imply that actions will resolve after the Cleanup actions (discard, then damage removal, then UEOT effects ending).
Where I wanted to go was that the template is not current "magicese". The correct modern formualtion is "at the beginning of the cleanup step" (Bounty of the Hunt). This trigger has never been used on a new card, and otherwise only to render older card functional. It is almost certainly not compliant with any sensible way to write a modern magic card. An additional problem is that the template "at end of turn" actually translate to a different meaning for 99% of the card that used it! It was originally replaced with "at the beginning of the (next) end step", and that interpretation would not allow this card to survive a fight with a 5/* creature. If you insist on survival, this template may well be the worst solution possible.
A creature though isn't a creature when it's not on the battlefield. In your hand it's a creature card.
So if you said "Whenever a player exiles another creature or creature card from anywhere. create..." would work best.
This one is even more straightforard in that it doesn't have the disadvantage of encompassing multiple game term ("put into the graveyard" covers mill, "discard", "destroy", "sacrifice", "dies" and is unlikely to ever appear on a common), so could be used all the more readily.
Wow, the Scorpion God is the kind of new EDH general I've been looking for! But...that name's a little generic isn't it? Sounds like what people would call the card when they can't remember it's official name.
Do we know what the other two Gods might be as far as their animal? We have the Scorpion God... a... Hippo God? Camel God? Haha
I'm guessing the other two gods are gonna be UB and UR.
Re: Stay: This doesn't really feel like an aura (yes, some auras work like this... but it's not how you would describe auras; it's how you'd describe an instant.)
Agree. It's a little borderline for a common too. I can buy 2WGraceful Reprieve (which is the right comparison IMO, not gift) or an aura without flash as a common, but the combination seems more worthy of uncommon. Amazing card name though.
Was Sphinx’s Inspiration always an instant? I'm pretty sure it should be a sorcery.
I still hate, hate, hate Banish. And that Sanctify has gotten powered up (?!?!) is not helping that feeling one one bit. Comparable commons (Angelic Purge, Banishment Decree, Iona's Judgment, Angelic Edict) have mostly been in sets where there was no separate ench/art removal in white. Having two such card feels like overkill. There doesn't seem to be any curve requirement that this be a 5-mana card (unless you just want your white removal to be low quality in general?) so why couldn't this be a 4-mana removal, which are significantly easier to design?
I'm no fan of white removal that can freely hit any creature, so I obviously hate Banish.
Chancery Owls says "obstruct 2" but the reminder says . Which is correct? (I didn't have the time to read the whole thread. The discrepancy should still be fixed.)
Cirrus Griffin is kinda awkward to evaluate. I commented previously about common 4/4s in white (multicolor doesn't help since blue doesn't get anything like them either). Flying is even more over the top (and the no block is only mildly relevant). Plus this is a very unusual cost for a UW multicolor card. Instead of being flavored as a primarily white flying thing, could this be made into a 4/4 Serpent with first strike or some other white ability instead?
I really like Collective Strength as Sigil Blessing for extra . Thumb up!
Deliberations is neat and simple, but I really want a small effect tacked on it, like giving vigilance to/untapping something, or life gain.
Giant Sloth is a nice finisher common. Is there a trample-granting effect in green? Have you considered what happens once people thrive it?
White Cremate can totally be an instant (Purify the Grave. Besides, I don't think it can be used to answer Swarm at instant speed anyway). I would advise against Grave Purge as a name because, y'know... Gravepurge is a thing.
I like the idea of Guild Truce, but it's traditionally seen as poor form to include an efficient card that nullifies (as opposed to being merely an answer) a significant portion of a set's theme in the set itself.
I don't like the idea of white getting shadow abilities as on Guardian Lynx. I'd be fine if it was a 1/1 getting +0/+2 or some sort of trigger instead though.
Noble Pegasus is a great example of simplicity. Love it.
Pack Dromad might be a 2-life card, but it's one of those things that needs a lot of playtesting to be sure of.
Sanctify just reinforces my dislike of Banish, plus I think it's a little undercosted as a hybrid (while that depends in part of what's in the set ench/art wise, I'm also trying to think of nonrotating formats).
I'd keep Sky Patrol as is only if Cirrus Griffin shrinks significantly or loses flying.
I belong to the "untargetted draw" clan myself, but otherwise I really like Sphinx’s Inspiration. Another epitome of simplicity. The card is not a problem, but I think you'll want to make sure you got a mono-u draw spell still. The common draw spells in Alara, ravnica and khans were mostly mono-U (the lone except is consult the necrosages, balanced by Flight of Fancy)
Sunrise Ceremony is nowhere near a white common. Either returning nonland permanents in general (as opposed to enchantment or artifact/equipment) or doing so to the battlefield alone would push it out of common. PLUS it's redflagged for converted mana cost.
I don't think I'll rehash my previous counters-related arguments Vel-Tyra Blessing.
Wurmskin defense is literally the only card that could be argued against my point, and it predates NWO by a significant margin. In everything else putting counters on target creature is not the upfront effect (awaken primarily turns a spell into an ETB ability, modular is a death trigger, Hunger is not even from a standard-legal set and still not the base effect anyway, and cards that puts counters on themselves are completely irrelevant to my argument)
1. This isn't a design convention so much as s "we've never had reason to do this" thing. If it gave 7 (IE, more than a dice), we might worry. But it's fine.
Let's not mince words: It's good; it's not great. It's Lingering Souls meets Embalm. Trueheart Duelist is a fair comparison, and that's not constructed playable. This? Might be.
And what rarity were those cards again? Oh, right, they were both uncommons.
Elemental boon is way over the top for a common. Commons exceeding more than two counters on target creatures as the base effect simply do not exist (I'm aware of Terrus Wurm, but its base effect was a 5/5 for CMC7 i.e. unplayable).
Mantis Warrior's swarm is undercosted. I know everyone always wishes these commons were undercosted (see also: reactions to every single scavenge cards when they were spoiled), but it's still VERY playable with a more sensible swarm cost of 4G (minimum 3G). On the other hand, the general aversion to auras means Carapace Armor's swarm cost CAN go down. Heck, how about just plain swapping these two card's swarm effects and be done with it?
Golgari Gorgon is, uh, not a gorgon. I believe I said something like that back in the black cards pass.
I thought Daxos was a champion (or was it oracle?) of all gods? Or did I misremember that?
There's a lot of link issues, especially, for some reason, in the Zendikar section. I'm not sure why several links seem to be intended for story articles only in that section, so for those I listed both the story and fixed card link.
You got Elspeth's family name misspelled in the Scars sction.
Intensify 2R (You may pay an additional 2R up to twice as you cast this spell)
Target creature can't block this turn.
Smoke Bomb deals 3 damage to that creature if you intensified.
Smoke Bomb deals 5 damage to that creature's controller if you intensified twice.
Very few trios of effects can be written with even a single one of them on a single line, so the additional words don't necessarily add lines, and the wording takes less space if you use a single paragraph as on Tremors (though it's probably going to be 5-6 lines on most cards, I'd assume).
- The marshal cards (aside from the various other issues I have with the mechanic) read at levels varying between lackluster-to-average, probably overpowered (Leap into Battle), and so high-costed as to be of dubious usefulness (Blade Storm, Light of Revelation) while simultaneously giving too high bonuses (Tavern Brawl).
- You do NOT have a lifegain archetype or even theme. Without cards that get some sort of bonus from life gain all you have is... well, whatever amount of life gain you've chosen to put into the set.
- Where are the white bears?! Where's the white enchantment removal? Heck, where's the white removal period? White normally gets at least two full-on removal spells in addition to eventual tap effects.
- The 3 life gain on Apostate Healer may be more than needed. It's unusual already for a repeatable common life gain effect to grant more than 1 life.
- I've already said all I had to say about Banish several times. (spoiler: I don't like it)
- Wizards tend to be cautious about efficient and/or evasive lifelinkers like Basilica Ghost at common. I'd be doubly so in a set where Erupt and Marshal seem to conspire to markedly weaken the removal (marshal reduces its amount, erupt reduces it efficiency to reduce the chances of killing lands with it).
- I've said it before and I will say it again: power higher than 3 on a white common like Combat Veteran is out of color pie. (3/5 vigilance would work and still be a very good card)
- Still not sure why a common like Daybreak Defender needs that indestructible line when so little removal can kill it during your own turn in the first place. You have no common, and hardly any uncommon that can kill it. Push that effect to some uncommon and make a standard-level card instead?
- Angelic Spirit feels like a poor puzzle card. I'd swap the effect with that of Apostate Healer. Also, you really have to figure out your off-color effect cycle. Mixing bonus from off-color mana use and activated abilities is already stretching it, but this one now has payment to a triggered ability (and it could just as well cost
too)... - Skull Collecter is not white. I know I've said that guild mechanic allow some bleed, but an ability word has different requirement from a keyword. When the result is the Sengir ability, which is very firmly in G/B, it is no longer merely a color bend.
- I think my biggest issue with white commons is these must help with both Boros and Orzhov wanting to be aggressive (Reap means cards that want to attack too!), and cards like Archer's Tower and Temple Guard are not helping with that, while the individual combat tricks are too lackluster to pierce through in a meaningful way. What you have is an awkward white deck that wants to survive until it can win with a surprise Leap into Battle (a probably overpowered card, as I mentioned: "everything flies" actually does not fly at common) or Angelic Ascension and I'm not sure the noncreature cards actually enable that (reminder that the limited amount of removal means an opposing bomb becomes essentially unanswerable).
- You like big butts and you cannot lie~. Seriously, though, why Archer Squad? Also archers are not an orzhov thing at all.
- Personally, I'm not all-in on the Glint-Sleeve Artisan 3/3 for 2W thing, so obviously I think Card Name (make it an accountant :P). My biggest issue with it is white getting ramping and fixing for no good reason. Again, this should be black (admittedly, white is somewhat lacking in abilities that fit well here, this is the sort of problems that you don't notice until you have to make cards with the mechanic.).
- False Humility looks like a weird riff of Shadow Lance. Oh, and also what made you think it was okay to put the shade ability in white?
- Is Glaring Truth how you intend to power your "enchantment theme"? By bleeding a blue ability into white via a card that's not really good enough for limited (it could just as well go on a creature, maybe even a common one)?
- Wow. Spirit of Serenity is a very, VERY good Fiend Hunter variant, what with the whole "keep it off another turn" shtick. However returning the "bounce on stack" trick to standard may not be a good idea (is "if the exiled card would be put anywhere else, put it into its owner's hand instead" functional to get around that?), and that first ability is awfully awkward.
- I like how Aegis Knight is a baby Aegis Angel. I'm not sure if flash can be included at that cost, but these days it's hard to tell what's considered an acceptable cost on a rare...
To elaborate a little on the aura thing, you have several enchantments (oddly enough concentrated in UW, is it linked to the Azorius mechanic?), but you don't actual reward cards. Without cards that actively push you to draft an aura/enchantment theme (the way Ethereal Armor or Sphere of Safety did in RTR), what you actually get are cards that are subpar because on their own, they do not support a deck (I see the same issue with Arcane Saboteur, which I'd expect to link with Sabotage)Blue
[Coming soon!]
EDIT:
The more I think about marshall, the less I like it:
I had to go dig up into the rules to check up on this (I wasn't sure when the trigger resolved relative to the automated actions). The rules actually aren't super clear on it, but imply that actions will resolve after the Cleanup actions (discard, then damage removal, then UEOT effects ending).
Where I wanted to go was that the template is not current "magicese". The correct modern formualtion is "at the beginning of the cleanup step" (Bounty of the Hunt). This trigger has never been used on a new card, and otherwise only to render older card functional. It is almost certainly not compliant with any sensible way to write a modern magic card. An additional problem is that the template "at end of turn" actually translate to a different meaning for 99% of the card that used it! It was originally replaced with "at the beginning of the (next) end step", and that interpretation would not allow this card to survive a fight with a 5/* creature. If you insist on survival, this template may well be the worst solution possible.
That is incorrect. This exact wording ("Whenever a card is [put in zone X] from anywhere") is already in use for the graveyard: Vulturous Zombie, Tamiyo, the Moon Sage, Quest for Ancient Secrets, Duskmantle Guildmage, Nihilith.
This one is even more straightforard in that it doesn't have the disadvantage of encompassing multiple game term ("put into the graveyard" covers mill, "discard", "destroy", "sacrifice", "dies" and is unlikely to ever appear on a common), so could be used all the more readily.
I'm guessing the other two gods are gonna be UB and UR.
Agree. It's a little borderline for a common too. I can buy 2W Graceful Reprieve (which is the right comparison IMO, not gift) or an aura without flash as a common, but the combination seems more worthy of uncommon. Amazing card name though.
Was Sphinx’s Inspiration always an instant? I'm pretty sure it should be a sorcery.
I still hate, hate, hate Banish. And that Sanctify has gotten powered up (?!?!) is not helping that feeling one one bit. Comparable commons (Angelic Purge, Banishment Decree, Iona's Judgment, Angelic Edict) have mostly been in sets where there was no separate ench/art removal in white. Having two such card feels like overkill. There doesn't seem to be any curve requirement that this be a 5-mana card (unless you just want your white removal to be low quality in general?) so why couldn't this be a 4-mana removal, which are significantly easier to design?
Chancery Owls says "obstruct 2" but the reminder says
. Which is correct?(I didn't have the time to read the whole thread. The discrepancy should still be fixed.)We have _strong_ indication that this happen at uncommon and higher only (Increasing savagery, Quest for the Gemblades, Evolutionary Escalation, Hunting Triad, Primeval Bounty, Give and Take). Even bolster cards were strictly limited to 1 or 2 at common.
And what rarity were those cards again? Oh, right, they were both uncommons.
Mantis Warrior's swarm is undercosted. I know everyone always wishes these commons were undercosted (see also: reactions to every single scavenge cards when they were spoiled), but it's still VERY playable with a more sensible swarm cost of 4G (minimum 3G). On the other hand, the general aversion to auras means Carapace Armor's swarm cost CAN go down. Heck, how about just plain swapping these two card's swarm effects and be done with it?
Golgari Gorgon is, uh, not a gorgon. I believe I said something like that back in the black cards pass.