This thread exists purely for comedy. While unglued cards do exist, you can still get a kick out of creating your funny cards. I'll start.
3BW - Sorin, Lord of Ghetto
Type: Planeswalker / 4-Loyalty
+1 - Target player sacrifices all permanents unless they grab you a beer.
-2 - Draw a card for each opponent with HIV.
-7 - Gain ownership of all opponents cards permanently if you control a black creature.
3W - Alfred, the Pale Skinned
Type: Planeswalker / 3-Loyalty
+1 - All white creatures gain suntan lotion.
+1 - Target creature is exiled to work in an office building for the next three turns. When the creature returns to play, its controller adds six mana of any color to their mana pool.
-5 - All creatures are exposed to the sun's rays for 4 hours. Destroy all non-black, non-suntan lotioned creatures.
0 - Ten Ten Friendship Ruiner
Type: Artifact Creature P/T: 10/10
Cannot be countered. Damage from this creature cannot be prevented.
Haste, Indestructible, Hexproof, Unblockable, Doublestrike, Infect.
When removed from play, put a token that is a copy of this creature onto the battlefield under its owners control.
Flavor Text: No one ever told him that life totals were actually friendship totals.
My thoughts are with the friends and family of the Orlando Shooting victims and with the rest of the LGBTQA+ community.
Check out my Newborder Peasant Cube here! http://www.cubetutor.com/draft/37467
Necarg, please don't acknowledge this in any way whatsoever.
True Name Mafia (Win),Clan Contest IX Mafia (Win), Bravely Default Mafia (Loss), BOTAS (loss), BfV (Loss), Ace Attourney (loss)
Rules Advisor before they were eradicated
Abortionist BBBB
Creature - Coat Hanger
Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, if Abortionist is untapped, that creature's controller sacrifices it unless they pay a child support cost of 1 for the next eighteen turns.
2/2
3BW - Sorin, Lord of Ghetto
Type: Planeswalker / 4-Loyalty
+1 - Target player sacrifices all permanents unless they grab you a beer.
-2 - Draw a card for each opponent with HIV.
-7 - Gain ownership of all opponents cards permanently if you control a black creature.
3W - Alfred, the Pale Skinned
Type: Planeswalker / 3-Loyalty
+1 - All white creatures gain suntan lotion.
+1 - Target creature is exiled to work in an office building for the next three turns. When the creature returns to play, its controller adds six mana of any color to their mana pool.
-5 - All creatures are exposed to the sun's rays for 4 hours. Destroy all non-black, non-suntan lotioned creatures.
0 - Ten Ten Friendship Ruiner
Type: Artifact Creature P/T: 10/10
Cannot be countered. Damage from this creature cannot be prevented.
Haste, Indestructible, Hexproof, Unblockable, Doublestrike, Infect.
When removed from play, put a token that is a copy of this creature onto the battlefield under its owners control.
Flavor Text: No one ever told him that life totals were actually friendship totals.
Creature - Naga
Can't block fluorides, toothbrushes, or mouthwashes.
2/3
Check out my Newborder Peasant Cube here! http://www.cubetutor.com/draft/37467
True Name Mafia (Win),Clan Contest IX Mafia (Win), Bravely Default Mafia (Loss), BOTAS (loss), BfV (Loss), Ace Attourney (loss)
Rules Advisor before they were eradicated
Creature- CEO
When Tim Cook enters the battlefield, break target opponent's phone.
1/1
Instant- Disease
Target non hermaphrodite loses the game.
Enchantment - Aura
Whenever enchanted creature is tapped, immedietly untap it and kick it's controller in the shin.
Creature - Coat Hanger
Whenever another creature enters the battlefield, if Abortionist is untapped, that creature's controller sacrifices it unless they pay a child support cost of 1 for the next eighteen turns.
2/2