Introducing: Redundancy! Where everything is redundant, and everything is redundant! Suggestions welcome!
Bat Spirit 1B
Creature - Bat Spirit
1/1
Flying, Shadow, Intimidate, Fear "Bat Spirit" - Bat Spirit
Look Into the Present U
Instant
Put a card from your hand on top of your library. Draw a card. "When you really want to show off your top-decking skills."
Assisted Assistance R
Enchantment
Whenever a creature would be regenerated, instead tap it, and remove it from combat. "This is flavor text."
***** Cat
Creature - Cat
1/1
(Nonexistent mana costs can't be paid.)
***** Cat is blue.
Suspend U
When ***** Cat enters the battlefield, exile it with one time counter on it. "I was tempted to make this pink, but felt I would get a warning for that. ~cringes~"
Bookshift 4BB
Enchantment
Exile your library face down.
Whenever you would draw a card, instead put the top card of the cards exiled with Bookshift into your hand. If you can't, you lose the game. "No donations"
Screams of the Confused UR
Instant
Choose two - All creatures get +1/+0 until end of turn; or all creatures get -1/-0 until end of turn.
Entwine 0 "Um...what just happened?"
Bond of Binding 1B
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant Creature
Enchanted creature has lifelink.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage, it's controller loses that much life. "Assume this is old lifelink to please the cry babies who 'quit' over the rule change."
Wall of Effort W
Creature - Wall
0/3
Defender
Wall of Effort attacks each turn if able. "It tries so hard."
Overkill Demon 3BR
Legendary Creature - Demonic Demon
4/4
Deathtouch T: Overkill Demon deals damage to target creature equal to that creature's toughness. Destroy that creature. "That creature gets -0/-X, where X is its toughness."
Stormy Chaotic Chaos Storm 1R
Enchantment
Whenever an spell or effect forces you to flip a coin, instead choose "heads" or "tails" at random. "The best way to randomly choose 'heads' or 'tails'? I suggest flipping a coin."
No, Seriously, I Don't Like You G
Instant
Target unblocked creature with power equal to or greater than defending player's life total gets +100/+100 until end of turn. "When you really need to let that stupid infinite combo player know that Timmy's kick ass!"
Johnny Ritual XR
Sorcery
Add XR to your mana pool. "Storm = +1"
Forgiving Bolt RW
Instant
Prevent the next 3 damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn. Forgiving Bolt deals 3 damage to that creature. "New Testament vs. Old Testament"
Stripper Robe W
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant Creature
Enchanted creature has protection from auras. "Tequila makes her clothes fall off."
Beastly Beast of Bestial Beastiness (That Last Word Isn't Real) 4G
Creature - Boar
4/4
Trample.
You may have Beastly Beast of Bestial Beastiness (That Last Word Isn't Real) deal combat damage as though it were not blocked. "Wait...why doesn't this have the creature type 'beast'?"
Trollshroud UG
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant permanent
Enchanted permanent has shroud and hexproof "Take that Wizards!"
War Drum Familiar 3RG
Creature - Goblin Familiar
4/3
War Drum Familiar can't be blocked by two or more creatures.
War Drum Familiar can't be blocked by less than three creatures. "High Five to whoever gets why I named this the way I did."
Lost 2B
Creature - Zombie
2/2
Unearth B "This is a split card." //
Forgotten
Sorcery
(Nonexistent mana costs can't be paid.)
Put a 2/2 black zombie creature token with haste onto the battlefield. Exile it at end of turn.
Flashback B "This is a split card."
Stoned Reindeer 2R
0/0
When Stoned Reindeer enters the battefiled, destroy target land, then sacrifice Stoned Reindeer.
Evoke 2R "Land destruction just got fun again!"
Stem-Cell Clone U
Creature - Illusion
0/0
As this enters the battlefield, choose a creature which is the copy of another creature.
Stem-Cell Clone is a copy of the chosen creature. "It's like looking in a mirror only....not."
Mythical Dude Who's Better Than You 2RG
Planeswalker - $
Starting Loyalty: 5
+1: Remove a loyalty counter from Mythical Dude Who's Better Than You.
-1: Put a loyalty counter on Mythical Dude Who's Better Than You.
-5: Put a card called Mythical Dude Who's Better Than You from your graveyard onto the battlefield.
Awesome stuff! I really liked the BEST.DRAW.EVER. The best part about this exercise is it really encourages Johnny to have some fun.
Here's another for fun:
Leeches Everywhere! 1W
Enchantment 1: Remove a poison counter from yourself. You lose 2 life. Ow...OW!
Super Gain Life Fun Time W
Instant
Your life total becomes equal to your life total as you cast Super Gain Life Fun Time. Me life you long time.
I actually think this is a really decent card with pay life cards. Play this, then pump up your Immolating Souleater until you're at 1, then gain it all back! Woo-Hoo!
Finally, a little landness for you're enjoyment:
Whoville
Land 1, T: Add one mana of the type of mana used to pay Whoville's activation cost to your mana pool. It should be called Whyville.
Slow down there Speedy
RU
Sorrocer
Slow down there speedy can only be cast on creatures Just played this turn, Target creature gains summoning sickness.
I also like to imagine that he has a rotating torso (like a metallic graft that fuses his upper and lower body together), so he can spin all around, leveling everything within 20ft of him to rubble.
Bat Spirit
1B
Creature - Bat Spirit
1/1
Flying, Shadow, Intimidate, Fear
"Bat Spirit" - Bat Spirit
Look Into the Present
U
Instant
Put a card from your hand on top of your library. Draw a card.
"When you really want to show off your top-decking skills."
Assisted Assistance
R
Enchantment
Whenever a creature would be regenerated, instead tap it, and remove it from combat.
"This is flavor text."
***** Cat
Creature - Cat
1/1
(Nonexistent mana costs can't be paid.)
***** Cat is blue.
Suspend U
When ***** Cat enters the battlefield, exile it with one time counter on it.
"I was tempted to make this pink, but felt I would get a warning for that. ~cringes~"
Bookshift
4BB
Enchantment
Exile your library face down.
Whenever you would draw a card, instead put the top card of the cards exiled with Bookshift into your hand. If you can't, you lose the game.
"No donations"
Screams of the Confused
UR
Instant
Choose two - All creatures get +1/+0 until end of turn; or all creatures get -1/-0 until end of turn.
Entwine 0
"Um...what just happened?"
Bond of Binding
1B
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant Creature
Enchanted creature has lifelink.
Whenever enchanted creature deals damage, it's controller loses that much life.
"Assume this is old lifelink to please the cry babies who 'quit' over the rule change."
Wall of Effort
W
Creature - Wall
0/3
Defender
Wall of Effort attacks each turn if able.
"It tries so hard."
Overkill Demon
3BR
Legendary Creature - Demonic Demon
4/4
Deathtouch
T: Overkill Demon deals damage to target creature equal to that creature's toughness. Destroy that creature.
"That creature gets -0/-X, where X is its toughness."
Stormy Chaotic Chaos Storm
1R
Enchantment
Whenever an spell or effect forces you to flip a coin, instead choose "heads" or "tails" at random.
"The best way to randomly choose 'heads' or 'tails'? I suggest flipping a coin."
No, Seriously, I Don't Like You
G
Instant
Target unblocked creature with power equal to or greater than defending player's life total gets +100/+100 until end of turn.
"When you really need to let that stupid infinite combo player know that Timmy's kick ass!"
Johnny Ritual
XR
Sorcery
Add XR to your mana pool.
"Storm = +1"
Forgiving Bolt
RW
Instant
Prevent the next 3 damage that would be dealt to target creature this turn. Forgiving Bolt deals 3 damage to that creature.
"New Testament vs. Old Testament"
Stripper Robe
W
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant Creature
Enchanted creature has protection from auras.
"Tequila makes her clothes fall off."
Beastly Beast of Bestial Beastiness (That Last Word Isn't Real)
4G
Creature - Boar
4/4
Trample.
You may have Beastly Beast of Bestial Beastiness (That Last Word Isn't Real) deal combat damage as though it were not blocked.
"Wait...why doesn't this have the creature type 'beast'?"
Trollshroud
UG
Enchantment - Aura
Enchant permanent
Enchanted permanent has shroud and hexproof
"Take that Wizards!"
War Drum Familiar
3RG
Creature - Goblin Familiar
4/3
War Drum Familiar can't be blocked by two or more creatures.
War Drum Familiar can't be blocked by less than three creatures.
"High Five to whoever gets why I named this the way I did."
Lost
2B
Creature - Zombie
2/2
Unearth B
"This is a split card."
//
Forgotten
Sorcery
(Nonexistent mana costs can't be paid.)
Put a 2/2 black zombie creature token with haste onto the battlefield. Exile it at end of turn.
Flashback B
"This is a split card."
Stoned Reindeer
2R
0/0
When Stoned Reindeer enters the battefiled, destroy target land, then sacrifice Stoned Reindeer.
Evoke 2R
"Land destruction just got fun again!"
Stem-Cell Clone
U
Creature - Illusion
0/0
As this enters the battlefield, choose a creature which is the copy of another creature.
Stem-Cell Clone is a copy of the chosen creature.
"It's like looking in a mirror only....not."
Mythical Dude Who's Better Than You
2RG
Planeswalker - $
Starting Loyalty: 5
+1: Remove a loyalty counter from Mythical Dude Who's Better Than You.
-1: Put a loyalty counter on Mythical Dude Who's Better Than You.
-5: Put a card called Mythical Dude Who's Better Than You from your graveyard onto the battlefield.
Any other ideas!?!
L1 Judge
U
Instant
Choose a creature on the battlefield. Target that creature.
"And... that's all ?"
with M12 out i would actully use this card in limited(just to be funny ofcouse)
Here's another for fun:
Leeches Everywhere!
1W
Enchantment
1: Remove a poison counter from yourself. You lose 2 life.
Ow...OW!
Super Gain Life Fun Time
W
Instant
Your life total becomes equal to your life total as you cast Super Gain Life Fun Time.
Me life you long time.
I actually think this is a really decent card with pay life cards. Play this, then pump up your Immolating Souleater until you're at 1, then gain it all back! Woo-Hoo!
Finally, a little landness for you're enjoyment:
Whoville
Land
1, T: Add one mana of the type of mana used to pay Whoville's activation cost to your mana pool.
It should be called Whyville.
Enlightened Shuffle Effect
Instant
Search your library for an artifact or enchantment card and reveal that card. Put that card on top of your library, then shuffle your library.
RU
Sorrocer
Slow down there speedy can only be cast on creatures Just played this turn, Target creature gains summoning sickness.
Troll Slayer
B
Instant
Destroy target creature with shroud or hexproof.
Successful Creature is Successful
1U
Instant
Target creature that dealt combat damage this turn gains unblockable until end of turn.