Somewhere around three months sober. Not sure of the day I quit. I know this would probably be more important to some other people, it just isn't something I really marked down or cared to remember honestly. I just know I'm somewhere around three months sober.
I thought that it would have been easier to stay sober the longer I've been clean, but it is quite the opposite. Each day that goes by makes it harder and harder. I'm hanging in there, but there is just so much going on in my life right now that it is damn near impossible.
-Being sued by a former employer
-Evicted and sued by landlord; not even two weeks behind on rent
-Have nowhere to go
-Cannot find a job
-Generalized Anxiety Disorder because of:
-Things I can't openly discuss (That are stressful beyond belief)
-Psychotic wife who wouldn't take her meds, lost her job
-Memories of a perfect past shattered by the death of a child (Drove my wife to psychosis)
-Was misdiagnosed Bipolar and stuck on antipsychotics for a couple of years that were driving me psychotic. Thank god I got in to see a good psych recently.
I should report, that so far I have been doing this solo and have not sought help from any programs for addicts. I take pride in my ability to do things for myself, but I'm just in over my head. So much going on...
AA is NOT my cup of tea. Are there any other programs out there for people to use to help them get through hard times that aren't, in essence, brainwashing?
I don't want to use. I'm not going to use. I just...I don't want to go through this alone anymore. I'm reaching out. Someone point me to salvation.
I take pride in my ability to do things for myself, but I'm just in over my head. So much going on...
What does your psychiatrist say? You should follow any advice your doctor gives you before anything any of us have to say.
But here is my two cents:
How has going it solo worked out for you so far in life? That's a serious question. The problem with always relying on yourself is that you don't have anyone to fall back on and you don't even know when it's time to ask for help (to actual people you know, not strangers). I have quite a few friends that never knew when to ask for help, or were too proud to, and suffered for it. Talk to your psychiatrist about what do do about a support structure.
AA is NOT my cup of tea. Are there any other programs out there for people to use to help them get through hard times that aren't, in essence, brainwashing?
Why do you consider AA brainwashing? That has a severe negative connotation. What is so great about the state of your addicted mind that a little structure wouldn't help? I'm also being serious here, and think about this for a second. You seem to think that the structure that a program like AA provides is a bad thing - but where has your current state of mind gotten you in life? I think that's something you should consider before dismissing the program as brainwashing.
Outside of AA, I'm not sure what other programs exist. I'm sure there are support groups and other similar things, but they are all going to have some kind of programmatic component. Hopefully someone else can help you.
Somewhere around three months sober. Not sure of the day I quit. I know this would probably be more important to some other people, it just isn't something I really marked down or cared to remember honestly. I just know I'm somewhere around three months sober.
It's not that I don't want to deal with your problems but I truly think that you're barking up the wrong tree (something about the primary demographics apparently) and you're not going to get good or any help here.
Other than false comfort, platitudes, and other forms of superficiality, there's not much that can be offered.
-Memories of a perfect past shattered by the death of a child (Drove my wife to psychosis)
... Well...
Perfect, eh?
I should report, that so far I have been doing this solo and have not sought help from any programs for addicts. I take pride in my ability to do things for myself, but I'm just in over my head. So much going on...
Each time you come up with things similar to this, how have you dealt with it? Each time things have come up and you've posted about them, how has the site been of help?
You're really, really, really much better off asking people that are familiar with this IRL than O/L. I, for one, tried to ask about the state of the States but I was only confused all the more or had what I knew, facts or misconceptions, confirmed.
You clearly should see the following ASAP:
a lawyer;
a mental health professional;
a health professional;
a social worker or potential employers.
Maybe there are services for those down on their luck. Maybe the Y in the US does what it can do for people in the UK and give them a good hard shove in the right direction.
Saw a mental health professional. All I have is an anxiety disorder, most likely brought on by life at the moment. Doctor says my blood pressure is out of control and I'm gonna stroke out or have a heart attack. Upped my meds for that, but meds can't make life go away and that is the underlying cause for the hypertension. Everything else is fine, healthwise, if stroking out or having a heart attack is fine. I've been trying to get a job, the market here sucks. As for a social worker...nothx. I get food assistance and feel bad enough for it, because if you don't work you shouldn't eat IMO.
And lastly...lawyers cost you your soul in the states. I'm dirt poor. no way can I get a lawyer for anything.
in summation, I'm screwed. :s
still somehow sober, though it would be much easier to say to hell with it and binge drink until I everyone is either the love of my life or an *******. Eh...no. Tempted, but no. Life sucks. :/
My untrained reaction: there are many stressors in your life that may appear to be beyond your control. You have chosen this time to control your addiction. I suspect those are related. Your ability to work through your current life issues will not improve if you check out again.
1) I'd suggest trying AA before discarding it.
2) A marriage and family counselor/therapist might give you and your wife a structured format to talk through your combined issues. Many work on sliding scales.
3) Look for a support network. Family? Friends? Church? You need more support than a message board can provide.
Saw a mental health professional. All I have is an anxiety disorder, most likely brought on by life at the moment.
Hm... there's a joke about speaking English being positively correlated with cardiovascular diseases. At the moment, I'm thinking in a home language, not English...
Edit: Anxiety disorders are of various flavours and intensities, and mental health professionals vary in their capacity and experience. I'm not implying that you should seek pharmacological agents, considering there not without risks, but have these - specifically anxiolytics - been considered?
Doctor says my blood pressure is out of control and I'm gonna stroke out or have a heart attack. Upped my meds for that,
Well, don't stress out or think about too much.
Look, you have much on your plate; but, don't scarf it all down in one go! You can cope and live well by keep on keeping on and dealing with things one by one, one day at a time.
but meds can't make life go away and that is the underlying cause for the hypertension.
Sorry but what do you mean life is the underlying cause of HT?
I might have missed something while sleeping through medical school, training and rounds, and practice in general. I feel like I'm missing quite a bit here.
I've been trying to get a job, the market here sucks.
Maybe it does, but if you don't toss your name into the hat, you have a probability of 0.00 of being drawn.
As for a social worker...nothx.
They do HR and stuff as well in the U.S., right?
I get food assistance and feel bad enough for it, because if you don't work you shouldn't eat IMO.
Dude, perhaps you don't work today, but you will tomorrow (that is some unspecified time in the future). If it absolves your guilt and lightens your soul, you can do charity work when you're back on your feet after some help from the whoever so provides any.
And lastly...lawyers cost you your soul in the states. I'm dirt poor. no way can I get a lawyer for anything.
Thanks. I'm getting to know a more complete picture of the U.S.
Aren't there any lawyers, high-fliers that do that extra work or those that work for the government (like legal clinic lawyers), that do pro bono? (My brother-in-law and sister did pro bono; they're now out for the moment.)
in summation, I'm screwed. :s
No, no.
Clearly, none of us are in your shoes but, while things are bad now, things could be worse (hey!). Also, tomorrow might be better! Stay strong.
still somehow sober, though it would be much easier to say to hell with it and binge drink until I everyone is either the love of my life or an *******. Eh...no. Tempted, but no. Life sucks. :/
Look, mate. I can't speak for the community at large but it sucks that people, yourself included, are going through tough times. It's also good that you're being brave about this. We're here but we can't be everything, for better or worse.
Maybe rather than us suggesting things or whatever, roughly speaking, what are you open to? What do you think might work for you? That's probably a better starting point, y'know.
still somehow sober, though it would be much easier to say to hell with it and binge drink until I everyone is either the love of my life or an *******. Eh...no. Tempted, but no. Life sucks. :/
The sad truth of it all is that there would probably be more help available to you if you were do to exactly that. In America we have this odd fixation with helping people once they've already hit rock bottom, but unless you're already at the point, to hell with you.
Don't let that deter you from trying to make your life better, though. It may seem like a long road from where you are. Keep at it. Your landlord isn't going to get anything out of you if you're unemployed, and unless you make a fair bit more than minimum wage at the job you do eventually find, they can't garnish your wages.
Ditch the wife. If she's a nutbag, you don't need the baggage. Move on. It's easier to carry one than it is to carry two.
If AA isn't your thing, just do it for yourself. There's a pretty lengthy thread here where I talked about what I did to help myself quit drinking. I found that AA wasn't for me as well, and instead I found that finding the strength within myself is what eventually led me to beat my alcoholism.
Just stick it out, man. That's about all you can do. Worst case scenario, you hit rock bottom and then claw your way back up. But don't just lie down and take it.
The sad truth of it all is that there would probably be more help available to you if you were do to exactly that. In America we have this odd fixation with helping people once they've already hit rock bottom, but unless you're already at the point, to hell with you.
I would have to think that there would be support for someone who lost a child, lost job, was evicted, sued by former employer, strained marriage, health issues from stress, and has other unnamed issues - without also requiring an active addiction. There are networks that will refuse to provide services to clients who aren't clean.
I take Xanax. It helps. Kinda. I need a dosage increase but the doc won't do it because of my past drug abuse. Understandable.
As for my wife, I cannot bring myself to leave her behind. She needs me. It may be killing me but I'd rather die trying to save her than live with the knowledge that I left her in the state she is in to fend for herself. As much as it hurts, I can't. In sickness and in health, for better or for worse. Always and forever, babe. I looked her in her eyes and spoke those words to her. What kind of person would it make me to abandon her?
What I meant by life causing the HT is all of the stress I am experiencing. I hear stress leads to HT. My body is stuck in fight or flight mode 24/7. The Xanax helps but I'm starting to become tolerant to it. I'm thinking about a switch to buspirone.
SSRI's suck. I tried celexa and the side effects were horrible.
The wife started taking her meds again after a long talk. She's coming back a bit. I really do hope she sticks with it this time. It would be so much easier to do this with a hand to hold.
In other news, I no longer have health insurance. Bye bye counseling, psychs, and doctors, as well as my meds once I run out.
I don't have a lot on my plate, I'm eating the whole damn buffet.
/vent
Edit: As far as help goes, I'm open to anything but NA/AA. I've been and it just made me really, really uncomfortable. Having an anxiety disorder and being around a bunch of unfamiliar people and having to openly discuss my problems didn't help.
Edit 2: I know that this forum isn't really where I should be for this. If I had friends I'd talk to them but they were mostly bad people. Not the kind of people I want to be around anymore.
Perception is key and reading your post I see so many things that show me how you choose to perceive things.
My recommendation is to do one thing and one thing only.
Read a book called "A New Guide To Rational Living" by Albert Ellis and Robert Harper.
Quite simply Albert Ellis is the Father of modern psychology and specifically Cognitive and Behavioural therapy which has shown to be the most efficacious of all therapies and has even shown to be better than antidepressant medication in numerous studies.
The concepts behind CBT is rather simple, but for true understanding to sink in you will have to DO IT. Read the book, read it again, practice, challenge yourself. You have trained your mind in a specific fashion and it takes time AND effort to change that training, but it can be done and the effect it will have on you will be DRAMATIC.
The head of the american psychological association was part of a group studying the effects of CBT and when he went to share his results at a symposium he got up to the deus and said simply "I have interviewed thousands of patients and could not find one that CBT didnt work for that actually did it."
I am not saying its a cure all (although it can be,) I am saying the knowledge that CBT is based off of dates back to epictetus who said "Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them." The idea has been around for millenia but psychology has finally found a way to implement these ideas in a way that will have a truly profound effect on you.
I wish you the best of luck, and I did notice one thing that will be a pillar of strength for you in the times to come. You said " I take pride in my ability to do things for myself " and that desire to work towards important things will do great things for you, just be sure you are applying those efforts towards the things that matter. This book will help, but a book cant change you, only you can change yourself. Take that desire and use your pride to do what is necessary to change yourself and I promise you will look back years from now and wonder how you could ever see life and the world the way you did now.
I am off of probation in like, two weeks. Two weeks, and I can pack up and GTFO of here. Start over. Still sober. Gonna keep staying sober. I've got my game face on. C'mon life. I've made it this far. Push me one more time, life, and I'm gonna knock you out! I GOT THIS!
As mentioned previously, my horrible mental state was brought on my a misdiagnosis and my antipsychotics were literally driving me insane. The longer I'm off of that crap the better I feel. Being away from drugs and alcohol helps a lot too. I may have a LOT on my plate, but I've always had a healthy appetite.
I may only be moving a centimeter at a time, but I'll gain momentum as I continue to roll forward. Eventually, this like all else will pass and I can get on with my life.
I'm looking forward to moving home and getting enrolled in college so that I can pursue a career in either a field of chemistry or medical research. I thought about being a doctor, but I love researching things and lets be real - House is a load of crap and doctors don't really research much. Scientists and researchers on the other hand, well...REASEARCHER. Lol.
Yeah, once you start to sober up completely, you find that your head is a lot clearer for sure.
I wish I had moved home when I did it, I probably would have burned a lot less bridges, but hey, sometimes that's what you have to do to get to where you want to be.
I thought that it would have been easier to stay sober the longer I've been clean, but it is quite the opposite. Each day that goes by makes it harder and harder. I'm hanging in there, but there is just so much going on in my life right now that it is damn near impossible.
-Being sued by a former employer
-Evicted and sued by landlord; not even two weeks behind on rent
-Have nowhere to go
-Cannot find a job
-Generalized Anxiety Disorder because of:
-Things I can't openly discuss (That are stressful beyond belief)
-Psychotic wife who wouldn't take her meds, lost her job
-Memories of a perfect past shattered by the death of a child (Drove my wife to psychosis)
-Was misdiagnosed Bipolar and stuck on antipsychotics for a couple of years that were driving me psychotic. Thank god I got in to see a good psych recently.
I should report, that so far I have been doing this solo and have not sought help from any programs for addicts. I take pride in my ability to do things for myself, but I'm just in over my head. So much going on...
AA is NOT my cup of tea. Are there any other programs out there for people to use to help them get through hard times that aren't, in essence, brainwashing?
I don't want to use. I'm not going to use. I just...I don't want to go through this alone anymore. I'm reaching out. Someone point me to salvation.
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▲ ▲
What does your psychiatrist say? You should follow any advice your doctor gives you before anything any of us have to say.
But here is my two cents:
How has going it solo worked out for you so far in life? That's a serious question. The problem with always relying on yourself is that you don't have anyone to fall back on and you don't even know when it's time to ask for help (to actual people you know, not strangers). I have quite a few friends that never knew when to ask for help, or were too proud to, and suffered for it. Talk to your psychiatrist about what do do about a support structure.
Why do you consider AA brainwashing? That has a severe negative connotation. What is so great about the state of your addicted mind that a little structure wouldn't help? I'm also being serious here, and think about this for a second. You seem to think that the structure that a program like AA provides is a bad thing - but where has your current state of mind gotten you in life? I think that's something you should consider before dismissing the program as brainwashing.
Outside of AA, I'm not sure what other programs exist. I'm sure there are support groups and other similar things, but they are all going to have some kind of programmatic component. Hopefully someone else can help you.
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Other than false comfort, platitudes, and other forms of superficiality, there's not much that can be offered.
... Well...
Perfect, eh?
Each time you come up with things similar to this, how have you dealt with it? Each time things have come up and you've posted about them, how has the site been of help?
You're really, really, really much better off asking people that are familiar with this IRL than O/L. I, for one, tried to ask about the state of the States but I was only confused all the more or had what I knew, facts or misconceptions, confirmed.
You clearly should see the following ASAP:
Sometimes, you can't make it on your own.
— jean-baptiste alphonse karr, les guêpes (1849)
wiki subforum @ mtgs forums * mtgs wiki * site rules
And lastly...lawyers cost you your soul in the states. I'm dirt poor. no way can I get a lawyer for anything.
in summation, I'm screwed. :s
still somehow sober, though it would be much easier to say to hell with it and binge drink until I everyone is either the love of my life or an *******. Eh...no. Tempted, but no. Life sucks. :/
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1) I'd suggest trying AA before discarding it.
2) A marriage and family counselor/therapist might give you and your wife a structured format to talk through your combined issues. Many work on sliding scales.
3) Look for a support network. Family? Friends? Church? You need more support than a message board can provide.
Edit: Anxiety disorders are of various flavours and intensities, and mental health professionals vary in their capacity and experience. I'm not implying that you should seek pharmacological agents, considering there not without risks, but have these - specifically anxiolytics - been considered?
Well, don't stress out or think about too much.
Look, you have much on your plate; but, don't scarf it all down in one go! You can cope and live well by keep on keeping on and dealing with things one by one, one day at a time.
Sorry but what do you mean life is the underlying cause of HT?
I might have missed something while sleeping through medical school, training and rounds, and practice in general. I feel like I'm missing quite a bit here.
Maybe it does, but if you don't toss your name into the hat, you have a probability of 0.00 of being drawn.
They do HR and stuff as well in the U.S., right?
Dude, perhaps you don't work today, but you will tomorrow (that is some unspecified time in the future). If it absolves your guilt and lightens your soul, you can do charity work when you're back on your feet after some help from the whoever so provides any.
Thanks. I'm getting to know a more complete picture of the U.S.
Aren't there any lawyers, high-fliers that do that extra work or those that work for the government (like legal clinic lawyers), that do pro bono? (My brother-in-law and sister did pro bono; they're now out for the moment.)
No, no.
Clearly, none of us are in your shoes but, while things are bad now, things could be worse (hey!). Also, tomorrow might be better! Stay strong.
Look, mate. I can't speak for the community at large but it sucks that people, yourself included, are going through tough times. It's also good that you're being brave about this. We're here but we can't be everything, for better or worse.
Maybe rather than us suggesting things or whatever, roughly speaking, what are you open to? What do you think might work for you? That's probably a better starting point, y'know.
— jean-baptiste alphonse karr, les guêpes (1849)
wiki subforum @ mtgs forums * mtgs wiki * site rules
The sad truth of it all is that there would probably be more help available to you if you were do to exactly that. In America we have this odd fixation with helping people once they've already hit rock bottom, but unless you're already at the point, to hell with you.
Don't let that deter you from trying to make your life better, though. It may seem like a long road from where you are. Keep at it. Your landlord isn't going to get anything out of you if you're unemployed, and unless you make a fair bit more than minimum wage at the job you do eventually find, they can't garnish your wages.
Ditch the wife. If she's a nutbag, you don't need the baggage. Move on. It's easier to carry one than it is to carry two.
If AA isn't your thing, just do it for yourself. There's a pretty lengthy thread here where I talked about what I did to help myself quit drinking. I found that AA wasn't for me as well, and instead I found that finding the strength within myself is what eventually led me to beat my alcoholism.
Just stick it out, man. That's about all you can do. Worst case scenario, you hit rock bottom and then claw your way back up. But don't just lie down and take it.
Because we care about facts.
This is dangerous advice.
As for my wife, I cannot bring myself to leave her behind. She needs me. It may be killing me but I'd rather die trying to save her than live with the knowledge that I left her in the state she is in to fend for herself. As much as it hurts, I can't. In sickness and in health, for better or for worse. Always and forever, babe. I looked her in her eyes and spoke those words to her. What kind of person would it make me to abandon her?
What I meant by life causing the HT is all of the stress I am experiencing. I hear stress leads to HT. My body is stuck in fight or flight mode 24/7. The Xanax helps but I'm starting to become tolerant to it. I'm thinking about a switch to buspirone.
SSRI's suck. I tried celexa and the side effects were horrible.
The wife started taking her meds again after a long talk. She's coming back a bit. I really do hope she sticks with it this time. It would be so much easier to do this with a hand to hold.
In other news, I no longer have health insurance. Bye bye counseling, psychs, and doctors, as well as my meds once I run out.
I don't have a lot on my plate, I'm eating the whole damn buffet.
/vent
Edit: As far as help goes, I'm open to anything but NA/AA. I've been and it just made me really, really uncomfortable. Having an anxiety disorder and being around a bunch of unfamiliar people and having to openly discuss my problems didn't help.
Edit 2: I know that this forum isn't really where I should be for this. If I had friends I'd talk to them but they were mostly bad people. Not the kind of people I want to be around anymore.
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My recommendation is to do one thing and one thing only.
Read a book called "A New Guide To Rational Living" by Albert Ellis and Robert Harper.
Quite simply Albert Ellis is the Father of modern psychology and specifically Cognitive and Behavioural therapy which has shown to be the most efficacious of all therapies and has even shown to be better than antidepressant medication in numerous studies.
The concepts behind CBT is rather simple, but for true understanding to sink in you will have to DO IT. Read the book, read it again, practice, challenge yourself. You have trained your mind in a specific fashion and it takes time AND effort to change that training, but it can be done and the effect it will have on you will be DRAMATIC.
The head of the american psychological association was part of a group studying the effects of CBT and when he went to share his results at a symposium he got up to the deus and said simply "I have interviewed thousands of patients and could not find one that CBT didnt work for that actually did it."
I am not saying its a cure all (although it can be,) I am saying the knowledge that CBT is based off of dates back to epictetus who said "Men are disturbed not by things, but by the view which they take of them." The idea has been around for millenia but psychology has finally found a way to implement these ideas in a way that will have a truly profound effect on you.
I wish you the best of luck, and I did notice one thing that will be a pillar of strength for you in the times to come. You said " I take pride in my ability to do things for myself " and that desire to work towards important things will do great things for you, just be sure you are applying those efforts towards the things that matter. This book will help, but a book cant change you, only you can change yourself. Take that desire and use your pride to do what is necessary to change yourself and I promise you will look back years from now and wonder how you could ever see life and the world the way you did now.
Maybe you pointed yourself the right way? A lot of people in tough times turn to religion to give some direction to their life.
No one does.
I have nothing and nowhere to go.
I half want to cry and half want to laugh hysterically. While chugging a 40 and running butt naked through the streets.
Still sober. Somehow. God, maybe?
I want to be erased. I want to wake up with a new identity far far away..
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Because we care about facts.
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Glad to see you are improving.
Atrius' Posts 1W
Instant
You win target thread. If you aren't Atrius, Atrius wins that thread instead.
"Wait, can you actually win a thread?" - Atrius.
I may only be moving a centimeter at a time, but I'll gain momentum as I continue to roll forward. Eventually, this like all else will pass and I can get on with my life.
I'm looking forward to moving home and getting enrolled in college so that I can pursue a career in either a field of chemistry or medical research. I thought about being a doctor, but I love researching things and lets be real - House is a load of crap and doctors don't really research much. Scientists and researchers on the other hand, well...REASEARCHER. Lol.
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I wish I had moved home when I did it, I probably would have burned a lot less bridges, but hey, sometimes that's what you have to do to get to where you want to be.
Because we care about facts.