I had a car accident in mid-December of 2014 on my way to work one morning. It was very icy and I completely slipped off the road. My car rolled a few times, but luckily I never hit anything except snow banks (was on a highway). I pulled myself out of the car through a window and someone had called an ambulance for me. Luckily I was 100% healthy. I had a stiff neck and a little bruise on my knee.
Fast-forward to today.
I still have nightmares quite frequently of being in car accidents, or just losing control of vehicles. They're a lot less intense than they were, which I'm very grateful for, because they used to wake me up in the middle of the night in a panic.
I started driving again about two months after my accident, when I bought another car. It's just not the same. I've lost a lot of confidence in my driving ability. This is not necessarily a bad thing, as I'm extremely careful now. But I always have the impression that I'm slipping or losing control when I turn, and I freak myself out for no reason at all.
The worst is when I'm a passenger, however. I become so anxious, it makes the driver nervous. My girlfriend scares me the most. Her standard driving is not exactly fluid, and I feel like she's not always attentive of what's happening around her. At one point I actually decided to sit in the back seat and close my eyes on a return-trip.
The only person that I completely trust when on the road is my best friend, with whom I've been on countless road trips and drives like a champ.
First of all, is it normal to have these small "anxiety attacks" even months after the event? They're not as bad as they used to be, but they seem to persist.
Second, I feel bad about stressing out my girlfriend when she drives. Is there any way I can find a way to not freak out, without making her feel like she's a bad driver?
I'm a very optimistic, positive person. Even in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, I was laughing and making jokes with the woman who strapped me into the stretcher, telling her I had to start my vacation early, etc. I feel my anxiety is improving, yet I still have this small panic whenever I'm near a vehicle, and especially when I'm a passenger. I feel like I can work this out on my own, but I'm wondering if anyone has any insight on how long these traumas can last? Personal experience, studies, anything goes.
First, it's perfectly normal to have panic attacks while driving after a car accident. I was in a wreck that killed the driver (my friend) and left me with a ton of broken bones. I have a bolt in my hip and my thumb, and had to have my lung reinflated. Now, ten years later, I still have anxiety sometimes when I'm riding with someone I don't consider a safe driver.
Do not be ashamed of these feelings. You need to process and work through them in your own time.
As for your girlfriend, it's best to ride with people you trust, at least at first. Just explain to her why you feel this way, that's it's like (or flat out IS) post-traumatic stress and it's not about her.
Thank you for your lightning-fast response and reassurance!
I can't tell you how lucky I feel to have gotten out of that accident without a scratch on me (looking at the car would paint a completely different picture). That fact has been a part of the problem, though. Deep down, I can't help myself from thinking: "I got out without a scratch, so why do I still feel so anxious? It could have been so much worse!" You're absolutely right; I need to stop feeling this shame and accept my feelings.
As for my girlfriend, you think I should simply avoid being a passenger with with her for the time being? I have to say she hasn't taken my stress as a passenger very well, thinking it reflects on her driving. I'll have a more in-depth discussion with her when not in a car this time. She'll definitely understand if I actually express myself calmly.
You could close your eyes when you're riding with your girlfriend
I was in a car accident back in August of 2013, and up until recently, I suffered from high spikes of stress whenever driving through an intersection similar to the one I got in an accident in. But it's been much better as of late, and it's made me a much more cautious driver in such intersections.
2011: Best Mafia Performance (Individual) - Best Newcomer
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2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
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I fully understand what you are going through. I have been iffy about being in a car since I was little. I was part of an accident when it was rainy and the car I was in didn't stop and hit another one, in addition there were a couple other experiences. It took me until the age of 24 to learn to drive from my fear of driving. (Haven't driven a car in over two years.) Even in buses while going to college I was getting attacks and freaking myself out more and more, but this was during a time of high stress for me.
This past half year it has been easier for me to be in a vehicle for some reason. Could be that having to go to work and being in vehicles more often has allowed me to grow more accustomed to them again.
What you are going through is very understandable and I am surprised it only took you two months to get back into driving. It shows that you still have it in you to keep doing it, but you still have emotions and worries about it, which is perfectly fine. I am no therapist by any means, but getting back on the road slowly can help. Starting with only side roads or roads with low kph/mph and slowly build back up to free/highways. When you start to feel confident in your driving again just remember that during bad weather it is always best to wait until it subsides and roads become clear.
Definitely a smart idea to talk to your girlfriend and help her understand a little bit more about what you are going through. I bet she will understand as well.
Thanks so much for sharing your experience. I see now that this is a very normal thing to feel, and that it can last a very long time.
I actually had to pick up my car in Québec City, which is about a 3.5 hour drive on the highway from where I live. I had to navigate my way home with no map and no GPS in a city I've never driven in before during rush hour and drive 100 km/h(60 mph?) to get home on the highway in winter. In hindsight, that was a terrible idea. I pretty much crapped my pants. I could barely hold the wheel steady because my hands were so sweaty. Baptism by fire, as they say.
As for these days, I had a good, calm talk with my girlfriend, and she actually came up with a really good suggestion: that while she drives, I should read. This will keep me fairly distracted, without looking insane.
So, Dostoevsky's The Idiot is waiting for me in her car every time we drive. It's kinda nice!
I had a car accident in mid-December of 2014 on my way to work one morning. It was very icy and I completely slipped off the road. My car rolled a few times, but luckily I never hit anything except snow banks (was on a highway). I pulled myself out of the car through a window and someone had called an ambulance for me. Luckily I was 100% healthy. I had a stiff neck and a little bruise on my knee.
Fast-forward to today.
I still have nightmares quite frequently of being in car accidents, or just losing control of vehicles. They're a lot less intense than they were, which I'm very grateful for, because they used to wake me up in the middle of the night in a panic.
I started driving again about two months after my accident, when I bought another car. It's just not the same. I've lost a lot of confidence in my driving ability. This is not necessarily a bad thing, as I'm extremely careful now. But I always have the impression that I'm slipping or losing control when I turn, and I freak myself out for no reason at all.
The worst is when I'm a passenger, however. I become so anxious, it makes the driver nervous. My girlfriend scares me the most. Her standard driving is not exactly fluid, and I feel like she's not always attentive of what's happening around her. At one point I actually decided to sit in the back seat and close my eyes on a return-trip.
The only person that I completely trust when on the road is my best friend, with whom I've been on countless road trips and drives like a champ.
First of all, is it normal to have these small "anxiety attacks" even months after the event? They're not as bad as they used to be, but they seem to persist.
Second, I feel bad about stressing out my girlfriend when she drives. Is there any way I can find a way to not freak out, without making her feel like she's a bad driver?
I'm a very optimistic, positive person. Even in the ambulance on the way to the hospital, I was laughing and making jokes with the woman who strapped me into the stretcher, telling her I had to start my vacation early, etc. I feel my anxiety is improving, yet I still have this small panic whenever I'm near a vehicle, and especially when I'm a passenger. I feel like I can work this out on my own, but I'm wondering if anyone has any insight on how long these traumas can last? Personal experience, studies, anything goes.
Thanks so much!
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Do not be ashamed of these feelings. You need to process and work through them in your own time.
As for your girlfriend, it's best to ride with people you trust, at least at first. Just explain to her why you feel this way, that's it's like (or flat out IS) post-traumatic stress and it's not about her.
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I can't tell you how lucky I feel to have gotten out of that accident without a scratch on me (looking at the car would paint a completely different picture). That fact has been a part of the problem, though. Deep down, I can't help myself from thinking: "I got out without a scratch, so why do I still feel so anxious? It could have been so much worse!" You're absolutely right; I need to stop feeling this shame and accept my feelings.
As for my girlfriend, you think I should simply avoid being a passenger with with her for the time being? I have to say she hasn't taken my stress as a passenger very well, thinking it reflects on her driving. I'll have a more in-depth discussion with her when not in a car this time. She'll definitely understand if I actually express myself calmly.
UGTurboFogGU
BRSacrificial AggroBR
16The Paper Pauper Battle Bag16
EDH
BRRakdos, Lord of PingersBR
GTitania, Protector of ArgothG
UB Ramses OverdarkUB
Sig by Ace5301 of Ace of Spades Studio
I was in a car accident back in August of 2013, and up until recently, I suffered from high spikes of stress whenever driving through an intersection similar to the one I got in an accident in. But it's been much better as of late, and it's made me a much more cautious driver in such intersections.
So, I imagine it'll pass with time. Good luck!
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2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
This past half year it has been easier for me to be in a vehicle for some reason. Could be that having to go to work and being in vehicles more often has allowed me to grow more accustomed to them again.
What you are going through is very understandable and I am surprised it only took you two months to get back into driving. It shows that you still have it in you to keep doing it, but you still have emotions and worries about it, which is perfectly fine. I am no therapist by any means, but getting back on the road slowly can help. Starting with only side roads or roads with low kph/mph and slowly build back up to free/highways. When you start to feel confident in your driving again just remember that during bad weather it is always best to wait until it subsides and roads become clear.
Definitely a smart idea to talk to your girlfriend and help her understand a little bit more about what you are going through. I bet she will understand as well.
Good luck on getting through your endeavor.
I actually had to pick up my car in Québec City, which is about a 3.5 hour drive on the highway from where I live. I had to navigate my way home with no map and no GPS in a city I've never driven in before during rush hour and drive 100 km/h(60 mph?) to get home on the highway in winter. In hindsight, that was a terrible idea. I pretty much crapped my pants. I could barely hold the wheel steady because my hands were so sweaty. Baptism by fire, as they say.
As for these days, I had a good, calm talk with my girlfriend, and she actually came up with a really good suggestion: that while she drives, I should read. This will keep me fairly distracted, without looking insane.
So, Dostoevsky's The Idiot is waiting for me in her car every time we drive. It's kinda nice!
UGTurboFogGU
BRSacrificial AggroBR
16The Paper Pauper Battle Bag16
EDH
BRRakdos, Lord of PingersBR
GTitania, Protector of ArgothG
UB Ramses OverdarkUB
Sig by Ace5301 of Ace of Spades Studio