As some of you know I am a pretty passionate and opinionated guy. I've been here over half a decade now and have gotten to know a lot of you on a personal level and because of this it makes it very hard to post about my personal life on here, but I don't know where else to put this. I am 25 years old and I am an alcoholic. It's amazing how it creeps up on you. I would have a couple beers one day, then a few more the next and at my worst it got to a half gallon of vodka a day when I didn't have to work and I'm currently at a box of wine about every two days. I blamed it on stress and needing it to take the edge off so I could sleep. No one needs a half gallon of vodka to take the edge off.
My personal life is an absolute train wreck and almost all of it has to do with my alcoholism. I have no medical insurance, I'm in near poverty as I spend basically all my disposable income on alcohol, tobacco and food. I contacted a few rehab centers and they flat out told me that if I can't afford $1k a day without insurance there's nothing they can do for me and even if I have insurance it's still going to be expensive.
The love of my life left me for someone twice her age and almost all of it was due to my inability to stop drinking. I did not take it well. If you're thinking "just put it down man", you've never been an addict. It's not that easy. It's literally the only thing in my life that I enjoy and it's literally killing my personal life, and though I haven't seen any negative physical side effects aside from my inability to eat anything for a few hours after I get up and a few extra pounds, I know it's going to kill me.
Recently my ex and I started talking again and the feelings came right back. We ended up sleeping together a few times, her cheating on her boyfriend, but we stopped because the guilt was crushing her. She told him and he forgave her because to put it bluntly he's never had a girlfriend and he's holding on for dear life. If it were me I would have dropped her faster than a bad habit. (Ironic, I know) My opinion of her has changed dramatically and I know I would never ever take her back after realizing she is a cheater. I've been cheated on before and I just can't be with someone who would do that. Despite my common sense and insight, once I start drinking all that is forgotten and I'm calling her over to my place so we can do it again. This last time her boyfriend went to her house to see where her car was, then showed up in my driveway. That was a really awkward conversation and yeah, you guessed it, I was drunk and unbelievably to me I didn't knock his teeth down his throat for being such an insecure (censored) about the whole situation. Going through her phone while she's asleep. Dude's twice her age and acting like a child. But, I can't blame him, really.
So, she leaves and I warn her that this kind of behavior on his part should be kept an eye on. The next day she's telling me she's in love with me and she's going to break up with him. She didn't. She went to his house tonight and they 'patched things up' with the stipulation that she never talks to me again and that she stops seeing me. We work together so that's not gonna' be a realistic goal but I blocked her from my phone and told her to have a good life, after warning her that I had a bad feeling about this dude based on his actions. Insecure jealous ex military types with lots of guns are worrisome.
Now that brings me to the point of this post. I have nothing. I live in a rented room, a few possessions, I don't drive, I don't have a license, I don't have virtually anything really because of my addiction. He talked to her about 'future plans' and moving in together. We never once spoke about that. How am I supposed to blame her for staying with him when he has his ***** together and I'm looking like a gigantic loser? Before the alcohol it was Adderrall. Before that it was Xanex. I've lost every important person in my life because I can't grow up and get my ***** together. I don't know what to do. A friend of mine and I were talking about moving halfway across the country and starting over. I'm really considering that at this point. My mom and dad are addicts, my sister is so embarrassed by me she won't see me or let her near my niece, my friends all stopped talking to me because of the person I've become. My room mate barely tolerates me and I'm positive the only reason I'm still living here is because he relies on me financially. Basically, I am at the lowest point I've ever been in my life. I don't know what to do.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
Mhjames: mtgsalvation: I DON'T SEE HOW THIS CARD IS GOOD. I KNOW PATRICK CHAPIN USED IT AND WENT 8-0, BUT THAT WAS A SMALL TOURNAMENT. THE CARD IS TOO SLOW. YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE OPPONENT HAS A SPELL IN THE GRAVEYARD
Sounds like you're close to the bottom, which is potentially a good thing - it means that you can only go up from there. If you can't afford rehab, maybe free online therapy will help? I can't make a professional recommendation, so of course, what I say is to be taken with a grain of salt - but I think there are a few things you need to do:
1. Pour all of your booze down the drain right now. Exercise the willpower not to touch a bottle after that for a day at a time. After that, try for a week, and then for a month. If you slip up, start over, but keep trying.
2. Get a hobby. Instead of investing all of your expendable income on alcohol, why not put it towards something like Magic cards? I mean, there's a reason you're on MTGS, right? If Magic isn't your thing anymore for some reason, though, find something that you're passionate about, or that you can at least do to keep busy. Do you like video games? Sewing? Drawing? You may have to keep trying different things until you find something you like, but in the meantime, it's an activity that will occupy your hands (hypothetically) and your mind. If you're focused on something other than drinking, you'll probably be less inclined to try to drink, right?
3. If you think you can relocate with your friend safely (safely meaning, of course, with financial stability and that sort of thing), then it's entirely possible that it's an option you should take. I often find that I lose motivation and degenerate into poor habits when my environment or life have stagnated in some way, shape, or form - such as with my job, or if I fall into some kind of routine. Make drastic changes to your life! Go to the park and read a book under a tree. Volunteer for charity work. Challenge a stranger to a game of chess. Learn how to do something new. Be productive, and try to do things that will get you to stop feeling sorry for yourself, because, hey! You're being productive! You're improving "you"!
If you are planning on moving with your friend, I suggest scouting out for jobs and residence ahead of time. And again, if you start feeling the itch to drink again, there's always the free therapy option - and the memories of how it made your life take a turn for the worse.
Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you. Keep us posted.
2011: Best Mafia Performance (Individual) - Best Newcomer
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
I want to die. I'm real close to writing a note and hanging myself. And since I'll likely get an infraction here for saying that what can I say? what would you guys do? I've been dead inside for months.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
Mhjames: mtgsalvation: I DON'T SEE HOW THIS CARD IS GOOD. I KNOW PATRICK CHAPIN USED IT AND WENT 8-0, BUT THAT WAS A SMALL TOURNAMENT. THE CARD IS TOO SLOW. YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE OPPONENT HAS A SPELL IN THE GRAVEYARD
The first step is to call this number immediately: (216) 623-6888
It's a crisis hotline in your area. Talk to them.
Edit: There are other solutions in terms of rehab. County governments sometimes have their own rehab facilities, or there are programs to help pay for these programs. You can also call 211 to help you find resources that work for you.
This thread is not for commenting for the general userbase. If you're not infallible or a moderator, do not post here without a very good reason.
The first step is to call this number immediately: (216) 623-6888
It's a crisis hotline in your area. Talk to them.
Edit: There are other solutions in terms of rehab. County governments sometimes have their own rehab facilities, or there are programs to help pay for these programs. You can also call 211 to help you find resources that work for you.
This thread is not for commenting for the general userbase. If you're not infallible or a moderator, do not post here without a very good reason.
Wow, you actually took the time to look up a number in my area for me. Thank you and I'm gonna' call that number tonight.
Just a quick question, though, why can't the general user base comment here?
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
Mhjames: mtgsalvation: I DON'T SEE HOW THIS CARD IS GOOD. I KNOW PATRICK CHAPIN USED IT AND WENT 8-0, BUT THAT WAS A SMALL TOURNAMENT. THE CARD IS TOO SLOW. YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE OPPONENT HAS A SPELL IN THE GRAVEYARD
Just a quick question, though, why can't the general user base comment here?
I used to work as an EMT. I take statements like you made very seriously, and I didn't want anyone coming in here offering bad advice or worse, trolling you. But I did want to make sure the thread was open for you to respond.
There really isn't any advice we can give you here. You're much better off talking to 2-1-1 for resource and a crisis help line - I work with crisis call centers as a small part of my job and I know enough to know outside of referring you I have no idea how to help.
I really hope you're able to find information that helps you
Why I appreciate your concern I can recegonize a troll very easily. I've been online for 14 years. It doesn't phase me. I was looking for real discussion about addiction and while your intentions are noble I feel like you're hindering any reflections of one onto me by doing this. I know it comes from a good place but if I wasn't ready for nasty comments I wouldn't have posted.
Btw, to everyone sending me heart filled messages about their struggles and to my own shock there's a lot of you, I appreciate it like you can't possibly know. Thank you guys.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
Mhjames: mtgsalvation: I DON'T SEE HOW THIS CARD IS GOOD. I KNOW PATRICK CHAPIN USED IT AND WENT 8-0, BUT THAT WAS A SMALL TOURNAMENT. THE CARD IS TOO SLOW. YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE OPPONENT HAS A SPELL IN THE GRAVEYARD
I hope you are okay Infallible. I remember going to FNM every week...and After the third round I always left.
Even If I was 3-0...I would say "Goodbye everyone" and leave. One of my friends pulled me to the side one day and said
"Dude, you think no one notices that you leave to go drink? You smell like alcohol when you sweat bro, take it easy" He was
a former Marine. and a good friend. Eventually My drinking problem got so bad...That I started playing MTGO only and ONLY playing Pauper.
I can relate to a lot of this. I'm also an alcoholic who just can't figure out how to quit, even though it's blatantly obvious that it's going to kill me. The only thing that really grants me any sort of reprieve from the cravings to be intoxicated is Magic, and even that is sketchy nowadays. I've played drunk, hitting the bar between rounds for the last several events I've been to. AA Meetings just weren't for me at all and I thought that I could handle it until my third month sober, I ended up hurting someone whom I still care a lot about more than either one of us will admit and that pushed me right back to the bars.
The feelings that come with this disease are just so disgusting. It feels like I'm literally tied down to the barstool and can't leave some nights, like I physically can't leave. Not because I'm too drunk to move (although that happens occasionally), but because I need my fix and can't leave until I get it. The lack of control is nauseating. I hope that you find a way out of this. I'm unfortunately still in a similar position of not knowing what to do myself, so I can't offer much advice on that front, but if you are in need of someone to talk to about any of this kind of stuff, please feel free to message me. The one part of AA that stuck with me was that we were all there to help each other, so I'll gladly offer what assistance I can, even if it's only listening.
I can relate to a lot of this. I'm also an alcoholic who just can't figure out how to quit, even though it's blatantly obvious that it's going to kill me. The only thing that really grants me any sort of reprieve from the cravings to be intoxicated is Magic, and even that is sketchy nowadays. I've played drunk, hitting the bar between rounds for the last several events I've been to. AA Meetings just weren't for me at all and I thought that I could handle it until my third month sober, I ended up hurting someone whom I still care a lot about more than either one of us will admit and that pushed me right back to the bars.
The feelings that come with this disease are just so disgusting. It feels like I'm literally tied down to the barstool and can't leave some nights, like I physically can't leave. Not because I'm too drunk to move (although that happens occasionally), but because I need my fix and can't leave until I get it. The lack of control is nauseating. I hope that you find a way out of this. I'm unfortunately still in a similar position of not knowing what to do myself, so I can't offer much advice on that front, but if you are in need of someone to talk to about any of this kind of stuff, please feel free to message me. The one part of AA that stuck with me was that we were all there to help each other, so I'll gladly offer what assistance I can, even if it's only listening.
My LGS actually allows us to drink while we play. I'm not even technically sure it's legal. I can't tell you how many occasions I've top 8'd and had to drop because I was too drunk to shuffle my deck. I'm with you, man. It's hard. What separates us from everyone else who drinks is our inability to just stop. Everyone else can have 4 beers and be done and I'm going across the street after drink #10 for more.
For me it's the feeling that if I don't drink I have to be alone with my thoughts. Just last night, for instance, I woke up at 7:30 am and went to bed at 5:30 am after a full days work because I just couldn't stop tossing and turning. Thinking about everything wrong with my life. I drink because I'm a coward who can't face his problems.
You have to grab hold of what's important in your life. There is no easy route in this and you aren't going to stop until you're ready. Hell, there's nothing stopping me from going to the store tonight and getting booze. Nothing at all but sheer force of will, and to cowards like I am (and I assume you are) there's not much fight in us to begin with.
What I will say about being clean for a week. Positives, if anything. You know how you wake up so thirsty you can't see straight? That doesn't happen. You take a dump and it's almost all liquid? That doesn't happen. Do you get moody through out the day, like this fog hanging over you that you can't quite pin point why you're so annoyed? It's lessened dramatically. But, still, despite these posties I've noticed the urge to drink is still there.
Are you alone? Do you have a significant other? Do you have a strong family, decent friends? If I had any of this perpetually quitting would be a non issue. When you put yourself in a situation, and only you can, where it's you bettering yourself vs alcohol, literally doing it for yourself, you're left with the questioning as to WHY do it for yourself? At least that's what it is with me. Why should I better myself? Why should I go on with my life and try to make it better when all I've ever known since childhood was misery? Magic has never helped me with anything. Video games, work, school, girlfriends, friends, nothing has helped me. I've been an addict since the first time I got high.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
Mhjames: mtgsalvation: I DON'T SEE HOW THIS CARD IS GOOD. I KNOW PATRICK CHAPIN USED IT AND WENT 8-0, BUT THAT WAS A SMALL TOURNAMENT. THE CARD IS TOO SLOW. YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE OPPONENT HAS A SPELL IN THE GRAVEYARD
So, today I went through my usual Tuesday routine. I woke up at 7:30, showered, shaved, went into work, prepped for the day ahead ( why does my boss prep so little on Mondays I will never understand.) and after a day of barely being able to stand from sleep deprivation I walked a mile and cashed my check and came home.
I'm writing here now to keep track of my thoughts. My sister gave my ex gf (We were teenagers( my number. I don't know why she did it, but I'm glad she did. As soon as my phone rang and I heard her voice it took all that I was not to sit down. She's doing so well. She's in the army, gonna' be a sergeant, stationed in Hawaii. We talked for hours, so long I actually thought my phone would die. We picked up like we never stopped. After a bunch of deep conversation she asked me if I was busy this week (she's coming home on leave) and I just laughed and said "You wanna see me?" And she giggled and said yes. She has no idea the person I've become. She knew me when we were teenagers. She's in the best shape of her life and I'm still the same shape I was in highschool. What scares me is not rejection. because I expect that. But, for her not to care and we get right back on the horse like we never fell off.
In the mean time since I last updated, I've slept with two of my co workers. One is the girl in my OP, another is a co worker who's got a bad relationship. I'm the 'other guy' in both of these situations. I have no attachments. I don't feel guilty they're cheating. I don't care. But, if my ex were to find out..she'd care. I always told my ex in the OP that if I found someone I loved I would stop. That I'd never do to another what she's doing to her boyfriend. I couldn't bare it. Yet, this is who I am. I'm the other guy despite telling myself I would never be.
And I really need a drink. She's coming this month, and I know she'll see me. I can't even begin to explain this. She's going through a divorce (he cheated on her for 2 years) and if I were to come clean I'm sure she'd run. But, I would never do this to her. I keep telling my ex in the OP she doesn't love either of us.
Because if you love someone how could you betray them like this? How could you do this? It doesn't make sense
I'll update when she comes to visit.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
Mhjames: mtgsalvation: I DON'T SEE HOW THIS CARD IS GOOD. I KNOW PATRICK CHAPIN USED IT AND WENT 8-0, BUT THAT WAS A SMALL TOURNAMENT. THE CARD IS TOO SLOW. YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE OPPONENT HAS A SPELL IN THE GRAVEYARD
I can relate to a lot of this. I'm also an alcoholic who just can't figure out how to quit, even though it's blatantly obvious that it's going to kill me. The only thing that really grants me any sort of reprieve from the cravings to be intoxicated is Magic, and even that is sketchy nowadays. I've played drunk, hitting the bar between rounds for the last several events I've been to. AA Meetings just weren't for me at all and I thought that I could handle it until my third month sober, I ended up hurting someone whom I still care a lot about more than either one of us will admit and that pushed me right back to the bars.
The feelings that come with this disease are just so disgusting. It feels like I'm literally tied down to the barstool and can't leave some nights, like I physically can't leave. Not because I'm too drunk to move (although that happens occasionally), but because I need my fix and can't leave until I get it. The lack of control is nauseating. I hope that you find a way out of this. I'm unfortunately still in a similar position of not knowing what to do myself, so I can't offer much advice on that front, but if you are in need of someone to talk to about any of this kind of stuff, please feel free to message me. The one part of AA that stuck with me was that we were all there to help each other, so I'll gladly offer what assistance I can, even if it's only listening.
My LGS actually allows us to drink while we play. I'm not even technically sure it's legal. I can't tell you how many occasions I've top 8'd and had to drop because I was too drunk to shuffle my deck. I'm with you, man. It's hard. What separates us from everyone else who drinks is our inability to just stop. Everyone else can have 4 beers and be done and I'm going across the street after drink #10 for more.
For me it's the feeling that if I don't drink I have to be alone with my thoughts. Just last night, for instance, I woke up at 7:30 am and went to bed at 5:30 am after a full days work because I just couldn't stop tossing and turning. Thinking about everything wrong with my life. I drink because I'm a coward who can't face his problems.
You have to grab hold of what's important in your life. There is no easy route in this and you aren't going to stop until you're ready. Hell, there's nothing stopping me from going to the store tonight and getting booze. Nothing at all but sheer force of will, and to cowards like I am (and I assume you are) there's not much fight in us to begin with.
What I will say about being clean for a week. Positives, if anything. You know how you wake up so thirsty you can't see straight? That doesn't happen. You take a dump and it's almost all liquid? That doesn't happen. Do you get moody through out the day, like this fog hanging over you that you can't quite pin point why you're so annoyed? It's lessened dramatically. But, still, despite these posties I've noticed the urge to drink is still there.
Are you alone? Do you have a significant other? Do you have a strong family, decent friends? If I had any of this perpetually quitting would be a non issue. When you put yourself in a situation, and only you can, where it's you bettering yourself vs alcohol, literally doing it for yourself, you're left with the questioning as to WHY do it for yourself? At least that's what it is with me. Why should I better myself? Why should I go on with my life and try to make it better when all I've ever known since childhood was misery? Magic has never helped me with anything. Video games, work, school, girlfriends, friends, nothing has helped me. I've been an addict since the first time I got high.
I hate to be rude, but an addiction to alcohol is not about being a coward. It's the same way someone gets stoned everyday, it doesn't really mean they are a coward and have to "face real life" The truth is a lot of addicts have a job and are not overweight... So what are they running away from? You can look physically amazing, make six figures a year, have a trophy wife, and still be a raging alcoholic.
I find it strange you didn't really document or make comments on your "withdrawal" in the past week of sobriety. I really hope your being honest with yourself.
My own suggestion is to turn to your family. I have a tennant who lives in my house currently who used to be a drug addict. At one point his mother rented him a room and he barricaded himself inside for a month and she would bring him food. Addiction is no laughing matter and you need to seek help.
Family would be my suggestion of who to turn to. They might be able to help you financially to seek help or have some other way to try to assist you. If you have a faith its possible you could turn to a pastor or something of the sort and seek assistance through them as well. My suggestion would be to look to those who love you regardless of the situation and ask them for help.
As far as the ex goes, you might be able to request different shifts at work or request to not work directly with her potentially depending on what sort of work you do. Managers tend to be understanding and if you give them some bare minimum details they might be able to adjust your schedule to minimize overlap.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
I have officially moved to MTGNexus. I just wanted to let people know as my response time to salvation decks being bumped is very hit or miss.
I'm a recovering alcoholic. The last time I took a drink was 17 years ago. I'm a big believer in 90 meetings in the first 90 days of sobriety. Admitting you are an alcoholic isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. Hang in there.
I can relate to a lot of this. I'm also an alcoholic who just can't figure out how to quit, even though it's blatantly obvious that it's going to kill me. The only thing that really grants me any sort of reprieve from the cravings to be intoxicated is Magic, and even that is sketchy nowadays. I've played drunk, hitting the bar between rounds for the last several events I've been to. AA Meetings just weren't for me at all and I thought that I could handle it until my third month sober, I ended up hurting someone whom I still care a lot about more than either one of us will admit and that pushed me right back to the bars.
The feelings that come with this disease are just so disgusting. It feels like I'm literally tied down to the barstool and can't leave some nights, like I physically can't leave. Not because I'm too drunk to move (although that happens occasionally), but because I need my fix and can't leave until I get it. The lack of control is nauseating. I hope that you find a way out of this. I'm unfortunately still in a similar position of not knowing what to do myself, so I can't offer much advice on that front, but if you are in need of someone to talk to about any of this kind of stuff, please feel free to message me. The one part of AA that stuck with me was that we were all there to help each other, so I'll gladly offer what assistance I can, even if it's only listening.
My LGS actually allows us to drink while we play. I'm not even technically sure it's legal. I can't tell you how many occasions I've top 8'd and had to drop because I was too drunk to shuffle my deck. I'm with you, man. It's hard. What separates us from everyone else who drinks is our inability to just stop. Everyone else can have 4 beers and be done and I'm going across the street after drink #10 for more.
For me it's the feeling that if I don't drink I have to be alone with my thoughts. Just last night, for instance, I woke up at 7:30 am and went to bed at 5:30 am after a full days work because I just couldn't stop tossing and turning. Thinking about everything wrong with my life. I drink because I'm a coward who can't face his problems.
You have to grab hold of what's important in your life. There is no easy route in this and you aren't going to stop until you're ready. Hell, there's nothing stopping me from going to the store tonight and getting booze. Nothing at all but sheer force of will, and to cowards like I am (and I assume you are) there's not much fight in us to begin with.
What I will say about being clean for a week. Positives, if anything. You know how you wake up so thirsty you can't see straight? That doesn't happen. You take a dump and it's almost all liquid? That doesn't happen. Do you get moody through out the day, like this fog hanging over you that you can't quite pin point why you're so annoyed? It's lessened dramatically. But, still, despite these posties I've noticed the urge to drink is still there.
Are you alone? Do you have a significant other? Do you have a strong family, decent friends? If I had any of this perpetually quitting would be a non issue. When you put yourself in a situation, and only you can, where it's you bettering yourself vs alcohol, literally doing it for yourself, you're left with the questioning as to WHY do it for yourself? At least that's what it is with me. Why should I better myself? Why should I go on with my life and try to make it better when all I've ever known since childhood was misery? Magic has never helped me with anything. Video games, work, school, girlfriends, friends, nothing has helped me. I've been an addict since the first time I got high.
I hate to be rude, but an addiction to alcohol is not about being a coward. It's the same way someone gets stoned everyday, it doesn't really mean they are a coward and have to "face real life" The truth is a lot of addicts have a job and are not overweight... So what are they running away from? You can look physically amazing, make six figures a year, have a trophy wife, and still be a raging alcoholic.
I find it strange you didn't really document or make comments on your "withdrawal" in the past week of sobriety. I really hope your being honest with yourself.
I don't agree. If you're obliterating your awareness every single night you're doing it for some reason.
You weren't being rude before that. I didn't even think to talk about how I get two hours of sleep a night and have been craving sugar like a it's going out of style. I got the shakes the first night but didn't get them any consecutive night.
I'm a recovering alcoholic. The last time I took a drink was 17 years ago. I'm a big believer in 90 meetings in the first 90 days of sobriety. Admitting you are an alcoholic isn't a sign of weakness, it's a sign of strength. Hang in there.
Thank you, I'm trying.
@Jay Every single meeting in my area doesn't work with my work schedule. I'll have to find some way to push things around in order to make it to one but I don't see it possible.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
Mhjames: mtgsalvation: I DON'T SEE HOW THIS CARD IS GOOD. I KNOW PATRICK CHAPIN USED IT AND WENT 8-0, BUT THAT WAS A SMALL TOURNAMENT. THE CARD IS TOO SLOW. YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE OPPONENT HAS A SPELL IN THE GRAVEYARD
2011: Best Mafia Performance (Individual) - Best Newcomer
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
Hey, Infallible - just poking my head in to ask for an update on things.
I'll try and make this as accurate as possible since I was very high for three days. On thursday night I took 8 Xanex and drank a case of wine after writing a sadly short suicide note. After my last glass I realized what I did as everything started to spin and I couldn't stand anymore. I crawled on hands and knees to my room mate sitting in the living room and he called 911 immediately seeing me. The ambulance came, they asked a ton of questions, they take me to the ER, they ask a ton of questions. After laying there for a few seconds a doctor comes in and asks how many fingers he's holding up, i tell me the right amount, asks some more questions, ask how much I took (I lied and said 4. I'm a former xanex addict so telling him 8 woulda got my stomach pumped and I knew from experience I would live). Some other dude comes in and gives me an IV then starts me on a saline drip. He gives me Atavan and I fall asleep for an hour or so. Get woken up by a nurse, he checks my vitals and what not and takes me to the detox wing (I guess thats what it is). Here starts the three worse days of my life.
Let me tell you guys something about hospitals. There are NOT enough doctors and WAY too many nurses. The gowns they give you are like wearing a gigantic ******* parachute. I wanted nothing more than to have a normal shirt. The bed I was in for whatever reason inflated and deflated in different parts every five minutes so i could never stay comfortable. Every time I fell asleep I'd get woken up by my legs raising ten inches above my torso. I had a baby sitter around the clock sitting in the bed next to mine. They would talk to me and it was nice. Every hour someone came in and pumped me full of enough Atavan to kill an elephant. I have no idea why this had to be done every 24 hours. Made sleep miserable. Also, I was extremely high. Constantly. I had a bad cough so they started mixing Robitussin in it, i couldn't sleep so they gave me ambien with it and something like Foravin? I don't know.
I'm not trying to ***** on doctors but jesus what the hell were they thinking? I realize alcohol withdrawal is serious but I had way, way too much drugs in me. Now here comes the fun part.
On the third day, after the ambien/robo/ata/forasomething cocktail I start to hallucinate. Badly. I want to go home. Im tired of bed and the nothing to do and the constant atavan and the nurses who won't let me talk to a psychologist and it's pretty clear to me at this point that I should not be here. I pass out and wake up next to a 21 year old substance abuse counselor and proceed to completely tear this poor girl apart. Im going there tomorrow with flowers (since I left my keys) because the things alone that I REMEMBER saying to her were down right deplorable. I tell I think the nurses are trying to kill me and that she's not real because there's no way she would be so young. (that with a barge of personal insults. I dont even wanna talk about them. I feel disgusting thinking about it) I was going absolutely insane. The head nurse comes in and I start telling her to **** off, I wanna go home, you people are incompetent blah blah. They keep telling me I'm on 72 hr hold for suicide and im like "LOOK AT THE CLOCK. ITS SUNDAY. LET. ME. GO." they still wont so finally I scream "I want to talk to my lawyer." They all go silent, i pull up my phone, call my laywer, tell him whats going on, he talks to them, they let me go. They then proceed to let me walk 3 miles in the rain high as a kite. I get stopped by a police officer who thinks im a junkie by the way im dressed and walking and I explain to him that I'd just been in the hospital. He calls them and says im clear and proceeds to let me stumble home in the rain. Protect and serve. Good cop.
That was my weekend. I don't have major withdrawal symptoms anymore. Ive had maybe 7 beers since sunday night. I'm done with this crap.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
Mhjames: mtgsalvation: I DON'T SEE HOW THIS CARD IS GOOD. I KNOW PATRICK CHAPIN USED IT AND WENT 8-0, BUT THAT WAS A SMALL TOURNAMENT. THE CARD IS TOO SLOW. YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE OPPONENT HAS A SPELL IN THE GRAVEYARD
Done with what crap? The drinking or the sobriety? You're going to hit a lot of hiccups, but I think going back to apologize is a good idea. Talk to the counselor this time - even if she's not experienced she could have access to resources that might help.
I'm also going to reiterate that you should find a meeting or a program, even if it's not close or doesn't work on your schedule. While we all sympathize (I don't think there are very many people these days whose lives haven't been touched by addiction in some way), I don't think any of us are as well equipped as a sponsor would be.
I am a recovering drug addict. When I realized the following it became possible to stop:
1) I am an addict.
2) As an addict I have to keep the substance of of my body 100%, for the rest of my life.
3) There is no room for "slips" or "cheats" in the path to recovery. Slips or cheats lead back to full relapse either in the short or medium term.
4) I have to make a personal commitment to stay substance free forever.
5) I don't need a quit date. There will be no better time than NOW to stop using (100%)
On the upside, when you do quit each day on the road to recovery will be easier (after an initial period).
There will be a time in the future when you don't think of or need alcohol. It may be sooner than you think.
Everything you love in life can be enjoyed without alcohol.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
---
You colonization of language is not appreciated.
You took 8 xanax bars? Geez man. Forget the box wine, You need to get RID OF YOUR XANAX DEALER IMMEDIATELY.
Xanax will destroy your life.
Yeah, the doctors immediately pumped my stomach when I went into the ER. I told them I took them an hour ago so it was pointless but they didn't care. Jesus, the feeling of that chalky crap going down your throat. Ugh.
I don't really mess with Xanex hardly ever. I was just having a really bad day and was drunk and made a stupid decision. I've toned my drinking down to virtually nothing since I got out. I'm not gonna' end up like that again.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
Mhjames: mtgsalvation: I DON'T SEE HOW THIS CARD IS GOOD. I KNOW PATRICK CHAPIN USED IT AND WENT 8-0, BUT THAT WAS A SMALL TOURNAMENT. THE CARD IS TOO SLOW. YOU NEED TO MAKE SURE THE OPPONENT HAS A SPELL IN THE GRAVEYARD
Stellar logic. All decks that will ever be tier 1 or 2 have already been discovered. Might as well lock up the forum here and stop brewing everyone. Format solved.
To post a comment, please login or register a new account.
My personal life is an absolute train wreck and almost all of it has to do with my alcoholism. I have no medical insurance, I'm in near poverty as I spend basically all my disposable income on alcohol, tobacco and food. I contacted a few rehab centers and they flat out told me that if I can't afford $1k a day without insurance there's nothing they can do for me and even if I have insurance it's still going to be expensive.
The love of my life left me for someone twice her age and almost all of it was due to my inability to stop drinking. I did not take it well. If you're thinking "just put it down man", you've never been an addict. It's not that easy. It's literally the only thing in my life that I enjoy and it's literally killing my personal life, and though I haven't seen any negative physical side effects aside from my inability to eat anything for a few hours after I get up and a few extra pounds, I know it's going to kill me.
Recently my ex and I started talking again and the feelings came right back. We ended up sleeping together a few times, her cheating on her boyfriend, but we stopped because the guilt was crushing her. She told him and he forgave her because to put it bluntly he's never had a girlfriend and he's holding on for dear life. If it were me I would have dropped her faster than a bad habit. (Ironic, I know) My opinion of her has changed dramatically and I know I would never ever take her back after realizing she is a cheater. I've been cheated on before and I just can't be with someone who would do that. Despite my common sense and insight, once I start drinking all that is forgotten and I'm calling her over to my place so we can do it again. This last time her boyfriend went to her house to see where her car was, then showed up in my driveway. That was a really awkward conversation and yeah, you guessed it, I was drunk and unbelievably to me I didn't knock his teeth down his throat for being such an insecure (censored) about the whole situation. Going through her phone while she's asleep. Dude's twice her age and acting like a child. But, I can't blame him, really.
So, she leaves and I warn her that this kind of behavior on his part should be kept an eye on. The next day she's telling me she's in love with me and she's going to break up with him. She didn't. She went to his house tonight and they 'patched things up' with the stipulation that she never talks to me again and that she stops seeing me. We work together so that's not gonna' be a realistic goal but I blocked her from my phone and told her to have a good life, after warning her that I had a bad feeling about this dude based on his actions. Insecure jealous ex military types with lots of guns are worrisome.
Now that brings me to the point of this post. I have nothing. I live in a rented room, a few possessions, I don't drive, I don't have a license, I don't have virtually anything really because of my addiction. He talked to her about 'future plans' and moving in together. We never once spoke about that. How am I supposed to blame her for staying with him when he has his ***** together and I'm looking like a gigantic loser? Before the alcohol it was Adderrall. Before that it was Xanex. I've lost every important person in my life because I can't grow up and get my ***** together. I don't know what to do. A friend of mine and I were talking about moving halfway across the country and starting over. I'm really considering that at this point. My mom and dad are addicts, my sister is so embarrassed by me she won't see me or let her near my niece, my friends all stopped talking to me because of the person I've become. My room mate barely tolerates me and I'm positive the only reason I'm still living here is because he relies on me financially. Basically, I am at the lowest point I've ever been in my life. I don't know what to do.
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
1. Pour all of your booze down the drain right now. Exercise the willpower not to touch a bottle after that for a day at a time. After that, try for a week, and then for a month. If you slip up, start over, but keep trying.
2. Get a hobby. Instead of investing all of your expendable income on alcohol, why not put it towards something like Magic cards? I mean, there's a reason you're on MTGS, right? If Magic isn't your thing anymore for some reason, though, find something that you're passionate about, or that you can at least do to keep busy. Do you like video games? Sewing? Drawing? You may have to keep trying different things until you find something you like, but in the meantime, it's an activity that will occupy your hands (hypothetically) and your mind. If you're focused on something other than drinking, you'll probably be less inclined to try to drink, right?
3. If you think you can relocate with your friend safely (safely meaning, of course, with financial stability and that sort of thing), then it's entirely possible that it's an option you should take. I often find that I lose motivation and degenerate into poor habits when my environment or life have stagnated in some way, shape, or form - such as with my job, or if I fall into some kind of routine. Make drastic changes to your life! Go to the park and read a book under a tree. Volunteer for charity work. Challenge a stranger to a game of chess. Learn how to do something new. Be productive, and try to do things that will get you to stop feeling sorry for yourself, because, hey! You're being productive! You're improving "you"!
If you are planning on moving with your friend, I suggest scouting out for jobs and residence ahead of time. And again, if you start feeling the itch to drink again, there's always the free therapy option - and the memories of how it made your life take a turn for the worse.
Good luck, and I hope everything works out for you. Keep us posted.
{мы, тьма}
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
It's a crisis hotline in your area. Talk to them.
Edit: There are other solutions in terms of rehab. County governments sometimes have their own rehab facilities, or there are programs to help pay for these programs. You can also call 211 to help you find resources that work for you.
This thread is not for commenting for the general userbase. If you're not infallible or a moderator, do not post here without a very good reason.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
Wow, you actually took the time to look up a number in my area for me. Thank you and I'm gonna' call that number tonight.
Just a quick question, though, why can't the general user base comment here?
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
There really isn't any advice we can give you here. You're much better off talking to 2-1-1 for resource and a crisis help line - I work with crisis call centers as a small part of my job and I know enough to know outside of referring you I have no idea how to help.
I really hope you're able to find information that helps you
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
Btw, to everyone sending me heart filled messages about their struggles and to my own shock there's a lot of you, I appreciate it like you can't possibly know. Thank you guys.
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
https://twitch.tv/annorax10 (classic retro speedruns & occasional MTGO/MTGA screwaround streams)
https://twitch.tv/SwiftorCasino (yes, my team and I run live dealer games for the baldman using his channel points as chips)
Commenting is now okay.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
Even If I was 3-0...I would say "Goodbye everyone" and leave. One of my friends pulled me to the side one day and said
"Dude, you think no one notices that you leave to go drink? You smell like alcohol when you sweat bro, take it easy" He was
a former Marine. and a good friend. Eventually My drinking problem got so bad...That I started playing MTGO only and ONLY playing Pauper.
The feelings that come with this disease are just so disgusting. It feels like I'm literally tied down to the barstool and can't leave some nights, like I physically can't leave. Not because I'm too drunk to move (although that happens occasionally), but because I need my fix and can't leave until I get it. The lack of control is nauseating. I hope that you find a way out of this. I'm unfortunately still in a similar position of not knowing what to do myself, so I can't offer much advice on that front, but if you are in need of someone to talk to about any of this kind of stuff, please feel free to message me. The one part of AA that stuck with me was that we were all there to help each other, so I'll gladly offer what assistance I can, even if it's only listening.
My LGS actually allows us to drink while we play. I'm not even technically sure it's legal. I can't tell you how many occasions I've top 8'd and had to drop because I was too drunk to shuffle my deck. I'm with you, man. It's hard. What separates us from everyone else who drinks is our inability to just stop. Everyone else can have 4 beers and be done and I'm going across the street after drink #10 for more.
For me it's the feeling that if I don't drink I have to be alone with my thoughts. Just last night, for instance, I woke up at 7:30 am and went to bed at 5:30 am after a full days work because I just couldn't stop tossing and turning. Thinking about everything wrong with my life. I drink because I'm a coward who can't face his problems.
You have to grab hold of what's important in your life. There is no easy route in this and you aren't going to stop until you're ready. Hell, there's nothing stopping me from going to the store tonight and getting booze. Nothing at all but sheer force of will, and to cowards like I am (and I assume you are) there's not much fight in us to begin with.
What I will say about being clean for a week. Positives, if anything. You know how you wake up so thirsty you can't see straight? That doesn't happen. You take a dump and it's almost all liquid? That doesn't happen. Do you get moody through out the day, like this fog hanging over you that you can't quite pin point why you're so annoyed? It's lessened dramatically. But, still, despite these posties I've noticed the urge to drink is still there.
Are you alone? Do you have a significant other? Do you have a strong family, decent friends? If I had any of this perpetually quitting would be a non issue. When you put yourself in a situation, and only you can, where it's you bettering yourself vs alcohol, literally doing it for yourself, you're left with the questioning as to WHY do it for yourself? At least that's what it is with me. Why should I better myself? Why should I go on with my life and try to make it better when all I've ever known since childhood was misery? Magic has never helped me with anything. Video games, work, school, girlfriends, friends, nothing has helped me. I've been an addict since the first time I got high.
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
I'm writing here now to keep track of my thoughts. My sister gave my ex gf (We were teenagers( my number. I don't know why she did it, but I'm glad she did. As soon as my phone rang and I heard her voice it took all that I was not to sit down. She's doing so well. She's in the army, gonna' be a sergeant, stationed in Hawaii. We talked for hours, so long I actually thought my phone would die. We picked up like we never stopped. After a bunch of deep conversation she asked me if I was busy this week (she's coming home on leave) and I just laughed and said "You wanna see me?" And she giggled and said yes. She has no idea the person I've become. She knew me when we were teenagers. She's in the best shape of her life and I'm still the same shape I was in highschool. What scares me is not rejection. because I expect that. But, for her not to care and we get right back on the horse like we never fell off.
In the mean time since I last updated, I've slept with two of my co workers. One is the girl in my OP, another is a co worker who's got a bad relationship. I'm the 'other guy' in both of these situations. I have no attachments. I don't feel guilty they're cheating. I don't care. But, if my ex were to find out..she'd care. I always told my ex in the OP that if I found someone I loved I would stop. That I'd never do to another what she's doing to her boyfriend. I couldn't bare it. Yet, this is who I am. I'm the other guy despite telling myself I would never be.
And I really need a drink. She's coming this month, and I know she'll see me. I can't even begin to explain this. She's going through a divorce (he cheated on her for 2 years) and if I were to come clean I'm sure she'd run. But, I would never do this to her. I keep telling my ex in the OP she doesn't love either of us.
Because if you love someone how could you betray them like this? How could you do this? It doesn't make sense
I'll update when she comes to visit.
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
I hate to be rude, but an addiction to alcohol is not about being a coward. It's the same way someone gets stoned everyday, it doesn't really mean they are a coward and have to "face real life" The truth is a lot of addicts have a job and are not overweight... So what are they running away from? You can look physically amazing, make six figures a year, have a trophy wife, and still be a raging alcoholic.
I find it strange you didn't really document or make comments on your "withdrawal" in the past week of sobriety. I really hope your being honest with yourself.
Family would be my suggestion of who to turn to. They might be able to help you financially to seek help or have some other way to try to assist you. If you have a faith its possible you could turn to a pastor or something of the sort and seek assistance through them as well. My suggestion would be to look to those who love you regardless of the situation and ask them for help.
As far as the ex goes, you might be able to request different shifts at work or request to not work directly with her potentially depending on what sort of work you do. Managers tend to be understanding and if you give them some bare minimum details they might be able to adjust your schedule to minimize overlap.
Signature by Inkfox Aesthetics by Xen
[Modern] Allies
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
I don't agree. If you're obliterating your awareness every single night you're doing it for some reason.
You weren't being rude before that. I didn't even think to talk about how I get two hours of sleep a night and have been craving sugar like a it's going out of style. I got the shakes the first night but didn't get them any consecutive night.
Thank you, I'm trying.
@Jay Every single meeting in my area doesn't work with my work schedule. I'll have to find some way to push things around in order to make it to one but I don't see it possible.
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
{мы, тьма}
2012: Best (False?) Role Claim - Worst Town Performance (Group) - Best Mafia Performance (Group) - Best SK Performance - Best Overall Player
2013: Best Non-SK Neutral Performance
2014: Best Town Performance (Individual) - Best Town Performance (Group) - Most Interesting Role - Best Game - Best Overall Player
2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
I'll try and make this as accurate as possible since I was very high for three days. On thursday night I took 8 Xanex and drank a case of wine after writing a sadly short suicide note. After my last glass I realized what I did as everything started to spin and I couldn't stand anymore. I crawled on hands and knees to my room mate sitting in the living room and he called 911 immediately seeing me. The ambulance came, they asked a ton of questions, they take me to the ER, they ask a ton of questions. After laying there for a few seconds a doctor comes in and asks how many fingers he's holding up, i tell me the right amount, asks some more questions, ask how much I took (I lied and said 4. I'm a former xanex addict so telling him 8 woulda got my stomach pumped and I knew from experience I would live). Some other dude comes in and gives me an IV then starts me on a saline drip. He gives me Atavan and I fall asleep for an hour or so. Get woken up by a nurse, he checks my vitals and what not and takes me to the detox wing (I guess thats what it is). Here starts the three worse days of my life.
Let me tell you guys something about hospitals. There are NOT enough doctors and WAY too many nurses. The gowns they give you are like wearing a gigantic ******* parachute. I wanted nothing more than to have a normal shirt. The bed I was in for whatever reason inflated and deflated in different parts every five minutes so i could never stay comfortable. Every time I fell asleep I'd get woken up by my legs raising ten inches above my torso. I had a baby sitter around the clock sitting in the bed next to mine. They would talk to me and it was nice. Every hour someone came in and pumped me full of enough Atavan to kill an elephant. I have no idea why this had to be done every 24 hours. Made sleep miserable. Also, I was extremely high. Constantly. I had a bad cough so they started mixing Robitussin in it, i couldn't sleep so they gave me ambien with it and something like Foravin? I don't know.
I'm not trying to ***** on doctors but jesus what the hell were they thinking? I realize alcohol withdrawal is serious but I had way, way too much drugs in me. Now here comes the fun part.
On the third day, after the ambien/robo/ata/forasomething cocktail I start to hallucinate. Badly. I want to go home. Im tired of bed and the nothing to do and the constant atavan and the nurses who won't let me talk to a psychologist and it's pretty clear to me at this point that I should not be here. I pass out and wake up next to a 21 year old substance abuse counselor and proceed to completely tear this poor girl apart. Im going there tomorrow with flowers (since I left my keys) because the things alone that I REMEMBER saying to her were down right deplorable. I tell I think the nurses are trying to kill me and that she's not real because there's no way she would be so young. (that with a barge of personal insults. I dont even wanna talk about them. I feel disgusting thinking about it) I was going absolutely insane. The head nurse comes in and I start telling her to **** off, I wanna go home, you people are incompetent blah blah. They keep telling me I'm on 72 hr hold for suicide and im like "LOOK AT THE CLOCK. ITS SUNDAY. LET. ME. GO." they still wont so finally I scream "I want to talk to my lawyer." They all go silent, i pull up my phone, call my laywer, tell him whats going on, he talks to them, they let me go. They then proceed to let me walk 3 miles in the rain high as a kite. I get stopped by a police officer who thinks im a junkie by the way im dressed and walking and I explain to him that I'd just been in the hospital. He calls them and says im clear and proceeds to let me stumble home in the rain. Protect and serve. Good cop.
That was my weekend. I don't have major withdrawal symptoms anymore. Ive had maybe 7 beers since sunday night. I'm done with this crap.
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible
I'm also going to reiterate that you should find a meeting or a program, even if it's not close or doesn't work on your schedule. While we all sympathize (I don't think there are very many people these days whose lives haven't been touched by addiction in some way), I don't think any of us are as well equipped as a sponsor would be.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
1) I am an addict.
2) As an addict I have to keep the substance of of my body 100%, for the rest of my life.
3) There is no room for "slips" or "cheats" in the path to recovery. Slips or cheats lead back to full relapse either in the short or medium term.
4) I have to make a personal commitment to stay substance free forever.
5) I don't need a quit date. There will be no better time than NOW to stop using (100%)
On the upside, when you do quit each day on the road to recovery will be easier (after an initial period).
There will be a time in the future when you don't think of or need alcohol. It may be sooner than you think.
Everything you love in life can be enjoyed without alcohol.
You colonization of language is not appreciated.
Xanax will destroy your life.
Yeah, the doctors immediately pumped my stomach when I went into the ER. I told them I took them an hour ago so it was pointless but they didn't care. Jesus, the feeling of that chalky crap going down your throat. Ugh.
I don't really mess with Xanex hardly ever. I was just having a really bad day and was drunk and made a stupid decision. I've toned my drinking down to virtually nothing since I got out. I'm not gonna' end up like that again.
By: ol MISAKA lo
Cockatrice: Infallible