I have a crush on a friend of mine, He's kind, good looking, similar personalities, Etc. Unfortunately, when I first met him and started to develop feelings for him, he was female. The same day I had gathered my courage to ask him out, he came out as a FtM Transexual. <class="overtlyLongHTMLJoke"><img src="Denied.img alt="Denied" style="width:400px;height:400px"></class>
I haven't really a developed sexual orientation, in case thats needed to be known. Due to several outstandingly amazing nonstandard psychological and social wirings (Aspergers, Genius IQ, Manic Depression, Anxiety Disorder, and PTSD), I have never really been in a situation to develop a coherent sexual orientation, or get into experimental relationships. The last time I came close to someone, I was openly manipulated, played with, and abandoned. It broke me for a long time...
Even if things work out with that, there are problems with the social side of things, with the entire Transexualism issue, and the fact that I still live with my RIGIDLY CATHOLIC PARENTS. I really care about this person, but there are lots of issues with it. I'm confused and scared and lonely. So who better to come to than a bunch of magic players, amirite?
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"I am disillusioned enough to know that no man's opinion on any subject is worth a damn unless backed up with enough genuine information to make him really know what he's talking about."
-H. P. Lovecraft
My mom is transgender (pill addict) and my former best friend (before she went on meth and heroin) was transgender. I can't speak for every single transgender person but there are a lot of issues with suicide and drug abuse among trans identified individuals.
Granted, I know one Two-Spirit and she's pretty well emotionally adjusted, but in her culture and with her family it's perfectly normal to be transgender. Does your friend have family that accepts him? If he does that's great, but you don't want to open him up to abuse from your family to push him towards self-destructive behaviors.
Ultimately, you have to listen to your heart. Do you know his sexual orientation? I'm assuming you're a cisman and you can't assume he's gay. He may very well be straight, and that was one way he was rejecting you.
I may have removed some clarity from my statement via self depreciating sarcasm, the "denied" statement referred to the dashing of my plans and the confusion following. Yes, I know the orientation, although the social nuances of being a gay, effeminate, female gender stereotype fulfilling transman elude me. As for the assumption of me being cisgendered, I will respond with stating my hatred of people classifying themselves, and wryfully noting the frequency of cisgendereds usage as derogatory terminology.
As for the direct advice, follow your heart, that would be nice to do. The problems arise from the social dynamics, especially concerning my utter lack of knowledge and experience in that area. I suppose a good question to ask is would I still be attracted if we had met after the trans occurred? And to be fair the answer could very well be no.
Edit: I apologize if I come off as bitter here, I'm having more problems than I would like to admit
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"I am disillusioned enough to know that no man's opinion on any subject is worth a damn unless backed up with enough genuine information to make him really know what he's talking about."
-H. P. Lovecraft
As for the assumption of me being cisgendered, I will respond with stating my hatred of people classifying themselves, and wryfully noting the frequency of cisgendereds usage as derogatory terminology.
I suppose a good question to ask is would I still be attracted if we had met after the trans occurred? And to be fair the answer could very well be no.
That's sort of the point behind sexual attraction.
I am a heterosexual male. I like women sexually, and I do not like men sexually.
Are you saying that you're having a problem with this?
My suggestion, and I 100% mean this in the most helpful way possible, is to get some therapy before you start dating anyone.
Yeah, I agree with riliss. It really sounds like you need to figure yourself out, and what you want, before you start dating anyone. Much less someone with whom you'd have a complicated relationship.
If you cared about this person before, they're not a different person suddenly, so it's really up to you whether you want to continue pursuing a romantic relationship with him. If you're not sexually attracted to men, I think you need to re-evaluate. Not just for you, but because you'll be hurting him if you enter a romantic relationship with him while you really want him to be a woman.
Since you also sound like you're fairly young, here is a general tip: if you're still afraid of your parent's input into your romantic life, you might not be mature enough to handle that relationship yet.
Don't let something as silly as gender stop you in your tracks. It's perfectly fine to say "hey, I find that person attractive" & act on it. It's not "dirty" or "wrong" to have an experience that doesn't match your perceived sexual orientation as long as you're safe & consensual with everything. If you do something with someone same-gender & find out you're not a homosexual in the process of doing so, then all that means is you're not a homosexual... & vice-versa. I would recommend having a discussion with anyone you're not sure of & maybe trying to be with people who are 100% sure of themselves if you intend to experiment, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with trying on a few things before you find one that fits you.
Please don't expect others to change for you though. Your friend has stated that he is a male, so he is a male regardless of what bits he currently has or what he acts like. It would be unfair to him to enter a romantic relationship expecting him to be a woman, because he is not & shouldn't have to be.
I haven't really a developed sexual orientation, in case thats needed to be known. Due to several outstandingly amazing nonstandard psychological and social wirings (Aspergers, Genius IQ, Manic Depression, Anxiety Disorder, and PTSD), I have never really been in a situation to develop a coherent sexual orientation, or get into experimental relationships. The last time I came close to someone, I was openly manipulated, played with, and abandoned. It broke me for a long time...
Even if things work out with that, there are problems with the social side of things, with the entire Transexualism issue, and the fact that I still live with my RIGIDLY CATHOLIC PARENTS. I really care about this person, but there are lots of issues with it. I'm confused and scared and lonely. So who better to come to than a bunch of magic players, amirite?
"I am disillusioned enough to know that no man's opinion on any subject is worth a damn unless backed up with enough genuine information to make him really know what he's talking about."
-H. P. Lovecraft
Granted, I know one Two-Spirit and she's pretty well emotionally adjusted, but in her culture and with her family it's perfectly normal to be transgender. Does your friend have family that accepts him? If he does that's great, but you don't want to open him up to abuse from your family to push him towards self-destructive behaviors.
Ultimately, you have to listen to your heart. Do you know his sexual orientation? I'm assuming you're a cisman and you can't assume he's gay. He may very well be straight, and that was one way he was rejecting you.
As for the direct advice, follow your heart, that would be nice to do. The problems arise from the social dynamics, especially concerning my utter lack of knowledge and experience in that area. I suppose a good question to ask is would I still be attracted if we had met after the trans occurred? And to be fair the answer could very well be no.
Edit: I apologize if I come off as bitter here, I'm having more problems than I would like to admit
"I am disillusioned enough to know that no man's opinion on any subject is worth a damn unless backed up with enough genuine information to make him really know what he's talking about."
-H. P. Lovecraft
Why do you hold this opinion?
That's sort of the point behind sexual attraction.
I am a heterosexual male. I like women sexually, and I do not like men sexually.
Are you saying that you're having a problem with this?
GWU Bant Manifest - The Future Is Here. Or it will be at the end of turn. GWU
Yeah, I agree with riliss. It really sounds like you need to figure yourself out, and what you want, before you start dating anyone. Much less someone with whom you'd have a complicated relationship.
If you cared about this person before, they're not a different person suddenly, so it's really up to you whether you want to continue pursuing a romantic relationship with him. If you're not sexually attracted to men, I think you need to re-evaluate. Not just for you, but because you'll be hurting him if you enter a romantic relationship with him while you really want him to be a woman.
Since you also sound like you're fairly young, here is a general tip: if you're still afraid of your parent's input into your romantic life, you might not be mature enough to handle that relationship yet.
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Don't let something as silly as gender stop you in your tracks. It's perfectly fine to say "hey, I find that person attractive" & act on it. It's not "dirty" or "wrong" to have an experience that doesn't match your perceived sexual orientation as long as you're safe & consensual with everything. If you do something with someone same-gender & find out you're not a homosexual in the process of doing so, then all that means is you're not a homosexual... & vice-versa. I would recommend having a discussion with anyone you're not sure of & maybe trying to be with people who are 100% sure of themselves if you intend to experiment, but there is absolutely nothing wrong with trying on a few things before you find one that fits you.
Please don't expect others to change for you though. Your friend has stated that he is a male, so he is a male regardless of what bits he currently has or what he acts like. It would be unfair to him to enter a romantic relationship expecting him to be a woman, because he is not & shouldn't have to be.
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