No other way to describe it, so I'll just get right to it.
Simply put, my mind has become plagued with doubt. Doubt about whether or not my actions are really my own or not. What if I have just been doing what other people want of me. As if that wasn't bad enough I've been entertaining the thoughts of conspiracy theories. It's not that I believe such a thing does exist, but just the mere implication that such a thing is possible is terrifying. TO not truly be in control of what you're doing. I've been trying to forget it as so far the thoughts have brought me nothing but doubt and negativity in everything that I have enjoyed. I worry that I might go crazy. A friend told me that we are always being influenced by one thing or another, but that doesn't really set my mind at ease. I just want peace of mind, more than anything else.
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So, on first readthrough this sounds a little like a mental health issue. Looking at it again, it seems more like you're wondering how you know you're not just living your life like other people expect you to. Is that correct?
So, on first readthrough this sounds a little like a mental health issue. Looking at it again, it seems more like you're wondering how you know you're not just living your life like other people expect you to. Is that correct?
Pretty much. The thought that my life may have been influence from the beginning seems scary, and yet I can't identify what about it I fear. Then there's that notion of can't prove it but can disprove it (about those theories), which I hope would calm it down but no luck.
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H'm, I suppose it's an interesting concept to ponder, but what makes it affect you so much? I'm not exactly sure on what you mean, are you suggesting that you fear you are being controlled by someone, through whatever manner, or just the fear of not being your "own person" because you have been influenced by others. If the latter, then I promise there is nothing to worry about. Humans, and every other social organism for that matter, does this to succeed in the group. I know it sounds bad but the "Hive Mind", or as people like to say "Sheepeople" is a way for the group to continue positive social patterns. You sometimes have to think of it this way, we are sorta just biological robots, programmed to do what are bodies are meant to do to survive. Sure that means that people may have some influence on what you do, but so what? I always like to say this, the beaten path is beaten for a reason. Individualism is great, but I think collectivism gets too much of a bad wrap. With the fear and doubts in your head of the feeling that people are essentially subjecting their lifestyles on you, try to consider what makes you, you! I'm sure there are many characteristics of yourself that you can say you have felt social pressure to get rid of, but instead you remained true to yourself. For example, my fascination with gaming and other "nerdy" ventures gets negative attention from people such as my mother because she stereotypes, but I still love MtG, WoW, etc.
I guess now that I've narrowed it down it might be the fear of being controlled by someone. Ironically I was fascinated by butlers in anime and movies. The servant and master relationship. Part of me wanted to be that way. Also when I first learned of Phyrexia and that whole little war between Mirrodin and them, I somewhat treated them as a religion. The notion of all will be one, Sebring the praetors and father of machines, I just loved it. So this fear coming up is certainly new. It's almost conflicting in some strange way.
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I guess now that I've narrowed it down it might be the fear of being controlled by someone. Ironically I was fascinated by butlers in anime and movies. The servant and master relationship. Part of me wanted to be that way. Also when I first learned of Phyrexia and that whole little war between Mirrodin and them, I somewhat treated them as a religion. The notion of all will be one, Sebring the praetors and father of machines, I just loved it. So this fear coming up is certainly new. It's almost conflicting in some strange way.
Seems quite a bit like it. But controlled as in how? It seems very unlikely that you would be controlled by anyone, and say if you are and you don't know that you are being controlled you may never know. That does seem frightening, but without the ability to gain definite knowledge, it shouldn't matter because there is an endless amount of possibilities that could be occurring without our knowledge. Even still though, I would suggest that it is very unlikely you are being controlled by someone, directly at least, and ever will be. What causes this fear, and makes it seem iminent?
Simply put, my mind has become plagued with doubt. Doubt about whether or not my actions are really my own or not. What if I have just been doing what other people want of me. As if that wasn't bad enough I've been entertaining the thoughts of conspiracy theories. It's not that I believe such a thing does exist, but just the mere implication that such a thing is possible is terrifying. TO not truly be in control of what you're doing. I've been trying to forget it as so far the thoughts have brought me nothing but doubt and negativity in everything that I have enjoyed. I worry that I might go crazy. A friend told me that we are always being influenced by one thing or another, but that doesn't really set my mind at ease. I just want peace of mind, more than anything else.
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Pretty much. The thought that my life may have been influence from the beginning seems scary, and yet I can't identify what about it I fear. Then there's that notion of can't prove it but can disprove it (about those theories), which I hope would calm it down but no luck.
I hope this help. Just my .02.
Seems quite a bit like it. But controlled as in how? It seems very unlikely that you would be controlled by anyone, and say if you are and you don't know that you are being controlled you may never know. That does seem frightening, but without the ability to gain definite knowledge, it shouldn't matter because there is an endless amount of possibilities that could be occurring without our knowledge. Even still though, I would suggest that it is very unlikely you are being controlled by someone, directly at least, and ever will be. What causes this fear, and makes it seem iminent?