I don't know how to write this, just letting you know.
I've been depressed lately.
I've read up on boredom (Yes, I am bored enough to read about boredom) and I guess I feel the type of boredom that surfaces from being unable, for no apparent reason, to "maintain engagement in any activity."
I think I'm bored like this because
Lately I've been thinking (too much), and I just can't accept the fact that I'm not going to do anything in my life. (Why bring me here if there's no point?) If the sole purpose of life is to enjoy the view, I'll get sick looking at the same disgusting landscape everyday.
I get frustrated when I see happy (ignorant) people try to tell me what to do with my life. Saying I need to get into a great college so I can get a job and have a family and grow old and die.
Frankly,
That just sounds like a bad idea to me.
Why can't I spend my life doing what I want to do?
Who are they to tell me what I want to do?
Ok, ok.
I know I sound like some kid who doesn't want to work, but that's just because I can't explain what I really am feeling.
It's not that I don't want to work, or I'm lazy or anything.
I just don't understand what's so amazing about getting a job and getting married and having children and growing old and dying.
And please don't respond with
"Oh, you will understand. You just have to meet the right person." (Ignorant)
or
"Everyone can do something great with their life, you just have to work hard!" (Lies)
or
"You just have to live with it." (NOT HELPING)
Because I'm tired of hearing these people tell me how I need to live.
I'm tired of people UNDERSTANDING.
I don't want to be
just another [Insert title here].
And I don't want people to tell me
I'm not just another [Insert title here]
It doesn't help me at all.
So if you are going to reply,
don't you DARE try to fix me.
How could you possibly be broken just because you are wondering what it all means? That's a time-honored tradition. See Ecclesiastes, for example - the author concludes (at one point) that it is all meaningless and there is nothing better for a person to do except eat, drink, and enjoy life.
I just don't understand what's so amazing about getting a job and getting married and having children and growing old and dying.
I'm not well versed enough in artificial intelligence to critically evaluate this TED talk, but in it, Wissner-Gross posits that the most intelligent way to behave is to keep future options as open as possible. There is a cost for a job, marriage, children - but an even greater cost (in terms of future optionality) in doing nothing.
I feel despair from apathy.
Then apathy from despair.
Why even do this anyway?
Why can't I do anything?
What's the point to doing anything?
Am I just going to do nothing forever?
This sounds similar to depression. Consider reading up on depression and how to cope with it, or talking to someone who aren't strangers on the internet. I'm not saying that's necessarily what you're going through, but it could be and depression can get pretty serious if it goes on for a long time or takes a turn for the worse. Also keep in mind that a depressed mood does not have to mean a psychiatric depression disorder.
Yeah it sounds like depression. You are not alone. lots of people feel the same way and have the same annoying people telling them to cheer up.
I feel something similar...It is kind of inability to get anything done/written on my PhD for me... I swear it is more than laziness... maybe I just don't want to do my work and can't bring myself to do it. I just get sad or angry when I look at my work and the attempts by others to fix my writing. I'd rather just play magic all day.. and some days I do. face to face paper magic with people, or talking to people about magic anything but my work. If it wasn't magic it would probably be something else, not like I can't waste time without magic. It doesn't help that I have taken so long, that everyone accsioated with my work has moved to another state for more grant money... whille I stare at my computer screen and try to write a thesis. *sigh*
I each day I wonder if I will find the courage to maybe ask a professional for help.. but atm it just seems like all I'd be asking "hey there I'd like to stop being lazy and succeed can you help me" when I know tons of people with very serious "I want to kill myself"/"I haven't slept in days" mental issues that my problem seems so stupidly selfish. I still have things I want to do and achieve and learn just none of them involving this goddamn thesis. why can't I go back to undergrad, write something the night before get 60% and be done with it!
Enough of my problems, Have you considered proffessional help? that really is probably the only way to make it better, I have heard of other things, like joining clubs, getting exerise but I am pretty sure none of them are scientifically proven.
Why can't I spend my life doing what I want to do?
So how do you want to spend your life?
It's not that I don't want to work, or I'm lazy or anything.
I just don't understand what's so amazing about getting a job and getting married and having children and growing old and dying.
Not all of those things appeal to everyone, so you're definitely not alone in those thoughts. You don't necessarily have to do all or any of those things to be happy and have a fulfilling life. Some people do though. In my experience, having a job is a good thing because it gives me the financial independence to do what I want. Additionally, when I meet goals at work, I feel a sense of accomplishment and progress. This helps give me confidence and boosts my emotional independence. It will be different for different people, but I think being independent is a big part of being happy for most people.
I was in the same boat 10 years ago as a young buck entering college and the weight of everyone's expectations on my shoulders, to this day I feel the same, from a philosophical point of view. My attitude brought me a lot of unnecessary suffering and things didn't get better until I changed my perspective. Honestly, you should go to college and obtain a great education so you can secure a well paying job so that you may live life on your terms and have that freedom you desire. If you can be happy with a minimum wage job and scraping by, good for you, but the way the world is today everything requires money. Sadly, we can no longer venture off into the unknown wilderness, claim our stake, hunt, farm, fish, and live the way we want unhindered.
So if you are going to reply,
don't you DARE try to fix me.
I just want some help explaining how I feel.
Based on the way you phrase things here, I'm operating under the assumption here that you're pretty young (Less that 25 years old). Please correct me if that isn't the case.
First and foremost, if you want to know why you feel the way you do, talk to a mental health professional. This kind of apathy seems characteristic of depression - there is a common misunderstanding that depression is 'feeling sad', and while that IS the colloquial expression it isn't the reality of depression. Depression is simply being emotionally numb.
The alternative here (or at least compounding the situation) is that you've got some sort of existential crisis going on, which isn't uncommon for people transitioning from childhood to adulthood. I went through this as well. We're expected to go from being children to full-grown adults in the span of 24 hours, and parents aren't doing their kids any favors if they don't teach them that life isn't fair. You're used to a life where there is structure, where you're provided for without you having to think about it, and where you didn't have to think about anything deeper. It's perfectly understandable to have some sort of crisis when confronted with the reality that you'll have to provide your own structure and meaning for life, and where you have to worry about everything you have.
The thing about all of this, however, is that the world is what it is, and no righteous indignation at the unfairness of it is going to change the simple facts. You don't want to be 'fixed', fine. I don't think you should listen to the pandering and platitudes people give when confronted with someone apathetic to the whole system. But you need to realize being indignant about it isn't going to help matters, and having people call you out is a normal part of life. Part of being an adult is realizing you are free to do whatever you want, but you can't expect everyone else to approve or support you in doing it, and so you have to figure out what makes you content and what you can tolerate to get as close to content as possible. If your contentment is hanging out playing magic, do what you have to do to support it.
This. Everything else I would say would be arm-chair psychoanalysis. If it's something serious, they will probably catch it. If it's some existential crisis, a psychologist still can help you put your thoughts into place and help you learn how decide how you would like to spend you life.
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We have laboured long to build a heaven, only to find it populated with horrors.
Why can't I spend my life doing what I want to do?
You can. Outside of certain obligations to the country, there are few things that people can legally force you to do.
I will be blunt. You're not spending your life doing what you want to do and instead writing about how you can't do what you want to do because you're a coward about it.
But it's o.k, because most (most assuredly including me) are cowards like this. It's natural.
Who are they to tell me what I want to do?
Who are you to say that "happy" people are "ignorant"?
I will be blunt. You're not spending your life doing what you want to do and instead writing about how you can't do what you want to do because you're a coward about it.
I've had every single thought you've been having before, AnimeLord, and then some. My decision? I decided to make my own purpose. I live for myself - for what I want. If that makes me a bad person, I don't care. I don't care about the greater good of mankind - though I do want improved conditions for any progeny I may produce - and I don't care about any sort of universal morality or any "god" concepts or what have you. So what if you're [insert generic employee title here] #324902958? Are you doing something you enjoy? Then do it. And if you're not satisfied with your job, then save money, and spend it on something you do enjoy.
Really, you just have to accept that everything sucks and that there's nothing you can do about it. Once you get over that, you can live your life the way you want.
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Sounds like you're young, unsure of yourself, and terrified because of that.
I really doubt you hate the concept of all of those things. No one wants to go to work everyday. No one wants the sitcom relationship with the nagging wife/lazy husband, etc etc.
Things get better, you're going to work a lot of terrible jobs and date a lot of terrible people and do a lot of terrible things before you're in a position where you feel comfortable. You're going to sit there being comfortable for a long time, and then you're going to get tired of that. You're going to be miserable again and by then you should have a better idea of what will make you happy and you will go after that. The absolute worst thing you can do is be complacent. Complacency will leave you in a position of thinking "This sucks, and I can't do anything about it".
You don't know what you want right now, and that's okay. Most people take a really long time to figure it out. Some people never figure it out, some people do and never strive to achieve it. Society has raised people to think that you go to step A)School, Step B)More School, Step C)Job, Step D)Wife/Husband, Step E)Kids, ????, Profit!!, Die. That's not always the case.
Seems like you're frustrated with the simplistic mold that your life is suppose to follow. Life does not follow a mold, don't be forced into one.
Seek out what makes you happy (Nothing, I know, angst, rawr) and strive for it. Things get better in time and solutions become clearer.
There are points in life where you have to FORCE yourself to do stuff. In my opinion, loneliness, deppression, and the feeling of being a victim can become like an addiction. I think most of us go through this ´´pointless´´ feeling in life at least once, especially when we are trying to find what to do with them at an early age. Just...do stuff, it all comes naturally after...It doesn´t matter if it´s a *****ty job for a while and all you want to do is go back to your house, you start to feel a sense of importance, not only for yourself but for the things around you.
First of all, don't come to MTGS or really any sort of internet forum and expect any sort of reasonable help. You're going to get a mix of armchair psychology, people trying to press their own personal opinions on you, and people who will generally just give you bad advice.
Go see a mental health professional. A counselor, a psychologist. Really, just talk to a real life person about this. Even just TALKING can make it feel so much better. Antidepressants weren't and still aren't my first choice, but they can really help a lot of people. It's up to you to talk with your psychologist and figure that out for yourself though.
Not everybody goes to college, not everybody has a job they hate, not everybody gets married or starts a family. If that's not for you, then don't do it. Find something else that works, whether that be hitchhiking around the country, or getting a PHD or whatever in between. There will be a lot of people over the course of your life, all saying that they know the "right" way to live. They don't, and treat those people as the bull*****ters they are.
Just my two cents. If you listen to any part of this though, I urge you to listen to the first part. Trust me when I say that talking to a real life person will at least have a chance at making you feel better. Airing your feelings on an internet forum is a recipe for disaster. Even when it's one as (somewhat) okay as MTGS.
I can sympathize with some of what you say. I haven't had much desire to do anything lately. All of my hobbies bore me. Cannot sympathize with your attitude on the job and the girlfriend thing. Makes me wonder how old you are that this is bothering you?
In my family, my brother and I were told we had to get jobs at 16, because we weren't getting any allowance. We had to pay rent when we turned 18. From a young age we were taught to do household chores and how to cook and often these things were demanded of us. So, by the time I turned 18 and was asked to be an adult, I could take care of myself. I'm very thankful that my mother and father taught me to do these things. And you don't have to do any of that as long as you have someone that will support you (mom and / or dad or another loved one.) And it sounds like you've still got some time to figure out what you are going to do with your life. Which very well could be not very much. Everyone has different aspirations.
You say you've been thinking too much? Maybe you're just worrying too much. If you say you don't want anyone to fix you, I can't really give you advice without you being upset. However, I will say that it just sounds like you need to get away. Go somewhere fun where you don't think so much. Just relax.
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I've been depressed lately.
I've read up on boredom (Yes, I am bored enough to read about boredom) and I guess I feel the type of boredom that surfaces from being unable, for no apparent reason, to "maintain engagement in any activity."
I think I'm bored like this because
Lately I've been thinking (too much), and I just can't accept the fact that I'm not going to do anything in my life. (Why bring me here if there's no point?) If the sole purpose of life is to enjoy the view, I'll get sick looking at the same disgusting landscape everyday.
I get frustrated when I see happy (ignorant) people try to tell me what to do with my life. Saying I need to get into a great college so I can get a job and have a family and grow old and die.
Frankly,
That just sounds like a bad idea to me.
Why can't I spend my life doing what I want to do?
Who are they to tell me what I want to do?
Ok, ok.
I know I sound like some kid who doesn't want to work, but that's just because I can't explain what I really am feeling.
It's not that I don't want to work, or I'm lazy or anything.
I just don't understand what's so amazing about getting a job and getting married and having children and growing old and dying.
And please don't respond with
"Oh, you will understand. You just have to meet the right person." (Ignorant)
or
"Everyone can do something great with their life, you just have to work hard!" (Lies)
or
"You just have to live with it." (NOT HELPING)
Because I'm tired of hearing these people tell me how I need to live.
I'm tired of people UNDERSTANDING.
I don't want to be
just another [Insert title here].
And I don't want people to tell me
I'm not just another [Insert title here]
It doesn't help me at all.
So if you are going to reply,
don't you DARE try to fix me.
I just want some help explaining how I feel.
No longer staff here.
I feel despair from apathy.
Then apathy from despair.
Why even do this anyway?
becomes
Why can't I do anything?
becomes
What's the point to doing anything?
becomes
Am I just going to do nothing forever?
Storm Crow is strictly worse than Seacoast Drake.
I'm not well versed enough in artificial intelligence to critically evaluate this TED talk, but in it, Wissner-Gross posits that the most intelligent way to behave is to keep future options as open as possible. There is a cost for a job, marriage, children - but an even greater cost (in terms of future optionality) in doing nothing.
You just explained it. You're bored. That's a very concise explanation.
This sounds similar to depression. Consider reading up on depression and how to cope with it, or talking to someone who aren't strangers on the internet. I'm not saying that's necessarily what you're going through, but it could be and depression can get pretty serious if it goes on for a long time or takes a turn for the worse. Also keep in mind that a depressed mood does not have to mean a psychiatric depression disorder.
I feel something similar...It is kind of inability to get anything done/written on my PhD for me... I swear it is more than laziness... maybe I just don't want to do my work and can't bring myself to do it. I just get sad or angry when I look at my work and the attempts by others to fix my writing. I'd rather just play magic all day.. and some days I do. face to face paper magic with people, or talking to people about magic anything but my work. If it wasn't magic it would probably be something else, not like I can't waste time without magic. It doesn't help that I have taken so long, that everyone accsioated with my work has moved to another state for more grant money... whille I stare at my computer screen and try to write a thesis. *sigh*
I each day I wonder if I will find the courage to maybe ask a professional for help.. but atm it just seems like all I'd be asking "hey there I'd like to stop being lazy and succeed can you help me" when I know tons of people with very serious "I want to kill myself"/"I haven't slept in days" mental issues that my problem seems so stupidly selfish. I still have things I want to do and achieve and learn just none of them involving this goddamn thesis. why can't I go back to undergrad, write something the night before get 60% and be done with it!
Enough of my problems, Have you considered proffessional help? that really is probably the only way to make it better, I have heard of other things, like joining clubs, getting exerise but I am pretty sure none of them are scientifically proven.
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So how do you want to spend your life?
Not all of those things appeal to everyone, so you're definitely not alone in those thoughts. You don't necessarily have to do all or any of those things to be happy and have a fulfilling life. Some people do though. In my experience, having a job is a good thing because it gives me the financial independence to do what I want. Additionally, when I meet goals at work, I feel a sense of accomplishment and progress. This helps give me confidence and boosts my emotional independence. It will be different for different people, but I think being independent is a big part of being happy for most people.
But in reality, it sounds like you're depressed. Like, clinically so. Consider talking to a professional.
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Based on the way you phrase things here, I'm operating under the assumption here that you're pretty young (Less that 25 years old). Please correct me if that isn't the case.
First and foremost, if you want to know why you feel the way you do, talk to a mental health professional. This kind of apathy seems characteristic of depression - there is a common misunderstanding that depression is 'feeling sad', and while that IS the colloquial expression it isn't the reality of depression. Depression is simply being emotionally numb.
The alternative here (or at least compounding the situation) is that you've got some sort of existential crisis going on, which isn't uncommon for people transitioning from childhood to adulthood. I went through this as well. We're expected to go from being children to full-grown adults in the span of 24 hours, and parents aren't doing their kids any favors if they don't teach them that life isn't fair. You're used to a life where there is structure, where you're provided for without you having to think about it, and where you didn't have to think about anything deeper. It's perfectly understandable to have some sort of crisis when confronted with the reality that you'll have to provide your own structure and meaning for life, and where you have to worry about everything you have.
The thing about all of this, however, is that the world is what it is, and no righteous indignation at the unfairness of it is going to change the simple facts. You don't want to be 'fixed', fine. I don't think you should listen to the pandering and platitudes people give when confronted with someone apathetic to the whole system. But you need to realize being indignant about it isn't going to help matters, and having people call you out is a normal part of life. Part of being an adult is realizing you are free to do whatever you want, but you can't expect everyone else to approve or support you in doing it, and so you have to figure out what makes you content and what you can tolerate to get as close to content as possible. If your contentment is hanging out playing magic, do what you have to do to support it.
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This. Everything else I would say would be arm-chair psychoanalysis. If it's something serious, they will probably catch it. If it's some existential crisis, a psychologist still can help you put your thoughts into place and help you learn how decide how you would like to spend you life.
You can. Outside of certain obligations to the country, there are few things that people can legally force you to do.
I will be blunt. You're not spending your life doing what you want to do and instead writing about how you can't do what you want to do because you're a coward about it.
But it's o.k, because most (most assuredly including me) are cowards like this. It's natural.
Who are you to say that "happy" people are "ignorant"?
I've had every single thought you've been having before, AnimeLord, and then some. My decision? I decided to make my own purpose. I live for myself - for what I want. If that makes me a bad person, I don't care. I don't care about the greater good of mankind - though I do want improved conditions for any progeny I may produce - and I don't care about any sort of universal morality or any "god" concepts or what have you. So what if you're [insert generic employee title here] #324902958? Are you doing something you enjoy? Then do it. And if you're not satisfied with your job, then save money, and spend it on something you do enjoy.
Really, you just have to accept that everything sucks and that there's nothing you can do about it. Once you get over that, you can live your life the way you want.
Good luck!
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2015: Worst Mafia Performance (Group) - Best Read
2016: Best Town Performance (Group) - Best Town Player - Best Overall Player
I really doubt you hate the concept of all of those things. No one wants to go to work everyday. No one wants the sitcom relationship with the nagging wife/lazy husband, etc etc.
Things get better, you're going to work a lot of terrible jobs and date a lot of terrible people and do a lot of terrible things before you're in a position where you feel comfortable. You're going to sit there being comfortable for a long time, and then you're going to get tired of that. You're going to be miserable again and by then you should have a better idea of what will make you happy and you will go after that. The absolute worst thing you can do is be complacent. Complacency will leave you in a position of thinking "This sucks, and I can't do anything about it".
You don't know what you want right now, and that's okay. Most people take a really long time to figure it out. Some people never figure it out, some people do and never strive to achieve it. Society has raised people to think that you go to step A)School, Step B)More School, Step C)Job, Step D)Wife/Husband, Step E)Kids, ????, Profit!!, Die. That's not always the case.
Seems like you're frustrated with the simplistic mold that your life is suppose to follow. Life does not follow a mold, don't be forced into one.
Seek out what makes you happy (Nothing, I know, angst, rawr) and strive for it. Things get better in time and solutions become clearer.
Go see a mental health professional. A counselor, a psychologist. Really, just talk to a real life person about this. Even just TALKING can make it feel so much better. Antidepressants weren't and still aren't my first choice, but they can really help a lot of people. It's up to you to talk with your psychologist and figure that out for yourself though.
Not everybody goes to college, not everybody has a job they hate, not everybody gets married or starts a family. If that's not for you, then don't do it. Find something else that works, whether that be hitchhiking around the country, or getting a PHD or whatever in between. There will be a lot of people over the course of your life, all saying that they know the "right" way to live. They don't, and treat those people as the bull*****ters they are.
Just my two cents. If you listen to any part of this though, I urge you to listen to the first part. Trust me when I say that talking to a real life person will at least have a chance at making you feel better. Airing your feelings on an internet forum is a recipe for disaster. Even when it's one as (somewhat) okay as MTGS.
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In my family, my brother and I were told we had to get jobs at 16, because we weren't getting any allowance. We had to pay rent when we turned 18. From a young age we were taught to do household chores and how to cook and often these things were demanded of us. So, by the time I turned 18 and was asked to be an adult, I could take care of myself. I'm very thankful that my mother and father taught me to do these things. And you don't have to do any of that as long as you have someone that will support you (mom and / or dad or another loved one.) And it sounds like you've still got some time to figure out what you are going to do with your life. Which very well could be not very much. Everyone has different aspirations.
You say you've been thinking too much? Maybe you're just worrying too much. If you say you don't want anyone to fix you, I can't really give you advice without you being upset. However, I will say that it just sounds like you need to get away. Go somewhere fun where you don't think so much. Just relax.
EDH:
Zur, The Enchanter
Modern:
Burn
Legacy:
Cheeri0s
Burn