All right, here's my story(keep in mind I am 18 yrs old heading off to college very very soon):
Flashback to this past November. I meet a girl online in a videogame. First person I've met online that I have actually texted and exchanged selfies with(yes really). Now heres the bad part, Beginning in January or so she started to open up more to me about her past. She had made a naive mistake when she was in highschool, like 17 yrs old (shes 20 now). Sent out pics that shouldn't have existed to her Bf at the time, which mysteriously ended up on her facebook (we all think its the ex). Shes been insulted so many times for this hacker. In January or so I learned that this guy had been making death threats to her. (btw her old bf is in the Philippines and lives there, she's in the US; internet dating for ya). She also has problems at home with an abusive mother. Shes under a hell of a lot of stress and deals with all this drama. She's been acting very, and i mean very, suicidal lately... ive had to talk her out of it so many times now. She had a friend willing to help her find an apartment, but got in a fight with him this whole past week. she gave up on the guy, I called her and tried talking her out of it (this was yesterday). Today she wont even listen to me after I have said all I can, and I'm not the only one trying to talk her out of it. Last thing I heard from her was her saying "No thanks I don't think I will ^^, Sorry Gbye" when i said "I've said what i could, just make the RIGHT decision".
A little bit later she texted me again
her: Can you do me a favor? if not nvm ill leave again and sorry for the bother
me: What
her: Erm nvm.
me: Ok.
her: Sorry for disturbing.
That is the last thing I have heard from her
Now here's my question: What to do???
I had talked to my father about this. He said she has me wrapped around her finger since shes acted this way before and I sympathized for her, and that I'm infatuated with her. About an hour ago I got on the game we usually played, on a different account so she couldn't see, and looked up her name and saw she was online.
I don't know whether I should block her number or try to get through this again after all the times it has happened. So please, I need some advice. I've only known her for half a year, but she seems like a dear friend to me because shes like the first person I've made real friends with inside a game, and I hate giving up on friends.
1. Its funny how many threads are popping up with Filipinos involved recently.
2. The "can you do me a favor" "nvm" "goodbye" thing is slightly disturbing, if anything i would recommend you tell her to contact a suicide hotline.
3. She is likely playing you in some way, so yeah your dad is right there, she has you around her finger, this is in no way your responsibility and the suicide hotline advice aside you need not get yourself involved further.
4. God bless and look after your soul if you keep going on with this thing... for some reason im expecting the worse out of it.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Quote from »
Call me old fashioned, but an evil ascension to power just isn't the same without someone chanting faux Latin in the background.
Oreo, Glazing people better than Dunkin' Donuts since 2009
That is not dead which can eternal lie. And with strange eons even death may die.
Honestly? I don't think it's worth getting involved. You are clearly infatuated with this girl, but you need to understand that:
A) She has problems, and more problems than you seem to think (likely Bipolar disorder, which I'll talk about again in a second)
B) You're not qualified to fix her problems
C) You're sinking way too much of your life into this person you hardly know
Your Dad is right. You are where this person goes when they need positive attention, but she is the one getting all the benefits out of this relationship. She is an emotional leech who doesn't reciprocate your feelings.
I know it feels special that you've got this friendship with a girl online, and you grew up in a generation where the internet was normal, but you need to clearly define walls between 'internet friends' and 'real-life friends'. Don't let internet friends breach those boundaries without careful consideration. Gaming friends are not a scenario in which you want to do that - keep your friendship in the boundaries of the game.
Now, let's talk about this girl, specifically. She's pretty clearly bipolar or has another issue that you are neither responsible for nor qualified to help with. Leave the white knight syndrome at the door, her problems aren't your problems and you aren't going to earn her love (even in the abstract sense) by trying to fix them. People with Bipolar disorder will frequently share intimate details about their lives, and it makes people without the disorder think that they're opening up and becoming close. But they aren't - people with bipolar disorder are very charismatic when they're 'up' and a large part of that is their lack of a filter about intimacy (in all forms). They'll share things that people without the disorder would consider very intimate and a bonding experience, but in reality they'll share those stories with just about anyone, it doesn't mean the same thing to them that it means to you. And then they'll lead you on an emotional roller coaster of ups and downs and think nothing of it. Their 'up' periods tend to make you think the 'down' periods are the abberation, or something that can be fixed if you only care enough (and sometimes they'll imply or outright say this to you, too), but you need to understand that the 'up' and the 'down' periods are equally a part of who they are and have nothing to do with you.
You need to start working to distance yourself from this girl. You haven't really experienced much in the way of emotional 'leeches' yet, but you know what to look out for now. It's happened to all of us at some point - in fact in happened to me when I was your age with a girl I highly suspect now was bipolar, but it didn't occur to me then I was so lured in by her stories that I started distancing myself from friends she was claiming were being mean to her. It's literally almost an identical story to yours (except in real life) - 'Abusive' Mother, History of being wronged, etc. It's just not worth it and nothing you can do will fix anything, and you're only going to sabotage your own life by continuing to be invested in hers.
These kind of girls want someone to fix them, but they suck your happiness away if you let them. Once they are better emotionally, they will care less about you since they got what they want from you. AFter that, you are useless to them and they will treat you like crap (until they feel deppressed again, of course).
Been in your shoes (except the girl was a few hours drive away and the ex was at the same school). After all the manipulation, lies, and situations dealing with the ex, there is nothing you can do.
Trust me, no relationship is worth that much time and effort. Also, you are ruining hobby. Nothing is worse than trying to play a game and have to dodge people.
Flashback to this past November. I meet a girl online in a videogame. First person I've met online that I have actually texted and exchanged selfies with(yes really). Now heres the bad part, Beginning in January or so she started to open up more to me about her past. She had made a naive mistake when she was in highschool, like 17 yrs old (shes 20 now). Sent out pics that shouldn't have existed to her Bf at the time, which mysteriously ended up on her facebook (we all think its the ex). Shes been insulted so many times for this hacker. In January or so I learned that this guy had been making death threats to her. (btw her old bf is in the Philippines and lives there, she's in the US; internet dating for ya). She also has problems at home with an abusive mother. Shes under a hell of a lot of stress and deals with all this drama. She's been acting very, and i mean very, suicidal lately... ive had to talk her out of it so many times now. She had a friend willing to help her find an apartment, but got in a fight with him this whole past week. she gave up on the guy, I called her and tried talking her out of it (this was yesterday). Today she wont even listen to me after I have said all I can, and I'm not the only one trying to talk her out of it. Last thing I heard from her was her saying "No thanks I don't think I will ^^, Sorry Gbye" when i said "I've said what i could, just make the RIGHT decision".
A little bit later she texted me again
her: Can you do me a favor? if not nvm ill leave again and sorry for the bother
me: What
her: Erm nvm.
me: Ok.
her: Sorry for disturbing.
That is the last thing I have heard from her
Now here's my question: What to do???
I had talked to my father about this. He said she has me wrapped around her finger since shes acted this way before and I sympathized for her, and that I'm infatuated with her. About an hour ago I got on the game we usually played, on a different account so she couldn't see, and looked up her name and saw she was online.
I don't know whether I should block her number or try to get through this again after all the times it has happened. So please, I need some advice. I've only known her for half a year, but she seems like a dear friend to me because shes like the first person I've made real friends with inside a game, and I hate giving up on friends.
So, separate myself or not
the (most) successful relationships involve two healthy people that are not looking for someone to "fix" them
get lots of space and move on- preferably with someone who intersects your physical life
Standard: UWG Bant Control
EDH: UArcum Dagsson
Modern: Affinity
Vintage: BUR Grixis Control
Legacy: W Mono-White : U Merfolk : BUG Esper Stoneblade : RBG Punishing Jund : B Reanimator : RU Sneak and Show : GB Infect : RG Red/Green Devotion : RUG RUG Delver
2. The "can you do me a favor" "nvm" "goodbye" thing is slightly disturbing, if anything i would recommend you tell her to contact a suicide hotline.
3. She is likely playing you in some way, so yeah your dad is right there, she has you around her finger, this is in no way your responsibility and the suicide hotline advice aside you need not get yourself involved further.
4. God bless and look after your soul if you keep going on with this thing... for some reason im expecting the worse out of it.
A) She has problems, and more problems than you seem to think (likely Bipolar disorder, which I'll talk about again in a second)
B) You're not qualified to fix her problems
C) You're sinking way too much of your life into this person you hardly know
Your Dad is right. You are where this person goes when they need positive attention, but she is the one getting all the benefits out of this relationship. She is an emotional leech who doesn't reciprocate your feelings.
I know it feels special that you've got this friendship with a girl online, and you grew up in a generation where the internet was normal, but you need to clearly define walls between 'internet friends' and 'real-life friends'. Don't let internet friends breach those boundaries without careful consideration. Gaming friends are not a scenario in which you want to do that - keep your friendship in the boundaries of the game.
Now, let's talk about this girl, specifically. She's pretty clearly bipolar or has another issue that you are neither responsible for nor qualified to help with. Leave the white knight syndrome at the door, her problems aren't your problems and you aren't going to earn her love (even in the abstract sense) by trying to fix them. People with Bipolar disorder will frequently share intimate details about their lives, and it makes people without the disorder think that they're opening up and becoming close. But they aren't - people with bipolar disorder are very charismatic when they're 'up' and a large part of that is their lack of a filter about intimacy (in all forms). They'll share things that people without the disorder would consider very intimate and a bonding experience, but in reality they'll share those stories with just about anyone, it doesn't mean the same thing to them that it means to you. And then they'll lead you on an emotional roller coaster of ups and downs and think nothing of it. Their 'up' periods tend to make you think the 'down' periods are the abberation, or something that can be fixed if you only care enough (and sometimes they'll imply or outright say this to you, too), but you need to understand that the 'up' and the 'down' periods are equally a part of who they are and have nothing to do with you.
You need to start working to distance yourself from this girl. You haven't really experienced much in the way of emotional 'leeches' yet, but you know what to look out for now. It's happened to all of us at some point - in fact in happened to me when I was your age with a girl I highly suspect now was bipolar, but it didn't occur to me then I was so lured in by her stories that I started distancing myself from friends she was claiming were being mean to her. It's literally almost an identical story to yours (except in real life) - 'Abusive' Mother, History of being wronged, etc. It's just not worth it and nothing you can do will fix anything, and you're only going to sabotage your own life by continuing to be invested in hers.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
Trust me, no relationship is worth that much time and effort. Also, you are ruining hobby. Nothing is worse than trying to play a game and have to dodge people.
I buy HP and Damaged cards!
Only EDH:
Sigarda, Host of Herons: Enchantress' Enchantments
Jenara, Asura of War: ETB Value Town
Purphoros, God of the Forge: Global Punishment
Xenagos, God of Revels: Ramp, Sneak, & Heavy Hitters
Ghave, Guru of Spores: Dies_to_Doom_Blade's stax list
Edric, Spymaster of Trest: Donald's list