All right guys. I'm sorry about this post. It's not easy for me to write, and I have a suspicion most people are going to call me out on it. So sorry, I don't MEAN for this to sound like I'm whining or being over dramatic, but I really need to get some things off my chest and have someone at least respond, because very few people in my day to day life actually will.
I'm 18, and since February of last year, my life has taken a very significant downward turn. For a lot of personal reasons, relating to both mental and physical health, I moved with my mother out of the nice condo we had into a fairly nice apartment in a different city with the intention of starting school once I got to that area. Unfortunately, that did not work out, because the administration at that school was prejudiced and unwilling to work with us, so now I am in an online program and will have to pay for classes during the summer to get my high school diploma. I had plans to get into Yale, or at least the local college that is very highly ranked around here, but I am starting to think I should give up on those fairly impossible dreams and just drop out of my online program, get my GED, and go to the community college I'm going to have to attend for a semester anyway.
While my dad was never really all that present in my life, he did pay for child support, pitched in for my medical bills, and insurance. Unfortunately, with school not working out and the way our situation ended up playing out, I was not enrolled in school on my 18th birthday, and he moved to sever all monetary obligations he had, something at which he succeeded. A judge ruled that he no longer has to follow the divorce agreement or pay for anything anymore because they agreed with my dad that I should be moved out and self-sufficient now because I am 18, despite the personal issues that are holding me back from that. While we hadn't talked all that much before this ruling, he has not called, texted, emailed, or anything since the ruling. While he wasn't really all that present and hasn't been for many years, he has now officially walked out of my life.
My mom is stressed. She's working, she's trying to be able to make end's meet (meat? I have no clue.) and while she understands my situation better than most, I think she subconsciously kind of hates me for still living with her. Her attitude towards me has gotten a lot less polite. She snaps and yells at me more often, most of our conversations end with her making insinuations of how I screwed up that day, or how much I am a burden to her. She has become much less sympathetic and much less supportive, at least in manner. I understand this, I'm basically just killing her, living here. I really wish I could leave and spare her the burden, at least, but unfortunately I don't think that'll be an option because I have very little money and with my various problems, I would probably not survive long on the street.
I'm realizing how good I had it before. I had pets before (besides the dog, who we kept) who I had to put up for adoption because our apartment wouldn't allow more than a dog. We had a really nice house that had a really nice view of a really beautiful pond in the back. I had supportive friends and family members (well, the family members were supportive at least. I think the friends tried their best but were generally more critical.). I had my driver's license ahead of me, and possibly even a job and a car, two things I doubt I will be getting anytime soon now. I had a magic store that I could walk or bike to, and I had money to spend on the game. We weren't rich, but we could afford pretty much all the food we wanted, so long as we didn't go out to eat all that often. Now I'm rationing myself to about one meal a day to prevent my mom from having to buy me a bunch of food.
We're probably moving to a smaller, more affordable apartment in the fall, which means I will be selling more of my stuff to make room, which is fine, I guess. My mom's hinted that she doesn't really want me in the picture by that point, so I may either be living in a dorm or on the street instead.
My therapist says I'm depressed. We've tried antidepressants, but I had an extremely bad reaction to them, which makes me wary about spending money on other kinds, especially with some of the side effects on those things. The last thing I need right now is to be suicidal.
I know I'm probably just whining. My living conditions, meaning my house, food, parent, is better than a lot of people. I don't have to worry about abuse, or about the electricity or water going away, while I may not eat anywhere near as much as I used to, I'm still eating very good, high quality foods. I have an internet connection. I've been able to afford magic, up until now. So I do get that my life is a lot better than someone on the street (and I'm sure if I end up at that point soon, I'll whine about how great life was now.) However, I feel like there's a difference between conditions and stability. Before, not only where the living conditions slightly better, but it was stable. We had the house paid off, mostly, we had very little debt, my school situation wasn't messed up. Life was on track. Now, however, I'm going to have to pay for online school over the summer (and am taking six online classes right now) just to graduate, we'll have to downsize tremendously, and even if we don't, having to pay rent is a lot less stable because it'll never be paid off. There's a possibility I could end up in the street. Things might still be good, at least in terms of living conditions, but it seems doubtful they'll stay that way.
And everything is so stressful. And I don't see ANYONE, because I have to be in my room for school and I don't really have transportation to go anywhere else anymore. So the only person I interact with on a daily basis is my mom, who is stressed and negative and seems like she hates me a good portion of the time. I shouldn't really blame her.
I just wish things would go back to the way they used to be, when I could actually wake up and be awake, instead of just as exhausted as when I fell asleep. When I had both an easily accessible magic shop, a good amount of money to spend on the game, and a nice casual playgroup of friends in case any of the other two changed. I wish I wasn't in constant pain all the time. I wish I didn't either feel numb or like breaking down all the time. I wish every little thing didn't just overwhelm me.
I know I just need to suck it up, do what I have to do, and make peace with that, but I just feel like I'm too weak to do that. I've been trying, anyway, and it hasn't been working.
TL:DR Me whining. Sorry I made you sit through that, if you did.
It sucks but things could be a lot worse for you and you're lucky you're still young. Hardship is easier to take when you're young than when you're older. Get your GED, get a job, and do a year at a community college(apply for EOP!). If you really want to go to Yale you will still be able to do so but you may have to give a statement explaining the gap in your education. Since you're still under 21 I suggest you take the SAT, if you haven't already, to give any colleges you apply to more context to base admission on.
At this point you and your mom should suck it up and utilize local charity resources to help make ends meet. Pride doesn't fill your stomach or keep you warm at night! Supplement your food budget by getting one meal a day at a local soup kitchen and sign up for a food pantry. I just can't believe that there are no free GED classes, even in the summer. You should check your county's 211 website to see what resources are available in your area. The local school district and your local One Stop may offer additional GED resources. Job Corps is another option and might actually be ideal for you. You get to finish your GED, you learn a skill that can help pay your way through college, and generally, you live on-site so you would not be a financial burden to your mother.
Do be angry at what has happened to you. Don't decide that anger is enough. Get up and take charge of your life.
I'm 18, and since February of last year, my life has taken a very significant downward turn. For a lot of personal reasons, relating to both mental and physical health, I moved with my mother out of the nice condo we had into a fairly nice apartment in a different city with the intention of starting school once I got to that area. Unfortunately, that did not work out, because the administration at that school was prejudiced and unwilling to work with us, so now I am in an online program and will have to pay for classes during the summer to get my high school diploma. I had plans to get into Yale, or at least the local college that is very highly ranked around here, but I am starting to think I should give up on those fairly impossible dreams and just drop out of my online program, get my GED, and go to the community college I'm going to have to attend for a semester anyway.
Thanks for posting, KT. I'm going to ask you a few questions to maybe get a better sense of your situation. Please don't take any of this as criticism, I just want to help you evaluate your current situation and your attitudes about it.
Why did you move? That seems to be what set off the chain of events here.
What does 'prejudiced' mean in this context? What is this online program? Is it a high school program?
'Yale or the highly ranked local college' is quite the spread, goals-wise. It makes me think that maybe you haven't thought this out very well. Did you stand a chance of getting into Yale, anyway? That's a lofty goal that people in even good situations can't always do. My wife was an immigrant student with a 4.0 in all Honors and GT classes and she didn't get in to Ivy League.
There is nothing wrong with community college. Your first two years of undergrad are primarily general education requirements anyway, so getting those out the way for a fraction of the cost is nothing to sneeze at. One thing I notice most High School students seem to have a misconception about is that with a few very narrow exceptions, where you got your undergrad degree is completely irrelevant once you start job hunting. Now, where you get a graduate degree can matter a a great deal, but pretty much only in Medical or Law school.
While my dad was never really all that present in my life, he did pay for child support, pitched in for my medical bills, and insurance. Unfortunately, with school not working out and the way our situation ended up playing out, I was not enrolled in school on my 18th birthday, and he moved to sever all monetary obligations he had, something at which he succeeded. A judge ruled that he no longer has to follow the divorce agreement or pay for anything anymore because they agreed with my dad that I should be moved out and self-sufficient now because I am 18, despite the personal issues that are holding me back from that. While we hadn't talked all that much before this ruling, he has not called, texted, emailed, or anything since the ruling. While he wasn't really all that present and hasn't been for many years, he has now officially walked out of my life.
I understand that emotionally, this is very rough, and I'm sorry that you expected more from a guy who is clearly a jackass. That being said, what, exactly, is holding you back? You are 18 years old and your parents aren't under any obligation to care for you any longer. I know quite a few people who were essentially kicked out at 18. And you at least had something of a father figure to lose, my best friend's father didn't even come visit him when he it wasn't clear whether or not he was going to die after a major car wreck we were in. So as far as this section of your rant, it honestly could have been worse. Many fathers don't provide that level of support for their kids.
My mom is stressed. She's working, she's trying to be able to make end's meet (meat? I have no clue.) and while she understands my situation better than most, I think she subconsciously kind of hates me for still living with her. Her attitude towards me has gotten a lot less polite. She snaps and yells at me more often, most of our conversations end with her making insinuations of how I screwed up that day, or how much I am a burden to her. She has become much less sympathetic and much less supportive, at least in manner. I understand this, I'm basically just killing her, living here. I really wish I could leave and spare her the burden, at least, but unfortunately I don't think that'll be an option because I have very little money and with my various problems, I would probably not survive long on the street.
I think the problem here is that you're assuming that the solutions to the problem are binary: Live on the street or keep going as things are.
For your mom, have you considered that maybe she's depressed, too? Not everything is about you, and your mom's problems aren't centered around you, either, she has her own issues. It's not right that they get taken out on you, but that's the way it is. If getting 'snapped at' is the worst of it, be thankful. When I was a kid, there was a period when my mother would drag me out of bed at all hours of the night at least once a week and scream at me for hours because I had left a dish in the sink I should have washed, or I didn't put some toys away, or whatever triggered her rage. It took me a long time to realize it wasn't really about me, she was clinically depressed, unhappy at work, unhappy at home and went untreated for decades. One of my other friends, after making a speech at my wedding, my wife and I went to talk to his mom, and all she had to say was 'At least he's doing something right'. That woman even made a passive aggressive jab in their family Christmas card.
So, here comes a solution that isn't live on the streets or continue to feel worthless at home: Contribute more to the house. Why aren't you working? Even my friend with a chromosomal disorder and severe social anxiety is working. Granted, it took a bit of Xanax to get him going, but he's more than capable. You could also help with the work around the house: cleaning and cooking. The added bonus of getting experience cooking and cleaning now is that they're highly attractive skills to have. It doesn't matter if you're a man, woman, heterosexual or homosexual, someone who can cook and clean is highly desirable.
I'm realizing how good I had it before. I had pets before (besides the dog, who we kept) who I had to put up for adoption because our apartment wouldn't allow more than a dog. We had a really nice house that had a really nice view of a really beautiful pond in the back. I had supportive friends and family members (well, the family members were supportive at least. I think the friends tried their best but were generally more critical.). I had my driver's license ahead of me, and possibly even a job and a car, two things I doubt I will be getting anytime soon now. I had a magic store that I could walk or bike to, and I had money to spend on the game. We weren't rich, but we could afford pretty much all the food we wanted, so long as we didn't go out to eat all that often. Now I'm rationing myself to about one meal a day to prevent my mom from having to buy me a bunch of food.
So.. what happened? 'Moving' doesn't explain what seems like a dramatic switch from middle class to poverty.
But even with the switch, the only real change is that things aren't being handed to you anymore. It's rough, because we're expected to magically become adults at 18 while being coddled through 17, but it's really only a problem of attitude. Your life was going to change dramatically with college anyway, so the 'good old days' you remember were numbered, anyway.
We're probably moving to a smaller, more affordable apartment in the fall, which means I will be selling more of my stuff to make room, which is fine, I guess. My mom's hinted that she doesn't really want me in the picture by that point, so I may either be living in a dorm or on the street instead.
Again with the binary options! Why are the only alternatives 'dorm' and 'street'? Granted, it's pretty crappy getting kicked out of your house without your parents equipping you with the resources to make it on your own, but your two options aren't 'College Student' and 'Hobo'. Finding an afforable place to live is as easy as finding want ads for roommates.
My therapist says I'm depressed. We've tried antidepressants, but I had an extremely bad reaction to them, which makes me wary about spending money on other kinds, especially with some of the side effects on those things. The last thing I need right now is to be suicidal.
When you say 'Therapist', do you mean Psychologist or Psychiatrist, or just a licensed therapist? In any case, the advice of your medical professional comes first.
I know I'm probably just whining. My living conditions, meaning my house, food, parent, is better than a lot of people. I don't have to worry about abuse, or about the electricity or water going away, while I may not eat anywhere near as much as I used to, I'm still eating very good, high quality foods. I have an internet connection. I've been able to afford magic, up until now. So I do get that my life is a lot better than someone on the street (and I'm sure if I end up at that point soon, I'll whine about how great life was now.) However, I feel like there's a difference between conditions and stability. Before, not only where the living conditions slightly better, but it was stable. We had the house paid off, mostly, we had very little debt, my school situation wasn't messed up. Life was on track. Now, however, I'm going to have to pay for online school over the summer (and am taking six online classes right now) just to graduate, we'll have to downsize tremendously, and even if we don't, having to pay rent is a lot less stable because it'll never be paid off. There's a possibility I could end up in the street. Things might still be good, at least in terms of living conditions, but it seems doubtful they'll stay that way.
Again and again with 'the street'. You do NOT have to live on the street. That isn't your end game, here, there is a huge range of living circumstances between a modest apartment and 'the street'. Yes, it's rough because it's a sudden life circumstance switch at a really bad time, but you are not going to have to live on the street. Maybe you'll have money tight and you won't be able to do as much fun stuff as you'd want to, but the first step about feeling better about your situation is to recognize that what you envision and a good situation and abject poverty aren't the only two options, here.
And everything is so stressful. And I don't see ANYONE, because I have to be in my room for school and I don't really have transportation to go anywhere else anymore. So the only person I interact with on a daily basis is my mom, who is stressed and negative and seems like she hates me a good portion of the time. I shouldn't really blame her.
Didn't you say you moved to the city? Can't you get a bus pass to get around town?
And your mother does not hate you. She is frustrated with her life, which is a very, very big difference. There is a whole range of reasons for your mother acting negative towards you that don't have to come anywhere near 'hate'. Be careful of this kind of binary thinking, nothing in life is an either/or scenario. There are always more options.
I just wish things would go back to the way they used to be, when I could actually wake up and be awake, instead of just as exhausted as when I fell asleep. When I had both an easily accessible magic shop, a good amount of money to spend on the game, and a nice casual playgroup of friends in case any of the other two changed. I wish I wasn't in constant pain all the time. I wish I didn't either feel numb or like breaking down all the time. I wish every little thing didn't just overwhelm me.
I know I just need to suck it up, do what I have to do, and make peace with that, but I just feel like I'm too weak to do that. I've been trying, anyway, and it hasn't been working.
Take it one step at a time, most of this is the depression talking. What you really want is to not be depressed, not for time to rewind itself. As I said before, the way things were wasn't going to last much longer, anyway.
My best advice for you is to take things step by step. Trying to focus on everything at once is clearly over stressing you. You've done a good job of writing down all your problems here. Not turn them into a bulleted list, and work out which ones are solvable and which aren't. For the ones that are solvable (and we've recommended to you which ones are, here), you can work out how to go about fixing some things.
And here is the most important point: don't try to do it all at once. For now, focus on school, and start looking into jobs you could be doing to earn some money, primarily to help support you and your mother, and also into what kind of financial aid you would qualify for. You're clearly far too focused on everything, that you're not accomplishing anything. Find the easiest fix and your life and change that, and then work your way up the list. By the time you get to the truly hard things, the list will be pretty small. In my opinion, your list should look something like this:
KT's Problems:
Depression: What can you do to help manage your depression?
- Talk with your therapist about alternate strategies for managing your symptoms
- Try to fit in some exercise (seriously, even if it's just going for a walk around the block, it can help mitigate the apathy of depression)
- Talk with your therapist about coping strategies for dealing with your mother
School: What do you need to do to finish High School?
- Make a schedule of classes and homework assignments, and take it piece by piece
- Research what is involved with getting a GED
College: What do you need to do to get into college?
- Fill out your FAFSA, if you haven't already, and see what you're qualified to get in financial aid
- See what scholarships you might be qualified for
- See what needs to be done to be accepted to the schools you want to go to
- Your experiences would make for a great college entrance essay. Use them to your advantage.
Money: What can you do to earn some money to support the two of you?
- See what jobs are available in your area, look at craigslist and walk around to the local businesses and ask for job applications
- Evaluate which of your 'stuff' won't be making the next move with you, and try to sell it online for a profit
Fun: What can you do to make sure you at least have a little bit of fun every week, something to look forward to?
- This is up to you. Find something you enjoy and make sure to do a little bit of that every day.
Mom: What can you do to help your mom out?
- Write down what chores she is responsible for around the house, and try to take some of them off her shoulders
- Earning some money to help out with go a long way towards relieving her stress
Now, we've talked here about how to fix some of the stresses, but start coming up with solutions for all of these things. Add your own, and figure out which are most doable for you right now, and start checking them off the list, one by one. Quantifying the problem will go a long way towards helping you manage your stress. Right now, it seems like all you see are the big problems, but not all the little steps that it takes to fix them.
Edit: Bitsy's comments about 211 and Job Corps are right on track. I'd also add Americorps, which is a bit of a different tact, but a great program. I know successes out of both the Job Corps and Americorps. I also work with 211 on a regular basis and can attest that they've got a huge range of services they can link you to. Call them, explain your problems and they can connect you to the right resources.
I'm sorry but I'm not really willing to clarify what happened in regards to why we had to move. It's a very private situation. For here, let's just say it had to do with both mental and physical health reasons and leave it at that.
I really shouldn't have posted this when all of it centers around those issues. There's a reason I wouldn't be able to find a roommate, there's a reason I roommate would make me uncomfortable to the extreme (I'm talking panic attacks and literally constant stress/uncomfortability type of uncomfortable, not just "oh, yeah, I don't like that.")
I'm not going to be looking at or responding to this thread anymore, and that's not your fault, any of you, it's just due to the fact that I'm realizing that the part I left out is probably key, and unfortunately, so long as I'm not willing to share it, I'm not going to be able to get complete or helpful advice for my situation.
I'm sorry but I'm not really willing to clarify what happened in regards to why we had to move. It's a very private situation. For here, let's just say it had to do with both mental and physical health reasons and leave it at that.
I really shouldn't have posted this when all of it centers around those issues. There's a reason I wouldn't be able to find a roommate, there's a reason I roommate would make me uncomfortable to the extreme (I'm talking panic attacks and literally constant stress/uncomfortability type of uncomfortable, not just "oh, yeah, I don't like that.")
I'm not going to be looking at or responding to this thread anymore, and that's not your fault, any of you, it's just due to the fact that I'm realizing that the part I left out is probably key, and unfortunately, so long as I'm not willing to share it, I'm not going to be able to get complete or helpful advice for my situation.
Thanks for responding anyway, however.
Your therapist may be able to help you with these issues. S/he knows your exact situation and can help you tailor a solution that is right for you. The thing is that this help would most likely come in the form of a social worker. Social workers are often overloaded with work and may sometimes give incomplete help because they have to help so many people. If you're interested in working with a social worker try to get one with a clinical degree. They're qualified to give therapy in many places and are held to a confidentiality standard that is the same as a therapist. Clinical social workers have the resources of two professions at their disposal and can give you a better outcome than a therapist or social worker can alone.
I'm sorry you had to take charge of your physical and mental well being in such a sucky way but it is your responsibility now. Taking control of what's inside of you is probably the scariest thing you'll ever do. In the end you'll be happy you did.
Given that I have no idea what the issue is, I can only give one advice, because it pretty much applies to all situations-
Take charge of the situation. Do not be afraid. Nothing will go your way if you don't attempt to take command and make things work the way you want them to. Be it small, tiny steps or giant, life-changing steps, you still have to do something.
I'm 18, and since February of last year, my life has taken a very significant downward turn. For a lot of personal reasons, relating to both mental and physical health, I moved with my mother out of the nice condo we had into a fairly nice apartment in a different city with the intention of starting school once I got to that area. Unfortunately, that did not work out, because the administration at that school was prejudiced and unwilling to work with us, so now I am in an online program and will have to pay for classes during the summer to get my high school diploma. I had plans to get into Yale, or at least the local college that is very highly ranked around here, but I am starting to think I should give up on those fairly impossible dreams and just drop out of my online program, get my GED, and go to the community college I'm going to have to attend for a semester anyway.
While my dad was never really all that present in my life, he did pay for child support, pitched in for my medical bills, and insurance. Unfortunately, with school not working out and the way our situation ended up playing out, I was not enrolled in school on my 18th birthday, and he moved to sever all monetary obligations he had, something at which he succeeded. A judge ruled that he no longer has to follow the divorce agreement or pay for anything anymore because they agreed with my dad that I should be moved out and self-sufficient now because I am 18, despite the personal issues that are holding me back from that. While we hadn't talked all that much before this ruling, he has not called, texted, emailed, or anything since the ruling. While he wasn't really all that present and hasn't been for many years, he has now officially walked out of my life.
My mom is stressed. She's working, she's trying to be able to make end's meet (meat? I have no clue.) and while she understands my situation better than most, I think she subconsciously kind of hates me for still living with her. Her attitude towards me has gotten a lot less polite. She snaps and yells at me more often, most of our conversations end with her making insinuations of how I screwed up that day, or how much I am a burden to her. She has become much less sympathetic and much less supportive, at least in manner. I understand this, I'm basically just killing her, living here. I really wish I could leave and spare her the burden, at least, but unfortunately I don't think that'll be an option because I have very little money and with my various problems, I would probably not survive long on the street.
I'm realizing how good I had it before. I had pets before (besides the dog, who we kept) who I had to put up for adoption because our apartment wouldn't allow more than a dog. We had a really nice house that had a really nice view of a really beautiful pond in the back. I had supportive friends and family members (well, the family members were supportive at least. I think the friends tried their best but were generally more critical.). I had my driver's license ahead of me, and possibly even a job and a car, two things I doubt I will be getting anytime soon now. I had a magic store that I could walk or bike to, and I had money to spend on the game. We weren't rich, but we could afford pretty much all the food we wanted, so long as we didn't go out to eat all that often. Now I'm rationing myself to about one meal a day to prevent my mom from having to buy me a bunch of food.
We're probably moving to a smaller, more affordable apartment in the fall, which means I will be selling more of my stuff to make room, which is fine, I guess. My mom's hinted that she doesn't really want me in the picture by that point, so I may either be living in a dorm or on the street instead.
My therapist says I'm depressed. We've tried antidepressants, but I had an extremely bad reaction to them, which makes me wary about spending money on other kinds, especially with some of the side effects on those things. The last thing I need right now is to be suicidal.
I know I'm probably just whining. My living conditions, meaning my house, food, parent, is better than a lot of people. I don't have to worry about abuse, or about the electricity or water going away, while I may not eat anywhere near as much as I used to, I'm still eating very good, high quality foods. I have an internet connection. I've been able to afford magic, up until now. So I do get that my life is a lot better than someone on the street (and I'm sure if I end up at that point soon, I'll whine about how great life was now.) However, I feel like there's a difference between conditions and stability. Before, not only where the living conditions slightly better, but it was stable. We had the house paid off, mostly, we had very little debt, my school situation wasn't messed up. Life was on track. Now, however, I'm going to have to pay for online school over the summer (and am taking six online classes right now) just to graduate, we'll have to downsize tremendously, and even if we don't, having to pay rent is a lot less stable because it'll never be paid off. There's a possibility I could end up in the street. Things might still be good, at least in terms of living conditions, but it seems doubtful they'll stay that way.
And everything is so stressful. And I don't see ANYONE, because I have to be in my room for school and I don't really have transportation to go anywhere else anymore. So the only person I interact with on a daily basis is my mom, who is stressed and negative and seems like she hates me a good portion of the time. I shouldn't really blame her.
I just wish things would go back to the way they used to be, when I could actually wake up and be awake, instead of just as exhausted as when I fell asleep. When I had both an easily accessible magic shop, a good amount of money to spend on the game, and a nice casual playgroup of friends in case any of the other two changed. I wish I wasn't in constant pain all the time. I wish I didn't either feel numb or like breaking down all the time. I wish every little thing didn't just overwhelm me.
I know I just need to suck it up, do what I have to do, and make peace with that, but I just feel like I'm too weak to do that. I've been trying, anyway, and it hasn't been working.
TL:DR Me whining. Sorry I made you sit through that, if you did.
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At this point you and your mom should suck it up and utilize local charity resources to help make ends meet. Pride doesn't fill your stomach or keep you warm at night! Supplement your food budget by getting one meal a day at a local soup kitchen and sign up for a food pantry. I just can't believe that there are no free GED classes, even in the summer. You should check your county's 211 website to see what resources are available in your area. The local school district and your local One Stop may offer additional GED resources. Job Corps is another option and might actually be ideal for you. You get to finish your GED, you learn a skill that can help pay your way through college, and generally, you live on-site so you would not be a financial burden to your mother.
Do be angry at what has happened to you. Don't decide that anger is enough. Get up and take charge of your life.
Headwinds suck, but this is a chance to prove your grittiness. See here, for example.
Also, you may find this article on college interesting as you consider Yale.
Thanks for posting, KT. I'm going to ask you a few questions to maybe get a better sense of your situation. Please don't take any of this as criticism, I just want to help you evaluate your current situation and your attitudes about it.
Why did you move? That seems to be what set off the chain of events here.
What does 'prejudiced' mean in this context? What is this online program? Is it a high school program?
'Yale or the highly ranked local college' is quite the spread, goals-wise. It makes me think that maybe you haven't thought this out very well. Did you stand a chance of getting into Yale, anyway? That's a lofty goal that people in even good situations can't always do. My wife was an immigrant student with a 4.0 in all Honors and GT classes and she didn't get in to Ivy League.
There is nothing wrong with community college. Your first two years of undergrad are primarily general education requirements anyway, so getting those out the way for a fraction of the cost is nothing to sneeze at. One thing I notice most High School students seem to have a misconception about is that with a few very narrow exceptions, where you got your undergrad degree is completely irrelevant once you start job hunting. Now, where you get a graduate degree can matter a a great deal, but pretty much only in Medical or Law school.
I understand that emotionally, this is very rough, and I'm sorry that you expected more from a guy who is clearly a jackass. That being said, what, exactly, is holding you back? You are 18 years old and your parents aren't under any obligation to care for you any longer. I know quite a few people who were essentially kicked out at 18. And you at least had something of a father figure to lose, my best friend's father didn't even come visit him when he it wasn't clear whether or not he was going to die after a major car wreck we were in. So as far as this section of your rant, it honestly could have been worse. Many fathers don't provide that level of support for their kids.
I think the problem here is that you're assuming that the solutions to the problem are binary: Live on the street or keep going as things are.
For your mom, have you considered that maybe she's depressed, too? Not everything is about you, and your mom's problems aren't centered around you, either, she has her own issues. It's not right that they get taken out on you, but that's the way it is. If getting 'snapped at' is the worst of it, be thankful. When I was a kid, there was a period when my mother would drag me out of bed at all hours of the night at least once a week and scream at me for hours because I had left a dish in the sink I should have washed, or I didn't put some toys away, or whatever triggered her rage. It took me a long time to realize it wasn't really about me, she was clinically depressed, unhappy at work, unhappy at home and went untreated for decades. One of my other friends, after making a speech at my wedding, my wife and I went to talk to his mom, and all she had to say was 'At least he's doing something right'. That woman even made a passive aggressive jab in their family Christmas card.
So, here comes a solution that isn't live on the streets or continue to feel worthless at home: Contribute more to the house. Why aren't you working? Even my friend with a chromosomal disorder and severe social anxiety is working. Granted, it took a bit of Xanax to get him going, but he's more than capable. You could also help with the work around the house: cleaning and cooking. The added bonus of getting experience cooking and cleaning now is that they're highly attractive skills to have. It doesn't matter if you're a man, woman, heterosexual or homosexual, someone who can cook and clean is highly desirable.
So.. what happened? 'Moving' doesn't explain what seems like a dramatic switch from middle class to poverty.
But even with the switch, the only real change is that things aren't being handed to you anymore. It's rough, because we're expected to magically become adults at 18 while being coddled through 17, but it's really only a problem of attitude. Your life was going to change dramatically with college anyway, so the 'good old days' you remember were numbered, anyway.
Again with the binary options! Why are the only alternatives 'dorm' and 'street'? Granted, it's pretty crappy getting kicked out of your house without your parents equipping you with the resources to make it on your own, but your two options aren't 'College Student' and 'Hobo'. Finding an afforable place to live is as easy as finding want ads for roommates.
When you say 'Therapist', do you mean Psychologist or Psychiatrist, or just a licensed therapist? In any case, the advice of your medical professional comes first.
Again and again with 'the street'. You do NOT have to live on the street. That isn't your end game, here, there is a huge range of living circumstances between a modest apartment and 'the street'. Yes, it's rough because it's a sudden life circumstance switch at a really bad time, but you are not going to have to live on the street. Maybe you'll have money tight and you won't be able to do as much fun stuff as you'd want to, but the first step about feeling better about your situation is to recognize that what you envision and a good situation and abject poverty aren't the only two options, here.
Didn't you say you moved to the city? Can't you get a bus pass to get around town?
And your mother does not hate you. She is frustrated with her life, which is a very, very big difference. There is a whole range of reasons for your mother acting negative towards you that don't have to come anywhere near 'hate'. Be careful of this kind of binary thinking, nothing in life is an either/or scenario. There are always more options.
Take it one step at a time, most of this is the depression talking. What you really want is to not be depressed, not for time to rewind itself. As I said before, the way things were wasn't going to last much longer, anyway.
My best advice for you is to take things step by step. Trying to focus on everything at once is clearly over stressing you. You've done a good job of writing down all your problems here. Not turn them into a bulleted list, and work out which ones are solvable and which aren't. For the ones that are solvable (and we've recommended to you which ones are, here), you can work out how to go about fixing some things.
And here is the most important point: don't try to do it all at once. For now, focus on school, and start looking into jobs you could be doing to earn some money, primarily to help support you and your mother, and also into what kind of financial aid you would qualify for. You're clearly far too focused on everything, that you're not accomplishing anything. Find the easiest fix and your life and change that, and then work your way up the list. By the time you get to the truly hard things, the list will be pretty small. In my opinion, your list should look something like this:
KT's Problems:
Depression: What can you do to help manage your depression?
- Talk with your therapist about alternate strategies for managing your symptoms
- Try to fit in some exercise (seriously, even if it's just going for a walk around the block, it can help mitigate the apathy of depression)
- Talk with your therapist about coping strategies for dealing with your mother
School: What do you need to do to finish High School?
- Make a schedule of classes and homework assignments, and take it piece by piece
- Research what is involved with getting a GED
College: What do you need to do to get into college?
- Fill out your FAFSA, if you haven't already, and see what you're qualified to get in financial aid
- See what scholarships you might be qualified for
- See what needs to be done to be accepted to the schools you want to go to
- Your experiences would make for a great college entrance essay. Use them to your advantage.
Money: What can you do to earn some money to support the two of you?
- See what jobs are available in your area, look at craigslist and walk around to the local businesses and ask for job applications
- Evaluate which of your 'stuff' won't be making the next move with you, and try to sell it online for a profit
Fun: What can you do to make sure you at least have a little bit of fun every week, something to look forward to?
- This is up to you. Find something you enjoy and make sure to do a little bit of that every day.
Mom: What can you do to help your mom out?
- Write down what chores she is responsible for around the house, and try to take some of them off her shoulders
- Earning some money to help out with go a long way towards relieving her stress
Now, we've talked here about how to fix some of the stresses, but start coming up with solutions for all of these things. Add your own, and figure out which are most doable for you right now, and start checking them off the list, one by one. Quantifying the problem will go a long way towards helping you manage your stress. Right now, it seems like all you see are the big problems, but not all the little steps that it takes to fix them.
Edit: Bitsy's comments about 211 and Job Corps are right on track. I'd also add Americorps, which is a bit of a different tact, but a great program. I know successes out of both the Job Corps and Americorps. I also work with 211 on a regular basis and can attest that they've got a huge range of services they can link you to. Call them, explain your problems and they can connect you to the right resources.
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I really shouldn't have posted this when all of it centers around those issues. There's a reason I wouldn't be able to find a roommate, there's a reason I roommate would make me uncomfortable to the extreme (I'm talking panic attacks and literally constant stress/uncomfortability type of uncomfortable, not just "oh, yeah, I don't like that.")
I'm not going to be looking at or responding to this thread anymore, and that's not your fault, any of you, it's just due to the fact that I'm realizing that the part I left out is probably key, and unfortunately, so long as I'm not willing to share it, I'm not going to be able to get complete or helpful advice for my situation.
Thanks for responding anyway, however.
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Your therapist may be able to help you with these issues. S/he knows your exact situation and can help you tailor a solution that is right for you. The thing is that this help would most likely come in the form of a social worker. Social workers are often overloaded with work and may sometimes give incomplete help because they have to help so many people. If you're interested in working with a social worker try to get one with a clinical degree. They're qualified to give therapy in many places and are held to a confidentiality standard that is the same as a therapist. Clinical social workers have the resources of two professions at their disposal and can give you a better outcome than a therapist or social worker can alone.
I'm sorry you had to take charge of your physical and mental well being in such a sucky way but it is your responsibility now. Taking control of what's inside of you is probably the scariest thing you'll ever do. In the end you'll be happy you did.
Take charge of the situation. Do not be afraid. Nothing will go your way if you don't attempt to take command and make things work the way you want them to. Be it small, tiny steps or giant, life-changing steps, you still have to do something.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath