Picking up chicks...

  • #1
    Right, so I'm single now. I've been so for about 2 or 3 months now. Also, I have a few friends who want to pick up girls too. By pick up, I mean meet girls who would are also looking out for guys to go on dates with.

    The question is, how to do so? Where are the best places to find potential girlfriends?
    I'm 20 and so are my friends in question. I'm assuming bars are better than clubs, as you can actually talk to people.

    What is your advice?
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  • #2
    You can meet girls anywhere, usually the grocery store is pretty good. Its easy to come up with small talk without trying and you get to check out each others food preferences.

    Mind you, I did meet my wife at a club
  • #3
    Do things you like to do. If that's too limited, find other things you might be interested in.

    Go out and explore. Talk to people.

    If all else fails, eHarmony will have your back, Jack.
  • #4
    Bars and clubs are NOT where you meet girlfriend material IMO.

    thats where you find one night stands, "party animals", alcoholics etc.

    Best places to find women would be places suck as the mall, walmart, grocery store, beaches, parks etc.
  • #5
    Clubs and bars are terrible to meet girls. You can barely talk it's so loud. I'd rather go to a lounge or similar. I'd also not trust any girl that's will to do a 1 night stand (hygiene wise)
  • #6
    If you can meet someone doing something you like, you stand to have something of substance in common right out of the gate.

    Another key piece of advice: shake any fear you have of talking to women. Don't be afraid to strike up a conversation, and don't be afraid to embarrass yourself a little. I was able to get far more dates this way. Find a way to not care how you'll be received and go for it.
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  • #7
    If you can meet someone doing something you like, you stand to have something of substance in common right out of the gate.

    Another key piece of advice: shake any fear you have of talking to women. Don't be afraid to strike up a conversation, and don't be afraid to embarrass yourself a little. I was able to get far more dates this way. Find a way to not care how you'll be received and go for it.


    Agreed. Dont be nervous to talk to woman. They are human just as you and I. You will either be acceoted or rejected its all just a part of life.
  • #8
    In my personal experience I've found weddings and funerals to be the optimal places to chase tail. Seriously, it's a gold mine.

    On a serious note, you said you were 20, do you attend a college? On campus is by and far the best place to meet girls. It's literally a free for all.
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  • #9
    I'm going to be watching this thread: any exploitive/PUA stuff will be carded.

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  • #10
    i think they most important thing is to be always ready to strike. what i mean is, if you find a nice girl, say, in the hospital, and you have interest, you should tey so spend some talk instead of waiting for 8 pm to go to a bar b/c that is more appropriate.

    for places, i think the best is to invite someone that you actually know to go somewhere and let them acknowledge it is a date, b/c in my experience wherever i go to find women they don't want anything a little more serious w/ people they did not know before. i live in brazil, however, and maybe it works differently in other places.
  • #11
    I met my girlfriend/baby mama at a party. So not everyone at a party/club/bar is bad but isnt the best place to go looking. Do you have any friends who are girls? If so ask them if the have any single friends that is usually a good way to find someone who isnt totaly random who your friend thinks is good enough for you. If not i would say at your workplace if you have a job or even voluteer somewhere?
  • #12
    Quote from ManTyme
    Bars and clubs are NOT where you meet girlfriend material IMO.

    thats where you find one night stands, "party animals", alcoholics etc.

    Best places to find women would be places suck as the mall, walmart, grocery store, beaches, parks etc.


    That's a tired generalization from the geek community, usually resulting from an inability to meet women in those environments. If you don't like going to bars/clubs to meet women, that's fine, but claiming that they are not social establishments where a lot of singles go to meet is silly.

    The problem with meeting girls at stores or grocery markets or the mall or wherever is that they are not there to meet someone. They are there to do something else. So they are not as receptive to people coming up to them and introducing themselves. Most people go to a social setting to "put themselves out there" so to speak. If I walk up to a girl at a grocery market and say "Hi, my name is Valarin, how are you?" I'm probably going to get maced. If I do that in a club, the worst I get is a sheepish "hi..." and then she turns and goes back to her friends, I strike out.

    Anyway, to the OP, meeting girls is not hard. It's incredibly easy. You just need to be OK with rejection.

    Go to a nice bar/club, find a girl you find attractive/interesting. Approach them and say "Hi, my name is ...., what's your name?" Make sure sound self confident, put a little bass in your voice, don't act meek and whisper or anything.

    Here's the trick: If you get ANY response other than an enthusiastic "Hi! My name is ..." then move on. You're just wasting your time at that point.

    Make your way through the place until you find a girl you like who responds in a likewise manner, and strike up a conversation. Just ask questions, and listen. Keep asking more questions, keep listening. Don't talk about yourself, keep her the center of attention.

    After about 20 min or so, if you are looking for a 1 night stand, tell her the place is a little loud and does she want to have a nightcap back at your place. Don't be ashamed, it's 2013, it's perfectly acceptable for people of both sexes to engage in/enjoy casual sex. If you are looking for potential gf material, ask her if it's OK to give her a call sometime and get her number. Call her up, chat a bit, ask her out, and away you go.

    Like I said, there's nothing hard about it at all. You just need to be self confident enough to handle rejection. You will get rejected. A lot. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It just means you're not her type. If you take it personally, you will never get anywhere with women.
    Last edited by Valarin: 1/1/2013 9:13:04 PM
  • #13
    Pretty much what Valarin said. If you see someone you find attractive, talk to them. The worst thing that can happen is...nothing? You don't lose anything by trying.

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  • #14
    Quote from Valarin
    You will get rejected. A lot. It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you. It just means you're not her type. If you take it personally, you will never get anywhere with women.


    This is absolutely true, and the biggest barrier to nerd success out there.

    Honestly, I've got a lot of friends who are uber-nerdy and have no problem finding dates. The trick is self-confidence and to not take rejection personally.

    Not everyone is going to like you on first sight. Many won't like you much after a first date. There is no one-size-fits-all approach to 'picking up women'.

    Honestly, if you are looking for women who share your interests, join on-campus organizations if you are in college, it's the best place to meet nerdy girls. Otherwise, look around nearby for social situations where you can meet someone who shares at least some of your interests.

    Also, the absolute worst mentality you can have going in to this is that you are 'looking for a girlfriend'. It can cause you to overreact and become extra nervous. It can also come across as desperate, which is generally a turn-off. Instead, think of it as trying to make new friends. If it becomes something more, it becomes something more. If it doesn't, you haven't really lost anything.

    But going back to the first point, the most important thing to remember is that you need to be able to not personalize rejection. There isn't a single set of criteria you need to have and things you need to do to make someone like you. For a large number of the opposite sex, you simply aren't their type. It isn't personal, it doesn't make you a loser and there is nothing you can do to change that. So don't worry about them.
  • #15
    Just saying guys, you're all awesome for helping me like this. Thanks heaps.

    Personally I'm not looking for casual sex. I'm a typical lover boy, so I just want a nice normal relationship.

    I am also totally okay with rejection. I mean, yes, its a downer. But it happens and I get on with it as quickly as possible. I mean if it happens whilst I'm on the town, I think nothing of it. My mates on the other hand... I'll be there to comfort them :p

    My Uni would be a good place to pick up girls... but for some reason, I only ever to make friends and not anything long term. I dunno, maybe they find me childish?

    And heck, at the end of it, if I've made another friend, thats totally okay. It doesn't even have to end up as a relationship if it doesn't drift that way.

    So basically the game plan is just to go over and talk to them. Anyone have a good way of introducing yourself/ breaking the ice without sounding like a salesman?
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    Green - Imagine hippies, except they're all the Hulk.

    Pretty much sums up why I like green so much Smile

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  • #16
    This is primarily geared at business mixers, but it works well for any conversation.

    http://www.amazon.com/How-Start-Conversation-Make-Friends/dp/1451610998/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1357141514&sr=8-1&keywords=how+to+have+conversations+and+make+friend

    With practice some application of the FORM method is also useful.

    Friendly - "hey how are you?" "can I sit here?"
    Occupation - "what's your major?", "what year are you?"
    Recreation - "Are you in a Sorority/Club/Sport?" "Where are you from?"
    Message -"We should hang out. What's your #"

    Between F and O or possibly after O.. "My name is _________. what's yours?"

    The beauty of this is that she can shut you down anywhere in the process without it being awkward, but if you get to the end with enough small talk before hand 9/10 you'll have her #.

    Go watch the introduction to Hitch where he's going over the basic principles. IE Ask her questions, esp about her.
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  • #17
    Quote from hyperwater
    So basically the game plan is just to go over and talk to them. Anyone have a good way of introducing yourself/ breaking the ice without sounding like a salesman?


    Talk to them in the same manner you'd talk to someone you weren't looking to have sex (yes, or a relationship) with - like any random person you'd meet on the metro.

    Make a remark about something in the immediate vicinity, or something that that person is likely to have experience with, like the quality of some eatery on campus or the advent of some campus event. Even something as workaday as the weather is enough.

    It's about perspective. If you interact with a girl for the sake of getting to know her as a person, instead of talking to her for the sake of having a relationship, it makes it a whole lot easier and natural. In this way you will appear less creepy, needy, or desperate.

    Appear like a guy who doesn't need to look for dates because women hit on him all the time. Girls love that, because who wouldn't want something that others want?
  • #18

    So basically the game plan is just to go over and talk to them. Anyone have a good way of introducing yourself/ breaking the ice without sounding like a salesman?


    Introduce yourself, make eye contact, use your name, ask their name, ask them if they go to school, if so whats their major, if not what do they do for a living, are they out for a special occasion or just out to relax, and just go from there.

    Just keep asking questions. They will give you all the materials you need

    "Hi, my name is Valarin, what's your name?"
    "Hi! My name is Julie" (appropriate response obtained, continue)
    "Julie, you know I always liked that name. Do you go to school around here?"
    "Yeah, I'm a sophomore"
    "A sophomore, huh? So not as shy as a freshman, but you don't have to be home by 9 like a senior?" (give a little laugh). "Whats your major?"
    "Undeclared right now, I'm leaning towards journalism I think"
    "What's an undeclared journalism major doing out this late? Looking for a juicy story?"

    And just vibe on and on like that. It's not hard, just keep her talking and keep asking questions. The conversation will flow as long as she want's to talk to you, if it starts drying up and gets awkward, you struck out, tell her you'll see her around and move on to the next girl. No big deal.

    I'm no ladies man, but back in my single days I would say I easily struck out with 10-15 women before I found one that was interested in me (and I was interested in). And that's per night. It happens, you need to accept the fact there are FAR more women that aren't a match for you than women that are. And that's not a reflection on you (although you need to have all your ducks in a row, be clean, dress nice, have a decent haircut, don't be a slob, brush your teeth, etc)


    My Uni would be a good place to pick up girls... but for some reason, I only ever to make friends and not anything long term. I dunno, maybe they find me childish?


    This is another big reason why it helps going to bars and clubs. When a person goes to class, they aren't going there to meet a guy. They are going there to go to class. Their mindset probably isn't in a place where they will put together "this guy is saying hi to me" and "this guy is attracted to me". If you act flirtatious in an environment where that is not the norm, you run a big chance of just coming off as creepy.

    In a casual setting, people are more receptive to meeting new people in a non plutonic way. You need to be up front about it through, to, be a little playful and flirtatious, or you are going to end up in the friend zone, which sucks if that wasn't your destination.
    Last edited by Valarin: 1/2/2013 11:06:38 AM
  • #19
    Quote from hyperwater

    So basically the game plan is just to go over and talk to them. Anyone have a good way of introducing yourself/ breaking the ice without sounding like a salesman?


    My woman is a bartender. I hit on her at work.

    I introduced myself, made a couple sentances of small talk and asked if she wanted to have a drink with me when she gets off the clock. Been about 9 months now.

    The girl I dated before, I sat next to at a restaurant. When the guy she was with went to the restroom, I pulled a classic "Is that your man?" routine. It allegedly wasn't.

    Never assume that a hot lady across the way has significant other, unless you see it.

    One yes is worth ten no's.

    Buying girls drinks works too, but you'll pay alot more for those no's and sometimes find people who will use you for drinks all night then ditch you. I've met a few buying them a drink and making small talk, with a simple "Let me text you sometime". Some of them stuck, some didn't. Don't get roped into buying all night with no number in return.

    The more casual you are about all of this, the more successful you'll be.
    Last edited by YamahaR1: 1/2/2013 11:58:18 AM
  • #20

    Buying girls drinks works too, but you'll pay alot more for those no's and sometimes find people who will use you for drinks all night then ditch you


    Yeah I fell for that way too many times. Friendly girl, things are going great, $50 later she leaves with her friends and you go home with your right hand Smile

    Buying a girl a drink is fine, but make sure you have a decent conversation going before you offer. Using "Can I buy you a drink?" as an introduction will get you a lot of yes's, a much lighter wallet, and a lot of lonely nights.
  • #21
    I'm a nerd girl, best advice I can give is to just be friendly and do it. As long as a guy is polite, friendly, and doesn't smell bad, I'll strongly consider going on at least a date with him.
  • #22
    women are just like everyone else: people. how are your people skills OP? whether you got game or not depends more on your people skills in general than just with women.
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  • #23
    cafe
    park
    beach
    stores
    bars (you can sometimes meet a "tagger" with their friends)
    internet (no long range)
    through friends
    parties
    local events
    school
    art walks.

    there are millions, you just have to throw yourself out there.
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  • #24
    Quote from NightfallGemini
    women are just like everyone else: people. how are your people skills OP? whether you got game or not depends more on your people skills in general than just with women.


    To be honest, my people skills are pretty good. I also have almost too much confidence, I have some charm and pull out a joke or fun fact or two when needed. Whats really good about all this information is it confirms my musings about what to do and I can give the advice to my friends as well.

    I am not desperate for a girlfriend, but I would like to meet girls. Its just one of those things were the last Ex you had turned you off the idea of a relationship for awhile.
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  • #25
    Come on, a nerd forum and no mention of comic/anime conventions? That's the best place to meet cute nerdy chicks. If your college has nerdy clubs, that can work too.
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