Overly-protective parents are common in movies and television, usually as a source of comedy, but people rarely ever point out how unusual or disturbing their behavior is, instead grudgingly tolerating it and thus leading into much humor.
Why does no one ever call out an overly-protective parent for being so protective of their children, even if their children are more than capable of fending for themselves? I find it difficult to believe that other people, especially not the children themselves, would tolerate such behavior. If I ever have a girlfriend whose father is overly-protective, I shall definitely make my opinion of such behavior known, and make it clear that I find such behavior to be very creepy.
What does everyone else say about this?
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“Those who would trade their freedoms for security will have neither.”-Benjamin Franklin
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
If you make that opinion known, you can kiss all chances of getting his blessing for dating his daughter goodbye. You may think that in your years of "infinite wisdom" that you know better than somebody who has had children, but odds are, you probably don't. You have to remember that parents have experience beyond your years and more than likely, they just honestly want their children to succeed and be happy. If they see some kid come into their child's life and this kid is a smug prick who thinks he knows better than them, you can see why that may rub them the wrong way.
Tl;dr: Even if you don't agree with your elders, at least show them the respect of acknowledging their opinion and regarding it in some capacity.
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Because unless they're actually putting their children in danger, it's none of anyone's business.
Although good luck with dating that girl once you call out her Dad for being overprotective. That's a serious no-no. Aren't you the same person who just started a Debate thread asking whether age should confer respect? If you care about someone, you'd work within their parent's rules, or at least not subvert them openly. If I had taken the confrontational approach, there would be no way I'd be married to my wife right now.
Both of you would accept the behavior of an overly-protective parent? Why? Do you not find it to be creepy? Or, since it seems that I need to be more blatant and less subtle, does anyone believe that an overly-protective parent has an incestuous desire for their own children when they are being overly protective of them? I certainly do.
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“Those who would trade their freedoms for security will have neither.”-Benjamin Franklin
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
Both of you would accept the behavior of an overly-protective parent? Why? Do you not find it to be creepy? Or, since it seems that I need to be more blatant and less subtle, does anyone believe that an overly-protective parent has an incestuous desire for their own children when they are being overly protective of them? I certainly do.
Thanks, Sigmund Freud. No that's absolutely ridiculous. It's one thing to think it's a control issue, which it usually is, but a whole other one to assume that being over protective implies any degree of "incestuous desire". As the child of what, looking back, I consider fairly over-protective parents I think that the predominant drive is simply a desire to put a child in the best possible situation they can, and viewing anything that might cause their kid to deviate from the ideal path that they've created in their head as a threat that must be dealt with. It also can be a trust thing. Either way I think that you're so far from right it's laughable and I'd really love to know where you got that idea from.
Thanks, Sigmund Freud. No that's absolutely ridiculous. It's one thing to think it's a control issue, which it usually is, but a whole other one to assume that being over protective implies any degree of "incestuous desire". As the child of what, looking back, I consider fairly over-protective parents I think that the predominant drive is simply a desire to put a child in the best possible situation they can, and viewing anything that might cause their kid to deviate from the ideal path that they've created in their head as a threat that must be dealt with. It also can be a trust thing. Either way I think that you're so far from right it's laughable and I'd really love to know where you got that idea from.
I formed that idea completely on my own, because it is the only explanation that makes sense, to me. I ask you to seriously consider this matter: what other explanation could there possibly be for an overly-protective parent's behavior, apart from the fact that they see any romantic suitor for their child as a rival for the attention and affection of that child? If I ever become a parent, I vow to never be overly-protective of my children and I certainly will not see any romantic partners as rivals to me for my children's affections.
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“Those who would trade their freedoms for security will have neither.”-Benjamin Franklin
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
Thanks, Sigmund Freud. No that's absolutely ridiculous. It's one thing to think it's a control issue, which it usually is, but a whole other one to assume that being over protective implies any degree of "incestuous desire". As the child of what, looking back, I consider fairly over-protective parents I think that the predominant drive is simply a desire to put a child in the best possible situation they can, and viewing anything that might cause their kid to deviate from the ideal path that they've created in their head as a threat that must be dealt with. It also can be a trust thing. Either way I think that you're so far from right it's laughable and I'd really love to know where you got that idea from.
I formed that idea completely on my own, because it is the only explanation that makes sense, to me. I ask you to seriously consider this matter: what other explanation could there possibly be for an overly-protective parent's behavior, apart from the fact that they see any romantic suitor for their child as a rival for the attention and affection of that child? If I ever become a parent, I vow to never be overly-protective of my children and I certainly will not see any romantic partners as rivals to me for my children's affections.
I think you're looking at this wrong. Over-protective parents (in your case, the father of a girl you want to date) don't see you as a rival who is competing for the affection of their child, but rather as a threat who could harm there child, which is something they want to go to every extent they can to prevent. This behavior is seen throughout the animal kingdom. Parents (mothers, in particular), will do whatever it takes to neutralize a threat to their offspring. In humans, because the familial unit prevails, that extends to the father as well.
OP, what, exactly, is your standard for "overprotective parent"? Please use real life and not fictional media as examples.
If someone made it known to me that they were making it their business to be out late/alone for extended periods of time with one of my hypothetical dependents, you can bet I'd be wanting to know more about them, at the very least how they generally treat said dependent and other people in their lives.
Both of you would accept the behavior of an overly-protective parent? Why? Do you not find it to be creepy? Or, since it seems that I need to be more blatant and less subtle, does anyone believe that an overly-protective parent has an incestuous desire for their own children when they are being overly protective of them? I certainly do.
It's not my grounds to tell them how to parent their child. I can disagree with their parenting to their progeny, but I already have a hard enough time getting along with parents (they either love me or loathe me), so I see no point in jeopardizing any chances of having their blessing when it comes to the possibility of courting their daughter (in the event that such would come about). I try to be polite; openly questioning their parenting decisions isn't polite. What exactly would doing so achieve, in your eyes? And hoping to sway them to parent a different way is not an acceptable answer because the odds of that occurring are pretty much nonexistent.
Thanks, Sigmund Freud. No that's absolutely ridiculous. It's one thing to think it's a control issue, which it usually is, but a whole other one to assume that being over protective implies any degree of "incestuous desire". As the child of what, looking back, I consider fairly over-protective parents I think that the predominant drive is simply a desire to put a child in the best possible situation they can, and viewing anything that might cause their kid to deviate from the ideal path that they've created in their head as a threat that must be dealt with. It also can be a trust thing. Either way I think that you're so far from right it's laughable and I'd really love to know where you got that idea from.
I formed that idea completely on my own, because it is the only explanation that makes sense, to me. I ask you to seriously consider this matter: what other explanation could there possibly be for an overly-protective parent's behavior, apart from the fact that they see any romantic suitor for their child as a rival for the attention and affection of that child? If I ever become a parent, I vow to never be overly-protective of my children and I certainly will not see any romantic partners as rivals to me for my children's affections.
This theory is absurd. Suppose there's a single dad raising his daughter. Mom left because she didn't love dad anymore, and dad gets custody of daughter. So dad has issues with women leaving his life - let's say it's not the first time something like that happened. So out of some bizarre psychological compulsion wherein he feels the need to be overprotective of his daughter due to his fear of losing women in his life, he's overprotective.
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OP, what, exactly, is your standard for "overprotective parent"? Please use real life and not fictional media as examples.
I actually have never encountered any parents whom I would regard as "overly protective" in actuality, which suggests to me that fictional media is greatly exaggerating the prevalence of such people. However, I would regard a parent as being "overly protective" if they insisted on performing all tasks for their child or if they had restrictions on for how long their child could be away from them or with what type of people they could interact. Also, attempting to intimidate any suitors for their child or being angry or uncomfortable at the idea of their child being in a serious romantic relationship is one of the greatest qualifying factors for being "overly protective," in my mind. Essentially, believing that their child, even after reaching adulthood, is wholly dependent upon them, makes a parent overly protective, to me.
If someone made it known to me that they were making it their business to be out late/alone for extended periods of time with one of my hypothetical dependents, you can bet I'd be wanting to know more about them, at the very least how they generally treat said dependent and other people in their lives.
If your child was involved romantically with another person, would you really want to know any details of their relationship? I definitely would not; just as no child ever wants to know details of their parents' romantic and sexual activities, I am certain that most parents would rather not contemplate any possible sexual dalliances of their children.
This theory is absurd. Suppose there's a single dad raising his daughter. Mom left because she didn't love dad anymore, and dad gets custody of daughter. So dad has issues with women leaving his life - let's say it's not the first time something like that happened. So out of some bizarre psychological compulsion wherein he feels the need to be overprotective of his daughter due to his fear of losing women in his life, he's overprotective.
How does that equate to lust?
I suppose that that situation does not qualify as one where the parent has a lustful desire for their own child, but I still am of the opinion that some parents can be too protective of their children.
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“Those who would trade their freedoms for security will have neither.”-Benjamin Franklin
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
Both of you would accept the behavior of an overly-protective parent? Why? Do you not find it to be creepy? Or, since it seems that I need to be more blatant and less subtle, does anyone believe that an overly-protective parent has an incestuous desire for their own children when they are being overly protective of them? I certainly do.
Why is it creepy to be overprotective of your children?
And, no, your claim here sounds beyond ridiculous to me. What explanation is there for being overprotective? I don't know- Maybe because terrible things can happen to people?
Both of you would accept the behavior of an overly-protective parent? Why? Do you not find it to be creepy? Or, since it seems that I need to be more blatant and less subtle, does anyone believe that an overly-protective parent has an incestuous desire for their own children when they are being overly protective of them? I certainly do.
Woah, what? That's a big leap, and 'overprotective' is a very, very wide range of ideas. My wife is Indian, and her parents didn't like the idea of dating at all. We had to go out as friends at group events for years before she could bring up the term 'boyfriend', which translated to Hindi means something like 'your daughter will be pregnant in two weeks'.
@OP, apparently your age hasn't brought you much wisdom, and from the content of some of your posts, not much worldly experience either.
As a parent your first and foremost concern is the safety of your children, better to be overprotective than not give a crap. A bit of advice, don't believe everything you think.
I explained above that I consider a parent to be "overprotective" if they still treat their children as if they were physically children, and not adults, by not allowing them to be independent and by chasing away any potential romantic suitors.
@OP, apparently your age hasn't brought you much wisdom, and from the content of some of your posts, not much worldly experience either.
I am deeply offended by that; I have been alive for twenty-seven years, so I believe that I have a fairly respectable amount of wisdom and experience (not as much as people who are older than me have, obviously, but still more than people who are younger than me).
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“Those who would trade their freedoms for security will have neither.”-Benjamin Franklin
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
I explained above that I consider a parent to be "overprotective" if they still treat their children as if they were physically children, and not adults, by not allowing them to be independent and by chasing away any potential romantic suitors.
Overprotective of their adult children? Like, how old are we talking here?
Overprotective of their adult children? Like, how old are we talking here?
Any age at which it is acceptable for a person to have romantic relationships. I shall confess that a major reason that I started this thread was specifically to share my opinion that there is an incestuous subtext in any situation in which a parent is being overly-protective of their children.
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“Those who would trade their freedoms for security will have neither.”-Benjamin Franklin
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
Any age at which it is acceptable for a person to have romantic relationships. I shall confess that a major reason that I started this thread was specifically to share my opinion that there is an incestuous subtext in any situation in which a parent is being overly-protective of their children.
Yeah... no. What you call being overprotective is actually really common in most cultures throughout the world. Chalking that up to incestuous urges instead of just wanting to protect your kids is kind of insulting.
Would I have preferred not to have to go to the lengths I did to see my wife when we were teenagers and even through college? Of course. But I perfectly understand the sentiment behind not wanting your kids to date, it really can be a distraction from school and it's risky to let young adults have free reign with one another. I've found parents who are too liberal with their kids often create motivationless slackers or end up with early grandchildren, so I'm in the more strict camp.
If your child was involved romantically with another person, would you really want to know any details of their relationship? I definitely would not; just as no child ever wants to know details of their parents' romantic and sexual activities, I am certain that most parents would rather not contemplate any possible sexual dalliances of their children.
Umm...yes?
It's nice to pretend that teenagers are mini-adults who can take care of themselves and deal with all their own mistakes, but the truth is, if and when ***** hits the fan, it's the parent who's going to have to end up dealing with a lot of it. If the partner is abusive, the kid might need counseling. If the kids are having sex, it's better to know what form(s) of birth control they're using at the start, and not have to suddenly find out if said BC fails -- if the preferred method is expensive, most likely mommy and daddy's insurance is footing the bill for it, too. (And if the answer is "nothing," well, that's a whole separate discussion.) If the kid is bringing partner over when I'm not home, I certainly want to know if this is a person I trust to allow into my house!
If the parents' sexual activities are also going to affect the child (e.g. parents are sex workers, parents have extra partner(s) on the side who they want to bring home), then I'm also of the opinion that the child has a right to be able to make informed decisions about how they want to deal with it.
Also, this whole "incest" theory is bizarre, given that in the Asian culture I grew up in, "tiger moms" tend to be a lot more involved in their children's lives than dads. Are you going to argue that my and all of my friends' moms have secret bisexual urges in addition to incestuous ones?
Both of you would accept the behavior of an overly-protective parent? Why? Do you not find it to be creepy? Or, since it seems that I need to be more blatant and less subtle, does anyone believe that an overly-protective parent has an incestuous desire for their own children when they are being overly protective of them? I certainly do.
No, that's quite silly. Parents are overprotective out of fear of the world, or fear of their child's actions, not because they have "incestuous desires"
Thanks, Sigmund Freud. No that's absolutely ridiculous. It's one thing to think it's a control issue, which it usually is, but a whole other one to assume that being over protective implies any degree of "incestuous desire". As the child of what, looking back, I consider fairly over-protective parents I think that the predominant drive is simply a desire to put a child in the best possible situation they can, and viewing anything that might cause their kid to deviate from the ideal path that they've created in their head as a threat that must be dealt with. It also can be a trust thing. Either way I think that you're so far from right it's laughable and I'd really love to know where you got that idea from.
I formed that idea completely on my own, because it is the only explanation that makes sense, to me. I ask you to seriously consider this matter: what other explanation could there possibly be for an overly-protective parent's behavior, apart from the fact that they see any romantic suitor for their child as a rival for the attention and affection of that child? If I ever become a parent, I vow to never be overly-protective of my children and I certainly will not see any romantic partners as rivals to me for my children's affections.
The only explanation as to why a parent might be overprotective of their child is their having a fear of affection being stolen away from them, or 'incestuous desires'?
That's not only absurd, it's absolutely wrong, and I know it's wrong by having met a counterexample.
When I was a young child, a woman moved into our neighborhood, she had two children. These children were home-schooled. These children were not allowed to come to our homes to hang out, though we were allowed to go to their's. This excluded one home, which was under very special circumstance.
Do you know why the mother was so protective of her children? As a child she was kidnapped. She had firsthand experience with the terrible parts of humanity, and knew also that those elements can be in any environment, regardless of wealth. On top of that, they were German, and had just moved to America. The house under special circumstances was owned by a family that came from Germany as well, and the fathers worked in the same industry.
There are many reasons for parents to be overprotective, and many for them to be such in an extreme manner, outside of your ideas of 'incestuous desires'
STATISTICS.
All of these "Let's eliminate bad cards" crusades are simply ignorant. And when they start to devolve into "WotC is conspiring to give us crappy cards," they just become embarrassing. MATH is conspiring to give you crappy cards.
I actually have never encountered any parents whom I would regard as "overly protective" in actuality, which suggests to me that fictional media is greatly exaggerating the prevalence of such people.
You seem to base a lot of your worldview on fictional media, DemonDragonJ, and I think a key problem that's coming across in a lot of your threads. You don't tend to think of the actions of people in real life as the actions of real people. You tend to think of them in a very abstract sense, like someone who's not really used to trying to relate to the people he's talking about.
For instance, when you accuse overprotective parents of having incestuous urges, because this is the only explanation you can think of. Really? Because I can think of a much simpler explanation: imagine a life who is dependent on you who is the most important person in the world to you. Now imagine that person is doing things that might put herself in harm's way, and is certainly something she has no experience or wisdom about with regards to the potential risks.
I explained above that I consider a parent to be "overprotective" if they still treat their children as if they were physically children, and not adults,
Because children ARE children. Children are not adults, by definition.
That's the thing. Pretty much all teenagers think they're grown adults who just happen to be in teenage bodies, but they aren't. We all want to think we're wise beyond our years at that age, but I know I certainly wasn't. I was a child, and it would take a while before I fully grasped that.
This thread has drastically departed from the subject that I originally wished to discuss; I do not wish to debate the exact definition of "overprotective," because that is a highly subjective term; I wish to merely ask why people so rarely point out that the behavior of overly-protective parents can be very weird and disturbing.
When I use the word "children," I mean to say "offspring," and I am referring to offspring who are twenty years of age or older, whose parents still treat them as if they were prepubescent. Does that make my question easier to understand?
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“Those who would trade their freedoms for security will have neither.”-Benjamin Franklin
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
This thread has drastically departed from the subject that I originally wished to discuss; I do not wish to debate the exact definition of "overprotective," because that is a highly subjective term; I wish to merely ask why people so rarely point out that the behavior of overly-protective parents can be very weird and disturbing.
Except that's just it: "overprotective" is a highly subjective term. Unless you define what behavior exactly is going on, we don't know if it's weird or disturbing. In and of itself, parents being over-protective of their kids is not weird or disturbing, it's normal and understandable. But what's missing is context: unless we know how extreme the behavior is, we don't know if it's odd or not.
Right now, you're saying overprotective parents equals incestuous in all cases, and in addition to that being wrong, it also comes out of left field and is rather disturbing on top of that.
When I use the word "children," I mean to say "offspring," and I am referring to offspring who are twenty years of age or older, whose parents still treat them as if they were prepubescent. Does that make my question easier to understand?
Ok, that is a necessary qualifier, because "children" is quite broad.
But can you define what you mean by "treat them as if they were prepubescent?"
One problem is the word overprotective which means to be too much protecting. Too much of anything is always bad. Parents being overprotective always has a negative connotation but what does it really means to be overprotective? There's no definite answer, everyone will have different opinions and there's different level of overprotecting. A parent can be slightly overprotecting where there's only benign consequences for the children. No one will tell a parent they're doing it wrong except in a more casual tone between friends or family as a suggestion and not as a reproach. If the parent is overprotecting a lot by significanty hurting the well-being of the children person will act and in extreme could be considered abuse and social welfare could be involved. If a parent prevents his child from going to school, you can be sure that some people will get involved. I think people do call out to overprotective parents but not to stranger and not publicly.
You can't base your opinions on a comedy show. Of course character behaviour will be weird and dissimilar to real life, all the characters are made up to be funny and larger than life. Even in drama, most characters act in unrealistic fashion. People like to be amused by things. Do you think people love Breaking Bad because they'd love to be Criminal Mastermind? No, they just like to know what would happen if they were making a ton of stupid decisions and unlikely scenarios.
You're 27 but how old is the girl you spoke of? I don't know where you're from but if you mean she's at the age of sexual consent I could see why the parents could see you badly. Even if the state says that a woman can decide who she has sex with or is romantically invested with as soon as she is 13, 14, 16, 18 or 21, it doesn't mean that the girl will make the right decisions. The role of a parent is, among other things, to help, advise and protect his children. It's normal for a parent to be interested in their kids romantic relationships because they want happiness for their children. Do your really think that major kids of 14, 16, 18 or 21 years old are really ready to fend for themselves alone in the world? Everyone need help, advices and support no matter how old you are. Barely major adults without any family, state or other form of support often are disadvantaged compared to other young adults. Children tends to depend on their parents for many years after majority.
Let's assume you have a daughter. What would you think if she was dating a racist, a bum or anyone you think would not make her happy? What would you think of the boy that tell you you're overprotective of your daughter, that you're creepy and that you secretly wish to have an incestuous relationship? I highly doubt you'll see him as a good suitor for your daughter.
This thread has drastically departed from the subject that I originally wished to discuss; I do not wish to debate the exact definition of "overprotective," because that is a highly subjective term; I wish to merely ask why people so rarely point out that the behavior of overly-protective parents can be very weird and disturbing.
How the hell can you point out someone is overprotective if you don't know what overprotective means? Why is it creepy/weird/disturbing when you can't even describe it?
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This thread has drastically departed from the subject that I originally wished to discuss; I do not wish to debate the exact definition of "overprotective," because that is a highly subjective term; I wish to merely ask why people so rarely point out that the behavior of overly-protective parents can be very weird and disturbing.
This... makes no sense.
You write that "overprotective" is a subjective term, only to want to talk about it in a manner that is possible ONLY when we have a clear definition of it.
When I use the word "children," I mean to say "offspring," and I am referring to offspring who are twenty years of age or older, whose parents still treat them as if they were prepubescent. Does that make my question easier to understand?
Do you have any actual real-life example of such "overprotective" parents, or are just talking about hypotheticals?
And if you are just talking about hypotheticals, what's the point?
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Why does no one ever call out an overly-protective parent for being so protective of their children, even if their children are more than capable of fending for themselves? I find it difficult to believe that other people, especially not the children themselves, would tolerate such behavior. If I ever have a girlfriend whose father is overly-protective, I shall definitely make my opinion of such behavior known, and make it clear that I find such behavior to be very creepy.
What does everyone else say about this?
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
Tl;dr: Even if you don't agree with your elders, at least show them the respect of acknowledging their opinion and regarding it in some capacity.
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Although good luck with dating that girl once you call out her Dad for being overprotective. That's a serious no-no. Aren't you the same person who just started a Debate thread asking whether age should confer respect? If you care about someone, you'd work within their parent's rules, or at least not subvert them openly. If I had taken the confrontational approach, there would be no way I'd be married to my wife right now.
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“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
Thanks, Sigmund Freud. No that's absolutely ridiculous. It's one thing to think it's a control issue, which it usually is, but a whole other one to assume that being over protective implies any degree of "incestuous desire". As the child of what, looking back, I consider fairly over-protective parents I think that the predominant drive is simply a desire to put a child in the best possible situation they can, and viewing anything that might cause their kid to deviate from the ideal path that they've created in their head as a threat that must be dealt with. It also can be a trust thing. Either way I think that you're so far from right it's laughable and I'd really love to know where you got that idea from.
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I formed that idea completely on my own, because it is the only explanation that makes sense, to me. I ask you to seriously consider this matter: what other explanation could there possibly be for an overly-protective parent's behavior, apart from the fact that they see any romantic suitor for their child as a rival for the attention and affection of that child? If I ever become a parent, I vow to never be overly-protective of my children and I certainly will not see any romantic partners as rivals to me for my children's affections.
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
I think you're looking at this wrong. Over-protective parents (in your case, the father of a girl you want to date) don't see you as a rival who is competing for the affection of their child, but rather as a threat who could harm there child, which is something they want to go to every extent they can to prevent. This behavior is seen throughout the animal kingdom. Parents (mothers, in particular), will do whatever it takes to neutralize a threat to their offspring. In humans, because the familial unit prevails, that extends to the father as well.
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U Azami, Lady of Scrolls U
If someone made it known to me that they were making it their business to be out late/alone for extended periods of time with one of my hypothetical dependents, you can bet I'd be wanting to know more about them, at the very least how they generally treat said dependent and other people in their lives.
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It's not my grounds to tell them how to parent their child. I can disagree with their parenting to their progeny, but I already have a hard enough time getting along with parents (they either love me or loathe me), so I see no point in jeopardizing any chances of having their blessing when it comes to the possibility of courting their daughter (in the event that such would come about). I try to be polite; openly questioning their parenting decisions isn't polite. What exactly would doing so achieve, in your eyes? And hoping to sway them to parent a different way is not an acceptable answer because the odds of that occurring are pretty much nonexistent.
This theory is absurd. Suppose there's a single dad raising his daughter. Mom left because she didn't love dad anymore, and dad gets custody of daughter. So dad has issues with women leaving his life - let's say it's not the first time something like that happened. So out of some bizarre psychological compulsion wherein he feels the need to be overprotective of his daughter due to his fear of losing women in his life, he's overprotective.
How does that equate to lust?
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I actually have never encountered any parents whom I would regard as "overly protective" in actuality, which suggests to me that fictional media is greatly exaggerating the prevalence of such people. However, I would regard a parent as being "overly protective" if they insisted on performing all tasks for their child or if they had restrictions on for how long their child could be away from them or with what type of people they could interact. Also, attempting to intimidate any suitors for their child or being angry or uncomfortable at the idea of their child being in a serious romantic relationship is one of the greatest qualifying factors for being "overly protective," in my mind. Essentially, believing that their child, even after reaching adulthood, is wholly dependent upon them, makes a parent overly protective, to me.
If your child was involved romantically with another person, would you really want to know any details of their relationship? I definitely would not; just as no child ever wants to know details of their parents' romantic and sexual activities, I am certain that most parents would rather not contemplate any possible sexual dalliances of their children.
I suppose that that situation does not qualify as one where the parent has a lustful desire for their own child, but I still am of the opinion that some parents can be too protective of their children.
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
Why is it creepy to be overprotective of your children?
And, no, your claim here sounds beyond ridiculous to me. What explanation is there for being overprotective? I don't know- Maybe because terrible things can happen to people?
Woah, what? That's a big leap, and 'overprotective' is a very, very wide range of ideas. My wife is Indian, and her parents didn't like the idea of dating at all. We had to go out as friends at group events for years before she could bring up the term 'boyfriend', which translated to Hindi means something like 'your daughter will be pregnant in two weeks'.
What do you mean by overprotective, here?
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As a parent your first and foremost concern is the safety of your children, better to be overprotective than not give a crap. A bit of advice, don't believe everything you think.
I explained above that I consider a parent to be "overprotective" if they still treat their children as if they were physically children, and not adults, by not allowing them to be independent and by chasing away any potential romantic suitors.
I am deeply offended by that; I have been alive for twenty-seven years, so I believe that I have a fairly respectable amount of wisdom and experience (not as much as people who are older than me have, obviously, but still more than people who are younger than me).
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
Overprotective of their adult children? Like, how old are we talking here?
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
Any age at which it is acceptable for a person to have romantic relationships. I shall confess that a major reason that I started this thread was specifically to share my opinion that there is an incestuous subtext in any situation in which a parent is being overly-protective of their children.
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
Yeah... no. What you call being overprotective is actually really common in most cultures throughout the world. Chalking that up to incestuous urges instead of just wanting to protect your kids is kind of insulting.
Would I have preferred not to have to go to the lengths I did to see my wife when we were teenagers and even through college? Of course. But I perfectly understand the sentiment behind not wanting your kids to date, it really can be a distraction from school and it's risky to let young adults have free reign with one another. I've found parents who are too liberal with their kids often create motivationless slackers or end up with early grandchildren, so I'm in the more strict camp.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
Umm...yes?
It's nice to pretend that teenagers are mini-adults who can take care of themselves and deal with all their own mistakes, but the truth is, if and when ***** hits the fan, it's the parent who's going to have to end up dealing with a lot of it. If the partner is abusive, the kid might need counseling. If the kids are having sex, it's better to know what form(s) of birth control they're using at the start, and not have to suddenly find out if said BC fails -- if the preferred method is expensive, most likely mommy and daddy's insurance is footing the bill for it, too. (And if the answer is "nothing," well, that's a whole separate discussion.) If the kid is bringing partner over when I'm not home, I certainly want to know if this is a person I trust to allow into my house!
If the parents' sexual activities are also going to affect the child (e.g. parents are sex workers, parents have extra partner(s) on the side who they want to bring home), then I'm also of the opinion that the child has a right to be able to make informed decisions about how they want to deal with it.
Also, this whole "incest" theory is bizarre, given that in the Asian culture I grew up in, "tiger moms" tend to be a lot more involved in their children's lives than dads. Are you going to argue that my and all of my friends' moms have secret bisexual urges in addition to incestuous ones?
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No, that's quite silly. Parents are overprotective out of fear of the world, or fear of their child's actions, not because they have "incestuous desires"
The only explanation as to why a parent might be overprotective of their child is their having a fear of affection being stolen away from them, or 'incestuous desires'?
That's not only absurd, it's absolutely wrong, and I know it's wrong by having met a counterexample.
When I was a young child, a woman moved into our neighborhood, she had two children. These children were home-schooled. These children were not allowed to come to our homes to hang out, though we were allowed to go to their's. This excluded one home, which was under very special circumstance.
Do you know why the mother was so protective of her children? As a child she was kidnapped. She had firsthand experience with the terrible parts of humanity, and knew also that those elements can be in any environment, regardless of wealth. On top of that, they were German, and had just moved to America. The house under special circumstances was owned by a family that came from Germany as well, and the fathers worked in the same industry.
There are many reasons for parents to be overprotective, and many for them to be such in an extreme manner, outside of your ideas of 'incestuous desires'
For instance, when you accuse overprotective parents of having incestuous urges, because this is the only explanation you can think of. Really? Because I can think of a much simpler explanation: imagine a life who is dependent on you who is the most important person in the world to you. Now imagine that person is doing things that might put herself in harm's way, and is certainly something she has no experience or wisdom about with regards to the potential risks.
You'd be protective too, right?
Because children ARE children. Children are not adults, by definition.
That's the thing. Pretty much all teenagers think they're grown adults who just happen to be in teenage bodies, but they aren't. We all want to think we're wise beyond our years at that age, but I know I certainly wasn't. I was a child, and it would take a while before I fully grasped that.
When I use the word "children," I mean to say "offspring," and I am referring to offspring who are twenty years of age or older, whose parents still treat them as if they were prepubescent. Does that make my question easier to understand?
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
Right now, you're saying overprotective parents equals incestuous in all cases, and in addition to that being wrong, it also comes out of left field and is rather disturbing on top of that.
Ok, that is a necessary qualifier, because "children" is quite broad.
But can you define what you mean by "treat them as if they were prepubescent?"
You can't base your opinions on a comedy show. Of course character behaviour will be weird and dissimilar to real life, all the characters are made up to be funny and larger than life. Even in drama, most characters act in unrealistic fashion. People like to be amused by things. Do you think people love Breaking Bad because they'd love to be Criminal Mastermind? No, they just like to know what would happen if they were making a ton of stupid decisions and unlikely scenarios.
You're 27 but how old is the girl you spoke of? I don't know where you're from but if you mean she's at the age of sexual consent I could see why the parents could see you badly. Even if the state says that a woman can decide who she has sex with or is romantically invested with as soon as she is 13, 14, 16, 18 or 21, it doesn't mean that the girl will make the right decisions. The role of a parent is, among other things, to help, advise and protect his children. It's normal for a parent to be interested in their kids romantic relationships because they want happiness for their children. Do your really think that major kids of 14, 16, 18 or 21 years old are really ready to fend for themselves alone in the world? Everyone need help, advices and support no matter how old you are. Barely major adults without any family, state or other form of support often are disadvantaged compared to other young adults. Children tends to depend on their parents for many years after majority.
Let's assume you have a daughter. What would you think if she was dating a racist, a bum or anyone you think would not make her happy? What would you think of the boy that tell you you're overprotective of your daughter, that you're creepy and that you secretly wish to have an incestuous relationship? I highly doubt you'll see him as a good suitor for your daughter.
How the hell can you point out someone is overprotective if you don't know what overprotective means? Why is it creepy/weird/disturbing when you can't even describe it?
"Sometimes, the situation is outracing a threat, sometimes it's ignoring it, and sometimes it involves sideboarding in 4x Hope//Pray." --Doug Linn
This... makes no sense.
You write that "overprotective" is a subjective term, only to want to talk about it in a manner that is possible ONLY when we have a clear definition of it.
Do you have any actual real-life example of such "overprotective" parents, or are just talking about hypotheticals?
And if you are just talking about hypotheticals, what's the point?