When I was a child, I was taught to always be respectful toward adults and to treat them as authority figures. I was supposed to always defer to adults and accept what they said as final, no matter how strongly I disagreed with them.
Now that I am an adult, I sometimes feel that people younger than myself are not giving me the same level of respect that I gave to adults when I was younger. For example, at the restaurant where I work, one of the chefs is younger than me and has not been working at that restaurant for as long as I have, but he still acts as if he has more authority than me, and that bothers me greatly. Recently, at a game store in my hometown, I was playing Magic: the Gathering with two of my friends (who are the same age as me) plus a young boy who was only thirteen or fourteen years old, only half of my age. Both of my friend and the boy at least once told me that my behavior was not appropriate for an adult of my age; I accepted such words from my friends, but I was displeased that the boy was saying so. I even said to him "what would you know about proper adult behavior?" That certainly was rude of me to say, but that can be discussed in another thread.
In both of these situations, I feel that the other person should have deferred to me and treated me with greater respect and authority, on account of the fact that I am older than them and have experienced more of life than they have.
What does everyone else say about this? Does age automatically give a person authority and make them deserving of respect? Should younger people automatically be respectful toward anyone who is older than they are?
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“Those who would trade their freedoms for security will have neither.”-Benjamin Franklin
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
Number of years is not particularly relevant to evaluating life experience - plenty of the elderly have lived many times your age and experienced and learned very, VERY little in that time. Naiveté and ignorance are ageless - they can make you an inconsequential fool (not to be respected) at eighty as easily as at eight.
If I deliberately attempt to use my age as a method to gain respect from, or wield authority over, someone younger than myself, is that a morally-reprehensible thing to do?
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“Those who would trade their freedoms for security will have neither.”-Benjamin Franklin
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
Not trying to be mean here but this "I feel that the other person should have deferred to me and treated me with greater respect and authority, on account of the fact that I am older than them and have experienced more of life than they have" sounds a lot like something out of the Elliot Rodger's manifesto... It makes you sound full of yourself and way to concerned with how other people perceive you. If somebody doesn't respect you, it doesn't matter how much they should no matter what your credentials are... the simple fact of the matter is they do not respect you and you just have to live with that.
I think it should confer a degree of respect, Not a crap ton, but it does give you a starting sliver. Their is a high likely hood that the older person has gone through similar things that you are trying to do and as such likely has valid input in what you are talking/doing. However it seems you are not comparing CHILDREN you are comparing TEENS they are notoriously disrespectful and looking to push boundary's.
I think it should confer a degree of respect, Not a crap ton, but it does give you a starting sliver. Their is a high likely hood that the older person has gone through similar things that you are trying to do and as such likely has valid input in what you are talking/doing. However it seems you are not comparing CHILDREN you are comparing TEENS they are notoriously disrespectful and looking to push boundary's.
This. I think it confers an initial boost in respect, the benefit of the doubt, but that can easily be lost in seconds with the wrong behavior.
It sounds like you may be doing/saying things that are causing others to lose respect for you.
When I was a child, I was taught to always be respectful toward adults and to treat them as authority figures. I was supposed to always defer to adults and accept what they said as final, no matter how strongly I disagreed with them.
Now that I am an adult, I sometimes feel that people younger than myself are not giving me the same level of respect that I gave to adults when I was younger. For example, at the restaurant where I work, one of the chefs is younger than me and has not been working at that restaurant for as long as I have, but he still acts as if he has more authority than me, and that bothers me greatly. Recently, at a game store in my hometown, I was playing Magic: the Gathering with two of my friends (who are the same age as me) plus a young boy who was only thirteen or fourteen years old, only half of my age. Both of my friend and the boy at least once told me that my behavior was not appropriate for an adult of my age; I accepted such words from my friends, but I was displeased that the boy was saying so. I even said to him "what would you know about proper adult behavior?" That certainly was rude of me to say, but that can be discussed in another thread.
In both of these situations, I feel that the other person should have deferred to me and treated me with greater respect and authority, on account of the fact that I am older than them and have experienced more of life than they have.
What does everyone else say about this? Does age automatically give a person authority and make them deserving of respect? Should younger people automatically be respectful toward anyone who is older than they are?
When I was a child, I was taught to always be respectful toward adults and to treat them as authority figures. I was supposed to always defer to adults and accept what they said as final, no matter how strongly I disagreed with them.
and that pissed me the hell off, and it still pisses me the hell off to this day.
I was particularly pissed off when I was often ask to treat adults who actually didn't have authority over me, (they weren't my parents, and weren't custodians at whatever place I was at), as authority figures. When I try to empathize with oppressed people who are treated as second class citizens, that's the feeling that I typically go back to.
Just being an adult doesn't mean that you have authority over random children.
If I deliberately attempt to use my age as a method to gain respect from, or wield authority over, someone younger than myself, is that a morally-reprehensible thing to do?
Somewhat. Beyond a certain base-line you-are-a-person-and-I-respect-your-right-to-be-a-person respect, you don't actually have any sort of intrinsic, automatic respect that is owed to you just because. If you are deserving of respect, it will show in your actions and demeanor - and it will vary person to person. Not everyone finds the same things respectable, there isn't really any skeleton key for respect. Expecting and demanding to be respected through social coercion rather than by earning that respect yourself is rather a bully-minded act, though.
When I was a child, I was taught to always be respectful toward adults and to treat them as authority figures. I was supposed to always defer to adults and accept what they said as final, no matter how strongly I disagreed with them.
This exists because, generally speaking, adults have more life experience than children and have better cognitive capabilities.
A 40 year old man probably knows more about any given situation than a 10 year old child.
Now that I am an adult, I sometimes feel that people younger than myself are not giving me the same level of respect that I gave to adults when I was younger. For example, at the restaurant where I work, one of the chefs is younger than me and has not been working at that restaurant for as long as I have, but he still acts as if he has more authority than me, and that bothers me greatly. Recently, at a game store in my hometown, I was playing Magic: the Gathering with two of my friends (who are the same age as me) plus a young boy who was only thirteen or fourteen years old, only half of my age. Both of my friend and the boy at least once told me that my behavior was not appropriate for an adult of my age; I accepted such words from my friends, but I was displeased that the boy was saying so. I even said to him "what would you know about proper adult behavior?" That certainly was rude of me to say, but that can be discussed in another thread.
In both of these situations, I feel that the other person should have deferred to me and treated me with greater respect and authority, on account of the fact that I am older than them and have experienced more of life than they have.
The above no longer applies when you're both adults (the chef situation). A 13-14 year old child likely has seen plenty of adults and have been taught what proper behavior and expectations are. If you deviated from what he has learned, then he'll speak out. I can't say whether either of you were right because I don't know what the behavior was.
In any case, you're misunderstanding the meaning behind that common teaching.
Somewhat. Beyond a certain base-line you-are-a-person-and-I-respect-your-right-to-be-a-person respect, you don't actually have any sort of intrinsic, automatic respect that is owed to you just because. If you are deserving of respect, it will show in your actions and demeanor - and it will vary person to person. Not everyone finds the same things respectable, there isn't really any skeleton key for respect. Expecting and demanding to be respected through social coercion rather than by earning that respect yourself is rather a bully-minded act, though.
I myself was bullied as a child (only from grades 1 through 4, but it still was unpleasant), so I would never wish to bully another person, knowing how horrible it can be.
The above no longer applies when you're both adults (the chef situation). A 13-14 year old child likely has seen plenty of adults and have been taught what proper behavior and expectations are. If you deviated from what he has learned, then he'll speak out. I can't say whether either of you were right because I don't know what the behavior was.
I cannot recall everything that transpired, but, at one point, the boy poked fun at the fact that I currently am not in a romantic relationship, which really bothered me, since I doubt that someone his age would have much experience in that area, at all. In response to that, I said "what would you know about relationships?" That certainly was rude, but he was rude first, in my mind. Also, when I declared that my longer life has given me more experience than him, he asked if I had ever been shot at with a gun. If I had been less angry and more rational, I would have been shocked that someone of his age has experienced violence, but, since my ire was provoked, I haughtily declared that I lived in a decent neighborhood, where no violence had ever occurred. I have no excuse for that; the next time that I see that boy, I shall attempt to apologize to him, but I wish to wait so that the memory of the event is not a fresh and both of us have had time to calm ourselves. I only hope that he accepts my apology and does not believe it to be insincere (not that I have ever given anyone any reason to doubt my sincerity).
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“Those who would trade their freedoms for security will have neither.”-Benjamin Franklin
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
I come from a culture where we defer to our elders, but in our culture the elders realize that there is a certain degree of responsibility that comes with their age. There are too many people running around America who are advanced in age and somehow miraculously survived past their twenties without a brain, and continue to act a fool. And the sad thing is that these same brainless people are the captains of industry and in the highest halls of politics. They operate without any sense of responsibility and shoulder that burden on those younger and smarter than them. They do not deserve respect because of their age. The wise deserve respect, not by virtue of being born in the 1950s. Hell, a lot of people I've encountered who were born in the 50s are misogynistic, ageist, homophobic, cissexist, racist, ableist, and any single form of bigotry in the book applies to them. These are people who witnessed the brutality of the establishment towards the civil rights movement and still manage to be racist. That is not deserving of respect. It deserves contempt of the highest order.
However, I don't like how in American culture elders are disposable. Many people throw their elderly parents to rot in nursing homes where they are subject to abuse and neglect. In Mexican-American culture this is intolerable and disgusting. There's a difference between putting someone in a Memory Ward and casting off your grandparents or parents to fiends because it's inconvenient to take care of them.
When I was a child, I was taught to always be respectful toward adults and to treat them as authority figures. I was supposed to always defer to adults and accept what they said as final, no matter how strongly I disagreed with them.
Now that I am an adult, I sometimes feel that people younger than myself are not giving me the same level of respect that I gave to adults when I was younger. For example, at the restaurant where I work, one of the chefs is younger than me and has not been working at that restaurant for as long as I have, but he still acts as if he has more authority than me, and that bothers me greatly. Recently, at a game store in my hometown, I was playing Magic: the Gathering with two of my friends (who are the same age as me) plus a young boy who was only thirteen or fourteen years old, only half of my age. Both of my friend and the boy at least once told me that my behavior was not appropriate for an adult of my age; I accepted such words from my friends, but I was displeased that the boy was saying so. I even said to him "what would you know about proper adult behavior?" That certainly was rude of me to say, but that can be discussed in another thread.
In both of these situations, I feel that the other person should have deferred to me and treated me with greater respect and authority, on account of the fact that I am older than them and have experienced more of life than they have.
What does everyone else say about this? Does age automatically give a person authority and make them deserving of respect? Should younger people automatically be respectful toward anyone who is older than they are?
Age, in non-professional settings would to me confer a weak and rebuttable presumption of respect which is more out of courtesy than anything else.
In professional settings, I try to hold everyone as starting on equal footing.
However, I don't like how in American culture elders are disposable. Many people throw their elderly parents to rot in nursing homes where they are subject to abuse and neglect. In Mexican-American culture this is intolerable and disgusting. There's a difference between putting someone in a Memory Ward and casting off your grandparents or parents to fiends because it's inconvenient to take care of them.
There's also to the point where these people would also die sooner in the past or in poorer countries. Having someone with dementia and Osteoporosis requires a lot of patience, training, and a staff to regularly care for properly. We also have to take into consideration the sandwich effect:
1. First generation has 2 sets of parents and 1 child
2. 2 Parents
3. 1 child
Now you have a couple who is responsible for 5 dependents, or what is called sandwiching or the sandwich generation. What other countries is experiencing now is this very effect. China for instance as a result of the one child policy also affects child birth, and it's just a demographic cascade effect that's a lot of text to discern. My basic gist is that the American culture is individualistic, but also that the people who-actually-try-to-be-helpful face demographic odds. Especially whenever the grandparents "don't want to watch the grandkids and live their lives" until they get really old and then want junior to take care of them and then junior has junior junior to take care of. Tack on geriatric STD's are on the rise and the like with living spaces like The Village in Florida, you see a very different vision for retirement than most other cultures. These people who move to Florida, Arizona, Nevada and so forth call themselves frogs because they went there to croak. Which then in turn for their own fault add to the alienation and separation away from family. There's been a lot of people I've seen who moved to Florida and then back over the last few decades. It's a fad, and a part of stupid decisions. It also means that people need to understand that their children have their own lives and aren't going to uproot themselves to go move to Florida to just take care of a parent because it's convenient for the parent. Loyalty is a two way street.
Frankly, I feel the Asian ideal way is slightly better. The parents buy a house and so forth for the young couple, take care of the grandkids, and have a large hoard of savings. Mexican families do something similar some what, but I feel that system either way is facing odds from the demographics crunch we see with other countries.
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Life is a beautiful engineer, yet a brutal scientist.
I figure you should give a degree of respect to people by default, but respect can be earned or lost. It should be more due to actions than age.
Like Battery says, there are old people who've done nothing to earn respect.
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“Tell me who you walk with, and I'll tell you who you are.” Esmeralda Santiago Art is life itself.
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Now that I am an adult, I sometimes feel that people younger than myself are not giving me the same level of respect that I gave to adults when I was younger. For example, at the restaurant where I work, one of the chefs is younger than me and has not been working at that restaurant for as long as I have, but he still acts as if he has more authority than me, and that bothers me greatly. Recently, at a game store in my hometown, I was playing Magic: the Gathering with two of my friends (who are the same age as me) plus a young boy who was only thirteen or fourteen years old, only half of my age. Both of my friend and the boy at least once told me that my behavior was not appropriate for an adult of my age; I accepted such words from my friends, but I was displeased that the boy was saying so. I even said to him "what would you know about proper adult behavior?" That certainly was rude of me to say, but that can be discussed in another thread.
In both of these situations, I feel that the other person should have deferred to me and treated me with greater respect and authority, on account of the fact that I am older than them and have experienced more of life than they have.
What does everyone else say about this? Does age automatically give a person authority and make them deserving of respect? Should younger people automatically be respectful toward anyone who is older than they are?
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
Most Used (of many dozens) EDH Decks:
Brago, King Eternal - Stax
Grenzo, Dungeon Warden - Aggro Combo
Wort, the Raidmother - Spellslinger Swarm Control
Animar, Soul of Elements - Tempo Combo
Yidris, Maelstrom Wielder - Spellslinger
Exodia the Forbidden One:
Oona, Queen of the Fae - Combowins.dec
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
This. I think it confers an initial boost in respect, the benefit of the doubt, but that can easily be lost in seconds with the wrong behavior.
It sounds like you may be doing/saying things that are causing others to lose respect for you.
When I was a child, I was taught to always be respectful toward adults and to treat them as authority figures. I was supposed to always defer to adults and accept what they said as final, no matter how strongly I disagreed with them.
and that pissed me the hell off, and it still pisses me the hell off to this day.
I was particularly pissed off when I was often ask to treat adults who actually didn't have authority over me, (they weren't my parents, and weren't custodians at whatever place I was at), as authority figures. When I try to empathize with oppressed people who are treated as second class citizens, that's the feeling that I typically go back to.
Just being an adult doesn't mean that you have authority over random children.
Somewhat. Beyond a certain base-line you-are-a-person-and-I-respect-your-right-to-be-a-person respect, you don't actually have any sort of intrinsic, automatic respect that is owed to you just because. If you are deserving of respect, it will show in your actions and demeanor - and it will vary person to person. Not everyone finds the same things respectable, there isn't really any skeleton key for respect. Expecting and demanding to be respected through social coercion rather than by earning that respect yourself is rather a bully-minded act, though.
Most Used (of many dozens) EDH Decks:
Brago, King Eternal - Stax
Grenzo, Dungeon Warden - Aggro Combo
Wort, the Raidmother - Spellslinger Swarm Control
Animar, Soul of Elements - Tempo Combo
Yidris, Maelstrom Wielder - Spellslinger
Exodia the Forbidden One:
Oona, Queen of the Fae - Combowins.dec
This exists because, generally speaking, adults have more life experience than children and have better cognitive capabilities.
A 40 year old man probably knows more about any given situation than a 10 year old child.
The above no longer applies when you're both adults (the chef situation). A 13-14 year old child likely has seen plenty of adults and have been taught what proper behavior and expectations are. If you deviated from what he has learned, then he'll speak out. I can't say whether either of you were right because I don't know what the behavior was.
In any case, you're misunderstanding the meaning behind that common teaching.
I myself was bullied as a child (only from grades 1 through 4, but it still was unpleasant), so I would never wish to bully another person, knowing how horrible it can be.
I cannot recall everything that transpired, but, at one point, the boy poked fun at the fact that I currently am not in a romantic relationship, which really bothered me, since I doubt that someone his age would have much experience in that area, at all. In response to that, I said "what would you know about relationships?" That certainly was rude, but he was rude first, in my mind. Also, when I declared that my longer life has given me more experience than him, he asked if I had ever been shot at with a gun. If I had been less angry and more rational, I would have been shocked that someone of his age has experienced violence, but, since my ire was provoked, I haughtily declared that I lived in a decent neighborhood, where no violence had ever occurred. I have no excuse for that; the next time that I see that boy, I shall attempt to apologize to him, but I wish to wait so that the memory of the event is not a fresh and both of us have had time to calm ourselves. I only hope that he accepts my apology and does not believe it to be insincere (not that I have ever given anyone any reason to doubt my sincerity).
“When the people fear the government, there is tyranny; when the government fears the people, there is liberty.”-Thomas Jefferson
“A vote is like a rifle; its usefulness depends upon the character of its user.”-Theodore Roosevelt
“Patriotism means to stand by one's country; it does not mean to stand by one's president.”-Theodore Roosevelt
However, I don't like how in American culture elders are disposable. Many people throw their elderly parents to rot in nursing homes where they are subject to abuse and neglect. In Mexican-American culture this is intolerable and disgusting. There's a difference between putting someone in a Memory Ward and casting off your grandparents or parents to fiends because it's inconvenient to take care of them.
Age, in non-professional settings would to me confer a weak and rebuttable presumption of respect which is more out of courtesy than anything else.
In professional settings, I try to hold everyone as starting on equal footing.
There's also to the point where these people would also die sooner in the past or in poorer countries. Having someone with dementia and Osteoporosis requires a lot of patience, training, and a staff to regularly care for properly. We also have to take into consideration the sandwich effect:
1. First generation has 2 sets of parents and 1 child
2. 2 Parents
3. 1 child
Now you have a couple who is responsible for 5 dependents, or what is called sandwiching or the sandwich generation. What other countries is experiencing now is this very effect. China for instance as a result of the one child policy also affects child birth, and it's just a demographic cascade effect that's a lot of text to discern. My basic gist is that the American culture is individualistic, but also that the people who-actually-try-to-be-helpful face demographic odds. Especially whenever the grandparents "don't want to watch the grandkids and live their lives" until they get really old and then want junior to take care of them and then junior has junior junior to take care of. Tack on geriatric STD's are on the rise and the like with living spaces like The Village in Florida, you see a very different vision for retirement than most other cultures. These people who move to Florida, Arizona, Nevada and so forth call themselves frogs because they went there to croak. Which then in turn for their own fault add to the alienation and separation away from family. There's been a lot of people I've seen who moved to Florida and then back over the last few decades. It's a fad, and a part of stupid decisions. It also means that people need to understand that their children have their own lives and aren't going to uproot themselves to go move to Florida to just take care of a parent because it's convenient for the parent. Loyalty is a two way street.
Frankly, I feel the Asian ideal way is slightly better. The parents buy a house and so forth for the young couple, take care of the grandkids, and have a large hoard of savings. Mexican families do something similar some what, but I feel that system either way is facing odds from the demographics crunch we see with other countries.
Modern
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<a href="http://www.mtgsalvation.com/forums/the-game/the-cube-forum/cube-lists/588020-unpowered-themed-enchantment-an-enchanted-evening">An Enchanted Evening Cube </a>
Like Battery says, there are old people who've done nothing to earn respect.
Art is life itself.