Is it just me, or is it that writing action sequence is by default an extremely hard thing to do? We have professional writers at WotC, and yet I still can't bring myself to get invested to the action sequences of Baral vs Chandra to the point that I believe I missed a lot of things of what's happening.
Anyway, decent stories, for sure. The changes of PoVs are a nice touch for sure.
It actually is, especially detailed fight scenes. Blow-by-blow commentary can get very tedious to write because so many things can be happening in a fight all at once, and that's just for a one on one duel. Slow motion photography is popular in fight cinematography for a good reason. The audience can easily miss stuff you wanted them to see because it happened too quickly. Even someone untrained can initiate a half dozen attacks in a matter of seconds, while someone trained in martial arts or fencing can be doing things on a very subtle level that most writers aren't even aware of because, obviously, they don't have that training themselves. Then you have to consider how much you want to slow down or speed up time through the use of prose, which means adding or removing detail from the action sequence until you hit the right middle ground between being incomprehensibly vague and tediously detailed. Its all a matter of how good a writer is at visualization, pacing, and description, especially when a fantasy writer also has to inject a little bit of magic into the scene. Or a lot of magic.
But I suspect that part of the problem here is that Chandra's arsenal is very one note, just as Baral says when he is taunting her. It doesn't allow them to get as creative as when, say, Gideon uses his own body to jam the gears of a gearhulk or Nissa is doing creative things with vines and trees.
According to the artbook he pulls a Nahiri, so if anything Baan is our second recurring White villain
And he could be wrong anyway...
...or do we have ANYTHING more about him except the three scans Raptorchan posted in his thread? Because there are exactly 2 mentions of him:
- that he sabotaged the aether disruptor aboard Heart of Kiran (first scan)
- and that "with both Tezzeret and Dovin Baan vanished from the scene, the Consulate's will to fight was diminished..." (third scan)
The only thing we know is that Dovin Baan "vanished from the scene", but we do not know HOW. And frankly, with the last story, I still do not believe that Baan could turn outright and intentionally villainous.
Not to mention that the artbooks have proven to be less than reliable sources of info (Kiora "leaving Zendikar in despair" in the book and then almost sabotaging the Gatewatch plan by throwing the Halimar Sea on them...)
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100% Vorthos Spike and Storyline Expert
Former Fact Prospector of the Greek Alliance.
Let this great clan rest in peace (2001-2011)
Great story, will talk more about it in the spoiler thread but in summary:
Some awesome quotes from Chandra, Baan, and Baral. Baan is an awesome character, Baral is a great villain and a good example of a pw specific villain. He'd probably fold like paper against Nissa, Gideon, or Ajani but against Chandra he's a legitimate and personal threat.
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My Decks:
UG Merfolk RG 8-Whack BWG Abzan midrange GRB Living End UWB Spirit Control
GU Kruphix's "Hug Assassin" RW Kalemne's "Play Fatties and Hope for the Best!" BUGW Atraxa's "All counters, all the time"
I rarely feel obligated to comment on the stories (even though I follow them without fail), but I am compelled to echo some of the sentiments on this thread. Chris L'Etoile knocked this one out of the park. While not perfect (the long bouts of dialogue during the battle being a bit out of place), the story is the absolute best depiction of Chandra ever. It is obvious that this author really dug in deep to channel Chandra's voice and to bring her to life in a three-dimensional way. Someone, in one short story, we were able to see all of Chandra's faults, weaknesses, and insecurities while also getting to see her as relatable, vulnerable, likable, entertaining, and completely believable. The possible love triangle doesn't feel forced, and Chandra's emotional outbursts (along with her word vomit and thought diarrhea) are more believable than the mechanical nature of so many other characters. In my opinion, no one else should be allowed to write Chandra. L'Etoile's characterization and execution here show a finesse and deep understanding that no one else on the writing team has thus far been able to match when it comes to this character.
On to other aspects of the story, I was hooked from beginning to end, and that's saying something given that this piece was a lengthy story compared to many UR entries. The pacing and rhythm were great, and the action was infused with energy. Only a few descriptions or parts caused confusion, which is surprising given how action-packed the story is and how many POV changes occur. Even the "minor" characters in this story feel fleshed out, and I like the nod to The Purifying Fire. Moreover, I enjoyed the insights into Tezz and Baan too. The fact that Baan arrested Baral is so in character and funny.
And yeah, Pollaski--I had to reread that part to make sure I was seeing it correctly. Baan taking Chandra's insult literally was hilarious.
The technical handling of the Chandra character was great. The problem is that type of character does not fit well with the "Gatewatch" idea of sending a team of heroes fighting against different monsters. Basically, she does not work as a team, is not smart enough to come up with viable lone-wolf ideas, and acts impulsively. A net negative long-term expected contribution. Was there really no other viable candidate as the red planeswalker?
Dovin Baan as one of the few non-evil antagonists we've seen.
Relationship building - Chandra changing crushes from Gideon to Nissa is fine, if only that it shows the characters having actual emotions.
The Gatewatch being fallible really helps me not hate them..
My main question is 'where is Jace?'. It makes me think he's on a secondary mission of some kind. His powers really don't match up well vs automatons, so that could explain his absence (except for the one moment).
Scene conjecture - Tezzerret is alone, turns around to find Jace standing behind him. All of the rest of the rebellion was a smokescreen for Jace to infiltrate the Spire and take Tezz out...
The technical handling of the Chandra character was great. The problem is that type of character does not fit well with the "Gatewatch" idea of sending a team of heroes fighting against different monsters. Basically, she does not work as a team, is not smart enough to come up with viable lone-wolf ideas, and acts impulsively. A net negative long-term expected contribution. Was there really no other viable candidate as the red planeswalker?
Its not like they had time to hold tryouts, dude. And remember- of the four originals, she was the most reluctant to join.
From a storytelling standpoint, the Gatewatch would be dull as hell if everyone was a "yay team" kind of person. And keep in mind that Chandra's lone-wolfness generally comes from her own desires to prove herself- not to mention a sense of shame of being seen as weak by anyone (remember, she felt humiliated that Nissa was following her because she didnt want the elf to see her at an emotional low point). The fact of the matter is- despite all of Chandras shortcomings, she still cares very much for the rest of the gatewatch- especially Gideon and Nissa (and she just feels so awkward around nissa), she clearly hero-worships Liliana. The only one she's not explicitly buddies with is Jace, and the two have proven to tolerate each other well enough. And its obvious that the Gatewatch cares for her- they wouldn't be on Kaladesh if they didn't.
Also keep in mind that when Chandra's not an emotional wreck, she's pretty effective. She was pretty valuable in keeping the eldrazi abominations away during the battle of Thraben, not to mention she worked with Nissa to kill two beings that were technically impossible to kill. So she's not exactly dead weight. Its just here, she doesn't have the luxury of detatchment that Gideon and Nissa have.
The technical handling of the Chandra character was great. The problem is that type of character does not fit well with the "Gatewatch" idea of sending a team of heroes fighting against different monsters. Basically, she does not work as a team, is not smart enough to come up with viable lone-wolf ideas, and acts impulsively. A net negative long-term expected contribution. Was there really no other viable candidate as the red planeswalker?
Its not like they had time to hold tryouts, dude. And remember- of the four originals, she was the most reluctant to join.
From a storytelling standpoint, the Gatewatch would be dull as hell if everyone was a "yay team" kind of person. And keep in mind that Chandra's lone-wolfness generally comes from her own desires to prove herself- not to mention a sense of shame of being seen as weak by anyone (remember, she felt humiliated that Nissa was following her because she didnt want the elf to see her at an emotional low point). The fact of the matter is- despite all of Chandras shortcomings, she still cares very much for the rest of the gatewatch- especially Gideon and Nissa (and she just feels so awkward around nissa), she clearly hero-worships Liliana. The only one she's not explicitly buddies with is Jace, and the two have proven to tolerate each other well enough. And its obvious that the Gatewatch cares for her- they wouldn't be on Kaladesh if they didn't.
Also keep in mind that when Chandra's not an emotional wreck, she's pretty effective. She was pretty valuable in keeping the eldrazi abominations away during the battle of Thraben, not to mention she worked with Nissa to kill two beings that were technically impossible to kill. So she's not exactly dead weight. Its just here, she doesn't have the luxury of detatchment that Gideon and Nissa have.
And to be fair to her her pyromancy makes her the offensive muscle of the group, to the point that Liliana thinks she's a value weapon. What she lacks in foresight she makes up with power, as well as being a reasonably entertaining person.
Just realized she was referenced twice in the last story:
Mom's upstairs, I guess.
That's where all the other Big Names are. Gonti and Kari and Saheeli and probably some people who don't have names that end in -i
"I'm sure Jace has six dictionaries memorized. When Captain Zev returns him, we'll ask." He nodded to the renegade minding the door ahead, who pulled it open for them.
Still it is strange that with Advika on the promo images,she is probably not getting a card, unless she is off-cycle. And we were told she is not the UR artifacts matter legend...
This is a great story, I throughly enjoyed the portrait of Chandra, Baral, and Bann in this one.
Chandra IS childish, but a lot of kids stop growing up when s/he is stuck in the past, real world cases exist, where society's exile often exiles oneself to fit that image. Her first growth and acceptance was in the Monastery, now that Chandra is reminded that she's loved, I expect her to develop further. She can learn a lot of sassiness from Jaya Ballard, show more sides of Red would be wonderful.
Baral is a great portrait of a non-stereotypical blue mage, because blue has the facets of calculating, dismissing, and domineering in it, Baral is full on all three, powered by hatred and contempt, which is no different from school bullying that aims at the victims' heart. Not all blue mage is like Jace, and I'm glad Baral exists to remind people that. (Tamiyo is closer to Jace than Baral, given her aloofness)
Baan has always been an amusing character, more interested in correctness than morality, a paragon of Lawful-Neutral. Someone like him might see Bolas as the grand gear of RIGHTEOUSNESS, because tyranny in its essence is about exerting control, and Bolas is superb in such. We do need more white/blue villains that's not growling like Tezz. Looks like the anti-Gatewatch is assembling as well.
Baan now obviously witness Baral using magic himself, so that might get brought up in court later. (spoiler from artbook suggested something extra)
I wonder if Baan is going to be a recurring character, if not full on antagonist. If so I have to think he may taverse the Multiverse warning other walkers of the Gatewatch's marvelous ability to destablize things.
I wonder if Baan is going to be a recurring character, if not full on antagonist. If so I have to think he may taverse the Multiverse warning other walkers of the Gatewatch's marvelous ability to destablize things.
Perhaps- but Baan strikes me along the lines of Nahiri- outside of the context they were presented in, they probably wouldn't be villians at all.
Like, now that Nahiri's done on Innistrad, she probably has zero motivation to completely screw up another world. Hell, I'm betting there's a good part of her that's wracked with guilt for what she did on Innistrad.
Today's story was good. Kari Zev is a neat character, and the fight choreography for that sky battle at the end was fairly immersive. However, Jace was acting less smart than usual, and the guy who checked the story for typos should be fired. I caught at least three.
I wonder if Baan is going to be a recurring character, if not full on antagonist. If so I have to think he may taverse the Multiverse warning other walkers of the Gatewatch's marvelous ability to destablize things.
Perhaps- but Baan strikes me along the lines of Nahiri- outside of the context they were presented in, they probably wouldn't be villians at all.
Like, now that Nahiri's done on Innistrad, she probably has zero motivation to completely screw up another world. Hell, I'm betting there's a good part of her that's wracked with guilt for what she did on Innistrad.
Does Nahiri know that Ugin was dead/in a coma while the Eldrazi were breaking free? If not, she'll probably target Tarkir next. She's already tried to murder an entire Plane to get revenge on one guy; I doubt someone like that can even recognize guilt...
Agree on Dovin, though. He does feel Azorius-y: it's about maintaining order. Lawful neutral, to use a D&D term.
There were a good deal of typos/errors the editors missed, and at places it was really excessively wordy (it also seemed to make liberal use of $10 words where $2 words would have sufficed, and not come across so awkwardly ("asymmetrically long" ... just say "uneven").
Not particularly memorable, but also not terrible.
There were a good deal of typos/errors the editors missed, and at places it was really excessively wordy (it also seemed to make liberal use of $10 words where $2 words would have sufficed, and not come across so awkwardly ("asymmetrically long" ... just say "uneven").
Not particularly memorable, but also not terrible.
It was alright. Kari's an interesting character.
But digesting the physics of how the climax worked out made my head hurt.
I wonder if Baan is going to be a recurring character, if not full on antagonist. If so I have to think he may taverse the Multiverse warning other walkers of the Gatewatch's marvelous ability to destablize things.
Perhaps- but Baan strikes me along the lines of Nahiri- outside of the context they were presented in, they probably wouldn't be villians at all.
Like, now that Nahiri's done on Innistrad, she probably has zero motivation to completely screw up another world. Hell, I'm betting there's a good part of her that's wracked with guilt for what she did on Innistrad.
Does Nahiri know that Ugin was dead/in a coma while the Eldrazi were breaking free? If not, she'll probably target Tarkir next. She's already tried to murder an entire Plane to get revenge on one guy; I doubt someone like that can even recognize guilt...
Agree on Dovin, though. He does feel Azorius-y: it's about maintaining order. Lawful neutral, to use a D&D term.
I bet she'll target Tarkir next too. And go there, won't find Ugin so she'll take her revenge by murdering all his kind there - thus ending the dragon rule and returning Tarkir to the days of khans, which was inevitably more popular anyway.
I bet she'll target Tarkir next too. And go there, won't find Ugin so she'll take her revenge by murdering all his kind there - thus ending the dragon rule and returning Tarkir to the days of khans, which was inevitably more popular anyway.
I have immense dislike towards Sarkhan and the dragonlords, and you are right about the Khan era being more interesting. Beyond that, I do want to see how Nahiri pulls another revenge play; we need more white antigonists like her and Baan.
This was an alright story... though I have to say, this was the first one that actually got me to respect Jace as a character. His role in this story actually fit his power set, and even though his abilities were ridiculous in scale yet again, it didn't make me want to flip a table like it did during the SOI stories... Jace killing werewolves by making them hallucinate smells? Ugh... but I digress. This was a good story, it was great seeing characters like Kari Zev and Depala play an active role in the main storyline, and it'll be interesting to see all the characters when they finally all gather again.
This story lost me when we found out that she is a fifteen year old with her own fleet of pirate ships. I mean seriously? I was willing to suspend my disbelief for a single ship but a whole fleet?
This story lost me when we found out that she is a fifteen year old with her own fleet of pirate ships. I mean seriously? I was willing to suspend my disbelief for a single ship but a whole fleet?
Technically, there wasn't really a fleet anymore...
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It actually is, especially detailed fight scenes. Blow-by-blow commentary can get very tedious to write because so many things can be happening in a fight all at once, and that's just for a one on one duel. Slow motion photography is popular in fight cinematography for a good reason. The audience can easily miss stuff you wanted them to see because it happened too quickly. Even someone untrained can initiate a half dozen attacks in a matter of seconds, while someone trained in martial arts or fencing can be doing things on a very subtle level that most writers aren't even aware of because, obviously, they don't have that training themselves. Then you have to consider how much you want to slow down or speed up time through the use of prose, which means adding or removing detail from the action sequence until you hit the right middle ground between being incomprehensibly vague and tediously detailed. Its all a matter of how good a writer is at visualization, pacing, and description, especially when a fantasy writer also has to inject a little bit of magic into the scene. Or a lot of magic.
But I suspect that part of the problem here is that Chandra's arsenal is very one note, just as Baral says when he is taunting her. It doesn't allow them to get as creative as when, say, Gideon uses his own body to jam the gears of a gearhulk or Nissa is doing creative things with vines and trees.
And he could be wrong anyway...
...or do we have ANYTHING more about him except the three scans Raptorchan posted in his thread? Because there are exactly 2 mentions of him:
- that he sabotaged the aether disruptor aboard Heart of Kiran (first scan)
- and that "with both Tezzeret and Dovin Baan vanished from the scene, the Consulate's will to fight was diminished..." (third scan)
The only thing we know is that Dovin Baan "vanished from the scene", but we do not know HOW. And frankly, with the last story, I still do not believe that Baan could turn outright and intentionally villainous.
Not to mention that the artbooks have proven to be less than reliable sources of info (Kiora "leaving Zendikar in despair" in the book and then almost sabotaging the Gatewatch plan by throwing the Halimar Sea on them...)
Let this great clan rest in peace (2001-2011)
Some awesome quotes from Chandra, Baan, and Baral. Baan is an awesome character, Baral is a great villain and a good example of a pw specific villain. He'd probably fold like paper against Nissa, Gideon, or Ajani but against Chandra he's a legitimate and personal threat.
RG 8-Whack
BWG Abzan midrange
GRB Living End
UWB Spirit Control
GU Kruphix's "Hug Assassin"
RW Kalemne's "Play Fatties and Hope for the Best!"
BUGW Atraxa's "All counters, all the time"
Chandra, in her anger, screamed at Baral to shove something up their ass, and Baan took it literally.
That's so ungodly amazing.
On to other aspects of the story, I was hooked from beginning to end, and that's saying something given that this piece was a lengthy story compared to many UR entries. The pacing and rhythm were great, and the action was infused with energy. Only a few descriptions or parts caused confusion, which is surprising given how action-packed the story is and how many POV changes occur. Even the "minor" characters in this story feel fleshed out, and I like the nod to The Purifying Fire. Moreover, I enjoyed the insights into Tezz and Baan too. The fact that Baan arrested Baral is so in character and funny.
And yeah, Pollaski--I had to reread that part to make sure I was seeing it correctly. Baan taking Chandra's insult literally was hilarious.
Overall grade for this story: 97 A
As I say, let him write more, and ideally keep James Wyatt from writing anything, leaving him what he does best - the worldbuilding.
Let this great clan rest in peace (2001-2011)
My main question is 'where is Jace?'. It makes me think he's on a secondary mission of some kind. His powers really don't match up well vs automatons, so that could explain his absence (except for the one moment).
Scene conjecture - Tezzerret is alone, turns around to find Jace standing behind him. All of the rest of the rebellion was a smokescreen for Jace to infiltrate the Spire and take Tezz out...
Its not like they had time to hold tryouts, dude. And remember- of the four originals, she was the most reluctant to join.
From a storytelling standpoint, the Gatewatch would be dull as hell if everyone was a "yay team" kind of person. And keep in mind that Chandra's lone-wolfness generally comes from her own desires to prove herself- not to mention a sense of shame of being seen as weak by anyone (remember, she felt humiliated that Nissa was following her because she didnt want the elf to see her at an emotional low point). The fact of the matter is- despite all of Chandras shortcomings, she still cares very much for the rest of the gatewatch- especially Gideon and Nissa (and she just feels so awkward around nissa), she clearly hero-worships Liliana. The only one she's not explicitly buddies with is Jace, and the two have proven to tolerate each other well enough. And its obvious that the Gatewatch cares for her- they wouldn't be on Kaladesh if they didn't.
Also keep in mind that when Chandra's not an emotional wreck, she's pretty effective. She was pretty valuable in keeping the eldrazi abominations away during the battle of Thraben, not to mention she worked with Nissa to kill two beings that were technically impossible to kill. So she's not exactly dead weight. Its just here, she doesn't have the luxury of detatchment that Gideon and Nissa have.
And then, presumably, flipped him off. So damn great.
"Be silent, thou accursed wolf;
Consume within thyself with thine own rage."
-Dante's Inferno (Canto VII)
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And to be fair to her her pyromancy makes her the offensive muscle of the group, to the point that Liliana thinks she's a value weapon. What she lacks in foresight she makes up with power, as well as being a reasonably entertaining person.
Just realized she was referenced twice in the last story:
Still it is strange that with Advika on the promo images,she is probably not getting a card, unless she is off-cycle. And we were told she is not the UR artifacts matter legend...
Let this great clan rest in peace (2001-2011)
Chandra IS childish, but a lot of kids stop growing up when s/he is stuck in the past, real world cases exist, where society's exile often exiles oneself to fit that image. Her first growth and acceptance was in the Monastery, now that Chandra is reminded that she's loved, I expect her to develop further. She can learn a lot of sassiness from Jaya Ballard, show more sides of Red would be wonderful.
Baral is a great portrait of a non-stereotypical blue mage, because blue has the facets of calculating, dismissing, and domineering in it, Baral is full on all three, powered by hatred and contempt, which is no different from school bullying that aims at the victims' heart. Not all blue mage is like Jace, and I'm glad Baral exists to remind people that. (Tamiyo is closer to Jace than Baral, given her aloofness)
Baan has always been an amusing character, more interested in correctness than morality, a paragon of Lawful-Neutral. Someone like him might see Bolas as the grand gear of RIGHTEOUSNESS, because tyranny in its essence is about exerting control, and Bolas is superb in such. We do need more white/blue villains that's not growling like Tezz. Looks like the anti-Gatewatch is assembling as well.
Baan now obviously witness Baral using magic himself, so that might get brought up in court later. (spoiler from artbook suggested something extra)
Shu Yun, the Silent Tempest WUR Voltron Control
Temmet, Vizier of Naktamun WU Unblockable Mirror Trickery
Ra's al Ghul (Sidar Kondo) and Face-Down Ninjas
Brudiclad, Token Engineer
Vaevictis (VV2) the Dire Lantern
Rona, Disciple of Gix
Tiana the Auror
Hallar
Ulrich the Politician
Zur the Rebel
Scorpion, Locust, Scarab, Egyptian Gods
O-Kagachi, Mathas, Mairsil
"Non-Tribal" Tribal Generals, Eggs
Perhaps- but Baan strikes me along the lines of Nahiri- outside of the context they were presented in, they probably wouldn't be villians at all.
Like, now that Nahiri's done on Innistrad, she probably has zero motivation to completely screw up another world. Hell, I'm betting there's a good part of her that's wracked with guilt for what she did on Innistrad.
Does Nahiri know that Ugin was dead/in a coma while the Eldrazi were breaking free? If not, she'll probably target Tarkir next. She's already tried to murder an entire Plane to get revenge on one guy; I doubt someone like that can even recognize guilt...
Agree on Dovin, though. He does feel Azorius-y: it's about maintaining order. Lawful neutral, to use a D&D term.
There were a good deal of typos/errors the editors missed, and at places it was really excessively wordy (it also seemed to make liberal use of $10 words where $2 words would have sufficed, and not come across so awkwardly ("asymmetrically long" ... just say "uneven").
Not particularly memorable, but also not terrible.
It was alright. Kari's an interesting character.
But digesting the physics of how the climax worked out made my head hurt.
|| UW Jace, Vyn's Prodigy UW || UG Kenessos, Priest of Thassa (feat. Arixmethes) UG ||
Cards I still want to see created:
|| Olantin, Lost City || Pavios and Thanasis || Choryu ||
I have immense dislike towards Sarkhan and the dragonlords, and you are right about the Khan era being more interesting. Beyond that, I do want to see how Nahiri pulls another revenge play; we need more white antigonists like her and Baan.
Shu Yun, the Silent Tempest WUR Voltron Control
Temmet, Vizier of Naktamun WU Unblockable Mirror Trickery
Ra's al Ghul (Sidar Kondo) and Face-Down Ninjas
Brudiclad, Token Engineer
Vaevictis (VV2) the Dire Lantern
Rona, Disciple of Gix
Tiana the Auror
Hallar
Ulrich the Politician
Zur the Rebel
Scorpion, Locust, Scarab, Egyptian Gods
O-Kagachi, Mathas, Mairsil
"Non-Tribal" Tribal Generals, Eggs
Technically, there wasn't really a fleet anymore...