The shift from third person to first was... weird. It felt abrupt and pointless. I understand why he chose first person to better describe the delirium that Jace was experiencing, but having the first section in third person just made the whole thing feel awkward. I think he should have either kept it in third or done the whole article in first.
Aside from that, I felt like it did a decent job of portraying the weirdness of the whole situation and having something messing with your head.
Poor Jenrik, though. Didn't even get any real screen time.
Moreover it seems that Edgar was possibly one of the vampires killed by Nahiri. Two legends offscreened in a cold blood.
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Let this great clan rest in peace (2001-2011)
A bit jarring with the transitions but it fits the madness theme. Jace using his limited skill in telekinesis is nice. Guess Tamiyo sent Jenrik to explore the connection between Avacyn and Sorin. Since we know Nahiri blew up the Manor, her being the cause of, or facilitating, Avacyn's madness gains evidence.
This story was kinda of trippy, I like the idea of the writing of this better then the execution. So it seems Avacyn maddness has been around a good while now and Tamiyo left her journal to Jenrik who then went to the Manor. Wonder if he was trying to warn the Markovs? Also seems whatever is driving Innistrad insane is working on Jace too.
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I didn't like the sudden transition from 3rd person to 2nd person. It was too jarring and could have been handled better.
It's actually from third ("Jace", "he", "him") to first ("I"). Second person would have been "you".
I understand *why* the author chose first person. They wanted to make you feel the madness of Markov Manor, let you see how it was affecting Jace. But I agree with you that we didn't *need* the first person viewpoint. Personally I've always found first person to be a crutch less talented writers use to cover their poor narrative structure, and he could have shown just as much madness and confusion remaining in third.
Well, I guess Tamiyo had Jenrik research Markov Manor. Didn't go so well for him. I guess that leaves Commander as his only option now.
Slightly disappointing they didn't actually show Nahiri trashing the place. I would have liked to have gotten the scene depicted on her new art.
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"You say 'learn from history,' but that does not mean 'learn the same bull***** the people in history learned alongside phrenology and alchemy.'" - The Blinking Spirit
Despite that, it was pretty brisk and straightforward. And just like that we're done with Markov Manor. Unless of course we get a Nahiri perspective, which would be cool and helpful.
I thought it was noteworthy how the castle was "arranged" with intention. And every image we have of it has a large central portion with long halls jutting outward like, I don't know.... tentacles?
ps- flipping the art for the Tamiyo's Journal insert made me see Jenrik, but yeah... That was unceremonious. What made them think it was a good idea to go there even without Nahiri?
This story gets a solid slightly above average score. It pushes the main story forward and drops a few hints of things to come. Of interest was the peek inside Jace's mind at his thought process and precautions.
Aside from the 3rd-1st transition (which, indeed, was *very* clunky) I liked this one too. I'm not over keen on James Wyatt's writing either, but the story matter was compelling enough to distract from the way it was told. After a while I stopped noticing the quality because the content was so good. The psychic residue was well done - and a neat way to fill Jace (and us) in on a bunch of necessary exposition in a manner befitting of the 'psychic powers' vampire lineage. In a different format it might have felt a bit rushed and glossed, but given the medium we're dealing with and the amount of story to be told I think it was ok.
I like the idea that there might actually be a pattern to the way the Manor has been left rather than just free-floating rubble. It adds nicely to the sense of malevolent, unhinged deliberateness.
Looks like Edgar might have been present at the point of Nahiri's assault. Sad that we're unlikely to get his card now too. And it looks like the ritual was fatal to Marycz, so I think we can rule her out as being the WB sister. I presume the woman who turned to look at Jace was Olivia - could be interesting if they ever meet to see if she recognises him, like some kind of future-past ripple. It could just have been any of the 12 lineage progenitors though.
And Jace's transition to madness, or at least to not that clear mind, was way faster than I expected. Wonder if it's an effect of remnants of Nahiri magic, the place itself or something happened to entire Innistrad while we weren't looking.
Is that a nipple in Tamiyo's Journal full piece? I think it is!
Oh no! Not a nipple!
It looks like a dude nipple. Which, unlike lady nipples, are scientifically proven to not corrupt and rot the brains of any children who see them.
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"You say 'learn from history,' but that does not mean 'learn the same bull***** the people in history learned alongside phrenology and alchemy.'" - The Blinking Spirit
I didn't like the sudden transition from 3rd person to 2nd person. It was too jarring and could have been handled better.
It's actually from third ("Jace", "he", "him") to first ("I"). Second person would have been "you".
I understand *why* the author chose first person. They wanted to make you feel the madness of Markov Manor, let you see how it was affecting Jace. But I agree with you that we didn't *need* the first person viewpoint. Personally I've always found first person to be a crutch less talented writers use to cover their poor narrative structure, and he could have shown just as much madness and confusion remaining in third.
While I agree that it was unnecessary, I've certainly never viewed first person as a crutch. It's just a tool that writers use like any other. I had no problem with the usage of it in this story, and it was a good idea to use it to help portray the sense of delirium. The issue was the awful transition from third to first. I feel like this whole story would have been better had it been told entirely in one perspective or the other. Transitions like that are generally used when switching between scenes and/or characters, but here the new "scene" was literally just Jace walking through a door. I think the writer intended for that to feel like a bigger scene change than it actually did, and tried to use the change in viewpoint to emphasize that, but it ended up just feeling awkward and poorly-transitioned.
Jenrik (the user)... in light of recent events, PM me if you want a name change :'(
After Lorthos too, you should be careful... Maybe you have the Maro Curse where every character you say you like is on Creative's "to kill" list!
We should test this theory. Back to Kamigawa/Theros we go!
I love Heliod! He's my most favorite character ever!!:p
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"You say 'learn from history,' but that does not mean 'learn the same bull***** the people in history learned alongside phrenology and alchemy.'" - The Blinking Spirit
I feel like this is a direct lift from something but I can't remember. It feels word for word. This entire set feels extremely on the nose about its Lovecraft references, almost to the point of humorousness to me. Not a bad thing necessarily, to me anyway, just saying.
I was wondering since we learned the references are definitely intentional, if we'd get a first person story from Jace. I agree the transition in the story was not so good, I think to me because there wasn't a transition. It just went to first person after the picture break. I actually lookee back up to see if I missed a part, but it really just jumpa to first person without any indication.
I liked the characterization that Jace kind of thinks in options like that. Feels very blue.
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They didn't care that he was the savior of Fort Keff, the great hunter of Ondu, the champion of Kabira. To them, he was just another piece of flesh, a thing with life to be drained away.
The story was fine in my opinion. Wyatt's writting is a tad bit juvenile, but it didn't bother me that much, and the transition everyone is complainin actually didn't bother me as well. I think the choice of not having a packed action scene was the greatest choice he made for this story, showing you can have decent magic stories without a fight in every corner (like the unnecessary wererolf chase that we got in the first Jace story). I do believe there were some missed opportunities, in the sense that you have this character exploring the castlevania-like castle and the best you can come up with are lost memories and illusions. Maybe a secret hallway? Maybe finding some terrifying or mind-bending secret of the vampires? I don't know, just give me something more than that.
I do not think this was a bad story by any measure, and I liked most of the exposition.
In regards to Edgar and Jenrik:
- I don't think that scene shows that Edgar is dead. Jace at first sees Edgar because of the flashback he was having, but once he gets out of it they just mention that the vampires have returned to their motionless poses. But what vampires? The ones from the flashback? Or was he talking about all the vampires in the manor in general? I just mean that, for how it is written, I don't think you can drop the hammer on Edgar being one of the deceased vampires.
- As for Jenrik, the user, I see the glass as half-full: not only now he definitely has a profile picture to use (albeit the character looks a little dead), he can also change his location from the Moonsilver Tower in Nephalia to "encased in Markov Manor, Stensia".
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Would you like to read Commander stories? Check my latest stories, coming from Lorwyn and Innistrad: Ghoulcaller Gisa and Doran, The Siege Tower! If you like my writing, ask me to write something for your commander as well!
I actually liked the use of first person because it made the confusion more immediate to the reader. The switch from 3rd to 1st when Jace entered the ruins forced us into Jace's mind, imparting a sense of claustrophobia. Now, this all wasn't perfectly executed, but its nice to see the writers move beyond a "this happened, then that happened" narrative style.
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Not my fav story. The author could have accomplished the same thing without the 1st person.
I don't think it represented Jace well at all, there were several moments of his dialogue with himself that seemed out of character/ juvenile. Also there are some plot elements that should have been major reveals to him that came off contrived because they read off like bullet points- Tamiyo being a PW from Kamigawa, Avycen's creation by Sorin (how did Tami learn this?), the origin of Vampires.
I know experiencing memories not one's own might be common to Lovecraft/cosmic horror but it comes off as a contrived lampshade for narritive purposes just the same.
My judgement: a "C". And I'm usually not a whiner on this forum...
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Wizards. listen. The Vorthos community will await the consequences of the Eldrazi Titans' deaths/sealing. We will keep the watch.
“The wind whispers, ‘come home,’ but I cannot.”
— Teferi
Interesting chapter, I liked the psychic leftovers Jace's mind was corresponding with. I didn't quite get what he ment that Liliana is his, as in out of his own mind?
Wonder if Tamiyo sent Jenrik there, or if he went there on own agenda.
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Moreover it seems that Edgar was possibly one of the vampires killed by Nahiri. Two legends offscreened in a cold blood.
Let this great clan rest in peace (2001-2011)
A bit jarring with the transitions but it fits the madness theme. Jace using his limited skill in telekinesis is nice. Guess Tamiyo sent Jenrik to explore the connection between Avacyn and Sorin. Since we know Nahiri blew up the Manor, her being the cause of, or facilitating, Avacyn's madness gains evidence.
"You can tell how dumb someone is by how they use Mary Sue"
I understand *why* the author chose first person. They wanted to make you feel the madness of Markov Manor, let you see how it was affecting Jace. But I agree with you that we didn't *need* the first person viewpoint. Personally I've always found first person to be a crutch less talented writers use to cover their poor narrative structure, and he could have shown just as much madness and confusion remaining in third.
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Slightly disappointing they didn't actually show Nahiri trashing the place. I would have liked to have gotten the scene depicted on her new art.
"You say 'learn from history,' but that does not mean 'learn the same bull***** the people in history learned alongside phrenology and alchemy.'" - The Blinking Spirit
Despite that, it was pretty brisk and straightforward. And just like that we're done with Markov Manor. Unless of course we get a Nahiri perspective, which would be cool and helpful.
I thought it was noteworthy how the castle was "arranged" with intention. And every image we have of it has a large central portion with long halls jutting outward like, I don't know.... tentacles?
ps- flipping the art for the Tamiyo's Journal insert made me see Jenrik, but yeah... That was unceremonious. What made them think it was a good idea to go there even without Nahiri?
I like the idea that there might actually be a pattern to the way the Manor has been left rather than just free-floating rubble. It adds nicely to the sense of malevolent, unhinged deliberateness.
Looks like Edgar might have been present at the point of Nahiri's assault. Sad that we're unlikely to get his card now too. And it looks like the ritual was fatal to Marycz, so I think we can rule her out as being the WB sister. I presume the woman who turned to look at Jace was Olivia - could be interesting if they ever meet to see if she recognises him, like some kind of future-past ripple. It could just have been any of the 12 lineage progenitors though.
And yeah... who's going to tell Jenrik?
Breathe out.
Let your passion give you strength for the task at hand... And let the bashing begin!
And Jace's transition to madness, or at least to not that clear mind, was way faster than I expected. Wonder if it's an effect of remnants of Nahiri magic, the place itself or something happened to entire Innistrad while we weren't looking.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
Oh no! Not a nipple!
It looks like a dude nipple. Which, unlike lady nipples, are scientifically proven to not corrupt and rot the brains of any children who see them.
"You say 'learn from history,' but that does not mean 'learn the same bull***** the people in history learned alongside phrenology and alchemy.'" - The Blinking Spirit
While I agree that it was unnecessary, I've certainly never viewed first person as a crutch. It's just a tool that writers use like any other. I had no problem with the usage of it in this story, and it was a good idea to use it to help portray the sense of delirium. The issue was the awful transition from third to first. I feel like this whole story would have been better had it been told entirely in one perspective or the other. Transitions like that are generally used when switching between scenes and/or characters, but here the new "scene" was literally just Jace walking through a door. I think the writer intended for that to feel like a bigger scene change than it actually did, and tried to use the change in viewpoint to emphasize that, but it ended up just feeling awkward and poorly-transitioned.
I love Heliod! He's my most favorite character ever!!:p
"You say 'learn from history,' but that does not mean 'learn the same bull***** the people in history learned alongside phrenology and alchemy.'" - The Blinking Spirit
... Seriously though, I'd love to see Kamigawa destroyed in a giant Kaiju slugfest with Eldrazi.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
I feel like this is a direct lift from something but I can't remember. It feels word for word. This entire set feels extremely on the nose about its Lovecraft references, almost to the point of humorousness to me. Not a bad thing necessarily, to me anyway, just saying.
I was wondering since we learned the references are definitely intentional, if we'd get a first person story from Jace. I agree the transition in the story was not so good, I think to me because there wasn't a transition. It just went to first person after the picture break. I actually lookee back up to see if I missed a part, but it really just jumpa to first person without any indication.
I liked the characterization that Jace kind of thinks in options like that. Feels very blue.
But the people behind the barrier knew.
I do not think this was a bad story by any measure, and I liked most of the exposition.
In regards to Edgar and Jenrik:
- I don't think that scene shows that Edgar is dead. Jace at first sees Edgar because of the flashback he was having, but once he gets out of it they just mention that the vampires have returned to their motionless poses. But what vampires? The ones from the flashback? Or was he talking about all the vampires in the manor in general? I just mean that, for how it is written, I don't think you can drop the hammer on Edgar being one of the deceased vampires.
- As for Jenrik, the user, I see the glass as half-full: not only now he definitely has a profile picture to use (albeit the character looks a little dead), he can also change his location from the Moonsilver Tower in Nephalia to "encased in Markov Manor, Stensia".
Read my other stories as well (some ongoing):
Reaper King (a horror story), Kaalia of the Vast (an origin story), Sequels for Innistrad (Alternative sequels for Inn), Grey Areas (Odric's fanfic), Royal Succession (goblins),The Tracker's Message (eldrazi on Innistrad) and Ugin and his Eye (the end of OGW).
Well,Choryu the Minamo Ertai-wannabe was killed already during the Kamigawa story...
There is still chance for Arixmethes,I think. Such things are hard to kill...well,kinda...poor Lorthos...never mind...
Let this great clan rest in peace (2001-2011)
Onering's 4 simple steps that let you solve any problem with Magic's gameplay
Step 1: Identify the problem. What aspect of Magic don't you like? Step 2: Find out how others deal with the problem. How do players deal with this aspect of the game when they run into it? Step 3: Do what those players do. Step 4: No more problem. Bonus: You are now better at Magic. Enjoy those extra wins!
... Uh, sorry about this, Jenrik man. D=
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I don't think it represented Jace well at all, there were several moments of his dialogue with himself that seemed out of character/ juvenile. Also there are some plot elements that should have been major reveals to him that came off contrived because they read off like bullet points- Tamiyo being a PW from Kamigawa, Avycen's creation by Sorin (how did Tami learn this?), the origin of Vampires.
I know experiencing memories not one's own might be common to Lovecraft/cosmic horror but it comes off as a contrived lampshade for narritive purposes just the same.
My judgement: a "C". And I'm usually not a whiner on this forum...
The Vorthos community will await the consequences of the Eldrazi Titans' deaths/sealing. We will keep the watch.
“The wind whispers, ‘come home,’ but I cannot.”
— Teferi
Wonder if Tamiyo sent Jenrik there, or if he went there on own agenda.