Nicol Bolas doesn't distinguish between servants and victims.
I also love Isamaru, Hound of Konda:
The hound sniffed the air and let slip a low growl. General Takeno looked down at the faithful Isamaru and calmed him with a touch. “Alert the men. The kami are coming.”
"I don't have time for you right now." -Teferi Exclude
"Nature? Fire? Bah! Both are chaotic and difficult to control. Ice is structured, latticed, light as a feather, massive as a glacier. In ice, there is power!" —Heidar, Rimewind master Flashfreeze
Me: "Galadrial"? That cat's name should totally be Quumulox the Devastator.
Friend: Send in a request.
Me: These people don't understand. Cute things need violent and big-sounding names. Like, "Hey, have you seen my cat, Rakshor of the Blood-Pit Tribe?" Turns out the cat's, like, a five-week old kitten that makes everyone that sees it give the cliche "Aaaaaaaawww!" and a huge smile.
Friend: I think that would be a little too epic for regular folks.
Me: **** those *******. I want a kitten named Rakshor of the Blood-Pit Tribe. ****, I want a Blood-Pit Tribe of cats. They'd need other tribes to make cat-war with. Like, a next-door neighbor that's a crazy cat lady. She can have the Complete-******* Tribe.
I don't know why noone has mentioned Manabarbs yet I don't know why people say a double-edged sword is bad. It's a sword. With two edges." —Kamahl, pit fighter
It baffles me nobody has mentioned Werebear
"He exercises his right to bear arms"
Lots of people are saying Dark Confidant, the one I can't believe nobody has mentioned is Polar Kraken
"It was big. Really, really big. No, bigger than that. It was BIG! - Arna Kennerud, Skyknight"
I really enjoy Exodus' Anarchist.
"I'll take that. You won't need it when the revolution comes."
My other favourite has always been Recurring Nightmare
"I am confined by sleep and defined by nightmare. - Crovax"
One I can never remember the card for but always gets me to laugh is the one from Ravnica. Something to the extent of 'Victory is ours, all we have left is to take the bridge, RUN AWAY!!!"
Iona is a monster when she shuts off the entire deck/all their ways to deal with her. In multiplayer you can name white and get her doom bladed or name black and she goes to work at the farm. Not so good.
Scathe Zombies. They groaned, they stirred, they all uprose,
Nor spake, nor moved their eyes;
It had been strange, even in a dream,
To have seen those dead men rise.
-Anyway, i love the Rime of the Ancient Mariner, and i was thrilled when i saw this flavor text from it
Legacy UBG LEDless Ichorid UBG Casual X Endless Myr X GW Leylines GW UG Simic GroUG EDH G Molimo, Maro-Sorcerer G B Iname, Death Aspect B BG Thelon of Havenwood BG
"The sparkmage shrieked, calling on the rage of the storms of his youth. To his surprise, the sky responded with a fierce energy he'd never thought to see again." Lightning Bolt, M10
This seriously is the best reference to everyone claiming Bolt was too overpowered to reprint ever. Best in-reference flavor text since... anything in Time Spiral, really.
My Traders.
http://forums.mtgsalvation.com/showthread.php?t=155934
My Blog
http://bleedingteddy.blogspot.com/
W Avacyn, Angel of Hope
WBR Kaalia of the Vast
"Every scar is a lesson, every battle a test of what you have learned."
A lot of my favorite funny ones are in the Hall of Fame in post one however Grollub's amuses me somewhat.
"Mogglings caught in a misdeed often blame the grollub. Even though the creature is usually innocent, no taskmaster can resist an excuse to beat it."
Dragon Appeasement
Telekinetic Sliver
Vengeance (9th edition)
Flying Carpet (8th edition)
Demon's Herald
Cabal Slaver
Sarpadian Empires, Vol. VII
Second Sunrise
Fabricate
Wrench Mind
Damping Matrix
Incinerate - "Yes, I think 'toast' is an appropriate description"
Inferno - "Some have said there's no subtlety to destruction. You know what? They're dead."
Simian Spirit Guide - "All my spells smell like burnt hair lately."
Gorilla Shaman - "Frankly, destruction is best left to professionals."
and my favorite (obviously) Sizzle - "Of course you should fight fire with fire. You should fight everything with fire."
Nicol Bolas doesn't distinguish between servants and victims.
I also love Isamaru, Hound of Konda:
The hound sniffed the air and let slip a low growl. General Takeno looked down at the faithful Isamaru and calmed him with a touch. “Alert the men. The kami are coming.”
on Shock Troops
Everybody but me—CHARGE!
on Ib Halfheart
If you find yourself and a friend being chased by a king cheetah, you have but one chance: Trip your friend. -Suq'Ata wisdom
on King Cheetah
Dispersal Shield
"I don't have time for you right now." -Teferi
Exclude
"Nature? Fire? Bah! Both are chaotic and difficult to control. Ice is structured, latticed, light as a feather, massive as a glacier. In ice, there is power!" —Heidar, Rimewind master
Flashfreeze
Signature by ChibiSwan at The Ugly Swan. Avatar by Magus of the Sheep at Scuttlemutt Productions.
My trade thread.
Friend: Send in a request.
Me: These people don't understand. Cute things need violent and big-sounding names. Like, "Hey, have you seen my cat, Rakshor of the Blood-Pit Tribe?" Turns out the cat's, like, a five-week old kitten that makes everyone that sees it give the cliche "Aaaaaaaawww!" and a huge smile.
Friend: I think that would be a little too epic for regular folks.
Me: **** those *******. I want a kitten named Rakshor of the Blood-Pit Tribe. ****, I want a Blood-Pit Tribe of cats. They'd need other tribes to make cat-war with. Like, a next-door neighbor that's a crazy cat lady. She can have the Complete-******* Tribe.
I have to agree. One of my favorites.
I've been in and out of involvement with Magic since 1997. Every time I think I'm out, I get pulled back in.
And btw, the Niv Mizzet flavor text blew my mind!
Currently Playing:
EDH
RBUJeleva SpellsUBR
RGRadha RampGR
GW Rhys Tokens WG
GB Meren Graveyard BG
BUW Oloro Lifegain WUB
RBUW Breya Artifacts WUBR
Standard
Nothing currently
Retired From:
GUExtended Crystal WitnessUG
RBStandard Blightthroat AggroBR
UGHighlander CountersGU
GU Standard Turbo Turns UG
some more funnies
instill furor
junktroller
hunted dragon
furnace whelp
Ishi-Ishi, Akki Crackshot
"We do not see things as they are. We see them as we are." Anias Nin
"The search for love is but the honest searching out of everything that interferes with love."
"When my heart is at peace, the world is at peace." Chinese proverb
Lots of people are saying Dark Confidant, the one I can't believe nobody has mentioned is Polar Kraken
"It was big. Really, really big. No, bigger than that. It was BIG! - Arna Kennerud, Skyknight"
I really enjoy Exodus' Anarchist.
"I'll take that. You won't need it when the revolution comes."
My other favourite has always been Recurring Nightmare
"I am confined by sleep and defined by nightmare. - Crovax"
One I can never remember the card for but always gets me to laugh is the one from Ravnica. Something to the extent of 'Victory is ours, all we have left is to take the bridge, RUN AWAY!!!"
"Eternal life or your money back"
Currently Playing:
EDH
RBUJeleva SpellsUBR
RGRadha RampGR
GW Rhys Tokens WG
GB Meren Graveyard BG
BUW Oloro Lifegain WUB
RBUW Breya Artifacts WUBR
Standard
Nothing currently
Retired From:
GUExtended Crystal WitnessUG
RBStandard Blightthroat AggroBR
UGHighlander CountersGU
GU Standard Turbo Turns UG
Also along those lines, Spitfire Handler
Seyden's temperament didn't take well to the puca's magic. Nor did his face. (Inside Out)
"Which is worse---the sleep which never ends or that which never comes?"
Wasteland (Tempest) = "The land promises nothing and keeps its promise." - Oracle en-Vec
Insurrection = "Maybe they wanted to be on the winning side for once." - Matoc, lavamancer
Bravo, that is one of my favorites too. I also like the flavor text that they gave Exalted Angel when they made the promo version:
"She is a theme of honor and reknown, ...Whose present courage may beat down our foes." -William Shakespeare, Troilus and Cressida
It's especially cool since she didn't have any flavor text the first time.
They groaned, they stirred, they all uprose,
Nor spake, nor moved their eyes;
It had been strange, even in a dream,
To have seen those dead men rise.
-Anyway, i love the Rime of the Ancient Mariner, and i was thrilled when i saw this flavor text from it
Thanks to [High~Light Studios] for the awesome sig.
My Lists:
UBG LEDless Ichorid UBG
Casual
X Endless Myr X
GW Leylines GW
UG Simic GroUG
EDH
G Molimo, Maro-Sorcerer G
B Iname, Death Aspect B
BG Thelon of Havenwood BG
May you wake to find you were only ever a dream. -Mephidross Curse (AEther Snap)
Creatures fade in and out of existence. It's an unfortunate side effect. The losses are tolerable. -Belbe (AEther Barrier)
Undecided
Extended/Standard+
:symg::symw: Elves! :symw::symg:
EDH
:symr::symb: Wort, Boggart Auntie :symb::symr:
Kiku, Night's Flower
Always makes me cry.
This seriously is the best reference to everyone claiming Bolt was too overpowered to reprint ever. Best in-reference flavor text since... anything in Time Spiral, really.
Undecided
Extended/Standard+
:symg::symw: Elves! :symw::symg:
EDH
:symr::symb: Wort, Boggart Auntie :symb::symr:
Kiku, Night's Flower
Another great one is Trained Armodon
"Armodons are trained to step on things, enemy things"