I apologize if this thread is in the wrong section, as I couldn't decide on where it would best fit / belong...
I have been an on-and-off player of Magic for about two decades, "believe it or not." Actually played around with 4th Edition cards, did not fully understand and grasp the game till Weatherlight. I have come and gone several times since then. Last time I played, was right when Dragons of Tarkir hit. So still recent enough (I think it's even still legal?). Anyway, just a little background.
That said, I have always had friends into the game, when I played. Usually, their interest sparked my return, and eventually, their disinterest leads to my bailout. I don't want to say, "I only play because they do," but it is a relevant factor I should mention. As I have been following the Kaladesh spoilers of late, and it has me excited enough to try out the game again -- except now, I seem to be the only one... and I would rather not let my "hype" be extinguished due to the lack of everyone else's.
Now, the actual problem: (TMI) I have mild social anxiety. That may be a bit much, even, as the diagnosis is still ongoing. But beside that, I am shy and nervous around strangers. Have been this way for years; I assumed this to be natural... but... I've never really overcome it. Usually, I get past this by always having a "safety" or "escape route" in the form of a friend or friends with me -- but since I am now entertaining the thought of trying to play alone, and not having the backup in case or fear of social judgment and whatnot...
Sorry if this isn't clear; I suppose I'm wondering if there are any sort of helpful tips or advice or recommendation for combating this? There are a few other steps I need to consider before I can return to Magic in earnest -- but I recognize that this will be my biggest hurdle to get over, if I'm doing it alone. That, and I suppose it would be nice to not feel like I have to depend on others "all the time." Just, one thing I like about this game, are the physical cards and the social interaction, even; I've just never warmed up to it and been comfortable with it.
I apologize if I'm being long winded, and even generally unclear about it. Respectfully, I'm not interested in Magic Online, because of non related reasons, but at the core, it's not what I grew up with, and I'd like to spend less time in the house (no hidden meaning). So I'm kinda hoping others understand where I'm coming from, and can provide insight on personal experience or friends they know, and what they do or recommend in this regard.
Thanks in advance for kind polite input; much appreciation for reading.
Firstly good on you for being so open and honest, as a fellow sufferer of anxiety and depression and recent severe physical injury I was just sitting in front of the tv all day. It took a stupid advert saying 'act, belong, commit'. I already love and own zombicide and other board games but with a game shop 300m from my house I went and bought an intro deck. Listening to the guys play it was like having to learn a new language! I've spent so much time perfecting (at least I think I am) my deck and I have gone back to the shop every afternoon. I even bought my housemate a deck and she loves it more than me now I think! My first ever game (vs housemate) and a guy I'd never met asked if he could watch and 'tutored' us for the entire 90 min game purely out of kindness. I don't know your specific circumstances but if you have a shop nearby head in or of course search for Friday Night Magic in your area. I've realised 99% of people are very friendly and actually enjoy explaining to you anything you're not understanding. It was hard but I'm so glad I did it. It's also relatively cheap compared to figurine games, the hard work is already done for you, now it's the easy part. See if you can join a pre-release for Kaladesh (hopefully that's spelt right) on the 24-25th of this month. That's a great way to meet a lot of people who already have something in common with you. If you have any close friends suggest to them to join in, you may be surprised! Good luck with everything.
There are some situations that I get anxious about, however, I travel for work and just started in a new area. I decided that I really wanted to go to a PTQ and get some byes for a Grand Prix so I started grinding, which meant going to a different store every weekend, being surrounded by strangers, not knowing anyone... And after doing that for two weeks, my anxiety went way down. Just keep in mind that you have a common interest with them, and if anything they probably want to help you be a better magic player.
After doing it for two weeks, I feel pretty good walking into a new shop and got a RPTQ invite
Grind out dealing with people, and it gets easier.
Edit: Also, imagine they are nice fluffy dogs, everyone can talk to dogs.
Magic is one of the best activities in terms of allowing or disallowing as much social interaction as you want. If you try to give off the vibe that you're not in a chatty mood, you'll just get your attack declarations and priority passes. But if you try to strike up a conversation and your opponent is also willing you can have that too.
I think might be particularly true for formal events (of any magnitude), since playing to meet people and playing for the prize packs are both valid interpretations of your motivation. At total zero stakes casual, I suspect people might try to engage you more frequently and persistently. I don't play lots of casual, but in the little that I played it's what I experienced and what seems logical.
Magic seems like a way better platform for opt-in opt-out social interaction than, like, ballroom dancing. And definitely way ahead of zero/might as well be zero social interaction games like playing overwatch pubs from the couch or whatever.
Of course, definitely try to drill down to your own motivations for playing and make sure you have enough interest to fully sustain that even if you don't make new friends playing the game. You very well might, but you might go also while without clicking with anyone, just like it's possible to draw a 7 land hand! Don't make a financial investment that might backfire. I am in a somewhat similar boat in uncertainty about whether my return to the game will turn out well, and am planning to make sure I start out with something like budget RDW and make sure I am smiling when I drive home from FNMs before bumping up my investment level. Fortunately for me, if that's your plan, Kaladesh is very much there for you.
Of course, definitely try to drill down to your own motivations for playing and make sure you have enough interest to fully sustain that even if you don't make new friends playing the game.
One of the suggestions / recommendations from the psych meetings has been to expose myself to more social atmospheres and scenarios on my own terms to adjust and overcome, as such, this seems like a good way to do so. One part of motivation, re-exploring old lost hobbies / passions.
That said, the concern of competitive vs casual is that, I have a history of taking the game more seriously than most / all my friends, but not as serious as everyone at the competitive scene / LGS. But I am definitely waiting and seeing how I feel, playing again, just Limited formats at start, and then deciding around Game Day on whether or not this is gonna work solo, and for me again in general.
To share an experience -- Kaladesh Prerelease was a mixed bag.
* I like a certain level of "risk" and "gamble" that comes from opening booster packs, the fun or excitement of seeing what you pull. It's minimal, but this felt taken away with the pressure of having to build a deck around those cards now (Sealed). So I'm unsure how much impact this had on my solo social efforts, as a format I have little experience with and am not too fond of.
[1] My first opponent was friendly and communicative. He was easy to engage with, although I had a hard time making eye contact. He was open to conversation, and it was pleasant. I lost, but this felt good; I enjoyed the interaction more than the game, I think.
[2] My second opponent started off a little friendly, but soon gave signals and expression that he was impatient and didn't like that I didn't shuffle my deck fast enough, I think. He also played quickly and tried to rush along turns. I didn't feel like I could actually talk and converse with him, so I kinda sorta retreated. He missed a trigger and tried to call it a turn late -- his attitude and mood put me in that mindset, so I had to deny / decline because he didn't acknowledge it when it happened, and had let phases / turns proceed. I won, but then he had a down / negative mood from losing again, and he dropped. I couldn't shake feeling a little bad about this.
[3] My third (and last) opponent opened up with not even wanting to play, and asked if we could just draw the match. I was turned off by this, because for me, I came to play, regardless of win or loss. I wasn't here for packs, which seemed to be his motivating factor at that point. I kindly declined and asked to play the games, because I was hoping to further evaluate my personal experience. He wasn't rude or unfriendly, but from that point on, took the game quite seriously, and was slightly nonchalant about things. Mind you, his deck was really well built, and I didn't stand a chance -- though I tried to come back, the second match took 20 minutes, but I still lost overall. But no introduction, no departure, just packed up and bounced as he came. I have no idea what his name was.
Overall, it was kinda polarizing? To have three different people in one day -- a positive influence, a negative factor, and an indifferent persona.
I'm not entirely sure how much fun I had at the Prerelease, because I didn't have a friend to gravitate back towards between matches. It was a sort of "uncomfortable" sitting / standing around, a shop of ~100+ people or so, and not really feeling like I could initiate with any of them. I wonder now if my enjoyment playing the game was more derived from discussion and engagement with others (friends and like-minded), versus the gameplay itself? I'm pondering if I will return for Kaladesh FNM Launch or not? I don't think it appropriate to write things off on one day of experiences alone, and it felt more that if someone was open to communication, then actual conversation occurred. Maybe that's the issue? Or, for all I know, I am in need of a smaller, more "casual" friendly environment... I like to "play competitively" at times, I suppose, but I care more about the fun interactions than winning or losing. I know for sure, going 1-2 did not bother me. (I'm no pro, after all.)
Thanks for anyone reading / those who commented, just wanted to share and follow-up. Undecided of my next step, but still wanting to break out of my shell.
Good on you for doing it mate. I know how you feel, I did the prerelease and started with an a**hole, luckily my last 3 were very supportive, especially with the fact I was much slower than them. Don't let three people stop you. I can see how it would have felt not having a friend to speak to between matches, I'm lucky to have my housemate. You should be proud of yourself for going, it was an anxiety provoking experience! All the very best with your future Magic, and most of all your happiness.
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I have been an on-and-off player of Magic for about two decades, "believe it or not." Actually played around with 4th Edition cards, did not fully understand and grasp the game till Weatherlight. I have come and gone several times since then. Last time I played, was right when Dragons of Tarkir hit. So still recent enough (I think it's even still legal?). Anyway, just a little background.
That said, I have always had friends into the game, when I played. Usually, their interest sparked my return, and eventually, their disinterest leads to my bailout. I don't want to say, "I only play because they do," but it is a relevant factor I should mention. As I have been following the Kaladesh spoilers of late, and it has me excited enough to try out the game again -- except now, I seem to be the only one... and I would rather not let my "hype" be extinguished due to the lack of everyone else's.
Now, the actual problem: (TMI) I have mild social anxiety. That may be a bit much, even, as the diagnosis is still ongoing. But beside that, I am shy and nervous around strangers. Have been this way for years; I assumed this to be natural... but... I've never really overcome it. Usually, I get past this by always having a "safety" or "escape route" in the form of a friend or friends with me -- but since I am now entertaining the thought of trying to play alone, and not having the backup in case or fear of social judgment and whatnot...
Sorry if this isn't clear; I suppose I'm wondering if there are any sort of helpful tips or advice or recommendation for combating this? There are a few other steps I need to consider before I can return to Magic in earnest -- but I recognize that this will be my biggest hurdle to get over, if I'm doing it alone. That, and I suppose it would be nice to not feel like I have to depend on others "all the time." Just, one thing I like about this game, are the physical cards and the social interaction, even; I've just never warmed up to it and been comfortable with it.
I apologize if I'm being long winded, and even generally unclear about it. Respectfully, I'm not interested in Magic Online, because of non related reasons, but at the core, it's not what I grew up with, and I'd like to spend less time in the house (no hidden meaning). So I'm kinda hoping others understand where I'm coming from, and can provide insight on personal experience or friends they know, and what they do or recommend in this regard.
Thanks in advance for kind polite input; much appreciation for reading.
There are some situations that I get anxious about, however, I travel for work and just started in a new area. I decided that I really wanted to go to a PTQ and get some byes for a Grand Prix so I started grinding, which meant going to a different store every weekend, being surrounded by strangers, not knowing anyone... And after doing that for two weeks, my anxiety went way down. Just keep in mind that you have a common interest with them, and if anything they probably want to help you be a better magic player.
After doing it for two weeks, I feel pretty good walking into a new shop and got a RPTQ invite
Grind out dealing with people, and it gets easier.
Edit: Also, imagine they are nice fluffy dogs, everyone can talk to dogs.
I think might be particularly true for formal events (of any magnitude), since playing to meet people and playing for the prize packs are both valid interpretations of your motivation. At total zero stakes casual, I suspect people might try to engage you more frequently and persistently. I don't play lots of casual, but in the little that I played it's what I experienced and what seems logical.
Magic seems like a way better platform for opt-in opt-out social interaction than, like, ballroom dancing. And definitely way ahead of zero/might as well be zero social interaction games like playing overwatch pubs from the couch or whatever.
Of course, definitely try to drill down to your own motivations for playing and make sure you have enough interest to fully sustain that even if you don't make new friends playing the game. You very well might, but you might go also while without clicking with anyone, just like it's possible to draw a 7 land hand! Don't make a financial investment that might backfire. I am in a somewhat similar boat in uncertainty about whether my return to the game will turn out well, and am planning to make sure I start out with something like budget RDW and make sure I am smiling when I drive home from FNMs before bumping up my investment level. Fortunately for me, if that's your plan, Kaladesh is very much there for you.
I pre-reg'd for a Saturday morning pre-rerelease, see if I can't get my feet wet again and, well, communicate with others. ^^
One of the suggestions / recommendations from the psych meetings has been to expose myself to more social atmospheres and scenarios on my own terms to adjust and overcome, as such, this seems like a good way to do so. One part of motivation, re-exploring old lost hobbies / passions.
That said, the concern of competitive vs casual is that, I have a history of taking the game more seriously than most / all my friends, but not as serious as everyone at the competitive scene / LGS. But I am definitely waiting and seeing how I feel, playing again, just Limited formats at start, and then deciding around Game Day on whether or not this is gonna work solo, and for me again in general.
Haha... I do love dogs.
* I like a certain level of "risk" and "gamble" that comes from opening booster packs, the fun or excitement of seeing what you pull. It's minimal, but this felt taken away with the pressure of having to build a deck around those cards now (Sealed). So I'm unsure how much impact this had on my solo social efforts, as a format I have little experience with and am not too fond of.
[1] My first opponent was friendly and communicative. He was easy to engage with, although I had a hard time making eye contact. He was open to conversation, and it was pleasant. I lost, but this felt good; I enjoyed the interaction more than the game, I think.
[2] My second opponent started off a little friendly, but soon gave signals and expression that he was impatient and didn't like that I didn't shuffle my deck fast enough, I think. He also played quickly and tried to rush along turns. I didn't feel like I could actually talk and converse with him, so I kinda sorta retreated. He missed a trigger and tried to call it a turn late -- his attitude and mood put me in that mindset, so I had to deny / decline because he didn't acknowledge it when it happened, and had let phases / turns proceed. I won, but then he had a down / negative mood from losing again, and he dropped. I couldn't shake feeling a little bad about this.
[3] My third (and last) opponent opened up with not even wanting to play, and asked if we could just draw the match. I was turned off by this, because for me, I came to play, regardless of win or loss. I wasn't here for packs, which seemed to be his motivating factor at that point. I kindly declined and asked to play the games, because I was hoping to further evaluate my personal experience. He wasn't rude or unfriendly, but from that point on, took the game quite seriously, and was slightly nonchalant about things. Mind you, his deck was really well built, and I didn't stand a chance -- though I tried to come back, the second match took 20 minutes, but I still lost overall. But no introduction, no departure, just packed up and bounced as he came. I have no idea what his name was.
Overall, it was kinda polarizing? To have three different people in one day -- a positive influence, a negative factor, and an indifferent persona.
I'm not entirely sure how much fun I had at the Prerelease, because I didn't have a friend to gravitate back towards between matches. It was a sort of "uncomfortable" sitting / standing around, a shop of ~100+ people or so, and not really feeling like I could initiate with any of them. I wonder now if my enjoyment playing the game was more derived from discussion and engagement with others (friends and like-minded), versus the gameplay itself? I'm pondering if I will return for Kaladesh FNM Launch or not? I don't think it appropriate to write things off on one day of experiences alone, and it felt more that if someone was open to communication, then actual conversation occurred. Maybe that's the issue? Or, for all I know, I am in need of a smaller, more "casual" friendly environment... I like to "play competitively" at times, I suppose, but I care more about the fun interactions than winning or losing. I know for sure, going 1-2 did not bother me. (I'm no pro, after all.)
Thanks for anyone reading / those who commented, just wanted to share and follow-up. Undecided of my next step, but still wanting to break out of my shell.