so i was playing Legacy and my opponent go turn 1 and trys to storm combo me out, he fizzles so seeing as his hand has 2 cards i decide that i need to get a clock on him and cast t2 snapcaster(Ambush Viper) so we just play draw go for a little bit with me smacking him with snappy then this happens
****** plays Ad Nauseam from hand.
FosterTheSnowMan taps Island.
FosterTheSnowMan plays Spell Pierce from hand.
****** puts Lion's Eye Diamond from table into graveyard.
****** puts Lion's Eye Diamond from table into graveyard. 
FosterTheSnowMan: discard
****** puts Silence from hand into graveyard.
******puts Ponder from hand into graveyard.
FosterTheSnowMan plays Force of Will from hand.
FosterTheSnowMan sets counter life to 19 (-1).
FosterTheSnowMan exiles
Spell Snare from hand. 
******: **** you ******* 
FosterTheSnowMan: lol... 
******: why didn't you just force? ********
You have been kicked out of the game.
So I thought this was funnny and wanted to see if anyone else had any funny stories that happened while on Cockatrice.
New Rule please blot out peoples names with ***s that would make it better yeah...
Best Comment made on a card (Cruel Edict)
"Choose your next words carefully. They will be your last."
—Phage the Untouchable
"Last words huh? I choose to recite War and Peace from memory..."
— TheHandyman
Scroll back to delver era, 2012. So this guy (I forget his name) has a standard room, named "COMPETITIVE ONLY." I figure "I've got a pretty competitive Tezzeret deck, there's not many other people on, screw it; I'll play."
I enter the room. He says something to the effect of "good luck have fun," to which I respond "You too." We load decks and begin the game. He's on the play.
Him: Tormented Soul. Pass the turn.
Me: Inkmoth Nexus. Pass the turn.
Him: Glimmerpost, attack for 1. Pass the turn.
Me: Darkslick Shores, Ichor Wellspring. Pass the turn.
ATTENTION: YOU HAVE BEEN KICKED OUT OF THE GAME.
I think "What the hell, I only played a Wellspring." I Rejoin the room, and ask "Why'd you kick me."
His response: "You weren't playing WU Delver. Get out."
ATTENTION: YOU HAVE BEEN KICKED OUT OF THE GAME.
------
So, when he was playing jank.dec in a room labeled "COMPETITIVE ONLY," I get kicked for NOT playing a specific deck. It made me laugh.
For what it's worth, the opposite of evergreen is "deciduous" so I suggest we start using that from now on to refer to shroud, banding, islandhome, etc.
The first time I tried to play Cockatrice I opened a Modern room and got matched up against some guy who played a Demonic Tutor and did nothing but tap and untap it for several turns.
Man... the funny stories I run across. The funniest things I could tell you about (I take that back, I bet there are funnier things) are when I try to help rectify rules misunderstandings that results in someone incorrect kicking someone else out. I usually PM them and try to make sure I understand the misunderstanding, and that's when they cuss me out.
Something along the lines of them being mad that I would "stalk" them, as they think I'm the person they just played, just under a different SN to avoid the "ignore" feature. I don't like to preface conversations with "I'm a mod" but I'm finding the black and white shirt isn't always noticeable enough.
@GreenMunchkin that was a funny story that sadly happens a lot
@bottledwater idk about you but i always get on my mod account to stalk ppl (i dont have a mod account...)
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Best Comment made on a card (Cruel Edict)
"Choose your next words carefully. They will be your last."
—Phage the Untouchable
"Last words huh? I choose to recite War and Peace from memory..."
— TheHandyman
One time in a "casual" EDH game, I'd play both Cultivate and Kodama's reach. Somehow they thought I must be playing competitively because they start complaining then I get kicked out of the game. I was playing a Trostani Tribal Wurm deck
@bfellow Tribal Wurms-OP COMPETITIVE i bet that even beats a t1 storm crow
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Best Comment made on a card (Cruel Edict)
"Choose your next words carefully. They will be your last."
—Phage the Untouchable
"Last words huh? I choose to recite War and Peace from memory..."
— TheHandyman
Enter a Modern room.
His T1: Fetch for an Overgrown Tomb Tapped, go
Me: Sulforous Springs, Faithless Looting, discard Griselbrand and Lightning Bolt, go.
Him: Mountain, Tarmogoyf, go
Me: Blackcleave Cliffs, Goryo's Revenge Griselbrand.
- YOU HAVE BEEN KICKED OUT OF THE GAME -
So naturally I asked him why. Evidently because I wasn't playing a competitive deck.
I also got kicked out of a game because evidently my Tribal Angels deck was proven to be too OP. I mean sure, if you let Door of Destinies accumulate 20 counters AND let Descendant's Path co-exist with Mirri's Guile allowing me to flip a 26/26 Akroma...
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My Commander decks:
Chandra, Torch of Defiance - Oops! All Chandras.
Prime Speaker Zegana - Draw for Power.
Pir & Toothy - Counterpalooza.
Arcades, the Strategist - Another Brick in the Wall.
Zacama, Primal Calamity - Calamity of Double Mana.
Edgar Markov - Vampires Don't Die.
Child of Alara - Dreamcrusher.
They should change it so that people can't kick from rooms. It makes sense that you could be able to block people but once you're in a game with other people, you should have to be the one to walk out. Its a small difference, but a worthwhile one.
I didn't think any of these stories were funny at all, just depressing because of the way the average MTG player looks like.
Funniest story I had on Cockatrice was when playing a casual FFA game.It was down to two players. The game was at a lock down, me with Elderscale Wurm and my opponent with enough flying creatures to prevent damage from reaching him. We were both on top deck mode and then, at my last draw step, I draw my only Gale Force. Speak of a good top deck to end the game. All the birds went popcorn and I was the winner.
There's also this other game where I drew the right cards at the right time. Was playing my mono red Draconic Chandra, never got the chance to play her, but got enough dragons to actually hurt the field. Utvara Hellkite and Archwing Dragon make a pretty good combo.
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Casual crazy magic player, otaku maniac, unrully cosplayer, what did you expect me to be?
Enter a Modern room.
His T1: Fetch for an Overgrown Tomb Tapped, go
Me: Sulforous Springs, Faithless Looting, discard Griselbrand and Lightning Bolt, go.
Him: Mountain, Tarmogoyf, go
Me: Blackcleave Cliffs, Goryo's Revenge Griselbrand.
- YOU HAVE BEEN KICKED OUT OF THE GAME -
So naturally I asked him why. Evidently because I wasn't playing a competitive deck.
This has happened to me before - I sometimes run a grixis reanimator that can go off pretty consistant turn 2 or 3, once in a blue moon turn 1. People apparently dont like it.
I also get a lot of crap because I don't play "competitive" decks. I enter a room that calls for Tier 1 or competitive decks and I get kicked when I win game 1. Especially in modern, but a lot of times in standard too - I happen to like rogue decks :D.
I think the funniest was when a guy tried to troll the piss out of me and be a whiny baby when I killed him with a chandra copied sign in blood. "thats not fair! who does that?!"
The ones I laugh at the most are the ones who go, shuffle, draw, mull, mull, mull, quit. lol
Hearing these stories makes me glad to only play on MODO.
Because MODO is idiot-free, amiryte?
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My Commander decks:
Chandra, Torch of Defiance - Oops! All Chandras.
Prime Speaker Zegana - Draw for Power.
Pir & Toothy - Counterpalooza.
Arcades, the Strategist - Another Brick in the Wall.
Zacama, Primal Calamity - Calamity of Double Mana.
Edgar Markov - Vampires Don't Die.
Child of Alara - Dreamcrusher.
@patlienemann i always LOL when that happens Mull MUll MULL MULL MULL new Hand Mull quit lol
@3drinks my problem with your post is that it is the cockatrice section of salvation...
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Best Comment made on a card (Cruel Edict)
"Choose your next words carefully. They will be your last."
—Phage the Untouchable
"Last words huh? I choose to recite War and Peace from memory..."
— TheHandyman
Oh this thread is going to be fantastic. I have had SO MANY encounters with people who don't understand mechanics of the game. I can't wait to take some pics and post them here.
Oh this thread is going to be fantastic. I have had SO MANY encounters with people who don't understand mechanics of the game. I can't wait to take some pics and post them here.
I ask that you be the bigger man and censor their names. I mean, honestly, you can do whatever you want, but that's just what I would do IMO.
However, do you think it would be unethical for me to post the same things (censored names and vulgarity of course) of what people did to deserve bans? Some of the stupid things, you wouldn't believe.
@bottledwater i dont think it would be unethical in fact it would be ethical (as long as names are censored) by making a list of caused certain bans in the past and it might even get a laugh or two
@FZA Play faster bro i mean its not like you even need mana to play Magic anymore right? so this stasis shouldnt be making the game slow down... 0.o
Best Comment made on a card (Cruel Edict)
"Choose your next words carefully. They will be your last."
—Phage the Untouchable
"Last words huh? I choose to recite War and Peace from memory..."
— TheHandyman
@bottledwater i dont think it would be unethical in fact it would be ethical (as long as names are censored) by making a list of caused certain bans in the past and it might even get a laugh or two
@FZA Play faster bro i mean its not like you even need mana to play Magic anymore right? so this stasis shouldnt be making the game slow down... 0.o
Speaking of anonymity....
I am a super secret foreign spy.
I can't tell you guys which country- that would ruin everything about my job.
Also that photo may or may not be me.
Trust me guys. I know lots of spy things.
I even said I am a spy so obviously I am a spy.
@Shadow.X yeah i guess it could... i mean it does stop ppl from tapping thier lands as often...but i mean...(obvi-sarcasm)
new post rather funnny
*******points from his Assault Strobe to his Phantasmal Bear.
FosterTheSnowMan points from******* Phantasmal Bear to *******'s Assault Strobe.
*******puts Assault Strobe from the stack into graveyard.
FosterTheSnowMan points from*******'s Phantasmal Bear to *******.
*******has left the game.
Best Comment made on a card (Cruel Edict)
"Choose your next words carefully. They will be your last."
—Phage the Untouchable
"Last words huh? I choose to recite War and Peace from memory..."
— TheHandyman
I give most people the benefit of the doubt when they do something stupid, but sometimes they are adamant they are right.
As for kicking people out, they have to keep that in, because some people just vanish. If it's a minute with no "thinking" or "brb" or anything I kick and move on.
I always create a room called T2 Testing so that hardcore PT wannabes don't get upset when I play my bad cards.
Defender01 takes a mulligan to 4.
 Kilroy: kp
Kilroy puts Leyline of Sanctity into play from hand.
 Defender01: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
 Kilroy: burn?
 Defender01: YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Defender01 has left the game.
I've been getting a lot of things like this lately. Even when you try to be nice them they get mad and leave.
******** taps Vexing Devil.
SuperGLS taps Sunpetal Grove.
SuperGLS taps Temple Garden.
SuperGLS taps Sacred Foundry.
SuperGLS taps Clifftop Retreat.
SuperGLS puts Restoration Angel into play from hand.
SuperGLS points from his Restoration Angel to his Boros Reckoner.
SuperGLS untaps Boros Reckoner.
SuperGLS taps Avacyn's Pilgrim.
SuperGLS points from his Avacyn's Pilgrim to his Boros Reckoner.
SuperGLS points from his Boros Reckoner to DemonSI's Vexing Devil.
********: ok where do dam goe?
SuperGLS: because of first strike reckoner doesn't take damage
******** has lost connection to the game.
@KilroyWasHere that is always funny i had something like that in which i got a turn one chalice for 1 against legacy burn----FUUUUUUUUUUUUU...lol always funny
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Best Comment made on a card (Cruel Edict)
"Choose your next words carefully. They will be your last."
—Phage the Untouchable
"Last words huh? I choose to recite War and Peace from memory..."
— TheHandyman
It was me (piloting Phelddagrif), Memnarch and two other people (which don't matter). I keep a hand because it was a few lands, a farseek, Arcane Denial. Memnarch player goes first and goes Island, Sol Ring, Mana Vault. That's a red flag right there that I feel like quitting. Over the next few turns, he ends up getting both Nev's Disk and Mycosynth Lattice out. So, I'm thinking to myself, alright, this guy is about to drop forge and just blow up everything.
He does (this is turn 4 or 5), and I Arcane Denial it.
[You have been kicked from the game]
One of the other guys in the room messages me and asks what happened. Apparently, the Memnarch player had told the other two that I had quit on my own accord.
****** plays Ad Nauseam from hand.
FosterTheSnowMan taps Island.
FosterTheSnowMan plays Spell Pierce from hand.
****** puts Lion's Eye Diamond from table into graveyard.
****** puts Lion's Eye Diamond from table into graveyard. 
FosterTheSnowMan: discard
****** puts Silence from hand into graveyard.
******puts Ponder from hand into graveyard.
FosterTheSnowMan plays Force of Will from hand.
FosterTheSnowMan sets counter life to 19 (-1).
FosterTheSnowMan exiles
Spell Snare from hand. 
******: **** you ******* 
FosterTheSnowMan: lol... 
******: why didn't you just force? ********
You have been kicked out of the game.
So I thought this was funnny and wanted to see if anyone else had any funny stories that happened while on Cockatrice.
New Rule please blot out peoples names with ***s that would make it better yeah...
"Choose your next words carefully. They will be your last."
—Phage the Untouchable
"Last words huh? I choose to recite War and Peace from memory..."
— TheHandyman
I enter the room. He says something to the effect of "good luck have fun," to which I respond "You too." We load decks and begin the game. He's on the play.
Him: Tormented Soul. Pass the turn.
Me: Inkmoth Nexus. Pass the turn.
Him: Glimmerpost, attack for 1. Pass the turn.
Me: Darkslick Shores, Ichor Wellspring. Pass the turn.
ATTENTION: YOU HAVE BEEN KICKED OUT OF THE GAME.
I think "What the hell, I only played a Wellspring." I Rejoin the room, and ask "Why'd you kick me."
His response: "You weren't playing WU Delver. Get out."
ATTENTION: YOU HAVE BEEN KICKED OUT OF THE GAME.
------
So, when he was playing jank.dec in a room labeled "COMPETITIVE ONLY," I get kicked for NOT playing a specific deck. It made me laugh.
Quotes:
The funniest things I could tell you about(I take that back, I bet there are funnier things) are when I try to help rectify rules misunderstandings that results in someone incorrect kicking someone else out. I usually PM them and try to make sure I understand the misunderstanding, and that's when they cuss me out.Something along the lines of them being mad that I would "stalk" them, as they think I'm the person they just played, just under a different SN to avoid the "ignore" feature. I don't like to preface conversations with "I'm a mod" but I'm finding the black and white shirt isn't always noticeable enough.
@bottledwater idk about you but i always get on my mod account to stalk ppl (i dont have a mod account...)
"Choose your next words carefully. They will be your last."
—Phage the Untouchable
"Last words huh? I choose to recite War and Peace from memory..."
— TheHandyman
"Choose your next words carefully. They will be your last."
—Phage the Untouchable
"Last words huh? I choose to recite War and Peace from memory..."
— TheHandyman
His T1: Fetch for an Overgrown Tomb Tapped, go
Me: Sulforous Springs, Faithless Looting, discard Griselbrand and Lightning Bolt, go.
Him: Mountain, Tarmogoyf, go
Me: Blackcleave Cliffs, Goryo's Revenge Griselbrand.
- YOU HAVE BEEN KICKED OUT OF THE GAME -
So naturally I asked him why. Evidently because I wasn't playing a competitive deck.
I also got kicked out of a game because evidently my Tribal Angels deck was proven to be too OP. I mean sure, if you let Door of Destinies accumulate 20 counters AND let Descendant's Path co-exist with Mirri's Guile allowing me to flip a 26/26 Akroma...
Chandra, Torch of Defiance - Oops! All Chandras.
Prime Speaker Zegana - Draw for Power.
Pir & Toothy - Counterpalooza.
Arcades, the Strategist - Another Brick in the Wall.
Zacama, Primal Calamity - Calamity of Double Mana.
Edgar Markov - Vampires Don't Die.
Child of Alara - Dreamcrusher.
I didn't think any of these stories were funny at all, just depressing because of the way the average MTG player looks like.
There's also this other game where I drew the right cards at the right time. Was playing my mono red Draconic Chandra, never got the chance to play her, but got enough dragons to actually hurt the field. Utvara Hellkite and Archwing Dragon make a pretty good combo.
This has happened to me before - I sometimes run a grixis reanimator that can go off pretty consistant turn 2 or 3, once in a blue moon turn 1. People apparently dont like it.
I also get a lot of crap because I don't play "competitive" decks. I enter a room that calls for Tier 1 or competitive decks and I get kicked when I win game 1. Especially in modern, but a lot of times in standard too - I happen to like rogue decks :D.
I think the funniest was when a guy tried to troll the piss out of me and be a whiny baby when I killed him with a chandra copied sign in blood. "thats not fair! who does that?!"
The ones I laugh at the most are the ones who go, shuffle, draw, mull, mull, mull, quit. lol
Currently Playing
UTron
Tahngarth, Talruum Hero
TRADE ME!!!
Steel Sabotage'ng Orbs of Mellowness since 2011.
Because MODO is idiot-free, amiryte?
Chandra, Torch of Defiance - Oops! All Chandras.
Prime Speaker Zegana - Draw for Power.
Pir & Toothy - Counterpalooza.
Arcades, the Strategist - Another Brick in the Wall.
Zacama, Primal Calamity - Calamity of Double Mana.
Edgar Markov - Vampires Don't Die.
Child of Alara - Dreamcrusher.
@3drinks my problem with your post is that it is the cockatrice section of salvation...
"Choose your next words carefully. They will be your last."
—Phage the Untouchable
"Last words huh? I choose to recite War and Peace from memory..."
— TheHandyman
Previously in the game, the guy had played Stasis.
BGW Junk / URB Grixis Shadow / RGB Lantern Control / WUBCBant Eldrazi
Current Legacy decks
BUG Shardless BUG / UWR Predict Miracles / RUG Canadian Thresh / WRBG 4c Loam
UB Reanimator
BGStandard Green AggroGB
UWRGModern Saheeli CobraGRWU
UBRGLegacy StormGRBU
Wizards Certified Rules Advisor
I ask that you be the bigger man and censor their names. I mean, honestly, you can do whatever you want, but that's just what I would do IMO.
However, do you think it would be unethical for me to post the same things (censored names and vulgarity of course) of what people did to deserve bans? Some of the stupid things, you wouldn't believe.
@FZA Play faster bro i mean its not like you even need mana to play Magic anymore right? so this stasis shouldnt be making the game slow down... 0.o
"Choose your next words carefully. They will be your last."
—Phage the Untouchable
"Last words huh? I choose to recite War and Peace from memory..."
— TheHandyman
but Stasis does slow down games at times..
new post rather funnny
*******points from his Assault Strobe to his Phantasmal Bear.
FosterTheSnowMan points from******* Phantasmal Bear to *******'s Assault Strobe.
*******puts Assault Strobe from the stack into graveyard.
FosterTheSnowMan points from*******'s Phantasmal Bear to *******.
*******has left the game.
"Choose your next words carefully. They will be your last."
—Phage the Untouchable
"Last words huh? I choose to recite War and Peace from memory..."
— TheHandyman
As for kicking people out, they have to keep that in, because some people just vanish. If it's a minute with no "thinking" or "brb" or anything I kick and move on.
I always create a room called T2 Testing so that hardcore PT wannabes don't get upset when I play my bad cards.
 Kilroy: kp
Kilroy puts Leyline of Sanctity into play from hand.
 Defender01: FFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
 Kilroy: burn?
 Defender01: YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU
Defender01 has left the game.
******** taps Vexing Devil.
SuperGLS taps Sunpetal Grove.
SuperGLS taps Temple Garden.
SuperGLS taps Sacred Foundry.
SuperGLS taps Clifftop Retreat.
SuperGLS puts Restoration Angel into play from hand.
SuperGLS points from his Restoration Angel to his Boros Reckoner.
SuperGLS untaps Boros Reckoner.
SuperGLS taps Avacyn's Pilgrim.
SuperGLS points from his Avacyn's Pilgrim to his Boros Reckoner.
SuperGLS points from his Boros Reckoner to DemonSI's Vexing Devil.
********: ok where do dam goe?
SuperGLS: because of first strike reckoner doesn't take damage
******** has lost connection to the game.
"Choose your next words carefully. They will be your last."
—Phage the Untouchable
"Last words huh? I choose to recite War and Peace from memory..."
— TheHandyman
It was me (piloting Phelddagrif), Memnarch and two other people (which don't matter). I keep a hand because it was a few lands, a farseek, Arcane Denial. Memnarch player goes first and goes Island, Sol Ring, Mana Vault. That's a red flag right there that I feel like quitting. Over the next few turns, he ends up getting both Nev's Disk and Mycosynth Lattice out. So, I'm thinking to myself, alright, this guy is about to drop forge and just blow up everything.
He does (this is turn 4 or 5), and I Arcane Denial it.
[You have been kicked from the game]
One of the other guys in the room messages me and asks what happened. Apparently, the Memnarch player had told the other two that I had quit on my own accord.
Casual Player, Hobbyist Designer.
Percussionist, Composer, Banjo Player
Current Decks:
BG RockStars (Enchantress Midrange)
Modern:
GWU Enduring Ideal
EDH/Commander -
GW Krond, Enchanter
UB Vela, of Doomsday
RG Angry Barbie
WUG Friendly Hugs on Hippo Wings
WBR Oros, the Experiment