MTG Salvation

Nocturnal Musings 1BB
Enchantment
Skip your draw step.
Pay 1 life: Exile the top card of your library, then put a Study counter on ~. Play this ability only during your opponents' turns; and activate this ability no more time than the greatest number of cards in any players' hand.
Whenever you play a spell or ability during an opponent's turn, discard a card for each Study counter on ~.
At the end of an opponent's turn, put all cards exiled this way into your hand.
At the beginning of your turn, remove all Study counters from ~, then discard all but four cards if any Study counters removed this way.
"Day 14 - I awoke to find notes detailing how to fix the portal's stability issues, but they're in my hand writing, and what I fear to be my blood." - Research journal of Alir Kawt

I fixed Necropotence. Everyone happy?

"I said LEFT! Why did we go right?"
"Right?! Left?! When we did put steering in this thing?"
... "oh crap, my bad."

Careening Rocket Sled 2
Artifact - Equipment
~ cannot be equipped to a creature if it is already attached to a creature.
Whenever the equipped creature attacks it gets +4/+0 and gains first strike and trample until end of turn. Then sacrifice the equipped creature at the end of the combat step.
Equip - 3
"I said LEFT! Why did we go right?"
"Right?! Left?! When we did put steering in this thing?"
... "oh crap, my bad"

Next
"We need to think of a solution to that thing fast, we're running out of goblins."

Or

Some wizards are reknowned for their successes and their contributions to society. Most, however, are recalled for their failures and contributions to comedy.

Gnawing Mossbeast 1GG
Creature - Beast
Hexproof, Trample
Sacrifice a creature: Tap Gnawing Mossbeast, and its controller gains 3 life. Gnawing Mossbeast doesn't untap during its controller's next untap step. Any player may activate this ability.
4/5
"We need to think of a solution to that thing fast. We're running out of goblins."


Next Flavor Text!

"Smash the axe, sow the seed
Don't cause the Oaken Heart to bleed."

OR

"Life is a puzzle, and I'm one piece short."

Kytredje, Mnemiomancer UUBB
Legendary Creature- Human Weird Wizard
Hexproof
At the beginning of your upkeep, skip your draw step unless you exile the bottom card of your library.
1(U/B)(U/B): The next time you would draw a card, instead choose a card at random from your exile zone and put it into your hand.
"Life is a puzzle, and I'm one piece short."
3/4

'Horns blare, soldiers rally.
Look to the walls, pray none fall.
Watch the sky, dodge arrows as they fly.
Scramble to the shelter when the warrens swelter.'

Cataclysmic Fate 2UBR
Sorcery
Scry 4, then reveal the top card of your library. Each player sacrifices all nonland permanents whose converted mana cost is equal to the revealed card's converted mana cost.
"I see your cities, sinking in their ruins. I see your people, scurrying around in waste. I see your future, mounted in ash."

------
Next Flavor Text!

"Time sure flies - and sometimes it strikes from above as well."

OR

"I just like bombs! It's not my fault that I need someone to test them on!"

Izzet Ignitionist 1RR
Creature - Goblin Artificer
R,t: ~ deals 2 damage to target creature you control and to target creature you don't control.
1/2
"I just like bombs! It's not my fault I need someone to test them on."

Next
Journal Entry #16 - The good news: I finally got rid of the giant spiders! Bad news: now I need to figure out how to get rid of the giant frogs.

Or

Some Baktar warriors' blood boils so hot they burst into flames.

Self Destructive Rage2R
Instant
Target creature gains double strike and haste until end of turn. At the end of turn, sacrifice that creature.
Some Baktar warriors' blood boils so hot they burst into flames

Next
The final step in the plan was turning on the golem. The final step should have been 'run.'

or

"Well, these won't be missed." Xerik, Master Infiltrator

Stoke the Furnaces 2RR
World Enchantment
Until end of turn, whenever a spell or ability would deal damage to a player, add 1 to that amount. Then, at end of turn, exile ~ unless you discard a card named Stoke the Furnaces.
When Sheoldred declared war on Urabrask, she sent an envoy, who was to inform him that she will enslave the entire firnace population if she won. Urabrask's reply was brief: "If." The following morning, furnace dregs were deep into the black lacunae, dangerously close to the Vault of Whispers. Urabrask's victory was apparent.

There is one challenger a champion has never triumphed over. This challenger is also the first the champion acknowledges. Mortality is undefeated.

Strain of Mortality 4WB
Enchantment
Creatures have wither.
At the beginning of each player's upkeep, that player puts a -1/-1 counter on each creature he or she controls.

There is one challenger a champion has never triumphed over. This challenger is also the first the champion acknowledges. Mortality is undefeated.

Next:
Trug learned that licking and eating certain herbs and creatures and surviving apparently made you the village shaman.

or

The sands cleared and all gazed upon the new Emperor of the realm: Nicol Bolas.

Parallel Singularities 2UU
Sorcery
Search your library for up to seven non-creature cards and put them into two piles. An opponent chooses one and exiles that pile and put the rest into your hand.
"The singularity of the future is a false notion." - Ugin

Next:

"May the gods forgive me for doing my duty."
or
"The gods we once worshiped have turned against us! To arms and rise against the tyrants!"

Task of Ruin7(R/W)(R/W)(R/W)
Sorcery
~ cannot be countered
Exile all permanents.
"May the gods forgive me for doing my duty."

Next:

If there is anything a goblin appreciates more than a good explosion is a bigger explosion.
or
"The next time you try to kill a man you make sure he's dead!" Fjorl, Keldon Berserker

Grenade Run 1R
Sorcery
~ deals 3 damage to target creature or player.
Raid - If a creature attacked this turn, ~ deals 5 damage to target creature or player instead.
If there is anything a goblin appreciates more than a good explosion is a bigger explosion.

Next:

Greed goes beyond death.
or
The Mardu would gladly break both bone and mind to see their enemies writhe in pain.

Heedless Assualt 2BR
Instant
Discard your hand. Target creature you control gets +X/+X until emd of turn, where X is twice the number of cards discarded this way. Sacrifice that creature at end of turn.
The Mardu would gladly break botb bone and mind to see their enemies writh in pain.

Next
He was... Um, human? Five to six feet tall... Hair, he had hair, and a hat... I think."
Or
Once upon a time there was a happy little village in the valley. They were weak, so we swept over them like a tide of hate and steel, burning everything we could not carry, and killing anyone we could not enslave.

Amorphous Visage U
Instant
Until end of turn, target creature becomes the creature type of your choice and loses all other types.
"He was... Um, human? Five to six feet tall... Hair, he had hair, and a hat... I think."

Next: Beneath the deepest depths of the seas, even Thassa's most devoted dare not to tread.
or
"Do this and do that! All I wanted was to celebrate my birthday! but what do I get? A flogging!"
- Igov, Necromancer's Servant

Lurking Horror3UB
Creature - Horror
Deathtouch, Hexproof
~ may only be cast from your graveyard
5/6
Beneath the deepest depths of the seas, even Thassa's most devoted dare not to tread

Next:
"Jahae? Why are you looking at me like that?" Last words of Beck, Werewolf Hunter
or
The bell's toll heralds a kingdom's fall.

Moonlit Transformation (R/G)
Instant
Transform target creature.
If that creature becomes a werewolf, draw a card.
"Jahae? Why are you looking at me like that?"
Last words of Beck, Werewolf Hunter

Next:
"I take no joy in doing this. But I must."
- Sorin Markov

or

There are things that would even make Liliana cringe and acts that she would not stoop low enough to do.

Existence ErasureWB
Instant
Exile target non-land permanent. Target opponent gains and you lose life equal to its converted mana cost.
"I take no joy in doing this. But I must." - Sorin Markov

Next:
The last sight all trespassers see in her garden is their own reflection frozen in fear. - Lore of Hythonia
or
Erebos is said to keep all the wealth of those who pass on. Where is the better question.

Horrifying Sight 2B
Instant {C}
Target creature gets -2/-2 until end of turn. You gain 2 life.
The last sight all trespassers see in her garden is their own reflection, frozen in fear.
- Lore of Hythonia

Next:
"A sea of trees is still a sea... but should this sea have fish?"
- Yon, Kessig huntsman

School of Coppisces 1(G/U)(G/U)
Creature - Fish
~ cannot be blocked except by creatures with flying or reach.
2/2
"A sea of trees is still a sea... but should this sea have fish?"
- Yon, Kessig huntsman

Ermm... That one was weak, I'm sorry.
Next
As the stars above align
Bless me with strength most Divine
To kill my foes, each in kind
And so reclaim what is mine.

OR

Sometimes violence IS the answer.

Overhwleming Brutality 1R
Instant
MultiKicker R
Target creature gets +3/+3 until end of turn. For each time ~ is kicked, that creature gets an additional +1/+0. If ~ was kicked more than three times, that creature gains trample and double strike until end of turn.
Sometimes violence IS the answer.

Next:

"I do not relish in death unless it is the death of those who dare lay a hand upon my family and my town."
or
"Do you hear that?"
"Eh, must be the goats again."
- Goblin Shepherds, Last Words

Field Rats BB
Creature - Rat (U)
Deathtouch
When Field Rats enters the battlefield, creatures your opponent controls get -1/-1 until end of turn.
1/1
"Do you hear that?"
"Eh, must be the goats again."
- Goblin Shepherds, Last Words

"'Attack!' he cried, 'Attack!'"
or
"The gentle breeze rolled along the sun soaked hills and swept across the man's young face."

Mantra of Resolve 2W
Sorcery
Creatures you control gain +3/+3 and trample until end of turn.
"'Attack!' he cried, 'Attack!'"



Next - "Obfuscate. Disorient. Confuse."

Narorian Bagman 2R
Creature - Goblin
R: target creature gets +2/-1. Tap another target creature.
"Obfuscate. Disorient. Confuse."

Next:
"Nobody wants your stupid finger puppets!" - Village Idiot

Another Puppeteer Clique 2BB
Flying
When Another Puppeteer Clique enters the battlefield, put target creature card from an opponent's graveyard onto the battlefield under your control. It gains haste. At the beginning of your next end step, exile it.
"Nobody wants your stupid finger puppets!" - Village Idiot
3/2


Next
"Oooohh, The Claw~." (In the alien voice"

Sultai Wingripper 2G
Creature - Naga Archer (U)
Whenever Sultai Wingripper attacks, creatures defending player controls lose flying until end of turn.
GG, T: Sultai Wingripper deals 1 damage to target creature with flying.
"Oooohh, The Claw." -Last words of a Wingripper's victim
2/2

Claw, because you know, Sultai.

Next: The greatest wizards have yet to understand it, though the simplest imbeciles know it well.