Collected Screams 2BB
Enchantment
When Collected Screams enters the battlefield, each creature gets -2/-2 until end of turn.
Whenever a creature dies, put a scream counter on Collected Screams. 4BB, Sacrifice Collected Screams: Put a 2/2 black Zombie creature token onto the battlefield for each scream counter on Collected Screams.
Drop onto Rocks 3R
Instant - Trap
You may pay 1W rather than pay Drop onto Rocks' mana cost if you control a creature with flying. If you do, Drop onto Rocks can't target a creature with power greater than that creature's power.
Drop onto Rocks deals 2 damage to target attacking creature without flying. When that creature becomes blocked this turn, destroy it.
Scathing Retort 2R
Instant
Scathing Retort deals X damage to target noncreature spell's controller, where X is 2 plus that spell's converted mana cost.
Rescue from Eternity 3W
Instant
Exile target nontoken creature you own. At the beginning of the next end step, return that card and another creature card you own exiled from the battlefield this turn to the battlefield tapped.
Exile Rescue from Eternity.
Fish for a Day U
Instant
Target creature loses all abilities and becomes a base power and toughness 3/4 blue Fish until end of turn.
Joplain, the Artist 2GW
Legendary Creature - Human
When Joplain, the Artist enters the battlefield, search your library for an enchantment card, put it onto the battlefield with a paint counter on it, then shuffle your library.
When Joplain or a permanent with a paint counter on it leaves the battlefield, return Joplain and all permanents with any paint counters still on the battlefield to their owners' hands.
2/3
Return in Memory 3W
Instant
Until end of turn, whenever a creature you control is exiled from the battlefield, put a token that's a copy of that creature onto the battlefield. That creature is a Reflection in addition to its creature types and has, "At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control a nonReflection creature with the same name as this creature, sacrifice this creature."
My intent was to make a card that would prevent Swords to Plowshares from working. This does more or less what I want without getting into apparently messy returning from exile territory.
I could make it cheaper at 1W and make it single target.
Couldn't Rescue from Eternity/Return in Memory simply be a Cloudshift or Eerie Interlude type of effect? That would solve the weird templating concerns while still making Swords/Path/whatever fizzle. However, these versions would give you the life/land in addition to returning your creature, but they're also much more narrow. Unless you want to be able to tap out and/or rescue a creature that had been exiled on a previous turn, but both of your versions already say 'this turn/until end of turn', so that doesn't seem to be what you're going for (and would also be getting dangerously close to completely invalidating the exile zone besides).
Enchantment
When Collected Screams enters the battlefield, each creature gets -2/-2 until end of turn.
Whenever a creature dies, put a scream counter on Collected Screams.
4BB, Sacrifice Collected Screams: Put a 2/2 black Zombie creature token onto the battlefield for each scream counter on Collected Screams.
Drop onto Rocks 3R
Instant - Trap
You may pay 1W rather than pay Drop onto Rocks' mana cost if you control a creature with flying. If you do, Drop onto Rocks can't target a creature with power greater than that creature's power.
Drop onto Rocks deals 2 damage to target attacking creature without flying. When that creature becomes blocked this turn, destroy it.
Scathing Retort 2R
Instant
Scathing Retort deals X damage to target noncreature spell's controller, where X is 2 plus that spell's converted mana cost.
Rescue from Eternity 3W
Instant
Exile target nontoken creature you own. At the beginning of the next end step, return that card and another creature card you own exiled from the battlefield this turn to the battlefield tapped.
Exile Rescue from Eternity.
Fish for a Day U
Instant
Target creature loses all abilities and becomes a base power and toughness 3/4 blue Fish until end of turn.
Joplain, the Artist 2GW
Legendary Creature - Human
When Joplain, the Artist enters the battlefield, search your library for an enchantment card, put it onto the battlefield with a paint counter on it, then shuffle your library.
When Joplain or a permanent with a paint counter on it leaves the battlefield, return Joplain and all permanents with any paint counters still on the battlefield to their owners' hands.
2/3
Banner by Topher!
Instant
Until end of turn, whenever a creature you control is exiled from the battlefield, put a token that's a copy of that creature onto the battlefield. That creature is a Reflection in addition to its creature types and has, "At the beginning of your upkeep, if you control a nonReflection creature with the same name as this creature, sacrifice this creature."
My intent was to make a card that would prevent Swords to Plowshares from working. This does more or less what I want without getting into apparently messy returning from exile territory.
I could make it cheaper at 1W and make it single target.
Banner by Topher!