Pale Harlot 1BR
Creature - Human Assassin (uncommon)
Whenever ~ attacks, it gets -2/-0 until end of turn. BR, T: ~ deals damage to that creature equal to its power.
If a creature dealt damage by ~ is on the battlefield at the beginning of the end step, sacrifice ~.
3/1
Alright, giving this another shot.
I got rid of the hybrid-ness; to be honest, I'm afraid I may have made is B/W hybrid in the first place for the color scheme. Ick.
I changed it to a Vampire instead of a Human; it pains me to do so, since I have a general distaste for vampires, but it made more sense than most anything else.
Lowered it's power; it was something I was unsure of to begin with, and decided to get some opinions. Consensus was it was too powerful, so there we go.
On the pic of the card, I forgot to remove the "tap target creature" part of the ability. Ignore that.
I really like the sacrifice at end of turn, both as a mechanic and for flavoring reasons. I didn't want to make just another arena creature (though that is where the idea began). For flavoring, I like that it's like she seduces them, attacks them, and is ultimately killed if she fails in her original task.
Oh, and the artist is Bruno Wager. He's amazing.
As per Kenaron's suggestion, the original:
Pale Harlot 1(B/W)(B/W)
Creature - Human Assassin (uncommon)
Whenever ~ attacks, it gets -3/-0 until end of turn. (B/W)(B/W), T: Tap target creature. ~ deals damage to that creature equal to its power.
At the beginning of the end step, if ~ dealt damage to a creature that is still on the battlefield, sacrifice ~.
4/1
URGImperial AnimarGRU BRGProssh, Tokenmaker of KherGRB WURNarset NostalgicRUW UBR"I like your deck better" JelevaRBU UBlue BraidsU GAzusa, Lost but RampingG
WUHanna, Pillowfort's NavigatorUW WBRAleshacratsBRW UBRGrixis Pew PewRBU URGYasova the ThreateningGRU BGGlissa the ArticiferGB WUSygg MerfolkUW RSquee, Value NabobR
Since this is your first post, I should say a few things:
1) Welcome to the forums.
2) Renders without artist credits will be removed by moderators.
3) (W/B) is {wb} in mana tags, or you can find it in the smilies. You can also get it by typing :symwb:, getting :symwb:.
Hope you can get the artist's credit up, loved the pic, would like more from source. But yeah, the card was rather off color. Still a very original idea, keep up the good work!
Like Kenaron said, this is not at all white. This is definitely red/black. Also, the clause that taps the creature you're dealing damage to is too much. You're probably killing what you're targeting anyway, and if you're not, I don't think this card should have the versatility of neutralizing the creature anyway.
I do like the other effects on the card though, especially the part where it dies if it doesn't kill anything (or help kill something).
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1BB
Creature - Human Assassin BB,T: ~ deals 4 damage to target creature.
1/1
This is pretty much the core of your card. The sacrifice clause is superfluous for the most part, as you would only activate it to destroy a creature. Now this is pretty unbalanced. I don't see the need to make this hybrid. Hybrid is overused on forums, and generally without concern for the colors involved. Since the effect here is so powerful, I would make it traditional multicolor. Black/red is a good start. Try to balance this consdiering Initiate of Blood, the ability to tap for 4 damage to a creature is really strong, too strong for a 3 cmc uncommon. Just one copy can give total board control in limited, and it's not all that unlikely to have two going. I assume you see the problem.
If it were me, I'd make the ability more like Tracker/Durkwood Tracker. I realize this is green, but red has a history with it via Tahngarth, Talruum Hero. How about you do damage equal to your power, then if they weren't killed they do damage equal to their power back? This amounts to the same thing, but has a more First-strike ambush feel. Say:
1(B/R)(B/R)
Creature - Human Assassin {U}
First Strike BR,T: ~ deals damage equal to its power to target creature. If it is not destroyed, that creature deals damage equal to its power to ~.
2/2
Lastly, art aside players usually prefer relevant tribal types. The above creature could be a goblin, zombie, or something like that just as easily as a human. Human as a creature type is dead to a lot of interesting interactions. For example, if this were an elemental it would get pumped by Incandescent Soulstoke, Smokebraider, Ceaseless Searblades, and so forth. Basically, only make a human if you have made the consciousness decision that your card should not fall into the hands of existing tribes for some specific reason. If it were me, I'd make the above card an orc, or since they've been phased out by goblins, a goblin. Kickass art overrides this suggestion, but remember to credit artists.
URGImperial AnimarGRU BRGProssh, Tokenmaker of KherGRB WURNarset NostalgicRUW UBR"I like your deck better" JelevaRBU UBlue BraidsU GAzusa, Lost but RampingG
WUHanna, Pillowfort's NavigatorUW WBRAleshacratsBRW UBRGrixis Pew PewRBU URGYasova the ThreateningGRU BGGlissa the ArticiferGB WUSygg MerfolkUW RSquee, Value NabobR
You should have left up the original text version and put the new version in another post, that way someone walking into this conversation after it started can get why for example I said it isn't white. Anyway, Vampire is a nice direction for this, both for art and because that's becoming a relevant tribe. It could be worthwhile to try to steer it into mono black if possible. Black does some targeted damage, and Abyssal Hunter could afford to get an update if you catch my drift. Anyway, I'm not a fan of having a creature lose power for attacking. I'd rather see the ability deal damage equal to the creature's power +2 than it have 2 more power generally which it loses when attacking. The only difference happens when it blocks, and that doesn't seem like something you'd want to do here.
URGImperial AnimarGRU BRGProssh, Tokenmaker of KherGRB WURNarset NostalgicRUW UBR"I like your deck better" JelevaRBU UBlue BraidsU GAzusa, Lost but RampingG
WUHanna, Pillowfort's NavigatorUW WBRAleshacratsBRW UBRGrixis Pew PewRBU URGYasova the ThreateningGRU BGGlissa the ArticiferGB WUSygg MerfolkUW RSquee, Value NabobR
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Pale Harlot 1BR
Creature - Human Assassin (uncommon)
Whenever ~ attacks, it gets -2/-0 until end of turn.
BR, T: ~ deals damage to that creature equal to its power.
If a creature dealt damage by ~ is on the battlefield at the beginning of the end step, sacrifice ~.
3/1
Alright, giving this another shot.
I got rid of the hybrid-ness; to be honest, I'm afraid I may have made is B/W hybrid in the first place for the color scheme. Ick.
I changed it to a Vampire instead of a Human; it pains me to do so, since I have a general distaste for vampires, but it made more sense than most anything else.
Lowered it's power; it was something I was unsure of to begin with, and decided to get some opinions. Consensus was it was too powerful, so there we go.
On the pic of the card, I forgot to remove the "tap target creature" part of the ability. Ignore that.
I really like the sacrifice at end of turn, both as a mechanic and for flavoring reasons. I didn't want to make just another arena creature (though that is where the idea began). For flavoring, I like that it's like she seduces them, attacks them, and is ultimately killed if she fails in her original task.
Oh, and the artist is Bruno Wager. He's amazing.
As per Kenaron's suggestion, the original:
Pale Harlot 1(B/W)(B/W)
Creature - Human Assassin (uncommon)
Whenever ~ attacks, it gets -3/-0 until end of turn.
(B/W)(B/W), T: Tap target creature. ~ deals damage to that creature equal to its power.
At the beginning of the end step, if ~ dealt damage to a creature that is still on the battlefield, sacrifice ~.
4/1
Living End Contributor and Enthusiast
Come Pucatrade with me
Rules Advisor
Modern: BRGLiving EndGRB
Legacy: UBGShardless BUGGBU
BRGProssh, Tokenmaker of KherGRB
WURNarset NostalgicRUW
UBR"I like your deck better" JelevaRBU
UBlue BraidsU
GAzusa, Lost but RampingG
WBRAleshacratsBRW
UBRGrixis Pew PewRBU
URGYasova the ThreateningGRU
BGGlissa the ArticiferGB
WUSygg MerfolkUW
RSquee, Value NabobR
Since this is your first post, I should say a few things:
1) Welcome to the forums.
2) Renders without artist credits will be removed by moderators.
3) (W/B) is {wb} in mana tags, or you can find it in the smilies. You can also get it by typing :symwb:, getting :symwb:.
I do like the other effects on the card though, especially the part where it dies if it doesn't kill anything (or help kill something).
1BB
Creature - Human Assassin
BB,T: ~ deals 4 damage to target creature.
1/1
This is pretty much the core of your card. The sacrifice clause is superfluous for the most part, as you would only activate it to destroy a creature. Now this is pretty unbalanced. I don't see the need to make this hybrid. Hybrid is overused on forums, and generally without concern for the colors involved. Since the effect here is so powerful, I would make it traditional multicolor. Black/red is a good start. Try to balance this consdiering Initiate of Blood, the ability to tap for 4 damage to a creature is really strong, too strong for a 3 cmc uncommon. Just one copy can give total board control in limited, and it's not all that unlikely to have two going. I assume you see the problem.
If it were me, I'd make the ability more like Tracker/Durkwood Tracker. I realize this is green, but red has a history with it via Tahngarth, Talruum Hero. How about you do damage equal to your power, then if they weren't killed they do damage equal to their power back? This amounts to the same thing, but has a more First-strike ambush feel. Say:
1(B/R)(B/R)
Creature - Human Assassin {U}
First Strike
BR,T: ~ deals damage equal to its power to target creature. If it is not destroyed, that creature deals damage equal to its power to ~.
2/2
Lastly, art aside players usually prefer relevant tribal types. The above creature could be a goblin, zombie, or something like that just as easily as a human. Human as a creature type is dead to a lot of interesting interactions. For example, if this were an elemental it would get pumped by Incandescent Soulstoke, Smokebraider, Ceaseless Searblades, and so forth. Basically, only make a human if you have made the consciousness decision that your card should not fall into the hands of existing tribes for some specific reason. If it were me, I'd make the above card an orc, or since they've been phased out by goblins, a goblin. Kickass art overrides this suggestion, but remember to credit artists.
And Wizards does not always comply for a reason. Players prefer a cool and warranted card type over a relevant one.
Your card doesn't work, Kenaron, by the way. The creature would never be destroyed before the resolution of the ability.
I do agree that the OP card is not white in the least, and the ability seems an overcomplicated "destroy target creature with toughness 4 or less."
Living End Contributor and Enthusiast
Come Pucatrade with me
Rules Advisor
Modern: BRGLiving EndGRB
Legacy: UBGShardless BUGGBU
BRGProssh, Tokenmaker of KherGRB
WURNarset NostalgicRUW
UBR"I like your deck better" JelevaRBU
UBlue BraidsU
GAzusa, Lost but RampingG
WBRAleshacratsBRW
UBRGrixis Pew PewRBU
URGYasova the ThreateningGRU
BGGlissa the ArticiferGB
WUSygg MerfolkUW
RSquee, Value NabobR
I like it black/red better than monoblack to be honest.
Posted the original text as well.
Living End Contributor and Enthusiast
Come Pucatrade with me
Rules Advisor
Modern: BRGLiving EndGRB
Legacy: UBGShardless BUGGBU
BRGProssh, Tokenmaker of KherGRB
WURNarset NostalgicRUW
UBR"I like your deck better" JelevaRBU
UBlue BraidsU
GAzusa, Lost but RampingG
WBRAleshacratsBRW
UBRGrixis Pew PewRBU
URGYasova the ThreateningGRU
BGGlissa the ArticiferGB
WUSygg MerfolkUW
RSquee, Value NabobR