While I think that the mechanic is a good one in general [/humility], I think I have managed a good way of creating Ichigo {fom Bleach}, a task that is (like all other Toon to Card attempts) challenging, to say the least.
This doesn't really work as it is worded now, does it?
The white one does allow you to play the black one from outside the game, but since the black one doesn't have any costs you can't play it hence the fact that you may play it from outside the game doesn't change the fact it can't be "played".
What you can do is word it to something like this:
"If ~ would be put into a graveyard from play, instead you may remove ~ from the game and put a card named Ichigo Hollow Form you own from outside the game into play."
Now that changes some things:
First, you can't use the ability to play more than one hollow forms (which should be ok, since this makes sense anyway).
Second: You can only use the ability when Ichigo dies, which again, makes sense, but makes the card a slight bit worse
Third: It makes the black card "playable"
Also, the black card has problems. Its way too wordy, and some of the abilities just feel like their red-taped together.
Ichigo, Hollow Form <no cost>
Legendary Creature - Demon Warrior
(~ is black.)
Vanishing 3
If ~ has atleast 1 time counter on it, it is indestructible.
If ~ has atleast 2 time counters on it, it has first strike.
If ~ has atleast 3 time counters on it, it has haste.
If ~ would leave play, remove it from the game instead, and you may shuffle a Kurosaki Ichigo you own from outside the game into its owner's library.
7/1
Now, in the original card, there are lots of templating mistakes. Let's fix those first.
1.) "~ is black." is not reminder text, it is rules text, and cannot be in parenthesis.
2.) In MSE (which I can see you're using), you can type "~" to get the card's name, but you can also type "@" to get the abbreviated legend name, which would be just "Ichigo". That'll shorten the card a little, and is standard to use on Legends after they've referred to themselves in full one time.
3.) The game has no idea what a "Kurosaki Ichigo" card is; you can only use that terminology when referring to a supertype, type, or subtype. For this time, you have to say "a card named Kurosaki Ichigo".
4.) If you can only use the last ability on cards you own, why not just say "shuffle it into your library."?
That gives us this:
Ichigo, Hollow Form <no cost>
Legendary Creature - Demon Warrior
~ is black.
Vanishing 3
If @ has atleast 1 time counter on it, it is indestructible.
If @ has atleast 2 time counters on it, it has first strike.
If @ has atleast 3 time counters on it, it has haste.
If @ would leave play, remove it from the game instead, and you may shuffle a card named Kurosaki Ichigo you own from outside the game into your library.
7/1
Now, the first turn this is in play, it'll have haste, and haste only matters the first turn. So why not just let it always have haste? By the same token, he's pretty much always going to be indestructible. I understand you were trying to build flavor with the whole countdown thing, but in the end, its messy design.
Another problem is that he's useless without the other Ichigo; and these would both be rare or mythic rare. Nobody likes cracking open a rare they can't even use. This can be mitigated by giving him a casting cost, which also means you no longer need to set his color as black with rules text.
Now, speaking from flavor, it seems to me from watching Bleach that the longer he's been a hollow, the more powerful he seems to get, although it really should be the other way. When he's desperate, he's stronger. So why not just always let him have first strike too?
Ichigo, Hollow Form [5B]
Legendary Creature - Demon Warrior
First strike, haste
Vanishing 3
~ is indestructible.
If @ would leave play, remove it from the game instead, and you may shuffle a card named Kurosaki Ichigo you own from outside the game into your library.
7/1
Just some thoughts. While you may like the damage done to the flavor, you should really think about the elegance of design stuff I added.
ps. I used all three bracket types in this post!
The white one does allow you to play the black one from outside the game, but since the black one doesn't have any costs you can't play it hence the fact that you may play it from outside the game doesn't change the fact it can't be "played".
What you can do is word it to something like this:
"If ~ would be put into a graveyard from play, instead you may remove ~ from the game and put a card named Ichigo Hollow Form you own from outside the game into play."
Now that changes some things:
First, you can't use the ability to play more than one hollow forms (which should be ok, since this makes sense anyway).
Second: You can only use the ability when Ichigo dies, which again, makes sense, but makes the card a slight bit worse
Third: It makes the black card "playable"
Ichigo, Hollow Form <no cost>
Legendary Creature - Demon Warrior
(~ is black.)
Vanishing 3
If ~ has atleast 1 time counter on it, it is indestructible.
If ~ has atleast 2 time counters on it, it has first strike.
If ~ has atleast 3 time counters on it, it has haste.
If ~ would leave play, remove it from the game instead, and you may shuffle a Kurosaki Ichigo you own from outside the game into its owner's library.
7/1
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, in the original card, there are lots of templating mistakes. Let's fix those first.
1.) "~ is black." is not reminder text, it is rules text, and cannot be in parenthesis.
2.) In MSE (which I can see you're using), you can type "~" to get the card's name, but you can also type "@" to get the abbreviated legend name, which would be just "Ichigo". That'll shorten the card a little, and is standard to use on Legends after they've referred to themselves in full one time.
3.) The game has no idea what a "Kurosaki Ichigo" card is; you can only use that terminology when referring to a supertype, type, or subtype. For this time, you have to say "a card named Kurosaki Ichigo".
4.) If you can only use the last ability on cards you own, why not just say "shuffle it into your library."?
That gives us this:
Ichigo, Hollow Form <no cost>
Legendary Creature - Demon Warrior
~ is black.
Vanishing 3
If @ has atleast 1 time counter on it, it is indestructible.
If @ has atleast 2 time counters on it, it has first strike.
If @ has atleast 3 time counters on it, it has haste.
If @ would leave play, remove it from the game instead, and you may shuffle a card named Kurosaki Ichigo you own from outside the game into your library.
7/1
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Now, the first turn this is in play, it'll have haste, and haste only matters the first turn. So why not just let it always have haste? By the same token, he's pretty much always going to be indestructible. I understand you were trying to build flavor with the whole countdown thing, but in the end, its messy design.
Another problem is that he's useless without the other Ichigo; and these would both be rare or mythic rare. Nobody likes cracking open a rare they can't even use. This can be mitigated by giving him a casting cost, which also means you no longer need to set his color as black with rules text.
Now, speaking from flavor, it seems to me from watching Bleach that the longer he's been a hollow, the more powerful he seems to get, although it really should be the other way. When he's desperate, he's stronger. So why not just always let him have first strike too?
Ichigo, Hollow Form [5B]
Legendary Creature - Demon Warrior
First strike, haste
Vanishing 3
~ is indestructible.
If @ would leave play, remove it from the game instead, and you may shuffle a card named Kurosaki Ichigo you own from outside the game into your library.
7/1
Just some thoughts. While you may like the damage done to the flavor, you should really think about the elegance of design stuff I added.
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I started to make a custom bleach game.
I haven't got far yet,
but I thought you would enjoy these.