I'm surprised I haven't seen either of these here yet...
Chuck Norris was the 4th Wise Man. he gave Jesus the gift of the beard, which he wore till the day of his death. The other 3 wise men became jealous, and used their powers to keep Norris out of the Bible. They all died to mysterious roundhouse kicks within the next few days.
And my all time personal favourite:
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors.
It's a fact that in the back of the guiness book of world records, there is a sentence in a very small font. It reads, "All the actual records are held by Chuck Norris. These records are just the closest anyone has ever gotten."
Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the f*** down. The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
On June 7th 1994, Chuck Norris entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Chuck to ravish her. After Chuck finished his beer, he obliged her. When Chuck's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split
open by the Chuck!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't f***ing think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Chuck's balls. Chuck pulled out; roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris says buy his pants or he'll roundhouse kick you in the face!!!!!
I think there's a ChuckNorrisFacts.com website, but I can't look at it (I'm in school), so I'm not sure what it is.
Oh, and
Chuck Norris once accidentally cut himself with a butter knife. Upon doing so, he slammed the implement into the table and permanently dulled it. That is why they are dull to this day.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Banner and avatar by me.
Official Character Sheet Shredder of DAMNIT
DAMNIT: I should never have to shred my own character sheet in frustration.
There is no Chuck Norris but Chuck Norris, and Chuck Norris is his prophet.
If Chuck Norris were a videogame, it would not make it past the bugtesting phase, because a videogame Chuck Norris roundhouse kick would cause your TV to explode out of sheer awesomeness.
There is no such thing as global warming. Chuck Norris was cold, so he turned the sun up
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "Tuesday."
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Don't read anything LaPille. Your brain will thank you later. ----> VICTORY!
Prophecy states that Chuck Norris will, one day, be defeated in combat, and that day will be the end of the universe. This legendary event will occur when a Chuck Norris from an alternate dimension comes to defeat our Chuck Norris. It will not be our Chuck Norris that gets defeated, but the other one. Since this still counts as Chuck Norris being defeated, the earth will be destroyed due to a cosmic paradox.
On December 23, 2035, Chuck Norris will sneeze with enough force to knock the earth into a more erratic orbit. This sneeze will cause another ice age.
Hitler did not commit suicide, he merely met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once created a perpetual motion machine. The resulting rip in the space/time continuum is why no one remembers where they put their keys anymore.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Banner and avatar by me.
Official Character Sheet Shredder of DAMNIT
DAMNIT: I should never have to shred my own character sheet in frustration.
The story of evolution:
God made man in Chuck Norris's image. However, he didn't do a very good job of it, so Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face and created evolution.
If Chuck Norris leaves for China tomorrow, and you leave for China today, Chuck Norris will be in China yesterday
According to scientists, Chuck Norris can, in fact, kill a man by looking at him.
Chuck Norris lives in the exact center of the earth. No one knows how he survives the heat, but most think it's because the Earth is too afraid to make him feel uncomfortable.
Chuck Norris knows where you are, always.
Chuck Norris has never killed an innocent person; every person Chuck Norris has ever killed was guilty of pissing off Chuck Norris, and that was enough.
Private Mod Note
():
Rollback Post to RevisionRollBack
Banner and avatar by me.
Official Character Sheet Shredder of DAMNIT
DAMNIT: I should never have to shred my own character sheet in frustration.
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books
Chuck Norris was the 4th Wise Man. he gave Jesus the gift of the beard, which he wore till the day of his death. The other 3 wise men became jealous, and used their powers to keep Norris out of the Bible. They all died to mysterious roundhouse kicks within the next few days.
And my all time personal favourite:
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with an erection. There were no survivors.
Like what you see? Drop by {TB&J} Sigs & Avvys and request one of your own!
The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse actually live in Chuck Norris's nutsack.
Chuck Norris owns the greatest poker face of all-time. It helped him win the 1983 world series of poker despite him holding just a joker, a 2 of clubs, a 7 of spades, and a green number 4 from Uno and a monopoly ‘get out of jail free’ card.
One time while sparring with Wolverine, Chuck Norris accidentally lost his left testicle. You might be familiar with it to this very day by its technical term: Jupiter.
On June 7th 1994, Chuck Norris entered the same restaurant supermodel Cindy Crawford was eating at. Instinctively, Cindy swept everything off the table, threw herself on it in a fit of lust, and begged Chuck to ravish her. After Chuck finished his beer, he obliged her. When Chuck's magnificent lead sperm cannoned into Cindy's womb it went straight to one of her ovaries and roared, "Which one of you servile wenches thinks you can handle getting split
open by the Chuck!?" All of the eggs cowered in the corner. The same thing happened at the other ovary. "I didn't f***ing think so!" shouted the lead sperm which then lead the rest of the troops back into Chuck's balls. Chuck pulled out; roundhouse kicked Cindy in the face and told her, "Don't ever waste my time again."
After much debate, President Truman decided to drop the atomic bomb on Hiroshima rather than the alternative of sending Chuck Norris. It was more "humane".
Chuck Norris says buy his pants or he'll roundhouse kick you in the face!!!!!
Oh, and
Chuck Norris once accidentally cut himself with a butter knife. Upon doing so, he slammed the implement into the table and permanently dulled it. That is why they are dull to this day.
OMG!!!1! Is this an ACTUAL FACT in this thread? *faints*
Currently offering 2 non-foil Kolighan's Command for a Date Stamped foil!
convert bulk into good cards? PucaTrade - https://pucatrade.com/invite/gift/21195
Ebay - decks/Promos/DVDs
Trade thread (constantly updated)
http://www.mtgsalvation.com/trading-post/details/337-pokerbob1s-casual-trading-emporium
If Chuck Norris were a videogame, it would not make it past the bugtesting phase, because a videogame Chuck Norris roundhouse kick would cause your TV to explode out of sheer awesomeness.
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
Awesome.
I won that competiton..****ing chuck norris...
Chuck Norris is the reason why Waldo is hiding.
CNN was originally created as the "Chuck Norris Network" to update Americans with on-the-spot ass kicking in real-time.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publically claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate
Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "Tuesday."
Chuck Norris is currently suing myspace for taking the name of what he calls everything around you.
Some people just love Jace a little too much
On December 23, 2035, Chuck Norris will sneeze with enough force to knock the earth into a more erratic orbit. This sneeze will cause another ice age.
Hitler did not commit suicide, he merely met Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once created a perpetual motion machine. The resulting rip in the space/time continuum is why no one remembers where they put their keys anymore.
The story of evolution:
God made man in Chuck Norris's image. However, he didn't do a very good job of it, so Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face and created evolution.
According to scientists, Chuck Norris can, in fact, kill a man by looking at him.
Chuck Norris lives in the exact center of the earth. No one knows how he survives the heat, but most think it's because the Earth is too afraid to make him feel uncomfortable.
Chuck Norris knows where you are, always.
Chuck Norris has never killed an innocent person; every person Chuck Norris has ever killed was guilty of pissing off Chuck Norris, and that was enough.
Chuck Norris can make women orgasm simply by pointing at them and going "booya".
http://youtube.com/watch?v=rjIfmRO_LHk&search=chuck%20norris
spanglegluppet dot com
"Hello! I've come to serenade you. I can't play guitar. I can't play this accordion either, but I thought it'd be less obvious."
Dylan Moran, Black Books