I'm going through cancer treatment for Hodgkins Lymphoma. I'm currently under a lot of emotional stress from a various amount of things, one mainly being how my friends are treating me. I'm seeing a therapist soon for more personal issues, but I'm nearing my breaking point. Just recently a friend told me "I hope it kills you" solely because of my political beliefs. I'm starting to question who is actually my friend and who is just using me.
I was under financial stress, but that's been eased after I have insurance and community care covering everything (aside from copay). My dad's doing a Poker Run for me and all proceeds go to help me financially. Very grateful for him as I'm working very very limited (and I live on my own).
Another area for help is my chemo is starting to get worse. I was able to work the last two treatments about a week after treatment, but this time around I'm having too much nausea and stomach problems.
Any friend who tells you 'I hope it kills you', is not your friend. No ands, ifs or buts - they're awful. If I may ask, what are the beliefs and why are they so opposed to you having them?
Unfortunately, I don't really have much advice for helping ease the chemo. Have you looked into online support groups for that kind of thing?
My beliefs are just my stance on feminism and transgenderism, mostly the entitlement these groups get. I don't hate these groups, it's the fact that there's more "bad" people in these groups ruining their rep to gain any sort of ground in what they actually want to do. But of course, my friend (who's female) gets offended when I point out the negative in each while still giving them some positive insight that she flipped out. Seems like a recurring thing among a lot of people know. I make an opinion and I get bashed for it.
As for support groups? I'm not a "group" person (even though I'm posting here) and I'd rather get support in person so I guess I just answered my own question. I just figured maybe I could reach out outside the typical places and find some personal experiences.
Well this is outside of my field of practice so i can only give you very limited advise.
1. Do not be ashamed or scared of talking about this. Talk it out with your friends and family.
2. While i agree with jay in that no one should tell you "i hope it kills you" it is also true that a lot of people (both the one suffering and those around them) react really badly to cancer, and in some instances lash out with anger and cruelty because they cant cope with the situation otherwise.
Im not saying this is the case but in just wanting to point out that this does happen and i lack enough information to make a call either way.
3. Understand that cancer is hard to deal with it takes a lot out of you mentally, physically and spiritually so find the things that help you cope and nurture them, your family and support groups, activities like walking or camping anything that you feel lightens your spirit.
4. This is not your fault, you havent done anything wrong, god/allah/vishnu or whatever other figure of spiritual belief doesnt hate you and this is not a punishment to you or yours. Cancer sucks but it is not your fault.
5. I am not well informed enough with the specifics of Hodgkins Lymphoma but understand that current medicine and proper rehabilitative care has gone a long way. Find the things that give you hope and focus on those.
6. Humor. Honestly find the laughter even when it looks bleakest find the one thing you can at least chuckle about. Find it and it will make the hard times a little less hard and the good times just that better.
7. You are loved and you should share that love back to those around you as much as possible, while your first hope should be to pull through and survive cancer understand that worse case scenarios are possible so try to make sure you have no regrets.
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I have to second what Jay is saying about your friends. Anyone who says that to you is not a friend.
While I've not had to deal with cancer and chemo personally, I've had my fair share of dealing with people who have. My family is VERY prone to cancers of all types (colon being the main one). I've been there for my mom after she's done her chemo treatments. The one thing that has helped her (and others in my family) is to surround yourself with those that truly care for you and those you care for. My daughter (and my nieces and nephews) have been the one thing that has helped ease a lot of my mom's emotional stresses. They help her keep going on days when she feels the worst.
As for combating the effects of the chemo, that is a tougher question to answer. The nature of the stuff makes this hard to deal with, physically. From what I can gather, the longer you are on chemo, the harder the effects are on you. Early on my mom feels mostly fine rather quickly (a few days of "icky"-ness). After a couple of months of bi-monthly treatments, she is "icky" (her description) for almost 2 weeks. I also suggest support groups as Jay states. Those dealing with these types of treatments first hand may have some thoughts/ideas on how to better deal with the lasting effects.
This is both an emotional AND physical stress to your body. Keep the emotional stable, and it will help with the physical.
Thanks for the advice. Perhaps I should see online groups as most groups, 1v1 and otherwise, are a bit of a drive for me.
And surrounding myself with caring people, also a hard feat considering my other divorced for the second time and my dad works day and night. Living on my own doesn't make this easy.
My beliefs are just my stance on feminism and transgenderism, mostly the entitlement these groups get. I don't hate these groups, it's the fact that there's more "bad" people in these groups ruining their rep to gain any sort of ground in what they actually want to do. But of course, my friend (who's female) gets offended when I point out the negative in each while still giving them some positive insight that she flipped out. Seems like a recurring thing among a lot of people know. I make an opinion and I get bashed for it.
Wishing death on someone just isn't done in polite society anymore - to friends or enemies.
That said, if this is a recurring thing, then might I suggest that you spend more time understanding and playing to your audience?
As intellectually interesting as an idea may be to you, sensitive issues are sensitive issues because they come loaded with history, preconceptions, misconceptions, and lots of emotions. And your female friend may have a perspective - and a vested interest - in feminism. From a cost-benefit perspective, a lot of ideas are better left unsaid: you stand to gain very little from sharing a theoretical viewpoint, but stand to lose a lot (your support group, friends, peace of mind). At this time in your life, make it easier for people to support you instead of argue with you.
Along the lines of helping people support you, your friends/family might be interested in these empathy cards? Most people (myself included) have no idea what to say. It doesn't seem very fair, but I've observed that when someone gets sick, they have to spend a lot of energy making their visitors feel better - they pick a safe/innocuous topic of conversation, they lie a lot about how much it hurts, etc.
My beliefs are just my stance on feminism and transgenderism, mostly the entitlement these groups get. I don't hate these groups, it's the fact that there's more "bad" people in these groups ruining their rep to gain any sort of ground in what they actually want to do. But of course, my friend (who's female) gets offended when I point out the negative in each while still giving them some positive insight that she flipped out. Seems like a recurring thing among a lot of people know. I make an opinion and I get bashed for it.
Based purely on the way you wrote this, I'm willing to bet that you presented your opinion in an "incredibly poor manner" to your friend.
In any case, friends don't exist, so don't worry too much about it. Investing too much emotion into the support of others will just leave you crippled the moment they do something that even remotely comes close to angering you.
I'm usually moderate when I debate things like this. As far as I can remember, there's only been one time where I've gotten out of hand, but that's a personal problem that I have to deal with myself. I've tried on multiple occasions to push politics out of my life, but I'm a very traditional person living in a not so traditional world. Feel like I should of been born 10 years earlier. Maybe it's just the area I live it or it could be other factors. I'm seeing a personal therapist next week to help cope with this problem among other things.
My family is all over the place in support. Most of my family (which is fairly small) is currently busy with their own lives, however like I said, my father is putting together something for me and my mother has been helping me via taking me to chemo sessions and other things with I'm appreciative for both. Even my sister has been supportive (going with me on some LGS trips, grocery shopping, etc). Playing M:TG has helped me distract me from most of the problems I deal with, but unfortunately, M:TG also costs money, which I don't have a lot of access too. If my town had a game shop, it wouldn't be an issue, so I'm stuck with traveling. Making it my dream to open one up in the future.
Debate on the boards, leave it out of your real life discussions. Go hang out with your friends that don't hate on you. If you have the time, learn something new like programming if you can concentrate. I would probably focus on projects that you can do, reading and so forth. You're going to be exiled a bit from reality, but learning skills and working with other people to hone those skills. Maybe program a simple game? Write a book maybe? I'm not sure what to suggest, but do a project that will allow you to learn something that can make you independent more and make you stronger whenever you're fully better.
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I was under financial stress, but that's been eased after I have insurance and community care covering everything (aside from copay). My dad's doing a Poker Run for me and all proceeds go to help me financially. Very grateful for him as I'm working very very limited (and I live on my own).
Another area for help is my chemo is starting to get worse. I was able to work the last two treatments about a week after treatment, but this time around I'm having too much nausea and stomach problems.
Lymphoma Cancer Survivor!
Unfortunately, I don't really have much advice for helping ease the chemo. Have you looked into online support groups for that kind of thing?
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As for support groups? I'm not a "group" person (even though I'm posting here) and I'd rather get support in person so I guess I just answered my own question. I just figured maybe I could reach out outside the typical places and find some personal experiences.
Lymphoma Cancer Survivor!
1. Do not be ashamed or scared of talking about this. Talk it out with your friends and family.
2. While i agree with jay in that no one should tell you "i hope it kills you" it is also true that a lot of people (both the one suffering and those around them) react really badly to cancer, and in some instances lash out with anger and cruelty because they cant cope with the situation otherwise.
Im not saying this is the case but in just wanting to point out that this does happen and i lack enough information to make a call either way.
3. Understand that cancer is hard to deal with it takes a lot out of you mentally, physically and spiritually so find the things that help you cope and nurture them, your family and support groups, activities like walking or camping anything that you feel lightens your spirit.
4. This is not your fault, you havent done anything wrong, god/allah/vishnu or whatever other figure of spiritual belief doesnt hate you and this is not a punishment to you or yours. Cancer sucks but it is not your fault.
5. I am not well informed enough with the specifics of Hodgkins Lymphoma but understand that current medicine and proper rehabilitative care has gone a long way. Find the things that give you hope and focus on those.
6. Humor. Honestly find the laughter even when it looks bleakest find the one thing you can at least chuckle about. Find it and it will make the hard times a little less hard and the good times just that better.
7. You are loved and you should share that love back to those around you as much as possible, while your first hope should be to pull through and survive cancer understand that worse case scenarios are possible so try to make sure you have no regrets.
While I've not had to deal with cancer and chemo personally, I've had my fair share of dealing with people who have. My family is VERY prone to cancers of all types (colon being the main one). I've been there for my mom after she's done her chemo treatments. The one thing that has helped her (and others in my family) is to surround yourself with those that truly care for you and those you care for. My daughter (and my nieces and nephews) have been the one thing that has helped ease a lot of my mom's emotional stresses. They help her keep going on days when she feels the worst.
As for combating the effects of the chemo, that is a tougher question to answer. The nature of the stuff makes this hard to deal with, physically. From what I can gather, the longer you are on chemo, the harder the effects are on you. Early on my mom feels mostly fine rather quickly (a few days of "icky"-ness). After a couple of months of bi-monthly treatments, she is "icky" (her description) for almost 2 weeks. I also suggest support groups as Jay states. Those dealing with these types of treatments first hand may have some thoughts/ideas on how to better deal with the lasting effects.
This is both an emotional AND physical stress to your body. Keep the emotional stable, and it will help with the physical.
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And surrounding myself with caring people, also a hard feat considering my other divorced for the second time and my dad works day and night. Living on my own doesn't make this easy.
Lymphoma Cancer Survivor!
Wishing death on someone just isn't done in polite society anymore - to friends or enemies.
That said, if this is a recurring thing, then might I suggest that you spend more time understanding and playing to your audience?
As intellectually interesting as an idea may be to you, sensitive issues are sensitive issues because they come loaded with history, preconceptions, misconceptions, and lots of emotions. And your female friend may have a perspective - and a vested interest - in feminism. From a cost-benefit perspective, a lot of ideas are better left unsaid: you stand to gain very little from sharing a theoretical viewpoint, but stand to lose a lot (your support group, friends, peace of mind). At this time in your life, make it easier for people to support you instead of argue with you.
Along the lines of helping people support you, your friends/family might be interested in these empathy cards? Most people (myself included) have no idea what to say. It doesn't seem very fair, but I've observed that when someone gets sick, they have to spend a lot of energy making their visitors feel better - they pick a safe/innocuous topic of conversation, they lie a lot about how much it hurts, etc.
Based purely on the way you wrote this, I'm willing to bet that you presented your opinion in an "incredibly poor manner" to your friend.
In any case, friends don't exist, so don't worry too much about it. Investing too much emotion into the support of others will just leave you crippled the moment they do something that even remotely comes close to angering you.
My family is all over the place in support. Most of my family (which is fairly small) is currently busy with their own lives, however like I said, my father is putting together something for me and my mother has been helping me via taking me to chemo sessions and other things with I'm appreciative for both. Even my sister has been supportive (going with me on some LGS trips, grocery shopping, etc). Playing M:TG has helped me distract me from most of the problems I deal with, but unfortunately, M:TG also costs money, which I don't have a lot of access too. If my town had a game shop, it wouldn't be an issue, so I'm stuck with traveling. Making it my dream to open one up in the future.
Lymphoma Cancer Survivor!
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