I consider myself a fairly confident guy. However, that's only when I've got a task I'm focusing on that needs to get done. When I'm left alone with nothing to do for example standing around on a train, I start all sort of negative thinking... like "damn, I could have done this better" "you should have done this, instead of a this" or "why the hell did you say this to her you idiot" and all sorts of things.
I really hate it because 1. it feels bad, and 2. It takes me a long time to get of the negative mind set. I lose a lot of confidence when dealing with people right after say a hour long ride in the train.
I've tried just not thinking about it, but it's kind of like pink elephants. Trying to not think about it, actually makes you think about it even more. Even worse, I consider myself a logical person, and when I try to think about other things stuff like "of course you're going to have negative thoughts now, because you're actively trying to not think about negative things you idiot" pops into my head and spirals from there and I hate it.
Does anyone have any tips to stop negative thoughts altogether, or ways to suppress it. I've considered therapy, I don't see what they can do for me aside from drugs.
Well, therapy isn't just drugs. Being able to talk these things out with someone can be very valuable. Negative thinking is normal, obsessing over those negative thoughts is not. I highly recommend you talk to a therapist before you decide.
That said, you have the break the cycle. Find some things you enjoy thinking about that you can 'override' whatever it is you're spiraling into. If I'm obsessing over something (especially before bed), I think about a story I want to write and flesh out the plot in my head, or I think about a deck I want to build or something like that.
Find some things you enjoy thinking about that you can 'override' whatever it is you're spiraling into. If I'm obsessing over something (especially before bed), I think about a story I want to write and flesh out the plot in my head, or I think about a deck I want to build or something like that.
I do this as well. I used to replay my day when laying in bed before falling asleep - with particular attention to each and every mistake I made. It was really difficult when semi-conscious to select/direct my thoughts. To avoid that now, I instead focus on a problem that is 1) interesting to me, and 2) doesn't carry any negative emotions. It might be deck construction, a computer game, finances, whatever. I create lots of plans this way - most never get implemented. Anyway, it sets me on a good path as I drift off.
Over time, I suppose it also has helped to become (a little) better at some of the things I used to beat myself up over.
I might also note, though, that there is an upside to introspection. Someone qualified might be able to help with leveraging the benefits of introspection without layering on the negativity.
If you elect not to seek assistance, then please at least read this Playing with Kindness article (Magic and psychology in the same place!), and consider picking up the Self-Compassion book recommended therein.
Quick question: are you getting enough sleep at night?
There are some days where I wake up tired as hell, like more tired than before bed. I've been diagnosed with sleep apnea and use naseal strips every night so that might be it.
Find some things you enjoy thinking about that you can 'override' whatever it is you're spiraling into. If I'm obsessing over something (especially before bed), I think about a story I want to write and flesh out the plot in my head, or I think about a deck I want to build or something like that.
I do this as well. I used to replay my day when laying in bed before falling asleep - with particular attention to each and every mistake I made. It was really difficult when semi-conscious to select/direct my thoughts. To avoid that now, I instead focus on a problem that is 1) interesting to me, and 2) doesn't carry any negative emotions. It might be deck construction, a computer game, finances, whatever. I create lots of plans this way - most never get implemented. Anyway, it sets me on a good path as I drift off.
Over time, I suppose it also has helped to become (a little) better at some of the things I used to beat myself up over.
I might also note, though, that there is an upside to introspection. Someone qualified might be able to help with leveraging the benefits of introspection without layering on the negativity.
If you elect not to seek assistance, then please at least read this Playing with Kindness article (Magic and psychology in the same place!), and consider picking up the Self-Compassion book recommended therein.
There are some days where I wake up tired as hell, like more tired than before bed. I've been diagnosed with sleep apnea and use naseal strips every night so that might be it.
Aww man, sleep apnea sucks.
I wouldn't say this is entirely the problem, but I know that if you're having issues with anxiety, not getting a good night's rest makes it worse.
I have a similar issue to you, and theres a method you can use to lessen the severity and duration of negative thinking. It's called the mental remote.
Basically, you need to set a time during the evening (make sure you aren't busy e.g. after work and errands). Like 8-8:30. Then whenever you are about think negative thoughts, you halt your thinking, like pressing pause on a mental remote.
Tell yourself that you'll deal with these thoughts at your scheduled time. It's like pressing pause, then pressing play when you have time to deal with the thoughts. When your time is up, press pause again and deal with it when your scheduled time comes up again.
If you remain consistent with this method you'll notice you'll need less and less time to deal with your negative thoughts because you'll have less. Also, try to use a phrase you can repeat to yourself, something like "I can do this. I believe in myself." If you contiue to say this in your head, you'll start to truly believe it.
I hope these work for you, and you can become a happier and more positive person.
Hey dizzy, another question I have: you mention that you do a lot of this self-doubting on train rides, and basically when you're idle. My question is whether it really is just those times, or whether you just notice it more because your mind isn't distracted by something else?
And if the former, why do you think it might be that you're a confident guy when you have a task to perform but not otherwise?
Hey dizzy, another question I have: you mention that you do a lot of this self-doubting on train rides, and basically when you're idle. My question is whether it really is just those times, or whether you just notice it more because your mind isn't distracted by something else?
And if the former, why do you think it might be that you're a confident guy when you have a task to perform but not otherwise?
Probably because I'm not focused or distracted by something else, and when I complete a task I get a boost of confidence, which also helps to fight it. The negative thoughts are like a poison, even a little bit eventually spirals. It's frustrating because it feels like I'm starting back at 0 every day confidence wise.
Probably because I'm not focused or distracted by something else,
Ok, because I'm wondering just how pervasive and intrusive these negative thoughts are in your life. In particular, if you're constantly having to distract yourself from them, that makes me wonder whether they're just always there.
The negative thoughts are like a poison, even a little bit eventually spirals. It's frustrating because it feels like I'm starting back at 0 every day confidence wise.
I would recommend seeking professional counseling if these negative thoughts are always something you're running away from. Everyone deals with anxiety and self-consciousness, but if it's always there, then there's probably a larger issue you need to deal with.
Other than that, I would recommend taking the effort to ensure you get enough sleep each night. Also, how much time do you spend for yourself? You seem to have a great deal of trouble relaxing, do you ever spend any time unwinding from the stress of the day? That might be something you'll want to take a look into.
Hi, thanks for checking in. Feeling much better recently. I think good sleep had a lot to do with it. Also one of my friends suggested this technique called Deep Breathing, which has done wonders. It lets me focus on my breathing which means my mind doesn't wander as much. There are some relapse days, but I'm definitely making progress. I also found that too much coffee sometimes triggers it as well.
That's good to hear. Everybody has certain periods of negativity, where varying outside forces can negatively influence a healthy mind. Progress is always a good sign, and I hope you can reach a point where you can confidently say that it isn't an issue anymore.
As someone who prides himself on having a logical mind, I think it goes to show how much Logic is affected by mood, positive or negative.
It sounds like you tend to spiral into self-berating. My logic tends to spiral into cynicism. Neither is a good place for a mind to occupy for long periods.
It just goes to show that we aren't as objective as we think we are.
For me, either eating large amounts of carbs will trigger it, or not eating at all will trigger it. Both will trigger strong depression.
It happens so often to me, I've dubbed it food mood.
I actually have to tell myself my feelings are fake and that they shouldn't be validated. After eating or controlling my diet, my moods and my spiraling will balance out.
It just goes to show that we aren't as objective as we think we are.
I don't think we're capable of actually being objective in... anything. And I think my life has actually turned for the better once I started taking this frame of reference.
For me, either eating large amounts of carbs will trigger it, or not eating at all will trigger it. Both will trigger strong depression.
It happens so often to me, I've dubbed it food mood.
I actually have to tell myself my feelings are fake and that they shouldn't be validated. After eating or controlling my diet, my moods and my spiraling will balance out.
Hah, reminds me of when I fall into poor mood every now and then.
On topic- This actually happens mostly when I'm not doing much of anything. It helps me to recognize when I'm feeling like this and consider it an abnormal feeling. This helps me get over feeling as if this means anything at all.
No idea if it'll help you or not though.
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I really hate it because 1. it feels bad, and 2. It takes me a long time to get of the negative mind set. I lose a lot of confidence when dealing with people right after say a hour long ride in the train.
I've tried just not thinking about it, but it's kind of like pink elephants. Trying to not think about it, actually makes you think about it even more. Even worse, I consider myself a logical person, and when I try to think about other things stuff like "of course you're going to have negative thoughts now, because you're actively trying to not think about negative things you idiot" pops into my head and spirals from there and I hate it.
Does anyone have any tips to stop negative thoughts altogether, or ways to suppress it. I've considered therapy, I don't see what they can do for me aside from drugs.
That said, you have the break the cycle. Find some things you enjoy thinking about that you can 'override' whatever it is you're spiraling into. If I'm obsessing over something (especially before bed), I think about a story I want to write and flesh out the plot in my head, or I think about a deck I want to build or something like that.
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Over time, I suppose it also has helped to become (a little) better at some of the things I used to beat myself up over.
I might also note, though, that there is an upside to introspection. Someone qualified might be able to help with leveraging the benefits of introspection without layering on the negativity.
If you elect not to seek assistance, then please at least read this Playing with Kindness article (Magic and psychology in the same place!), and consider picking up the Self-Compassion book recommended therein.
There are some days where I wake up tired as hell, like more tired than before bed. I've been diagnosed with sleep apnea and use naseal strips every night so that might be it.
Thanks, Ill check it out.
I wouldn't say this is entirely the problem, but I know that if you're having issues with anxiety, not getting a good night's rest makes it worse.
Basically, you need to set a time during the evening (make sure you aren't busy e.g. after work and errands). Like 8-8:30. Then whenever you are about think negative thoughts, you halt your thinking, like pressing pause on a mental remote.
Tell yourself that you'll deal with these thoughts at your scheduled time. It's like pressing pause, then pressing play when you have time to deal with the thoughts. When your time is up, press pause again and deal with it when your scheduled time comes up again.
If you remain consistent with this method you'll notice you'll need less and less time to deal with your negative thoughts because you'll have less. Also, try to use a phrase you can repeat to yourself, something like "I can do this. I believe in myself." If you contiue to say this in your head, you'll start to truly believe it.
I hope these work for you, and you can become a happier and more positive person.
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And if the former, why do you think it might be that you're a confident guy when you have a task to perform but not otherwise?
Probably because I'm not focused or distracted by something else, and when I complete a task I get a boost of confidence, which also helps to fight it. The negative thoughts are like a poison, even a little bit eventually spirals. It's frustrating because it feels like I'm starting back at 0 every day confidence wise.
I would recommend seeking professional counseling if these negative thoughts are always something you're running away from. Everyone deals with anxiety and self-consciousness, but if it's always there, then there's probably a larger issue you need to deal with.
Other than that, I would recommend taking the effort to ensure you get enough sleep each night. Also, how much time do you spend for yourself? You seem to have a great deal of trouble relaxing, do you ever spend any time unwinding from the stress of the day? That might be something you'll want to take a look into.
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G Omnath, Locus of Mana U Arcum Dagsson BUG The Mimeoplasm GW Gaddock Teeg X Karn, Silver Golem
It sounds like you tend to spiral into self-berating. My logic tends to spiral into cynicism. Neither is a good place for a mind to occupy for long periods.
It just goes to show that we aren't as objective as we think we are.
For me, either eating large amounts of carbs will trigger it, or not eating at all will trigger it. Both will trigger strong depression.
It happens so often to me, I've dubbed it food mood.
I actually have to tell myself my feelings are fake and that they shouldn't be validated. After eating or controlling my diet, my moods and my spiraling will balance out.
I don't think we're capable of actually being objective in... anything. And I think my life has actually turned for the better once I started taking this frame of reference.
Hah, reminds me of when I fall into poor mood every now and then.
On topic- This actually happens mostly when I'm not doing much of anything. It helps me to recognize when I'm feeling like this and consider it an abnormal feeling. This helps me get over feeling as if this means anything at all.
No idea if it'll help you or not though.