My wife and I: Exceptionally generous to our friends and never mention it or ask anything in return
My wife's sister and her long-time boyfriend: Consistent cheap and inconsiderate to the point of insult for them taking advantage of us
We are having a joint party tonight that was conceived by my wife and her sister. Because we're new to the area, it is 90% sister-in-law's friends coming (to our apartment!). My wife and I bought a modest amount of supplies for the party ($30 maybe) because we already have a lot of food and alcohol for the night. This morning I texted the in-law to ask for $15 to cover their share of the groceries. Her response was that my wife and I are cheap (in more words). I told her she didn't want to follow through with that thought and to drop it. I told her several times but she kept going. Finally, I couldn't hold it in and I flew off the handle. I said some things I definitely shouldn't have regardless of the truth behind them.
Now, we've since "made up" (quotations because tonight, if we still have the party, will be awkward), but I'm still not okay. I'm insulted, I'm furious, and I want to walk away from the night completely, but my wife says the show must go on, so I am doing it for her.
I don't know what I came here looking for with this post other than a place to vent. I could go into detail about my alleged generosity and their alleged stinginess and inconsiderate..ness (?) and the audacity of the sister-in-laws calling us out for being "cheap", but it would be a one-sided story and a ****ing long one. I know I messed up by not biting my tongue, but you can only stand getting stepped on so much, right? I guess the thing that really got to me is that I've never once in the 10 years I've known my wife's sister and her bf said to myself or to my wife that "that was really nice of so-and-so to do that". Instead it's always us who goes out of the way to be nice and generous to our friends and family (never with a thank you either!). And then to have those people that we have been so gracious to be entirely unappreciative and rude to my face and basically ignore everything we've done out of kindness and good nature...That just ruined my morning.
Sorry mtgsally, I just had to vent. I need a cigarette and I don't smoke. I need a drink but it isn't even 11am.
Sorry dude. I've experienced this on both side of my family, from the borderline slum I rented from my brother-in-law who was going to be renovating but then did nothing, to my wife's sister-in-law who up until last year insulted and embarrassed the family at every gathering.
It's just one of those things you need to deal with. It sucks, but it's not worth damaging the relationship with family over their bull*****, even if you need to de-stress. If your sister-in-law is going to get on your cases over $15... she's the one with the problem, and you two should just ignore or make fun of it. When you respond, all you do is confirm their warped view of the world.
I told my wife last night when she was complaining about their social ineptitude not to take it so hard. I said that instead of getting mad about how they are, when we are clearly the opposite, she should consider it a positive judgment on us--meaning it just goes to show how relatively "good" we are doing in those regards. It was a really positive way to spin a bad situation, but the SIL insulted me today and I lost it. Thanks for your response, Jay. It sucks that we have similar experiences, but you know what they say...misery loves company! haha
If your wife is so in love with her sister that she gives in to her sisters demands over yours then maybe she should ask her sister to be her husband. I know it sounds petty but from my experience if a woman is willing to not show you respect that rarely ever changes.
We are having a joint party tonight that was conceived by my wife and her sister. Because we're new to the area, it is 90% sister-in-law's friends coming (to our apartment!). My wife and I bought a modest amount of supplies for the party ($30 maybe) because we already have a lot of food and alcohol for the night. This morning I texted the in-law to ask for $15 to cover their share of the groceries. Her response was that my wife and I are cheap (in more words). I told her she didn't want to follow through with that thought and to drop it. I told her several times but she kept going. Finally, I couldn't hold it in and I flew off the handle. I said some things I definitely shouldn't have regardless of the truth behind them.
I understand how you feel. Your wife is putting the interests of people from outside the house over your interests. That is not how a marriage is supposed to work. Loosing your temper is probably not the best way to share your disagreement with the current situation.
Now, we've since "made up" (quotations because tonight, if we still have the party, will be awkward), but I'm still not okay. I'm insulted, I'm furious, and I want to walk away from the night completely, but my wife says the show must go on, so I am doing it for her.
Sounds like your wife just does whatever she pleases. Again I ask you if her sister and her friends is so much more important than you why is she not married to them?
I don't know what I came here looking for with this post other than a place to vent. I could go into detail about my alleged generosity and their alleged stinginess and inconsiderate..ness (?) and the audacity of the sister-in-laws calling us out for being "cheap", but it would be a one-sided story and a ****ing long one. I know I messed up by not biting my tongue, but you can only stand getting stepped on so much, right?
No you definately have reason to be unhappy. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and your wife is treating it as a sole proprietorship.
Why do people get married exactly? I don't understand why you'd ever willingly put yourself through something like marriage when all I ever hear is people complaining about it!
BTW I think your sister-in-law is just trying to push your buttons and see you explode. Women get off on needling men until they get upset enough to say stupid things. It makes them feel as if they have ownership of your emotions if they can extract such a response from you.
Why do people get married exactly? I don't understand why you'd ever willingly put yourself through something like marriage when all I ever hear is people complaining about it!
BTW I think your sister-in-law is just trying to push your buttons and see you explode. Women get off on needling men until they get upset enough to say stupid things. It makes them feel as if they have ownership of your emotions if they can extract such a response from you.
I mean, by that same logic why would you ever play Magic?
People are generally only vocal when they're complaining. Marriage itself isn't the problem.
I abandoned this thread after the party came and went and things seemed to be smoothed over, but I still want to respond to everyone:
@bakgat: You're quite insightful. The sentiment that my wife's sister is the common recipient of her consideration is painfully accurate. It's something we've been hashing out for most of our relationship but is getting better. There's never going to be a point where it is "solved", because it is her twin sister after all. I just hope that one day, we can all be considerate enough of each other to not run into issues like this again.
@MTG-fan: I got married because it mattered to my wife. I knew we would love each other the same regardless. But when I knew it mattered to her, for whatever reason, it suddenly mattered to me to do something for her and us. And if you think that marriage or relationships don't come with complaining, you're sorely mistaken. I never said I didn't want to be married or that I regretted that decision. People will always butt heads no matter the relationship...work, marriage, friendship, heck, even strangers. So don't mistake complaining for regret or dismay over marriage. I love my wife and I love the life I have with her. But ***** happens and sometimes you have to reach out to internet strangers on a Magic the Gathering website for some relief.
@Frostdragon4: Well, if it were that easy... But honestly, I like her sister and the three of us are inseparable (usually..) as friends. Even if we weren't, banning blood (especially a sister...and a TWIN sister at that) is simply not doable. And besides, like I said, the sis-in-law is usually more than welcome, so ignoring her existence would be a detriment to my life as well. People just need to learn to be considerate and not to take people for granted and the world will be a better place.
To be fair it sounds like your wife has a rather unhealthy relationship with her sister. Whether they are twins are not they should still understand that this husband may need some time away from his wife's sister. After all you did not commit to "until sister do we part."
It is said when you get married, you marry into their family troubles as well.
I'm not at all making light of your situation, but rather stating that other people are definitely in your position as well. The most you can really do is make the best of it.
I've known of families where a brother/uncle or whoever is a drug addict. That might seem neither here nor there at first blush, but at the end of the day family is usually unwilling to watch other family members die in the street. That makes it the problem of spouse of said family member as well. If something is not a problem now, it could/will be a problem eventually.
You're absolutely right that banning a family member, and especially a twin sister is basically impossible. The most you can do is deal with it and be big about it.
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My wife and I: Exceptionally generous to our friends and never mention it or ask anything in return
My wife's sister and her long-time boyfriend: Consistent cheap and inconsiderate to the point of insult for them taking advantage of us
We are having a joint party tonight that was conceived by my wife and her sister. Because we're new to the area, it is 90% sister-in-law's friends coming (to our apartment!). My wife and I bought a modest amount of supplies for the party ($30 maybe) because we already have a lot of food and alcohol for the night. This morning I texted the in-law to ask for $15 to cover their share of the groceries. Her response was that my wife and I are cheap (in more words). I told her she didn't want to follow through with that thought and to drop it. I told her several times but she kept going. Finally, I couldn't hold it in and I flew off the handle. I said some things I definitely shouldn't have regardless of the truth behind them.
Now, we've since "made up" (quotations because tonight, if we still have the party, will be awkward), but I'm still not okay. I'm insulted, I'm furious, and I want to walk away from the night completely, but my wife says the show must go on, so I am doing it for her.
I don't know what I came here looking for with this post other than a place to vent. I could go into detail about my alleged generosity and their alleged stinginess and inconsiderate..ness (?) and the audacity of the sister-in-laws calling us out for being "cheap", but it would be a one-sided story and a ****ing long one. I know I messed up by not biting my tongue, but you can only stand getting stepped on so much, right? I guess the thing that really got to me is that I've never once in the 10 years I've known my wife's sister and her bf said to myself or to my wife that "that was really nice of so-and-so to do that". Instead it's always us who goes out of the way to be nice and generous to our friends and family (never with a thank you either!). And then to have those people that we have been so gracious to be entirely unappreciative and rude to my face and basically ignore everything we've done out of kindness and good nature...That just ruined my morning.
Sorry mtgsally, I just had to vent. I need a cigarette and I don't smoke. I need a drink but it isn't even 11am.
It's just one of those things you need to deal with. It sucks, but it's not worth damaging the relationship with family over their bull*****, even if you need to de-stress. If your sister-in-law is going to get on your cases over $15... she's the one with the problem, and you two should just ignore or make fun of it. When you respond, all you do is confirm their warped view of the world.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
I understand how you feel. Your wife is putting the interests of people from outside the house over your interests. That is not how a marriage is supposed to work. Loosing your temper is probably not the best way to share your disagreement with the current situation.
Sounds like your wife just does whatever she pleases. Again I ask you if her sister and her friends is so much more important than you why is she not married to them?
No you definately have reason to be unhappy. Marriage is supposed to be a partnership and your wife is treating it as a sole proprietorship.
BTW I think your sister-in-law is just trying to push your buttons and see you explode. Women get off on needling men until they get upset enough to say stupid things. It makes them feel as if they have ownership of your emotions if they can extract such a response from you.
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People are generally only vocal when they're complaining. Marriage itself isn't the problem.
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[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
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@bakgat: You're quite insightful. The sentiment that my wife's sister is the common recipient of her consideration is painfully accurate. It's something we've been hashing out for most of our relationship but is getting better. There's never going to be a point where it is "solved", because it is her twin sister after all. I just hope that one day, we can all be considerate enough of each other to not run into issues like this again.
@MTG-fan: I got married because it mattered to my wife. I knew we would love each other the same regardless. But when I knew it mattered to her, for whatever reason, it suddenly mattered to me to do something for her and us. And if you think that marriage or relationships don't come with complaining, you're sorely mistaken. I never said I didn't want to be married or that I regretted that decision. People will always butt heads no matter the relationship...work, marriage, friendship, heck, even strangers. So don't mistake complaining for regret or dismay over marriage. I love my wife and I love the life I have with her. But ***** happens and sometimes you have to reach out to internet strangers on a Magic the Gathering website for some relief.
@Frostdragon4: Well, if it were that easy... But honestly, I like her sister and the three of us are inseparable (usually..) as friends. Even if we weren't, banning blood (especially a sister...and a TWIN sister at that) is simply not doable. And besides, like I said, the sis-in-law is usually more than welcome, so ignoring her existence would be a detriment to my life as well. People just need to learn to be considerate and not to take people for granted and the world will be a better place.
Thanks for all the replies, everyone.
I'm not at all making light of your situation, but rather stating that other people are definitely in your position as well. The most you can really do is make the best of it.
I've known of families where a brother/uncle or whoever is a drug addict. That might seem neither here nor there at first blush, but at the end of the day family is usually unwilling to watch other family members die in the street. That makes it the problem of spouse of said family member as well. If something is not a problem now, it could/will be a problem eventually.
You're absolutely right that banning a family member, and especially a twin sister is basically impossible. The most you can do is deal with it and be big about it.