Hey guys, recently I've been trying to make strides in my self esteem and view of life, but every now and again I have relapses and recently one has really got me feeling like crap.
Let me preface this by saying that recently (the last two months) I've cut a lot of crap out of my life. I used to smoke a lot, but I totally cut that out of my life in order to improve my happiness. I started to go to the gym as well, and I have been seeing some great results. I've been writing more music lately, and I'm liking the results with that too.
Despite all of these things there are still times (like now) where I feel absolutely worthless. All it takes is a catalyst and I'll be right at rock bottom again. Today my car broke down on the side of the road. I don't know whats wrong with it, but I don't have the money to fix it, and I need it to get to school and the gym. Suddenly I feel like a piece of ***** again. There's also a girl I'm talking to a lot and I know damn well I don't have a lick of a chance with her, which is screwing my head as well.
I don't know how to properly define my mental state without writing a novel here, but I have really bad mood swings. Sometimes I'm totally satisfied with life and I'll be happy, but then I feel so down that I can barely function. I've been suicidal in the past and sometimes I think about it now and again, only fleeting. There are too many things I love about this world that keep me from doing it, but there's also too many things that make me loathe myself.
Sorry if this was a lengthy post, it's been something I've been meaning to ask anybody at this point.
My word of advice to you is that you haven't hit on the things in life which make you happy.
This advice may seem kind of strange because I'm basically saying that you don't quite know what makes you happy or unhappy.
I'm saying however that's exactly what's happened to me this past year.
Last year I had friends, a better body, interesting relationships to keep me afloat, fun experiences. On the surface I was happy. But deep down, I had this feeling of emptiness because I knew that my career wasn't in the place I wanted it to be. Financially I wasn't in the place I wanted to be.
This past year, I've lost all my friends from lack of contact. I've worked a tremendous amount of overtime. I haven't done anything fun and have more or less sacrificed a year of my life. Nevertheless, financially, I'm at a place that would have taken me three years to save had I not pushed the overtime. My career is moving forward with more direction.
On the surface level, I am miserable. But deeper down, I'm happy and satisfied with myself for my progress and satisfaction of personal goals.
It's an odd mix, but I would liken it to partying a week straight before final exams. Sure its fun at the time, and sure the partying is a distraction. But deep down you have a gnawing feeling that you're screwing yourself over.
Happiness is a matter of hitting upon the right sources. If you've been writing music and you like the results, but you still spiral, then music doesn't make you happy enough. It's not a source of deep happiness for you. Likewise, not smoking and going to the gym more often are not so much sources of happiness, but rather prevent further unhappiness. Going to the gym will likely prevent deep unhappiness for you. Stopping smoking will prevent the misery of cancer.
I personally enjoy magic, calligraphy, and reading economics. But none of those are going to sustain my happiness in any meaningful way.
For me, what really did it was financial security and freedom. It's the one thing most of us don't want to face. It took me 4 years to arrive at this conclusion and confront it with a tangible plan.
Going through it, I sacrificed many things including magic, calligraphy, and all the little things I liked to do. In the most unfulfilling moments, I told myself that conversion of financial freedom into friends, magic, and calligraphy was always possible. But the opposite way around was not true. As long as you're not a dick, friends are a matter of reaching out to people. Magic and other hobbies like music are a matter of converting your freedom into time spent on those hobbies. So if you have financial freedom, all the little other sources of happiness can come readily with minor investment.
I'm going to be blunt with you, and I hope you don't take offense to it, but my guess is money is probably getting you down. If your car broke down and you don't have money to fix it, that's probably the source of the problem. I don't know what your job situation is, but I'll tell you I worked 7 days a week for an entire year right up to the edge of healthy and unhealthy. It was miserable and sucked, but after four years satisfying every conceivable superficial means of happiness and still feeling awful deep down, I was able to tell myself in the worst moments that its just a matter of trading one kind of happiness for another.
And for me, the fact that the decision to put everything into money and career meant the unhappiness it would produce would at least be the product of my own volition.
Hey guys, recently I've been trying to make strides in my self esteem and view of life, but every now and again I have relapses and recently one has really got me feeling like crap.
Let me preface this by saying that recently (the last two months) I've cut a lot of crap out of my life. I used to smoke a lot, but I totally cut that out of my life in order to improve my happiness. I started to go to the gym as well, and I have been seeing some great results. I've been writing more music lately, and I'm liking the results with that too.
Despite all of these things there are still times (like now) where I feel absolutely worthless. All it takes is a catalyst and I'll be right at rock bottom again. Today my car broke down on the side of the road. I don't know whats wrong with it, but I don't have the money to fix it, and I need it to get to school and the gym. Suddenly I feel like a piece of ***** again. There's also a girl I'm talking to a lot and I know damn well I don't have a lick of a chance with her, which is screwing my head as well.
I don't know how to properly define my mental state without writing a novel here, but I have really bad mood swings. Sometimes I'm totally satisfied with life and I'll be happy, but then I feel so down that I can barely function. I've been suicidal in the past and sometimes I think about it now and again, only fleeting. There are too many things I love about this world that keep me from doing it, but there's also too many things that make me loathe myself.
Sorry if this was a lengthy post, it's been something I've been meaning to ask anybody at this point.
dude, we mostly have the same hobbies, the only difference is that you go to school and I go to work... nightshift.
I'm assuming you are playing mtg. you like sports? you go to the gym? you make music? what else man? your a total jock! I say, you need a girlfriend? that's easy for you, hook up? piece of cake.
but if you do these things without loving it. then its pointless. its like eating low salt low card food for 3 months. you get good results but you're hating it. right?
do things you love. you don't have to please anyone, even if it is the hard ones, do it. in the end it will reward you with happiness and contentment.
Hi. I have major depression, and it sounds like you do too (or something similar).
Please see a doctor. Do you have health insurance? Having suicidal thoughts is life-threatening. It's something that's been with me for many, many years; when I told the doctor about it, the response was immediate that I should see a counselor weekly and start taking medication.
It really helped. Yeah, stuff like positive thinking and going to the gym also matters, but you know what helps chemical problems in the brain? Medicine. It's a medical issue, so treat it like one.
Let me know if you need to talk about this privately.
Honestly these days I often feel like I only get by thanks to MTG distracting me from the drudgery and pain of everyday existence. Tabletop roleplaying, fantasy fiction writing, and worldbuilding supplement Magic in this regard. I'm far from a healthy relationship with my geeky pastimes, but so it goes. Life is unbearable without fantasy. I've used imagination as a coping strategy for as long as I can remember.
Beyond that, I second the above analysis that lack of money likely constitutes a key source of misery for you, as it does for many of us. I'm deeply in debt myself, with income that's finally – and probably temporarily – right around the poverty line. On the whole I'm less unhappy with a vaguely decent income, mainly because it facilitates distraction. Anything you can do to take care of yourself and your basic needs/wants will probably help. Of course that's not easy in the current society, which is one of many reasons I chose to lose myself in escapism whenever possible.
We feel these depressive pains, and they're difficult. Sometimes lingering, sometimes intense and not really reconcilable with how we otherwise view our life.
They're real pains, and they merit attention as much as a sprained ankle or puncture wound. I don't really know what type of support you need or want, so all I can say is I'm glad you're reaching out to look for it.
What you feel is real. You've taken steps here to look at it and work towards being better. That is impressive in itself. Keep at it. Some of us need help out of sudden depths of confusing feelings, and some of us need smaller but frequent chances for a person to bounce introspection off of. Recognizing your need and trying to figure it out is a big step. I'm proud of you for your efforts here.
Whenever it gets bad, try to remember that these issues we can bring up are issues we can deal with.
The best kind of happiness comes from achievement and fulfillment. Focus on the things you are passionate about, and if you haven't discovered any yet, making finding your passion a top priority. Assign higher priority to things that have lasting value over things that make you feel good for just a moment. Since we are on a Magic forum, I'll call out Mtg specifically - it is an awful thing to waste time on when you aren't already satisfied with your life because the achievement of a match win is so temporary.
Be very selective with the people you associate with. Sever ties to people who make you feel worthless. Ideally you don't want to just build a hugbox social circle (ie people telling you you're great when you know damn well that you're not) but people who respond positively when you talk about what you're passionate about or some kind of progress you've made. These are the people who will be earnestly happy for you in good times and there for you in bad times. Feeling worthless often comes with seeking validation from others, so watch yourself and avoid trying to "win" in social situations. If you ever feel like you need to impress someone, you shouldn't be associating with that person (key word is need, it's ok to want to impress a true friend at times).
Never ever pursue a woman who doesn't seem interested in you. You're setting yourself up for failure. Every woman gets interested in a man she knows now and again. Instead of pursuing women who don't care for you, broaden your social net if you aren't exposed to enough people, and pay closer attention for detecting when you are already desired.
sounds like you're experiencing a lot of what I tend to go through. I'm not gonna go out and claim to be an expert on anything but I'll share what works for me from my experiences.
I tend to just try and focus on what makes me happy (mostly running and MTG) and just try and take and avoid people who make me unhappy (I've cut most of the annoying people out, mostly because I haven't had to deal with them after switching jobs)
I mean, I too tend to get down on stuff that isn't working for me, which is while I've recently gotten a new job, I'm still not where I'd like to be. although I'm better off now than I was a few months ago, which helps me make due with not liking my job
so my point is, just kinda try and focus on what you like and try and just make the best out of what you don't like. Again I'm no expert but that's what works for me
Hey guys, recently I've been trying to make strides in my self esteem and view of life, but every now and again I have relapses and recently one has really got me feeling like crap.
Let me preface this by saying that recently (the last two months) I've cut a lot of crap out of my life. I used to smoke a lot, but I totally cut that out of my life in order to improve my happiness. I started to go to the gym as well, and I have been seeing some great results. I've been writing more music lately, and I'm liking the results with that too.
Congratulations! These are all excellent changes. Find things that you like and do them, find new things to try and try them. Happiness is the journey not the destination.
Despite all of these things there are still times (like now) where I feel absolutely worthless. All it takes is a catalyst and I'll be right at rock bottom again. Today my car broke down on the side of the road. I don't know whats wrong with it, but I don't have the money to fix it, and I need it to get to school and the gym. Suddenly I feel like a piece of ***** again.
Feeling helpless or like a victim is frustrating. For me it is also something I choose not to do. When circumstance statts messing with me I remember this quote
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”
― Henry Ford
Then I do something to take control of the situation. I maynot be able to fix the situation that particular time, but the next time something like this happens I will be much better prepared to deal with it. I will also be able to preventatively work to keep it from happening again. This helps a great deal to stop the feelings of helplessness and give me a great feeling of strength, control and accomplishment, much the same as the feeling you probably get from going to the gym and seeing the results of regular working out.
There's also a girl I'm talking to a lot and I know damn well I don't have a lick of a chance with her, which is screwing my head as well.
You do not know this at all. Women are amazing creatures and are God’s gift to men. They have an infinite capacity to find, nurture and cherish qualities in us that we do not even know we have. Yes, she may not like you as more then a friend, but in my experience, which is fairly considerable, there is a greater chance that she will. Regardless, if you never, ask you never get kissed.
Everything we do, everything we try is an opportunity to experience something wondrous. Why would anyone ever limit their opportunity to experience life? Ask yourself, “what is the worst that can happen? In this case, she says she is not interested in you that way. Ok, but at least she know you are interested and if she changes her mind, and women do that all the time, she now knows she won’t have to worry that you won’t be interested. Women Dig confident guys, even if they are just guys who only seem confident. They won’t know the difference and you will become more confident simply by trying.
I don't know how to properly define my mental state without writing a novel here, but I have really bad mood swings. Sometimes I'm totally satisfied with life and I'll be happy, but then I feel so down that I can barely function. I've been suicidal in the past and sometimes I think about it now and again, only fleeting. There are too many things I love about this world that keep me from doing it, but there's also too many things that make me loathe myself.
Suicidal thoughts are something you need to address. You need to speak to someone professional about them. I would recommend your doctor, church leader, community mental health offices, friends and family, if you can. Some healthcare professionals are required by law to notify agencies when someone tells them about this so know that up front. My son told a doctor that he had suicidal thoughts and he was held for several days for observation. I personally think this is a wise precaution but it could cause problems if you are not expecting something like that to happen.
Sorry if this was a lengthy post, it's been something I've been meaning to ask anybody at this point.
No need to be sorry about anything or afraid to ask for advice or help when you need it. Everyone, from time to time needs help. If they say they don’t they are lying to themselves. The smart people are the ones with the courage to ask for help and the wisdom to use the advice they receive.
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W – 33, L – 19, Broke Games - 9
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As a person that suffers from both depression and existential crisis, I can provide this:
There is a difference between Joy and happiness. Happiness comes from two things; Serotonin and Dopamine. Joy comes from nothing.
I can't provide an answer for existence, that's up to you to find. I'm a miserable jerk, but I find happiness in all the stuff that's supposed to kill me. Hedonism might not work for everyone but it keeps me alive. Essentially, just do what makes you happy.
Create a list of positive affirmations - beliefs that will help you be the ideal person you'd like to be. Focus on truths about yourself but feel free to over emphasize them.
Repeat them every morning, right after you wake up. You can do it in front of a mirror as well, for bonus effect.
The key here is planting these thoughts into your sub-consciousness. It runs all the time, and does most of the thinking of life for you. Over time, with consistency, your thoughts will shift and you will not even have to try hard to change a negative thought into a positive. Because you will have your sub-consciousness on your side.
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"Anyone can snap her fingers and yanks a soul. I prefer to kill creatively." -- Braids, Dementia Summoner, Ghastly Demisde
"If you don't hit your adversaries wile they're down, they might get up again." --Whipkeeper
"Victory favors neither the righteous nor the wicked. It favors the prepared." -- Lay of the Land
Let me preface this by saying that recently (the last two months) I've cut a lot of crap out of my life. I used to smoke a lot, but I totally cut that out of my life in order to improve my happiness. I started to go to the gym as well, and I have been seeing some great results. I've been writing more music lately, and I'm liking the results with that too.
Despite all of these things there are still times (like now) where I feel absolutely worthless. All it takes is a catalyst and I'll be right at rock bottom again. Today my car broke down on the side of the road. I don't know whats wrong with it, but I don't have the money to fix it, and I need it to get to school and the gym. Suddenly I feel like a piece of ***** again. There's also a girl I'm talking to a lot and I know damn well I don't have a lick of a chance with her, which is screwing my head as well.
I don't know how to properly define my mental state without writing a novel here, but I have really bad mood swings. Sometimes I'm totally satisfied with life and I'll be happy, but then I feel so down that I can barely function. I've been suicidal in the past and sometimes I think about it now and again, only fleeting. There are too many things I love about this world that keep me from doing it, but there's also too many things that make me loathe myself.
Sorry if this was a lengthy post, it's been something I've been meaning to ask anybody at this point.
My Mafia Stats - My Helpdesk
G Omnath, Locus of Mana U Arcum Dagsson BUG The Mimeoplasm GW Gaddock Teeg X Karn, Silver Golem
This advice may seem kind of strange because I'm basically saying that you don't quite know what makes you happy or unhappy.
I'm saying however that's exactly what's happened to me this past year.
Last year I had friends, a better body, interesting relationships to keep me afloat, fun experiences. On the surface I was happy. But deep down, I had this feeling of emptiness because I knew that my career wasn't in the place I wanted it to be. Financially I wasn't in the place I wanted to be.
This past year, I've lost all my friends from lack of contact. I've worked a tremendous amount of overtime. I haven't done anything fun and have more or less sacrificed a year of my life. Nevertheless, financially, I'm at a place that would have taken me three years to save had I not pushed the overtime. My career is moving forward with more direction.
On the surface level, I am miserable. But deeper down, I'm happy and satisfied with myself for my progress and satisfaction of personal goals.
It's an odd mix, but I would liken it to partying a week straight before final exams. Sure its fun at the time, and sure the partying is a distraction. But deep down you have a gnawing feeling that you're screwing yourself over.
Happiness is a matter of hitting upon the right sources. If you've been writing music and you like the results, but you still spiral, then music doesn't make you happy enough. It's not a source of deep happiness for you. Likewise, not smoking and going to the gym more often are not so much sources of happiness, but rather prevent further unhappiness. Going to the gym will likely prevent deep unhappiness for you. Stopping smoking will prevent the misery of cancer.
I personally enjoy magic, calligraphy, and reading economics. But none of those are going to sustain my happiness in any meaningful way.
For me, what really did it was financial security and freedom. It's the one thing most of us don't want to face. It took me 4 years to arrive at this conclusion and confront it with a tangible plan.
Going through it, I sacrificed many things including magic, calligraphy, and all the little things I liked to do. In the most unfulfilling moments, I told myself that conversion of financial freedom into friends, magic, and calligraphy was always possible. But the opposite way around was not true. As long as you're not a dick, friends are a matter of reaching out to people. Magic and other hobbies like music are a matter of converting your freedom into time spent on those hobbies. So if you have financial freedom, all the little other sources of happiness can come readily with minor investment.
I'm going to be blunt with you, and I hope you don't take offense to it, but my guess is money is probably getting you down. If your car broke down and you don't have money to fix it, that's probably the source of the problem. I don't know what your job situation is, but I'll tell you I worked 7 days a week for an entire year right up to the edge of healthy and unhealthy. It was miserable and sucked, but after four years satisfying every conceivable superficial means of happiness and still feeling awful deep down, I was able to tell myself in the worst moments that its just a matter of trading one kind of happiness for another.
And for me, the fact that the decision to put everything into money and career meant the unhappiness it would produce would at least be the product of my own volition.
dude, we mostly have the same hobbies, the only difference is that you go to school and I go to work... nightshift.
I'm assuming you are playing mtg. you like sports? you go to the gym? you make music? what else man? your a total jock! I say, you need a girlfriend? that's easy for you, hook up? piece of cake.
but if you do these things without loving it. then its pointless. its like eating low salt low card food for 3 months. you get good results but you're hating it. right?
do things you love. you don't have to please anyone, even if it is the hard ones, do it. in the end it will reward you with happiness and contentment.
Please see a doctor. Do you have health insurance? Having suicidal thoughts is life-threatening. It's something that's been with me for many, many years; when I told the doctor about it, the response was immediate that I should see a counselor weekly and start taking medication.
It really helped. Yeah, stuff like positive thinking and going to the gym also matters, but you know what helps chemical problems in the brain? Medicine. It's a medical issue, so treat it like one.
Let me know if you need to talk about this privately.
Beyond that, I second the above analysis that lack of money likely constitutes a key source of misery for you, as it does for many of us. I'm deeply in debt myself, with income that's finally – and probably temporarily – right around the poverty line. On the whole I'm less unhappy with a vaguely decent income, mainly because it facilitates distraction. Anything you can do to take care of yourself and your basic needs/wants will probably help. Of course that's not easy in the current society, which is one of many reasons I chose to lose myself in escapism whenever possible.
My Mafia Stats - My Helpdesk
G Omnath, Locus of Mana U Arcum Dagsson BUG The Mimeoplasm GW Gaddock Teeg X Karn, Silver Golem
They're real pains, and they merit attention as much as a sprained ankle or puncture wound. I don't really know what type of support you need or want, so all I can say is I'm glad you're reaching out to look for it.
What you feel is real. You've taken steps here to look at it and work towards being better. That is impressive in itself. Keep at it. Some of us need help out of sudden depths of confusing feelings, and some of us need smaller but frequent chances for a person to bounce introspection off of. Recognizing your need and trying to figure it out is a big step. I'm proud of you for your efforts here.
Whenever it gets bad, try to remember that these issues we can bring up are issues we can deal with.
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Sales Thread
Be very selective with the people you associate with. Sever ties to people who make you feel worthless. Ideally you don't want to just build a hugbox social circle (ie people telling you you're great when you know damn well that you're not) but people who respond positively when you talk about what you're passionate about or some kind of progress you've made. These are the people who will be earnestly happy for you in good times and there for you in bad times. Feeling worthless often comes with seeking validation from others, so watch yourself and avoid trying to "win" in social situations. If you ever feel like you need to impress someone, you shouldn't be associating with that person (key word is need, it's ok to want to impress a true friend at times).
Never ever pursue a woman who doesn't seem interested in you. You're setting yourself up for failure. Every woman gets interested in a man she knows now and again. Instead of pursuing women who don't care for you, broaden your social net if you aren't exposed to enough people, and pay closer attention for detecting when you are already desired.
I tend to just try and focus on what makes me happy (mostly running and MTG) and just try and take and avoid people who make me unhappy (I've cut most of the annoying people out, mostly because I haven't had to deal with them after switching jobs)
I mean, I too tend to get down on stuff that isn't working for me, which is while I've recently gotten a new job, I'm still not where I'd like to be. although I'm better off now than I was a few months ago, which helps me make due with not liking my job
so my point is, just kinda try and focus on what you like and try and just make the best out of what you don't like. Again I'm no expert but that's what works for me
Abzan Traverse / Traverse Shadow / UR Kiki
Feeling helpless or like a victim is frustrating. For me it is also something I choose not to do. When circumstance statts messing with me I remember this quote
“Whether you think you can, or you think you can't--you're right.”
― Henry Ford
Then I do something to take control of the situation. I maynot be able to fix the situation that particular time, but the next time something like this happens I will be much better prepared to deal with it. I will also be able to preventatively work to keep it from happening again. This helps a great deal to stop the feelings of helplessness and give me a great feeling of strength, control and accomplishment, much the same as the feeling you probably get from going to the gym and seeing the results of regular working out.
You do not know this at all. Women are amazing creatures and are God’s gift to men. They have an infinite capacity to find, nurture and cherish qualities in us that we do not even know we have. Yes, she may not like you as more then a friend, but in my experience, which is fairly considerable, there is a greater chance that she will. Regardless, if you never, ask you never get kissed.
Everything we do, everything we try is an opportunity to experience something wondrous. Why would anyone ever limit their opportunity to experience life? Ask yourself, “what is the worst that can happen? In this case, she says she is not interested in you that way. Ok, but at least she know you are interested and if she changes her mind, and women do that all the time, she now knows she won’t have to worry that you won’t be interested. Women Dig confident guys, even if they are just guys who only seem confident. They won’t know the difference and you will become more confident simply by trying.
Suicidal thoughts are something you need to address. You need to speak to someone professional about them. I would recommend your doctor, church leader, community mental health offices, friends and family, if you can. Some healthcare professionals are required by law to notify agencies when someone tells them about this so know that up front. My son told a doctor that he had suicidal thoughts and he was held for several days for observation. I personally think this is a wise precaution but it could cause problems if you are not expecting something like that to happen.
No need to be sorry about anything or afraid to ask for advice or help when you need it. Everyone, from time to time needs help. If they say they don’t they are lying to themselves. The smart people are the ones with the courage to ask for help and the wisdom to use the advice they receive.
Calvin & Hobbs Mafia, Mafia MVP
X-Men Mafia Town MVP
Simpson's Mafia - best use of character
Mtgnews Mafia Mafia - Town Madman
Mythos Mafia: the Dunwich Massacre Town MVP
English Literature Mafia Town MVP
Best Role-Playing Sin City Mafia
Werewolf Mafia - Mafia MVP
Doctor Mafia - Mafia MVP
Mafia: Escape from the Cylons - Town MVP
Lost Mafia - Co SK Winner with Kops
Random Mafia 3 - Town MVP
There is a difference between Joy and happiness. Happiness comes from two things; Serotonin and Dopamine. Joy comes from nothing.
I can't provide an answer for existence, that's up to you to find. I'm a miserable jerk, but I find happiness in all the stuff that's supposed to kill me. Hedonism might not work for everyone but it keeps me alive. Essentially, just do what makes you happy.
Repeat them every morning, right after you wake up. You can do it in front of a mirror as well, for bonus effect.
The key here is planting these thoughts into your sub-consciousness. It runs all the time, and does most of the thinking of life for you. Over time, with consistency, your thoughts will shift and you will not even have to try hard to change a negative thought into a positive. Because you will have your sub-consciousness on your side.
"If you don't hit your adversaries wile they're down, they might get up again." --Whipkeeper
"Victory favors neither the righteous nor the wicked. It favors the prepared." -- Lay of the Land