I have a classic problem. My girlfriend and best friend are at odds. I know the old "bro's before hoes" line. But I've known them both about the same length of time so I don't fell as if I owe my BF more than my GF. But here is the situation.
I have moved out and now live with my GF. I had 2 other friends that were supposed to move in with me to split the bills with. All of them fell through and I was stuck paying the bills all by myself until my GF got a job several months later after having to relocate to live with me.
It has been nearly 3 years now and my best friend now wants to move out with me since he got his EMT certification and is making enough money to effectivly split bills with me. This has been the plan for over a year and in a month or two it will be reality.
It has never been a secret that my GF dislikes my best friend. My Best friend is neutral about her. But over the last year she has shown no signs of making major trouble with him moving in. But just 2 days ago she started "drawing the line" and said that she would absolutly NOT live with him and thats final. However my friend has no where to go and his Grandmoter (whom he lived with) is moving to Nevada and he wants to stay here for school rather than have to pay out of state tuition.
So what do? I can't tell my friend not to move in as that would put him in a REALLY bad position. And its even worse as this has been the plan for just over a year. And I won't lie, I can really use a roommate. But my girlfriend has refused to budge on the issue.
A. Make my girlfriend happy and most likely cause my best friend a major inconvenience that could cost him a large amount of money or
B. Have a friend move in in order to help him so he can help with the bills while aggravating your girlfriend.
I don't mean to sound dry or cold about this situation right now, but if these two were the decisions at hand, which would you find more profitable?
Your best friend will be helping with the bills, I;m assuming that another source of income in order for you to live where you do now would benefit both you AND your girlfriend. If you help your best friend out in a time of need like now, somewhere down the road if you're ever in a time of need, he could help you out as well. Also, him moving in would either force your girlfriend to make amends and be more understanding of his, yours, and her own situation, or she'll bust and show you the person she really is.
To be honest, I'd say let your best friend move in with you, because it would be much more of a convenience for both you and him, and although your girlfriend may not know it, her as well.
But another point has been made that is quite essential to the decision as well, WHY doesn't she want him to move in with you two?
I honestly don't know "why" she doesn't like him. She will give a list of asinine reasons that mainly seem shallow.
"He is a video game addict"
"he is annoying"
"he is such an *******"- the last one VERY far from the truth
She even said one time that he reminds her of her Ex boyfriend whom she now hates. though the extent of that connection is that he plays a lot of video games and so did her ex.
And lastly she has this unrealistic expectation of our lives. Like she wants us to be married and have kids in like 2 years. I don't necessarily see it that way and she KNOWS this. We are going to get married fairly soon. We both know it and right now its a matter of money. A matter easily solved by my friend moving in. The second is a time thing. I want children but not till after I finnish college and am financially stable. I don't want to bring a child into the world when I have to work tons of overtime just to scratch 30k a year. She even says she aggrees with me but I guess she is hoping a condom will break or something.
And this mainly leads into her not wanting him around because he doesn't fit into this perfect family picture she has in her head.
I honestly don't know "why" she doesn't like him. She will give a list of asinine reasons that mainly seem shallow.
"He is a video game addict"
"he is annoying"
"he is such an *******"- the last one VERY far from the truth
She even said one time that he reminds her of her Ex boyfriend whom she now hates. though the extent of that connection is that he plays a lot of video games and so did her ex.
And lastly she has this unrealistic expectation of our lives. Like she wants us to be married and have kids in like 2 years. I don't necessarily see it that way and she KNOWS this. We are going to get married fairly soon. We both know it and right now its a matter of money. A matter easily solved by my friend moving in. The second is a time thing. I want children but not till after I finnish college and am financially stable. I don't want to bring a child into the world when I have to work tons of overtime just to scratch 30k a year. She even says she aggrees with me but I guess she is hoping a condom will break or something.
And this mainly leads into her not wanting him around because he doesn't fit into this perfect family picture she has in her head.
Sounds to me like its the ex-boyfriend thing, which isnt fair to him or you. Just in this little bit of info you've offered Im getting the "red flag", and mostly because she doesnt seem to care what YOU want. She's concerned with the magical fairyland she's created for herself and doesnt care that your feelings dont mirror her own (best friend, kids, marriage, stability).
I cant tell you what to do obviously but I'd tell her my best friend is a very important part of my life, I made a promise to him, and Im not about to bail on him at a point in his life where he really needs me the most. If she cant be understanding of that then its a problem.
At very least I would continue to push the financial leeway angle as it "fits" in to her grand plan. She wants x/y/z in two years. Great. Then your best friend can help get the two of you there.
A. Make my girlfriend happy and most likely cause my best friend a major inconvenience that could cost him a large amount of money or
B. Have a friend move in in order to help him so he can help with the bills while aggravating your girlfriend.
I don't mean to sound dry or cold about this situation right now, but if these two were the decisions at hand, which would you find more profitable?
Spoken like someone who's never had a girlfriend You don't make decisoins like this based on profitability
My advice, under no means, absolutely do not let your friend move in. Don't even consider it for a second. Cause here's what's going to happen:
Your girlfriend is going to get really pissed off that you ignored her wishes. She live in the place too, she should have an equal say
Your girlfriend will take that out on you and your best friend.
You will be in a ****ty mood all the time because your girlfriend will be giving you **** all the time.
Your best friend will be in a ****ty mood all the time because your girlfriend will be moody and not nice to him
Your best friend will treat your girlfriend like crap cause she is treating him like crap
You will get pissed at your best friend for treating your girlfriend like crap
Your best friend will be pissed at you for having a girlfriend causing you and him grief.
In the end you will have three people living in an apartment who are all pissed off at each other all the time, damaging both relationships you have. It would just devolve into one huge mess of negative emotions, frustration, and anger, and you will probably end up losing your girlfriend AND your best friend over the whole ordeal.
It doesn't matter if you think that is right or wrong or fair or unfair, this is what is going to happen. It is a lose lose situation for you if he moves in.
You need to decide which relationship is more important to you, and prioritize that relationship. Yeah, it sucks, but sometimes we need to do that as we get older. You need to accept the fact that you cannot control your GF's feeling about your best friend, you cannot change her or him. You can only make the choice that is best for you.
I honestly don't know "why" she doesn't like him. She will give a list of asinine reasons that mainly seem shallow.
"He is a video game addict"
"he is annoying"
"he is such an *******"- the last one VERY far from the truth
She even said one time that he reminds her of her Ex boyfriend whom she now hates. though the extent of that connection is that he plays a lot of video games and so did her ex.
And lastly she has this unrealistic expectation of our lives. Like she wants us to be married and have kids in like 2 years. I don't necessarily see it that way and she KNOWS this. We are going to get married fairly soon. We both know it and right now its a matter of money. A matter easily solved by my friend moving in. The second is a time thing. I want children but not till after I finnish college and am financially stable. I don't want to bring a child into the world when I have to work tons of overtime just to scratch 30k a year. She even says she aggrees with me but I guess she is hoping a condom will break or something.
And this mainly leads into her not wanting him around because he doesn't fit into this perfect family picture she has in her head.
How good is she in bed? I ask because if the answer is anything other than "absolutely ****ing awesome", you should dump her now. She's bat**** and going to steer you into a trainwreck.
Edit: this post coming from an expert on bat**** crazy women. If these forums had a NSFW section... holy **** the stories I could tell.
Your posts regarding your GF have demonstrated that you have a great deal of contempt for her, and your behavior towards her is dismissive and disrespectful. On the other side of the equation, according to you, her behavior towards you is defensive, duplicitous, and hostile. And you have both failed to communicate clearly regarding this matter that has been "on the table" for over a year, not to mention other matters such as marriage and children.
What this all means is that your relationship with your GF is in very serious trouble and will not last much longer unless you both put in some serious effort to fix it.
The BARE MINIMUM amount of "serious effort" required on your part is to accept that her desire not to live with your BF is legitimate. You can sit down with her and try to negotiate a solution acceptable to both of you, but you are both unable to communicate and have failed to do this despite having a year of opportunity, so I do not think this will work. Or, you could just agree that your BF will not move in, but as I said, this is, at best, the bare minimum required to salvage your relationship -- you would still have a lot more work to do, and there are no guarantees.
Alternatively, you could decide that your relationship with your GF is not salvageable, and end it. It's clear that you are not currently prepared to do this, however.
Humor aside, your best friend shouldn't get shafted, if he is, in fact, your best friend. If your best friend matters, and your girlfriend minds, your girlfriend doesn't matter. If she wants your babies, she should be willing to put up with your best friend. Friends are the most mild and most tolerable form of baggage, something she seems to have a lot of. Don't let ****** cloud your judgment and force you to cash in your best friend (for aforementioned ******).
Another way of thinking of it is who gets to pick up the pieces after you make a decision; you could drink with your Bestie and he'd console you on the loss of your girlfriend, whereas your girlfriend would give exactly zero ****s if this incident removed your Bestie from your life, supposing she hates him as much as you say she does.
If your best friend matters, and your girlfriend minds, your girlfriend doesn't matter.
Why do you say that? His girlfriend is allowed to have her own opinions of people. She's allowed to not want to live with people she doesn't like. If she's paying rent, she has just as much say as anyone else.
Dismissing her opinion seems pretty callous to me.
I don't you will find a right answer here but ask yourself if she really loves you why wouldn't she let your best friend in and if he was your best friend he would understand.
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"You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not." - John Lennon
I don't you will find a right answer here but ask yourself if she really loves you why wouldn't she let your best friend in and if he was your best friend he would understand.
Why are his wants more important than hers? If he really loved her he would not create a living situation she does not want to be in.
I do agree that if this guy is his best friend he should understand about not moving in.
Why are his wants more important than hers? If he really loved her he would not create a living situation she does not want to be in.
I do agree that if this guy is his best friend he should understand about not moving in.
It's interesting that you've asked why his wants are more important than hers while at the same time implying that her wants are much more important than his or his friend's.
He wants his BF to move in and his BF wants to move in, but his GF doesn't want it - you say that he shouldn't let his BF move in, but why are her wants more important than his?
From what I've gathered, the OP and his BF have been planning to live together for a year+, they've both made decisions based on that plan, and the GF has had all that time to express concerns with the plan before it got to this point.
I'd argue that if she really loved him then she wouldn't have waited to the last minute to create a situation for both OP and his best friend that they do not want to be in.
redthirst is redthirst, fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse. He was the leader of the Fires of Salvation, the only clan I'm aware of to get modded off the forums so hard they made their own forums.
Degenerate? Sure. Loudmouth? You bet. Law abiding? No ****ing way.
As a married man, I would advise you to drop her like a hot potato. She sounds like the kind of girl that will be causing you problems all of your life.
I'd argue that if she really loved him then she wouldn't have waited to the last minute to create a situation for both OP and his best friend that they do not want to be in.
This ****ty situation is entirely the fault of the girlfriend. I'd tell her "I ever hear the words 'that's final' out of your mouth again, they truly will be."
I bet she pulls the line "It's either him or me." The only response is "There's the door."
I have moved out and now live with my GF. I had 2 other friends that were supposed to move in with me to split the bills with. All of them fell through and I was stuck paying the bills all by myself until my GF got a job several months later after having to relocate to live with me.
So basically what you're getting at is that you don't NEED her around. If you don't need her, and she's going to act like that, the best advice anybody can give you is "Tell her to deal with it or she can gtfo."
She had ample time to voice any concerns, and to do it at the last moment isn't a legitimate time to do so. She's trying to assert herself over you, and you need to let her know that you're not one to be walked on, especially if she's going to be bratty about it.
Besides, your buddy coming in and her leaving essentially leaves you in the same financial situation anyway. If you're getting by now, you'll be able to get by without her too.
It's interesting that you've asked why his wants are more important than hers while at the same time implying that her wants are much more important than his or his friend's.
He wants his BF to move in and his BF wants to move in, but his GF doesn't want it - you say that he shouldn't let his BF move in, but why are her wants more important than his?
Because she already lives there.
I'd argue that if she really loved him then she wouldn't have waited to the last minute to create a situation for both OP and his best friend that they do not want to be in.
So she should submit to a living arrangement she doesn't like because she loves her boyfriend? That sounds pretty misogynistic to me.
She lives there now. She pays rent. She has a right to express her displeasure at any change of living arrangement. The OP has no right to force her to accommodate him. If he wants to live with his BF, he can move out and live with his BF.
This ****ty situation is entirely the fault of the girlfriend. I'd tell her "I ever hear the words 'that's final' out of your mouth again, they truly will be."
I'm talking about the OP, who also already lives there and (from what I can tell) paid for her to live there for some amount of time too. He obviously wants his friend to move in.
Why are his wants less important than hers?
So she should submit to a living arrangement she doesn't like because she loves her boyfriend? That sounds pretty misogynistic to me.
She lives there now. She pays rent. She has a right to express her displeasure at any change of living arrangement. The OP has no right to force her to accommodate him. If he wants to live with his BF, he can move out and live with his BF.
So he should submit to a living arrangement he doesn't like because he loves his girlfriend? That sounds pretty misandristic to me.
He lives there now. He pays rent. He has the right to proceed with the living arrangement they all agreed to over a year ago. The OP's GF has no right to force him to accommodate her. If she doesn't want to live with his BF, she can move out so she doesn't have to.
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"Of course you should fight fire with fire. You should fight everything with fire."
—Jaya Ballard, task mage
redthirst is redthirst, fifth Horseman of the Apocalypse. He was the leader of the Fires of Salvation, the only clan I'm aware of to get modded off the forums so hard they made their own forums.
Degenerate? Sure. Loudmouth? You bet. Law abiding? No ****ing way.
Relax; I'm not advocating violence or anything. It's a quote from a movie.
My point is that she issued the ultimatum. I take a very solid "don't negotiate with terrorists" attitude around statements like that.
A year ago three people put forth a plan where this best friend would move in eventually. She had ample time to bring forth her concerns. By waiting until the last minute before issuing a 'that's final' kind of statement, she's saying "I didn't want to spend the year negotiating this, I'm forcing you to choose between your friend and me."
Anyone who forces that kind of decision on a person is doing nothing short of extortion. The OP should want nothing to do with a woman like that.
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"[Screw] you and the green you ramped in on." - My EDH battle cry. If I had one. Which I don't.
If he wants to live with his BF, he can move out and live with his BF.
And if she doesn't like the way things are proceeding, she has just as much right to leave. He's not obligated to move out because he's doing something she doesn't like, if she is the one with the problem then she should be the one to make the move, not him. Obviously neither party is obligated to do anything, but typically the person who is being agitated by something removes themselves from the situation.
I'm sorry, but she is completely in the wrong here. She had ample time to express herself in regards to the situation, and the fact that she waited until the last minute means that she's trying to get her way via an unspoken ultimatum, which is complete nonsense and no grown adult, man nor woman, should have to put up with that. This is something that children do when they throw tantrums to get things that they want.
So he should submit to a living arrangement he doesn't like because he loves his girlfriend? That sounds pretty misandristic to me.
Did he say he doesn't living with his girlfriend?
He lives there now. He pays rent. He has the right to proceed with the living arrangement they all agreed to over a year ago. The OP's GF has no right to force him to accommodate her. If she doesn't want to live with his BF, she can move out so she doesn't have to.
Cute, but wrong. Introducing a roommate is a little different than keeping the status quo.
Obviously neither party is obligated to do anything, but typically the person who is being agitated by something removes themselves from the situation.
Have you ever been in a relationship before?
You think it's good for the relationship for the OP to tell his GF to move out of the place she lives so his friend can move in? Yeah, I'm sure that relationship will go real smooth after that.
If the OP wants to dump his GF, that's on him, but pretending he can force her out of the apartment without destroying his relationship with her is idiotic.
I'm sorry, but she is completely in the wrong here.
No she's not. She's is just as entitled to want someone not to move in as the OP is to want someone to move in.
This is something that children do when they throw tantrums to get things that they want
No, children put their needs first with no consideration for the feeling of others, and also no consideration for the long term implications of that decision.
It's disgustingly naive for people in this thread to judge the OP's relationship or the girl in question based on a few sentences of a one sided story.
The OP stated that this is the girl he wants to marry.
The OP stated this is the girl he wants to have kids with
This is the girl he has decided he wants to spend the rest of his life with
And people are saying he should kick her out/throw away the relationship so his buddy can move in. Newsflash: apartments aren't rare things. He can find somewhere else to live.
I honestly am surprised there is even any discussion. The OP needs to decide if he wants to grow up or not. Grown up look for meaningful relationships with people they want to spend their lives with. And they don't toss them out the window so the dude they played GI Joe with when they were kids has a place to crash.
To the OP, this all comes down to one thing: Do you want to stay with your girlfriend or dump her. It has nothing to do with your friend. If you want to keep the relationship, tell him to find another apartment. If you want to dump her, dump her and live the bachelor life until your buddy meets a girl and moves out and you can be alone.
I'm with Valarin on this one she pays for the stuff so she gets her say in what happens in terms of people moving in. It's unfortunate but the scenario he mentions of everybody being miserable under one roof is something that should be avoided at all costs: it's the kind of stuff that leads to severe living arrangement problems that are in no way shape or form helpful to anybody
Based on what we know it beyond lame for her to wait until the last minute before pulling this kind of a stunt but hey, that's life and sometimes you have to deal with stuff that shouldn't be happening in the first place
It's a bit ridiculous to think that the OP's friend just can't find anywhere else on short-notice... What happens if the OP's girl gets pregnant tomorrow and the BF can't move in because they're going to have a kid and all that jazz?
It's a crappy situation that seems to rise from the GF's inability to make the call when it should be made but it's up to the OP to man up and tell his friend that that's the way the cards fell this time around and he isn't dumping the gal over this.
To the OP: I would recommend that you let your GF know that isn't cool to be pulling this last minute. Don't get all angry in her face about it but you should let her know that while she might get her way she is forcing you into doing something you'd rather not have to do. She gets her say in living arrangements but you get to say something when she ruins plans that have been made for a long time.
Best friends forever, brah. Women come and go, BFFs do not. And like many others have stated, if she knew in advance that you guys were planning this, and picked NOW to bring it up, then that's petty and completely unnecessary.
Dr. Love says, "Boot her, move in with bestie, party and drink and play video games."
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"Some say that time is cyclical and that history inevitably repeats. My will is my own. I won't bow to fate."
I have moved out and now live with my GF. I had 2 other friends that were supposed to move in with me to split the bills with. All of them fell through and I was stuck paying the bills all by myself until my GF got a job several months later after having to relocate to live with me.
It has been nearly 3 years now and my best friend now wants to move out with me since he got his EMT certification and is making enough money to effectivly split bills with me. This has been the plan for over a year and in a month or two it will be reality.
It has never been a secret that my GF dislikes my best friend. My Best friend is neutral about her. But over the last year she has shown no signs of making major trouble with him moving in. But just 2 days ago she started "drawing the line" and said that she would absolutly NOT live with him and thats final. However my friend has no where to go and his Grandmoter (whom he lived with) is moving to Nevada and he wants to stay here for school rather than have to pay out of state tuition.
So what do? I can't tell my friend not to move in as that would put him in a REALLY bad position. And its even worse as this has been the plan for just over a year. And I won't lie, I can really use a roommate. But my girlfriend has refused to budge on the issue.
A. Make my girlfriend happy and most likely cause my best friend a major inconvenience that could cost him a large amount of money or
B. Have a friend move in in order to help him so he can help with the bills while aggravating your girlfriend.
I don't mean to sound dry or cold about this situation right now, but if these two were the decisions at hand, which would you find more profitable?
Your best friend will be helping with the bills, I;m assuming that another source of income in order for you to live where you do now would benefit both you AND your girlfriend. If you help your best friend out in a time of need like now, somewhere down the road if you're ever in a time of need, he could help you out as well. Also, him moving in would either force your girlfriend to make amends and be more understanding of his, yours, and her own situation, or she'll bust and show you the person she really is.
To be honest, I'd say let your best friend move in with you, because it would be much more of a convenience for both you and him, and although your girlfriend may not know it, her as well.
But another point has been made that is quite essential to the decision as well, WHY doesn't she want him to move in with you two?
"He is a video game addict"
"he is annoying"
"he is such an *******"- the last one VERY far from the truth
She even said one time that he reminds her of her Ex boyfriend whom she now hates. though the extent of that connection is that he plays a lot of video games and so did her ex.
And lastly she has this unrealistic expectation of our lives. Like she wants us to be married and have kids in like 2 years. I don't necessarily see it that way and she KNOWS this. We are going to get married fairly soon. We both know it and right now its a matter of money. A matter easily solved by my friend moving in. The second is a time thing. I want children but not till after I finnish college and am financially stable. I don't want to bring a child into the world when I have to work tons of overtime just to scratch 30k a year. She even says she aggrees with me but I guess she is hoping a condom will break or something.
And this mainly leads into her not wanting him around because he doesn't fit into this perfect family picture she has in her head.
Sounds to me like its the ex-boyfriend thing, which isnt fair to him or you. Just in this little bit of info you've offered Im getting the "red flag", and mostly because she doesnt seem to care what YOU want. She's concerned with the magical fairyland she's created for herself and doesnt care that your feelings dont mirror her own (best friend, kids, marriage, stability).
I cant tell you what to do obviously but I'd tell her my best friend is a very important part of my life, I made a promise to him, and Im not about to bail on him at a point in his life where he really needs me the most. If she cant be understanding of that then its a problem.
At very least I would continue to push the financial leeway angle as it "fits" in to her grand plan. She wants x/y/z in two years. Great. Then your best friend can help get the two of you there.
If you can't do this for whatever reason, leave her. Plenty of fish in the sea.
Spoken like someone who's never had a girlfriend You don't make decisoins like this based on profitability
My advice, under no means, absolutely do not let your friend move in. Don't even consider it for a second. Cause here's what's going to happen:
Your girlfriend is going to get really pissed off that you ignored her wishes. She live in the place too, she should have an equal say
Your girlfriend will take that out on you and your best friend.
You will be in a ****ty mood all the time because your girlfriend will be giving you **** all the time.
Your best friend will be in a ****ty mood all the time because your girlfriend will be moody and not nice to him
Your best friend will treat your girlfriend like crap cause she is treating him like crap
You will get pissed at your best friend for treating your girlfriend like crap
Your best friend will be pissed at you for having a girlfriend causing you and him grief.
In the end you will have three people living in an apartment who are all pissed off at each other all the time, damaging both relationships you have. It would just devolve into one huge mess of negative emotions, frustration, and anger, and you will probably end up losing your girlfriend AND your best friend over the whole ordeal.
It doesn't matter if you think that is right or wrong or fair or unfair, this is what is going to happen. It is a lose lose situation for you if he moves in.
You need to decide which relationship is more important to you, and prioritize that relationship. Yeah, it sucks, but sometimes we need to do that as we get older. You need to accept the fact that you cannot control your GF's feeling about your best friend, you cannot change her or him. You can only make the choice that is best for you.
How good is she in bed? I ask because if the answer is anything other than "absolutely ****ing awesome", you should dump her now. She's bat**** and going to steer you into a trainwreck.
Edit: this post coming from an expert on bat**** crazy women. If these forums had a NSFW section... holy **** the stories I could tell.
What this all means is that your relationship with your GF is in very serious trouble and will not last much longer unless you both put in some serious effort to fix it.
The BARE MINIMUM amount of "serious effort" required on your part is to accept that her desire not to live with your BF is legitimate. You can sit down with her and try to negotiate a solution acceptable to both of you, but you are both unable to communicate and have failed to do this despite having a year of opportunity, so I do not think this will work. Or, you could just agree that your BF will not move in, but as I said, this is, at best, the bare minimum required to salvage your relationship -- you would still have a lot more work to do, and there are no guarantees.
Alternatively, you could decide that your relationship with your GF is not salvageable, and end it. It's clear that you are not currently prepared to do this, however.
Humor aside, your best friend shouldn't get shafted, if he is, in fact, your best friend. If your best friend matters, and your girlfriend minds, your girlfriend doesn't matter. If she wants your babies, she should be willing to put up with your best friend. Friends are the most mild and most tolerable form of baggage, something she seems to have a lot of. Don't let ****** cloud your judgment and force you to cash in your best friend (for aforementioned ******).
Another way of thinking of it is who gets to pick up the pieces after you make a decision; you could drink with your Bestie and he'd console you on the loss of your girlfriend, whereas your girlfriend would give exactly zero ****s if this incident removed your Bestie from your life, supposing she hates him as much as you say she does.
Why do you say that? His girlfriend is allowed to have her own opinions of people. She's allowed to not want to live with people she doesn't like. If she's paying rent, she has just as much say as anyone else.
Dismissing her opinion seems pretty callous to me.
Why are his wants more important than hers? If he really loved her he would not create a living situation she does not want to be in.
I do agree that if this guy is his best friend he should understand about not moving in.
It's interesting that you've asked why his wants are more important than hers while at the same time implying that her wants are much more important than his or his friend's.
He wants his BF to move in and his BF wants to move in, but his GF doesn't want it - you say that he shouldn't let his BF move in, but why are her wants more important than his?
From what I've gathered, the OP and his BF have been planning to live together for a year+, they've both made decisions based on that plan, and the GF has had all that time to express concerns with the plan before it got to this point.
I'd argue that if she really loved him then she wouldn't have waited to the last minute to create a situation for both OP and his best friend that they do not want to be in.
—Jaya Ballard, task mage
EDIT:
Totally echoing this -
This ****ty situation is entirely the fault of the girlfriend. I'd tell her "I ever hear the words 'that's final' out of your mouth again, they truly will be."
I bet she pulls the line "It's either him or me." The only response is "There's the door."
Pristaxcontrombmodruu!
So basically what you're getting at is that you don't NEED her around. If you don't need her, and she's going to act like that, the best advice anybody can give you is "Tell her to deal with it or she can gtfo."
She had ample time to voice any concerns, and to do it at the last moment isn't a legitimate time to do so. She's trying to assert herself over you, and you need to let her know that you're not one to be walked on, especially if she's going to be bratty about it.
Besides, your buddy coming in and her leaving essentially leaves you in the same financial situation anyway. If you're getting by now, you'll be able to get by without her too.
Because we care about facts.
Because she already lives there.
So she should submit to a living arrangement she doesn't like because she loves her boyfriend? That sounds pretty misogynistic to me.
She lives there now. She pays rent. She has a right to express her displeasure at any change of living arrangement. The OP has no right to force her to accommodate him. If he wants to live with his BF, he can move out and live with his BF.
I'm talking about the OP, who also already lives there and (from what I can tell) paid for her to live there for some amount of time too. He obviously wants his friend to move in.
Why are his wants less important than hers?
So he should submit to a living arrangement he doesn't like because he loves his girlfriend? That sounds pretty misandristic to me.
He lives there now. He pays rent. He has the right to proceed with the living arrangement they all agreed to over a year ago. The OP's GF has no right to force him to accommodate her. If she doesn't want to live with his BF, she can move out so she doesn't have to.
—Jaya Ballard, task mage
Relax; I'm not advocating violence or anything. It's a quote from a movie.
My point is that she issued the ultimatum. I take a very solid "don't negotiate with terrorists" attitude around statements like that.
A year ago three people put forth a plan where this best friend would move in eventually. She had ample time to bring forth her concerns. By waiting until the last minute before issuing a 'that's final' kind of statement, she's saying "I didn't want to spend the year negotiating this, I'm forcing you to choose between your friend and me."
Anyone who forces that kind of decision on a person is doing nothing short of extortion. The OP should want nothing to do with a woman like that.
Pristaxcontrombmodruu!
This whole friend have no choice thing makes no sense to me.
And if she doesn't like the way things are proceeding, she has just as much right to leave. He's not obligated to move out because he's doing something she doesn't like, if she is the one with the problem then she should be the one to make the move, not him. Obviously neither party is obligated to do anything, but typically the person who is being agitated by something removes themselves from the situation.
I'm sorry, but she is completely in the wrong here. She had ample time to express herself in regards to the situation, and the fact that she waited until the last minute means that she's trying to get her way via an unspoken ultimatum, which is complete nonsense and no grown adult, man nor woman, should have to put up with that. This is something that children do when they throw tantrums to get things that they want.
Because we care about facts.
Did he say he doesn't living with his girlfriend?
Cute, but wrong. Introducing a roommate is a little different than keeping the status quo.
Have you ever been in a relationship before?
You think it's good for the relationship for the OP to tell his GF to move out of the place she lives so his friend can move in? Yeah, I'm sure that relationship will go real smooth after that.
If the OP wants to dump his GF, that's on him, but pretending he can force her out of the apartment without destroying his relationship with her is idiotic.
No she's not. She's is just as entitled to want someone not to move in as the OP is to want someone to move in.
No, children put their needs first with no consideration for the feeling of others, and also no consideration for the long term implications of that decision.
It's disgustingly naive for people in this thread to judge the OP's relationship or the girl in question based on a few sentences of a one sided story.
The OP stated that this is the girl he wants to marry.
The OP stated this is the girl he wants to have kids with
This is the girl he has decided he wants to spend the rest of his life with
And people are saying he should kick her out/throw away the relationship so his buddy can move in. Newsflash: apartments aren't rare things. He can find somewhere else to live.
I honestly am surprised there is even any discussion. The OP needs to decide if he wants to grow up or not. Grown up look for meaningful relationships with people they want to spend their lives with. And they don't toss them out the window so the dude they played GI Joe with when they were kids has a place to crash.
To the OP, this all comes down to one thing: Do you want to stay with your girlfriend or dump her. It has nothing to do with your friend. If you want to keep the relationship, tell him to find another apartment. If you want to dump her, dump her and live the bachelor life until your buddy meets a girl and moves out and you can be alone.
Based on what we know it beyond lame for her to wait until the last minute before pulling this kind of a stunt but hey, that's life and sometimes you have to deal with stuff that shouldn't be happening in the first place
It's a bit ridiculous to think that the OP's friend just can't find anywhere else on short-notice... What happens if the OP's girl gets pregnant tomorrow and the BF can't move in because they're going to have a kid and all that jazz?
It's a crappy situation that seems to rise from the GF's inability to make the call when it should be made but it's up to the OP to man up and tell his friend that that's the way the cards fell this time around and he isn't dumping the gal over this.
To the OP: I would recommend that you let your GF know that isn't cool to be pulling this last minute. Don't get all angry in her face about it but you should let her know that while she might get her way she is forcing you into doing something you'd rather not have to do. She gets her say in living arrangements but you get to say something when she ruins plans that have been made for a long time.
Dr. Love says, "Boot her, move in with bestie, party and drink and play video games."
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