So my girlfriend works at City Beach - a clothes store. Now I'll preface everything by saying that OF COURSE I know it really shouldn't matter what I think about where she works, it's her life, but that doesn't mean I feel any better about it nor want to do something about it. So let me dive into my complaints.
Firstly and fore-mostly, this job and the people she works with have tainted her. Oh yes, how judgemental of me to say so -but it's what I feel. The girls she works with are all, dare I say it, "****ty" and as being as much is basically part of her job description its starting to rub off on her. She's started hanging out with her friends from work more and more than her friends from school (who generally seem to be nicer people and care about her more). Her friends from work are the kind to go out and get drunk and rowdy in the city on a weekend, and my girlfriend - although undoubtedly the most awesome person I've ever met - has started to slip a little bit into the sort of girl that I usually just can't stand and worries me.
It's not just the girls - there are a few other shifty people there. She recently got high with her boss in a park... the next month her boss got fired and prosecuted for STEALING $10 000 from the business. It just seems that no-one from that store is a good influence, and usually the opposite. And yes, I feel bad just typing this - who am I to tell her who her friends should be? But I still feel like there must be some way I can get her to see this, because I know she can do better.
Secondly, and on a different note completely, she's starting to work WAY too much. We're coming into our final year of school here in Australia - ahead of us are the most important 3 terms of our lives... and yet she's taking on more workload than ever.
Now, while I am quite proud of how hard she's working and how she's speeding up the hierarchy at work, I feel like she should reassess her priorities for now. She's a very talented girl and very smart too - she can go well in school when she puts her mind to it - but she has lost confidence in herself. She's almost given up on her High School Certificate already. During January she's accepted a temporary promotion which will have her working full time for 4 weeks. This is during the holidays, which is no real problem in terms of school but it does reflect her attitude to everything. She's given up on school and is completely jumping head first into more and more work - money is starting to rule her world.
I understand that this could be the path she wants to take with life - but I know her, and I know deep down it isn't. She had dreams, but now she's forgotten about them and has become a slave to money and debt. I want to get her back on track, AT LEAST for this final 3 terms of school so she can have no regrets and do her best.
I'm not sure what I can do, or perhaps more importantly IF I SHOULD do anything about either of these two things. I know it's her life, and her decisions but I care for her and it's still eating me up.
The best thing you can do is tell her how you feel about what she's doing. If she's your girlfriend you've got to be able to communicate about stuff like that. You seem to care a lot about what she's doing with her life, and expressing that is pivotal in your relationship.
Ultimately, it is her decision on what she's doing though -- you can only do so much or have so much of an "intervention." It's hard to jump to many conclusions before you actually talk to her about it though (unless you already have, then I guess we'll need more details).
About Frox: for nearly 10 years, Frox has been helping women look good and feel great in easy-fit, mix-and-match, and work-to-weekend with just a few pieces by helping them make the right choices when it comes to clothing and accessories.
It's amazingly maddening to watch someone have a transformation from something you want and desire into something you despise and avoid. I've had it happen to me, so I understand what you're going through.
Hopefully you two communicating will sort things out for the best.
The only way she'll know how you feel is if you tell her, and the sooner the better. Watching someone slip away from you is an awful situation, but one that you can help. People don't like hearing this kind of news, so be prepared for some backlash. Remember to be honest, and good luck.
However, in today's culture of Justin Bieber, Jersey Shore, and Twilight, where every song on the radio, every program on television and every site on the internet is just another monument to the pinnacle of human stupidity, it's certainly not the worst thing that people could be watching.
Talk to her about what worries you and why. Don't drop any ultimatums on her.
This is the most reasonable option, but find a way to phrase it that doesn't pass '****ty'.
And what exactly does that mean to you?
But anyway, something similar happened with my fiancee's friend. She was in school, started working at a clothing store, and when she graduated college she didn't stop, and didn't pursue her major. She became really committed to the store, and started hanging out pretty much only with the late teen/early twenty-somethings that worked there, and went out drinking several times a week. Several years later she's still doing it. I honestly don't understand it, because she is largely going backwards in life, and keeps talking about moving up to corporate, but never actually applies.
Usually I'm pretty insightful about these things, but I honestly don't understand this mentality. And I don't mean that in a 'I can't sympathize' kind of way, I just honestly don't understand it. I understand the people who never really leave home, but I just don't understand how otherwise capable people just dead-end in life (I'm not saying retail is bad, I'm just confused how what was a college job becomes your career, despite getting a degree with good job prospects in another field). It's like they just revert back to childhood or change completely as people when exposed to a new group.
In any case, this isn't necessarily a bad or irreversible thing. If you don't like her coworkers or how it is affecting her, talk to her about it. But be warned that if she decides to stay, that needs to be the end of it - either you accept her decision and what she wants or you move on. You do not want her job becoming a major source of strife between you, because you can quickly go from concerned boyfriend to controlling jerk.
If my GF started working at City beach, supre, red zoo or any of those stores filled with idiotic girls I would tell her to stay true to herself
You can imagine my pain when she says she's gonna start working their five days a week for the next four weeks... I feel like she might just turn into a different person!
You can imagine my pain when she says she's gonna start working their five days a week for the next four weeks... I feel like she might just turn into a different person!
She might. From the OP, I got the feeling you're both in that late-teens/early-twenties era. You'll see a lot of change in people during those ages.
Try not to take it personally if she becomes someone who is incompatible with you. She's got to be true to herself to be happy.
When I was younger, I had this perfect image in my head about what a relationship should be. Anything that fell outside of that image bothered me.
Now much older, I've learned to compromise a lot in life. I know plenty of things my current lady does that would have bothered me when I was younger and learning.
For example, going out with coworkers at 1am after she closes the restaurant and coming home 2 hours later. It doesn't upset me. Nor do I worry or question who she's out with. It doesn't raise an alarm or make me feel like I've lost control.
She has a lot of friends. Some of them good people, some of them not so much. But its irrelevant. What matters is her, and her decisions. That is the person I am dating. Sometimes I raz her or give her a hard time about people, but nothing detrimental to our relationship. I'm not afraid to express dislike for some of her friends, but I don't insist she stop being friends with them.
I don't like pot at all. I've expressed this many times. But shes not big on it regardless. Should she slip up, it wouldn't be the termination of our arrangement. We also have excellent, amazing open communication channels. I think your missing that to some extent.
I don't know how old you both are. But the early 20's are the years to live a little. Once you have a mortgage, bills house and kids life slows down pretty quickly. Don't fault someone too hard for living a little while there's still time. Personally, my girls party habits have lit up my own life. I'm actually having fun again.
Talk to your girl.
But first talk to yourself. What's honestly important? What isn't? Are you worrying to much over some issues that aren't really a big deal?
Firstly and fore-mostly, this job and the people she works with have tainted her. Oh yes, how judgemental of me to say so -but it's what I feel. The girls she works with are all, dare I say it, "****ty" and as being as much is basically part of her job description its starting to rub off on her. She's started hanging out with her friends from work more and more than her friends from school (who generally seem to be nicer people and care about her more). Her friends from work are the kind to go out and get drunk and rowdy in the city on a weekend, and my girlfriend - although undoubtedly the most awesome person I've ever met - has started to slip a little bit into the sort of girl that I usually just can't stand and worries me.
It's not just the girls - there are a few other shifty people there. She recently got high with her boss in a park... the next month her boss got fired and prosecuted for STEALING $10 000 from the business. It just seems that no-one from that store is a good influence, and usually the opposite. And yes, I feel bad just typing this - who am I to tell her who her friends should be? But I still feel like there must be some way I can get her to see this, because I know she can do better.
Secondly, and on a different note completely, she's starting to work WAY too much. We're coming into our final year of school here in Australia - ahead of us are the most important 3 terms of our lives... and yet she's taking on more workload than ever.
Now, while I am quite proud of how hard she's working and how she's speeding up the hierarchy at work, I feel like she should reassess her priorities for now. She's a very talented girl and very smart too - she can go well in school when she puts her mind to it - but she has lost confidence in herself. She's almost given up on her High School Certificate already. During January she's accepted a temporary promotion which will have her working full time for 4 weeks. This is during the holidays, which is no real problem in terms of school but it does reflect her attitude to everything. She's given up on school and is completely jumping head first into more and more work - money is starting to rule her world.
I understand that this could be the path she wants to take with life - but I know her, and I know deep down it isn't. She had dreams, but now she's forgotten about them and has become a slave to money and debt. I want to get her back on track, AT LEAST for this final 3 terms of school so she can have no regrets and do her best.
I'm not sure what I can do, or perhaps more importantly IF I SHOULD do anything about either of these two things. I know it's her life, and her decisions but I care for her and it's still eating me up.
Talk to her about what worries you and why. Don't drop any ultimatums on her.
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Ultimately, it is her decision on what she's doing though -- you can only do so much or have so much of an "intervention." It's hard to jump to many conclusions before you actually talk to her about it though (unless you already have, then I guess we'll need more details).
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About Frox: for nearly 10 years, Frox has been helping women look good and feel great in easy-fit, mix-and-match, and work-to-weekend with just a few pieces by helping them make the right choices when it comes to clothing and accessories.
It's amazingly maddening to watch someone have a transformation from something you want and desire into something you despise and avoid. I've had it happen to me, so I understand what you're going through.
Hopefully you two communicating will sort things out for the best.
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This is the most reasonable option, but find a way to phrase it that doesn't pass '****ty'.
And what exactly does that mean to you?
But anyway, something similar happened with my fiancee's friend. She was in school, started working at a clothing store, and when she graduated college she didn't stop, and didn't pursue her major. She became really committed to the store, and started hanging out pretty much only with the late teen/early twenty-somethings that worked there, and went out drinking several times a week. Several years later she's still doing it. I honestly don't understand it, because she is largely going backwards in life, and keeps talking about moving up to corporate, but never actually applies.
Usually I'm pretty insightful about these things, but I honestly don't understand this mentality. And I don't mean that in a 'I can't sympathize' kind of way, I just honestly don't understand it. I understand the people who never really leave home, but I just don't understand how otherwise capable people just dead-end in life (I'm not saying retail is bad, I'm just confused how what was a college job becomes your career, despite getting a degree with good job prospects in another field). It's like they just revert back to childhood or change completely as people when exposed to a new group.
In any case, this isn't necessarily a bad or irreversible thing. If you don't like her coworkers or how it is affecting her, talk to her about it. But be warned that if she decides to stay, that needs to be the end of it - either you accept her decision and what she wants or you move on. You do not want her job becoming a major source of strife between you, because you can quickly go from concerned boyfriend to controlling jerk.
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LOL
You can imagine my pain when she says she's gonna start working their five days a week for the next four weeks... I feel like she might just turn into a different person!
Try not to take it personally if she becomes someone who is incompatible with you. She's got to be true to herself to be happy.
Moderator Help Desk
Sales Thread
Now much older, I've learned to compromise a lot in life. I know plenty of things my current lady does that would have bothered me when I was younger and learning.
For example, going out with coworkers at 1am after she closes the restaurant and coming home 2 hours later. It doesn't upset me. Nor do I worry or question who she's out with. It doesn't raise an alarm or make me feel like I've lost control.
She has a lot of friends. Some of them good people, some of them not so much. But its irrelevant. What matters is her, and her decisions. That is the person I am dating. Sometimes I raz her or give her a hard time about people, but nothing detrimental to our relationship. I'm not afraid to express dislike for some of her friends, but I don't insist she stop being friends with them.
I don't like pot at all. I've expressed this many times. But shes not big on it regardless. Should she slip up, it wouldn't be the termination of our arrangement. We also have excellent, amazing open communication channels. I think your missing that to some extent.
I don't know how old you both are. But the early 20's are the years to live a little. Once you have a mortgage, bills house and kids life slows down pretty quickly. Don't fault someone too hard for living a little while there's still time. Personally, my girls party habits have lit up my own life. I'm actually having fun again.
Talk to your girl.
But first talk to yourself. What's honestly important? What isn't? Are you worrying to much over some issues that aren't really a big deal?
My Buying Thread
It was more the fact that she was with her boss - which seems like a terrible idea.
Drop the broad.