I'm a teenage male, and I'm not religious at all. I'm pretty liberal, I'm pretty laidback, and so are my parents and everyone else I hang out with, but my girlfriend really isn't. She's quite the opposite in most ways, which can get annoying, but hey, she's been my girlfriend for a year now, so apparently I'm pretty attached to her. Anyway, in the beginning of the relationship she asked that I not look at porn.
"Ehh..." and I asked her to define what she meant and what limits she wanted to be put on me. Basically any pornographic material, and if you need to define it, grab a dictionary. Movies with nude scenes are fine as long as I'm not jacking off to them. "Understandable." I thought it'd be easy, but...
It's a struggle, and worse than that, there's no one else I can turn to for comfort. I tell other guys/girls that I'm doing this for her, and they just laugh at it and at the arguments my girlfriend made. I tell them just to try going without it for a week or two, and they'll see that it's like an addiction, it's so friggin' difficult to fight, but I'm sure none of them give it a real shot. I've "screwed up" more than a few times, it's so frustrating!
Why do I bother? It's not so much what she says that sways me, though it really does play a role, but it's the fact that it's something that controls me and drives me to do things or look at things I don't want to. And you can say that "there are some things that you can't fight" but those things are natural. Porn is not natural, it's artificial. Food is natural. Sex is natural. Porn is pictures and videos of naked girls and sex- it's not the pheromones, the sweat, the feeling, it's just sights and sounds. It's not real.
As for her arguments, she makes the claim that porn drives people apart, and that it's really infedility with one's eyes. My friends would like to define cheating by the question "Would you tell your girlfriend about what you did?" and I certainly wouldn't tell my girlfriend that I was thinking about another woman, what I wanted to do to her, and I watched her feel herself up naked. Hell, if it had been me and the woman in real life (and I know that when people watch videos or look at pics of a girl, they certainly don't think about the photographer- in their mind, the only people there are you and her), I know there would be no question that I had cheated and I'd be in deep ****.
I've tried hard to stop this, but I'm surrounded by it everywhere. I stay up late at night and I see those "Call now, I'm young, half-naked, and waiting for you" commercials, my parents leave me to myself late at night, my dad has his Maxim and Stuff magazines lying around (could be worse), and Google is ready to go, set as my homepage. Even if I look at more subtle, "innocent" bikini pics, it still leads me to more and worse things.
I guess what I want to know is, has anyone ever tried to stop looking at porn? Has anyone ever succeeded? Or does everyone think that looking at porn is just a natural male trait? I don't think so, because we had to be introduced to it at some point or another, but then what if we hadn't? What if we had no access to it?
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Getting the last word does not mean that you win the argument.
I find it disturbing that she's set such a limit on you. If she's young (16-25) she's probably going through a thing and won't care soon. But if she's older, then I'd consider it quits if things get worse. Just because: if you can't be yourself, then one of you are wrong, right?
I don't think so, because we had to be introduced to it at some point
Since the begining of life most likly. I'd consider it "Built in" as it were. If it feels natural to your being, then it's built in. It's not the same as eating. You require food to live. Looking at porn is what would be natural; so as soon as it's gone, your onto the next thing, simply because humans adapt to what they have to adapt to when no alternative exsist. (as of that moment)
As for her arguments, she makes the claim that porn drives people apart, and that it's really infedility with one's eyes
Yeah, that's not really what's going on. She probably got dumped last time by a guy that looked at alot of porn, and brought it up during the "big argument". So now she's cautious.
As for being infedility: that's insane.
Example: Suppose my wife (Not that I have one) has the most pretty hair in the world. If I saw hair I liked better, that would be intrusive to her? Because my opinion changed/my opinion has been swayed?
What if you're an artist. Would she ban you from looking at the human figure? Obviously not, but nudge and say "Hey, just don't get any idea's."
It's obvious you still want to be with her, but I see problems.
Keep in mind I'm just stating what I think. It may or may not be right under any circumstances.
Since the begining of life most likly. I'd consider it "Built in" as it were. If it feels natural to your being, then it's built in. It's not the same as eating. You require food to live. Looking at porn is what would be natural; so as soon as it's gone, your onto the next thing, simply because humans adapt to what they have to adapt to when no alternative exsist. (as of that moment)
I don't know how many parents sit their kids down in front of a porn movie. Maybe some messed up parents do, but children are not meant to be introduced to pornography, hence the '18 or older' or 'Adults only' tags. It's not built in, it's introduced at around earlier ages (9 or 10 I suppose) and over time we have this notion that it must be totally harmless and okay for everyone, because everyone else does it and no one really condemns it.
Yeah, that's not really what's going on. She probably got dumped last time by a guy that looked at alot of porn, and brought it up during the "big argument". So now she's cautious.
I know her dating history, and that's not really what it is. It's apparently her parent's views on the subject.
As for being infedility: that's insane.
Example: Suppose my wife (Not that I have one) has the most pretty hair in the world. If I saw hair I liked better, that would be intrusive to her? Because my opinion changed/my opinion has been swayed?
If you stroke someone's hair, that's not cheating. It's weird, it's awkard, but it's not cheating. On top of that, you don't have sex with hair. You don't think about hair in particular when you masturbate.
What if you're an artist. Would she ban you from looking at the human figure? Obviously not, but nudge and say "Hey, just don't get any idea's."
She's uncomfortable as it is when I draw women (not nude, just 'hot' women), but I've asked her about artwork, because I do admire the human form from time-to-time. Yeah, she would do the nudge-thing, and I would have to be mature about the subject, but it's not something I'm going to use as an out (I have before), because there's a clear difference in thought between "Wow, that's beautiful, I love how the artist depicted her form." and "Wow, look at those tits!"
I know, I can so easily get away with "looking at art" and "doing anatomy research" or whatever else, but the point is I don't want to. Hell, I can get away with just not telling her altogether. But this is something I want to stop doing, and everyone else seems to take it like a joke.
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Getting the last word does not mean that you win the argument.
Dude, I feel ya. I used to be into the "porn thing" too. I grew tired of it, and decided to quit wathcing/looking at **** like that. It IS an addiction. Take smoking as an example. Some people can quit easily, some people have to fight it. You just happen to be one of those people who have to fight it. Sporadically, someone will say, "Hey, look at these." So I will, and usually give my opinion on them. If I were in a relationship, I would probably cut off porn also, just because, in my opinion, if yoou are into the porn while you are with someone, then you are looking for something they can't give you, and it is cheating. That's just my opinion, however.
I know I probably didn't help all that much. If you need a rock, or someone to lean on while you are trying to overcome this, let me know. It is an addiction, and the best thing for fighting addictions is a good support group. Consider me in that group.
1) Why dont you just not tell her you look at porn if she doesnt want you to use it? Porn is a godsend when I see my gf only 1/3 of the year at the moment.
2) I dont feel porn is so much of an addiction as its basically an outlet for sexual energy that I would otherwise expend on something else; when Im really busy or working or have an exam, i wont use porn at all. Essentially the same as if I had access to a girl; if im not busy ill think about my gf all the time etc etc, but if im busy i wont have the time or energy to.
Really, you need to ask yourself whether the problem is porn or masturbation, or if you feel there's a difference. Porn, as just images, is not too hard to quit, while the other can be quite difficult. Is it cheating to use your imagination?
If looking at porn were cheating, the US divorce rate would be a hell of a lot higher than 50%. Also, a porn ban and a girlfriend who's saving herself for marriage combine to form something legally defined as torture by the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
I'd ignore her and watch porn when she's not around. She's currently going to Pensacola Christian College, amirite?
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I feel ya man. Seriously. I can't look at porn due to the weblocker placed upon this humble computer, but when I go to my friends house and such, it's addicting as hell.
I think the question is, do you like her enough to respect her wishes? Yes = Look. No = Don't look. Personally, and this is my opinion, a relationship is all about comprimise. Maybe you could work something out with her?
IMO, for a girlfriend is right to know if her boyfriend is interested in porn or not: this means that this girl wants to know how his boyfriend is mature, and his behaviour. There's nothing wrong with that. Just a consideration about the other, nothing else.
Porn and maturity have nothing to do with one another in any sense other than a religious one. If the girl was truly interested in her boyfriend's maturity, she'd look into his other leisure activities and the company he keeps when she isn't around.
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Hey all... I'm retired, not dead. Check out what I'm doing these days (and beg me to come back if you want):
I use to be a frequent viewer of such things as well. I haven't looked at them with any regularity for 4 years. I was able to quit because of being forced. When you are activated with the army for a long period of time with no computer access it puts a damper on it. When i got back I checked it out, but it had lost its apeal.
Sorta like smoking once you quit it, you find out how vile it really is. Now I still enjoy the odd cigarette, naked picture, but it's the addiction that is really the problem.
I think a large portion of it is the masturbation, I still do, however not even every day, where before it may have been many times. Once I did not have the urge for that, the porno really had no purpose.
From my perspective all that's really going on here is that your girlfriend has a bad sense of insecurity. Whether you agree to her demands as well as whether you consider them reasonable or not are both pretty much secondary to the much more serious problems her attitude might represent.
There's a kind of stereotype I've occasionally heard people advance that boys care only about sex in a relationship and girls are only in it for the perks (meals out, presents, flowers, attention etc.). This may or may not be the way some kids play things, but I've never once seen a worthwhile and successful relationship that works this way.
If your girlfriend's worried that you might not love her anymore if you found a pic of some girl cuter than her then her whole concept of relationship dynamics is very broken.
A good relationship should, in my view, be based on fun and trust and good things. Paranoia doesn't belong in the mix.
(Aside: If anything, my relationship with my girlfriend has been strengthened by her perceptions of other women I find attractive. The reason being because it reassures her that she really is my type and I don't want to trade her in for some athletic young blonde ! :D)
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I could maybe understand her asking you to not watch porn if you two were sexually active together, but I don't know if you two are.
If you aren't, then she's asking for too much.
Just because she is not willing to have sex until marriage is no reason that you should not be able to masturbate, especially given that there are health benefits to regular masturbation. (No lie, yo.)
I could maybe understand her asking you to not watch porn if you two were sexually active together, but I don't know if you two are.
If you aren't, then she's asking for too much.
Just because she is not willing to have sex until marriage is no reason that you should not be able to masturbate, especially given that there are health benefits to regular masturbation. (No lie, yo.)
I don't think she said no masturbation. She said no porn, but it is kind of hard to do one without the other(and if she did say no masturbation that is asking for to much). I think that if you really respect your girlfriend's wishes you shouldn't look at porn. And yes regular masturbation helps prevent prostate cancer.
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Quote from CynicalSquirrel »
I said I'm not sure. I mean, I want to have children, but I could change my mind down the road, or simply have my testicles cut off in some kind of freak accident. It's just too early for me to tell.
Most young males simply get a need for releasing of sexual tensions and porn simply makes it easier. I wouldnt have any problems beeing with someone that wanted to wait with sex. Sex isnt nessecery in a relationship. BUT i sure as hell would object to no porn and if she said no masturbation I wouldnt evem bother arguing it. That would make me go "deal with it or go away".
Its not about prioritizing, its about one part of the relationship not beeing able to let the other part have his natural needs.
As for porn itself, while it does have a 18year age limit its only natural that they try and look at it earlier as most of them become sexually curious long before that.
Btw: best solution is enough sex to not need any masturbation at all
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Quote from Einstein »
Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -how passionately I hate them!
Quote from Nietzsche »
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
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In my opinion, any significant other who tries to control the other (even if they seemingly have justification) is very insecure. Does she really equate porn with infidelity? That's just crazy. Does she expect you to only ever think of her 'that way'? I would have issues with that on a number of levels, but that's just me.
Is this really something you want to do? It can be done relatively easy depending on how you view porn. When I was younger, I'd look at it pretty much whenever I could. But now I don't. I don't even have any on my computer. I got to a point where porn had become almost like a crutch, it was keeping me from pursuing the real thing. When I realized how dumb that was, I just stopped looking at it so much. It was as simple as that.
If you don't want to look at it, you can just not look at it. You're not addicted, you're just a horny teenaged guy looking to get his rocks off with the path of least resistance. And that is natural, though that doesn't mean you're forced to just go with it.
sterling angel: I understand that some wimen have had bad experiences with porn but imo its not the porns fault its the people themselves. Porn doesnt corrupt people unless there is something wrong with them in the first place. People in general need to not think that anything they see in pics/video is an accurate picture of reality. If they dont then there is no problem, if they do then the problem is with them, not the act of looking at porn.
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Quote from Einstein »
Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -how passionately I hate them!
Quote from Nietzsche »
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
[thread=41221][my extendo sig][/thread] [thread=56664][moderator helpdesk][/thread] [Pen and Paper Inn]
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Sure, stuff like Snapping Drake and Goblin Piker are for limited. But Null isn't even playable against a 5 year old whose hand consists of a 6 of Clubs, Blue-Eyes White Dragon, Chimney Imp, and a very large cumquat.
sterling angel: I understand that some wimen have had bad experiences with porn but imo its not the porns fault its the people themselves. Porn doesnt corrupt people unless there is something wrong with them in the first place. People in general need to not think that anything they see in pics/video is an accurate picture of reality. If they dont then there is no problem, if they do then the problem is with them, not the act of looking at porn.
Agreed in full. Pornography is a tool, completely neutral. It's the people who use it that can make it either good or bad. Blaming porn for any problems experienced with avid porn viewers is, I think, avoiding the real issues.
Thanks to all of you who are going through the same thing, or support me through this. I think that's the most important part of all.
Quote from Volcanon »
1) Why dont you just not tell her you look at porn if she doesnt want you to use it? Porn is a godsend when I see my gf only 1/3 of the year at the moment.
2) I dont feel porn is so much of an addiction as its basically an outlet for sexual energy that I would otherwise expend on something else; when Im really busy or working or have an exam, i wont use porn at all. Essentially the same as if I had access to a girl; if im not busy ill think about my gf all the time etc etc, but if im busy i wont have the time or energy to.
1) I know this may be frustrating, but I don't want to lie to/keep secrets from her. Yeah, I know, I'm too moral, I should just do what I feel like, and I typically do not care about moral views, and I just do what I feel like in 95% of other cases, but I do care about my girlfriend and I do want to respect her wishes. I mean it's the least I can do for her.
2) I agree with the fact that it is a sexual outlet, and we know that when I go to college it will get worse in more than a few ways, because it's pretty concentrated there. But I still think that it is an addiction (maybe not for you) in my case, because most times I'm not aroused at all, and I still feel the urge to go look at it. Sometimes no one is home or awake, and I get the urge to just because I can go look at porn. It's frustrating to fight.
Quote from Mr. Stuff »
Really, you need to ask yourself whether the problem is porn or masturbation, or if you feel there's a difference. Porn, as just images, is not too hard to quit, while the other can be quite difficult. Is it cheating to use your imagination?
She's not asking me to stop masturbating, so I'm fine there. She prefers (not asks/demands) I do it less frequently, which is impossible because if I want to fight this it's best that I don't have any sexual energy. She also asks that I think of her, but hey, one thing at a time. I may eventually just disregard this one; while I have accomplished it for a period of time before, it's way more difficult to do than to stop looking at porn.
On top of that, she doesn't know what it's like for me, but maybe if I did only think of her, I would be less urged to look at porn. Who knows.
Quote from Annorax »
If looking at porn were cheating, the US divorce rate would be a hell of a lot higher than 50%. Also, a porn ban and a girlfriend who's saving herself for marriage combine to form something legally defined as torture by the Universal Declaration of Human Rights.
Well the fact that she's saving herself for marriage doesn't mean we don't do anything sexual. In fact, we come pretty close to having sex most of the time. I guess you can call it 3.9th base. So it's not like we're not active, she does everything else for me, which is why it's understandable that she asks this. Also, my girlfriend argues that the divorce rate IS that high because of pornography, but no one sees this because it is so widely accepted.
Quote from Priest »
I think the question is, do you like her enough to respect her wishes? Yes = Look. No = Don't look. Personally, and this is my opinion, a relationship is all about comprimise. Maybe you could work something out with her?
Don't you mean "Yes = Don't look" and "No = Look"?
It's hard to bargain with her, but I've been able to with more serious things, so it's not like she's impossible. The thing is that I'd rather just quit because I can see that it really does drive me, even when I'm not aroused.
Quote from Annorax »
Porn and maturity have nothing to do with one another in any sense other than a religious one. If the girl was truly interested in her boyfriend's maturity, she'd look into his other leisure activities and the company he keeps when she isn't around.
Actually, I taught her how to play Magic and she's come with me to FNM on a few occassions. She's met my MTG friends and she gets along with them pretty well too. Keep in mind that she doesn't want me looking at porn not for religious reasons, but for the health of the relationship.
Quote from bateleur »
There's a kind of stereotype I've occasionally heard people advance that boys care only about sex in a relationship and girls are only in it for the perks (meals out, presents, flowers, attention etc.). This may or may not be the way some kids play things, but I've never once seen a worthwhile and successful relationship that works this way.
This isn't how we work, because we mutually enjoy it. I'm not begging her for it, and often there are times when she wants it, and I'm like "Eh.. fine..."
Quote from bateleur »
If your girlfriend's worried that you might not love her anymore if you found a pic of some girl cuter than her then her whole concept of relationship dynamics is very broken.
I don't think it's so much that as it is that she's more worried about the fact that if I look it porn, I'm looking for something that she's not giving me.
Quote from bateleur »
(Aside: If anything, my relationship with my girlfriend has been strengthened by her perceptions of other women I find attractive. The reason being because it reassures her that she really is my type and I don't want to trade her in for some athletic young blonde ! :D)
Good for you then, but in my case it's not one specific type I'm looking at. It's anything.
Quote from Denver"D »
I could maybe understand her asking you to not watch porn if you two were sexually active together, but I don't know if you two are.
If you aren't, then she's asking for too much.
We are pretty active, I'd say, because I see her all the time at school (but the year is ending now, so that's not altogether relevant :-/) and I she comes over every 2nd or 3rd day after school or on the weekends.
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Getting the last word does not mean that you win the argument.
I'd just like to take the time to point out that your Avatar looks like a pic from a porno.
I just noticed that and yeah that is quite hillarious
mikey:
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Quote from Einstein »
Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -how passionately I hate them!
Quote from Nietzsche »
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
[thread=41221][my extendo sig][/thread] [thread=56664][moderator helpdesk][/thread] [Pen and Paper Inn]
Just add me on msn if you have any questions or just want to talk
We are pretty active, I'd say, because I see her all the time at school (but the year is ending now, so that's not altogether relevant :-/) and I she comes over every 2nd or 3rd day after school or on the weekends.
Fair enough.
If you're getting some from her on a consistent basis, then I see no problem with her saying "no porn, please."
I had a girlfriend who asked that once, and it wasn't a big deal because we both got enough of each other that I didn't really need any pornography.
In my opinion, any significant other who tries to control the other (even if they seemingly have justification) is very insecure. Does she really equate porn with infidelity? That's just crazy. Does she expect you to only ever think of her 'that way'? I would have issues with that on a number of levels, but that's just me.
Is this really something you want to do?
Nah, it's not like I tell her "I looked at porn, I'm sorry." and she's like "Omg why did you cheat on me?" but it is something she realizes I have to struggle against and it is something I want to fight. There have been times when we broke up, and I practically jumped for the porn. When I was all done.. it felt empty. It was like an empty pleasure. I was ashamed of myself, if anything.
Quote from nan »
Porn doesnt corrupt people unless there is something wrong with them in the first place.
Point someone out to me that doesn't have anything wrong with them. We all have problems. I think that porn corrupts some people slower than others (EX:, someone who was sexually abused in their early ages vs someone who just liked running around naked as a child), but none-the-less, I think it corrupts us all.
Quote from nan »
People in general need to not think that anything they see in pics/video is an accurate picture of reality.
I agree with this, because people do view a lot of porn as "Woah, you know I can go do that too!" or "You know, maybe I should take up that delivery boy job!" but it's not, and you're right that that is part of the problem.
Quote from circu626 »
I'd just like to take the time to point out that your Avatar looks like a pic from a porno.
Hah, yeah, but as you can see at the bottom of my sig, it's not. I see what you mean though with the lighting and what-not, it does look like it.
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Getting the last word does not mean that you win the argument.
Nah, it's not like I tell her "I looked at porn, I'm sorry." and she's like "Omg why did you cheat on me?"
It doesn't have to be. Silent disapproval can be even worse.
There have been times when we broke up, and I practically jumped for the porn.
A guy turns to porn when cut off from his source for sex? Well spank my ass and call me Sally.
Seriously, that's not exactly out of the ordinary.
When I was all done.. it felt empty. It was like an empty pleasure.
Well that's because it's an empty act. No emotions, no intimacy and no connection with another person. And that's kind of the point.
I was ashamed of myself, if anything.
What's there to be ashamed of?
Point someone out to me that doesn't have anything wrong with them. We all have problems. I think that porn corrupts some people slower than others (EX:, someone who was sexually abused in their early ages vs someone who just liked running around naked as a child), but none-the-less, I think it corrupts us all.
Corrupts how? By turning guys into lustful, sex-driven horndogs? Don't want to wet the papers for anyone, but that's not exactly a long trip for most men. A lot of us don't even need porn's warm splash to get there.
What I ment when I said something wrong was that some people are bad at seperating reality from fiction. theese are the ones that get affected by porn and they most likley get affected by most of their other activities. So its people not porn that its something wrong with.
And as for not trying things they do in porn.. well, it depends on the kind of relationship you have, but if you have a kinky gf and stuff there is nothing wrong with trying things out, even if it is cause you saw it in a porn movie. you just have to be smart enough to do some research on proper informational sites first if it involves anything not so straight forward. And you also have to try and have realistic expectations.
And yeah if you regulalarly got ********s and such then It wouldnt be hard to abstain from porn. However, I think I would still discuss it with her on principle as I think denying someone porn while not a horrible thing to do generally lacks any good arguments.
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Quote from Einstein »
Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -how passionately I hate them!
Quote from Nietzsche »
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
[thread=41221][my extendo sig][/thread] [thread=56664][moderator helpdesk][/thread] [Pen and Paper Inn]
Just add me on msn if you have any questions or just want to talk
pacman: There is the same issue with people wich are not very sceptical to information around them (morons imo) that can not get it into their heads that what you see like that does not equal reality. Its the peoples fault. I looked at porn first time when I was like 13 or so and I cant say it damaged me any. Im fully aware that sex isnt always like the show in porn movies, I knew that very well before I started having sex as well. But then again I think that point also relies a bit on the parents. Ive had a mom that have been very open on those kind of areas so it wasnt a problem for me to ask about such things openly so that I could get actual knowledge. But then again I know people that have ended up like me on that area but dont have such parents. But I think it helps.
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Quote from Einstein »
Heroism on command, senseless violence, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism -how passionately I hate them!
Quote from Nietzsche »
The surest way to corrupt a youth is to instruct him to hold in higher esteem those who think alike than those who think differently.
[thread=41221][my extendo sig][/thread] [thread=56664][moderator helpdesk][/thread] [Pen and Paper Inn]
Just add me on msn if you have any questions or just want to talk
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"Ehh..." and I asked her to define what she meant and what limits she wanted to be put on me. Basically any pornographic material, and if you need to define it, grab a dictionary. Movies with nude scenes are fine as long as I'm not jacking off to them. "Understandable." I thought it'd be easy, but...
It's a struggle, and worse than that, there's no one else I can turn to for comfort. I tell other guys/girls that I'm doing this for her, and they just laugh at it and at the arguments my girlfriend made. I tell them just to try going without it for a week or two, and they'll see that it's like an addiction, it's so friggin' difficult to fight, but I'm sure none of them give it a real shot. I've "screwed up" more than a few times, it's so frustrating!
Why do I bother? It's not so much what she says that sways me, though it really does play a role, but it's the fact that it's something that controls me and drives me to do things or look at things I don't want to. And you can say that "there are some things that you can't fight" but those things are natural. Porn is not natural, it's artificial. Food is natural. Sex is natural. Porn is pictures and videos of naked girls and sex- it's not the pheromones, the sweat, the feeling, it's just sights and sounds. It's not real.
As for her arguments, she makes the claim that porn drives people apart, and that it's really infedility with one's eyes. My friends would like to define cheating by the question "Would you tell your girlfriend about what you did?" and I certainly wouldn't tell my girlfriend that I was thinking about another woman, what I wanted to do to her, and I watched her feel herself up naked. Hell, if it had been me and the woman in real life (and I know that when people watch videos or look at pics of a girl, they certainly don't think about the photographer- in their mind, the only people there are you and her), I know there would be no question that I had cheated and I'd be in deep ****.
I've tried hard to stop this, but I'm surrounded by it everywhere. I stay up late at night and I see those "Call now, I'm young, half-naked, and waiting for you" commercials, my parents leave me to myself late at night, my dad has his Maxim and Stuff magazines lying around (could be worse), and Google is ready to go, set as my homepage. Even if I look at more subtle, "innocent" bikini pics, it still leads me to more and worse things.
I guess what I want to know is, has anyone ever tried to stop looking at porn? Has anyone ever succeeded? Or does everyone think that looking at porn is just a natural male trait? I don't think so, because we had to be introduced to it at some point or another, but then what if we hadn't? What if we had no access to it?
Since the begining of life most likly. I'd consider it "Built in" as it were. If it feels natural to your being, then it's built in. It's not the same as eating. You require food to live. Looking at porn is what would be natural; so as soon as it's gone, your onto the next thing, simply because humans adapt to what they have to adapt to when no alternative exsist. (as of that moment)
Yeah, that's not really what's going on. She probably got dumped last time by a guy that looked at alot of porn, and brought it up during the "big argument". So now she's cautious.
As for being infedility: that's insane.
Example: Suppose my wife (Not that I have one) has the most pretty hair in the world. If I saw hair I liked better, that would be intrusive to her? Because my opinion changed/my opinion has been swayed?
What if you're an artist. Would she ban you from looking at the human figure? Obviously not, but nudge and say "Hey, just don't get any idea's."
It's obvious you still want to be with her, but I see problems.
Keep in mind I'm just stating what I think. It may or may not be right under any circumstances.
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I know her dating history, and that's not really what it is. It's apparently her parent's views on the subject.
If you stroke someone's hair, that's not cheating. It's weird, it's awkard, but it's not cheating. On top of that, you don't have sex with hair. You don't think about hair in particular when you masturbate.
She's uncomfortable as it is when I draw women (not nude, just 'hot' women), but I've asked her about artwork, because I do admire the human form from time-to-time. Yeah, she would do the nudge-thing, and I would have to be mature about the subject, but it's not something I'm going to use as an out (I have before), because there's a clear difference in thought between "Wow, that's beautiful, I love how the artist depicted her form." and "Wow, look at those tits!"
I know, I can so easily get away with "looking at art" and "doing anatomy research" or whatever else, but the point is I don't want to. Hell, I can get away with just not telling her altogether. But this is something I want to stop doing, and everyone else seems to take it like a joke.
I know I probably didn't help all that much. If you need a rock, or someone to lean on while you are trying to overcome this, let me know. It is an addiction, and the best thing for fighting addictions is a good support group. Consider me in that group.
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2) I dont feel porn is so much of an addiction as its basically an outlet for sexual energy that I would otherwise expend on something else; when Im really busy or working or have an exam, i wont use porn at all. Essentially the same as if I had access to a girl; if im not busy ill think about my gf all the time etc etc, but if im busy i wont have the time or energy to.
I'd ignore her and watch porn when she's not around. She's currently going to Pensacola Christian College, amirite?
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I think the question is, do you like her enough to respect her wishes? Yes = Look. No = Don't look. Personally, and this is my opinion, a relationship is all about comprimise. Maybe you could work something out with her?
Porn and maturity have nothing to do with one another in any sense other than a religious one. If the girl was truly interested in her boyfriend's maturity, she'd look into his other leisure activities and the company he keeps when she isn't around.
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Sorta like smoking once you quit it, you find out how vile it really is. Now I still enjoy the odd cigarette, naked picture, but it's the addiction that is really the problem.
I think a large portion of it is the masturbation, I still do, however not even every day, where before it may have been many times. Once I did not have the urge for that, the porno really had no purpose.
There's a kind of stereotype I've occasionally heard people advance that boys care only about sex in a relationship and girls are only in it for the perks (meals out, presents, flowers, attention etc.). This may or may not be the way some kids play things, but I've never once seen a worthwhile and successful relationship that works this way.
If your girlfriend's worried that you might not love her anymore if you found a pic of some girl cuter than her then her whole concept of relationship dynamics is very broken.
A good relationship should, in my view, be based on fun and trust and good things. Paranoia doesn't belong in the mix.
(Aside: If anything, my relationship with my girlfriend has been strengthened by her perceptions of other women I find attractive. The reason being because it reassures her that she really is my type and I don't want to trade her in for some athletic young blonde ! :D)
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I could maybe understand her asking you to not watch porn if you two were sexually active together, but I don't know if you two are.
If you aren't, then she's asking for too much.
Just because she is not willing to have sex until marriage is no reason that you should not be able to masturbate, especially given that there are health benefits to regular masturbation. (No lie, yo.)
I don't think she said no masturbation. She said no porn, but it is kind of hard to do one without the other(and if she did say no masturbation that is asking for to much). I think that if you really respect your girlfriend's wishes you shouldn't look at porn. And yes regular masturbation helps prevent prostate cancer.
Its not about prioritizing, its about one part of the relationship not beeing able to let the other part have his natural needs.
As for porn itself, while it does have a 18year age limit its only natural that they try and look at it earlier as most of them become sexually curious long before that.
Btw: best solution is enough sex to not need any masturbation at all
[thread=41221][my extendo sig][/thread] [thread=56664][moderator helpdesk][/thread] [Pen and Paper Inn]
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Is this really something you want to do? It can be done relatively easy depending on how you view porn. When I was younger, I'd look at it pretty much whenever I could. But now I don't. I don't even have any on my computer. I got to a point where porn had become almost like a crutch, it was keeping me from pursuing the real thing. When I realized how dumb that was, I just stopped looking at it so much. It was as simple as that.
If you don't want to look at it, you can just not look at it. You're not addicted, you're just a horny teenaged guy looking to get his rocks off with the path of least resistance. And that is natural, though that doesn't mean you're forced to just go with it.
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[thread=41221][my extendo sig][/thread] [thread=56664][moderator helpdesk][/thread] [Pen and Paper Inn]
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Agreed in full. Pornography is a tool, completely neutral. It's the people who use it that can make it either good or bad. Blaming porn for any problems experienced with avid porn viewers is, I think, avoiding the real issues.
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1) I know this may be frustrating, but I don't want to lie to/keep secrets from her. Yeah, I know, I'm too moral, I should just do what I feel like, and I typically do not care about moral views, and I just do what I feel like in 95% of other cases, but I do care about my girlfriend and I do want to respect her wishes. I mean it's the least I can do for her.
2) I agree with the fact that it is a sexual outlet, and we know that when I go to college it will get worse in more than a few ways, because it's pretty concentrated there. But I still think that it is an addiction (maybe not for you) in my case, because most times I'm not aroused at all, and I still feel the urge to go look at it. Sometimes no one is home or awake, and I get the urge to just because I can go look at porn. It's frustrating to fight.
She's not asking me to stop masturbating, so I'm fine there. She prefers (not asks/demands) I do it less frequently, which is impossible because if I want to fight this it's best that I don't have any sexual energy. She also asks that I think of her, but hey, one thing at a time. I may eventually just disregard this one; while I have accomplished it for a period of time before, it's way more difficult to do than to stop looking at porn.
On top of that, she doesn't know what it's like for me, but maybe if I did only think of her, I would be less urged to look at porn. Who knows.
Well the fact that she's saving herself for marriage doesn't mean we don't do anything sexual. In fact, we come pretty close to having sex most of the time. I guess you can call it 3.9th base. So it's not like we're not active, she does everything else for me, which is why it's understandable that she asks this. Also, my girlfriend argues that the divorce rate IS that high because of pornography, but no one sees this because it is so widely accepted.
Don't you mean "Yes = Don't look" and "No = Look"?
It's hard to bargain with her, but I've been able to with more serious things, so it's not like she's impossible. The thing is that I'd rather just quit because I can see that it really does drive me, even when I'm not aroused.
Actually, I taught her how to play Magic and she's come with me to FNM on a few occassions. She's met my MTG friends and she gets along with them pretty well too. Keep in mind that she doesn't want me looking at porn not for religious reasons, but for the health of the relationship.
This isn't how we work, because we mutually enjoy it. I'm not begging her for it, and often there are times when she wants it, and I'm like "Eh.. fine..."
I don't think it's so much that as it is that she's more worried about the fact that if I look it porn, I'm looking for something that she's not giving me.
Good for you then, but in my case it's not one specific type I'm looking at. It's anything.
We are pretty active, I'd say, because I see her all the time at school (but the year is ending now, so that's not altogether relevant :-/) and I she comes over every 2nd or 3rd day after school or on the weekends.
I just noticed that and yeah that is quite hillarious
mikey:
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Fair enough.
If you're getting some from her on a consistent basis, then I see no problem with her saying "no porn, please."
I had a girlfriend who asked that once, and it wasn't a big deal because we both got enough of each other that I didn't really need any pornography.
Nah, it's not like I tell her "I looked at porn, I'm sorry." and she's like "Omg why did you cheat on me?" but it is something she realizes I have to struggle against and it is something I want to fight. There have been times when we broke up, and I practically jumped for the porn. When I was all done.. it felt empty. It was like an empty pleasure. I was ashamed of myself, if anything.
Point someone out to me that doesn't have anything wrong with them. We all have problems. I think that porn corrupts some people slower than others (EX:, someone who was sexually abused in their early ages vs someone who just liked running around naked as a child), but none-the-less, I think it corrupts us all.
I agree with this, because people do view a lot of porn as "Woah, you know I can go do that too!" or "You know, maybe I should take up that delivery boy job!" but it's not, and you're right that that is part of the problem.
Hah, yeah, but as you can see at the bottom of my sig, it's not. I see what you mean though with the lighting and what-not, it does look like it.
It doesn't have to be. Silent disapproval can be even worse.
A guy turns to porn when cut off from his source for sex? Well spank my ass and call me Sally.
Seriously, that's not exactly out of the ordinary.
Well that's because it's an empty act. No emotions, no intimacy and no connection with another person. And that's kind of the point.
What's there to be ashamed of?
Corrupts how? By turning guys into lustful, sex-driven horndogs? Don't want to wet the papers for anyone, but that's not exactly a long trip for most men. A lot of us don't even need porn's warm splash to get there.
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And as for not trying things they do in porn.. well, it depends on the kind of relationship you have, but if you have a kinky gf and stuff there is nothing wrong with trying things out, even if it is cause you saw it in a porn movie. you just have to be smart enough to do some research on proper informational sites first if it involves anything not so straight forward. And you also have to try and have realistic expectations.
And yeah if you regulalarly got ********s and such then It wouldnt be hard to abstain from porn. However, I think I would still discuss it with her on principle as I think denying someone porn while not a horrible thing to do generally lacks any good arguments.
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[thread=41221][my extendo sig][/thread] [thread=56664][moderator helpdesk][/thread] [Pen and Paper Inn]
Just add me on msn if you have any questions or just want to talk