Sure we've got that blasted MTG edition with its doohickies and such, but god dammit, I want classic Celebrity Deathmatch! Dammit!
This is how it works, each week I post a showdown, and you guys vote on who should win.
Through the poll, the winner is decided and I give you guys a front row seat to the action and endgame.
Week One
The scene, The Democratic Party's evil liberal lair in New York, underneath the Statue of Liberty, where Howard Dean plots the upheaval of America with his uber shouting powers. But an angsty weirdo named Robert Bruce Banner has different ideas, managing to catch a helicopter ride with Robot Dick Cheney to the target. Then, they make him really angry, for, to his surprise, he discovers Bob Dole, mangled and forced to be a swimsuit model for the rest of his life by the evil Deanocrats!
He hulks out, confronting the evil warlord Dean himself, who starts shouting about things like "freedom" and "catfish". Well, the Hulk had enough of that, and was about to unleash his green fury when he was interrupted by another Proud American Crusader!
An oily, sad, steroid-filled, reality-showed madman who dons the Hulk-namesake himself, the Hulkster, Hulk Hogan, sent by Zombie John McCain to undermine the Cheney operation and take out Dean himself!
All three furious muscly menaces face off now, veins bulging, muscles popping, Bob Dole-flirting, and etc!
Who will win the final battle?!
The Hulk Vs. Howard Dean Vs. Hulk Hogan
Post who you think should and will win, for whatever twisted reasons you have...
Well...the hulk won't get mad enpugh, and so will die. Howard Dean is the kind of guy who brings a gun to a wrestling match, so he shoots Hogan and wins, Good Game.
No one can beat Howard Dean. No noe.
He's just to powerful. He was able to convice over hundreds of people to vote the opposite way with one yell. Now THATS amazingly powerful.
Maybe you'll get Archenemy cards in your Duel Decks From The Vault: Deck Builder's Toolkit All-Foil Duels of the Planeswalkers Downloadable Content Expansion (Tactics Edition).
Well the Howard dean guy will win! He has a bob dole clone, so of coarse...The hulk can realease his fury...but its not unlimited so he can't always win...Hogan welll...he's a wreasler and agian he's stupid.
The Hulk & Mr. Hogan may have brute force and combat experience, however Mr. Dean has the intellectual planning and emotional control of a very sophisticated two year old. As such, he could easily throw either of the other hulks off by dictating an extremely unconventional itenerary of how and when he will defeate them. This will cause them to become perplexed and bewildered as they try to figure out the schedule and its logistical rammifications against the fights budget and time constraints. While they are contemplating on this, Mr Howard will transfigure his face into a mean pit bull's grimmace and growl extremely loudly. Being caught off guard as they were deeply entranced in his previous statements, they will forget they could rip him in to and run out of a naturally preservation of life. Thus, Mr. Dean will have terrified either Hulk into a sissified run which will scar them for life as the entire world makes fun of them. Having seen their high-profile carreers turned into a giant mockery of their former selves, they will inevitably commit suicide or atleast fake their death and withdraw into a hermits life.
Howard Dean FTW, as he has the sense to call the anti-steroid/gamma doping boards to DQ Hulk1 and Hulk2
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Zendikar = Mirrodin/Urza reborn, just with more money rares and mythic bull ****. I hope to god we get another Masques block after this, jumping man on a ****ing pogo stick.
Quote from Flaming.Fist »
The card was already revealed. Failure to read the thread = spam warning. Also, failure to be funny.
Holy ******** nuts **** ****...Dean won by a landslide?!
If only the ****ing election could've been like this...
Wait...is my mic on? ***** WHAT?! I can just do whatever I want here. I can just curse like a mothah****ah.
Check this out, niggas:
****ing whoreass mother****ting asswipe eareating ****bag dip**** ear****ers.
Oh yeah...where was I?
The Result
Hollywood Hulk Hogan, suddenly realizing that he was a washed up wrestler full of steroids from the 80s and crack, and that his family had no future outside of a ****ty reality show that no one watched on VH1, because his daughter was a scum-sucking whore who only TRM likes, and can't sing, simply faded out from existence, dissapearing...God, where the stars go, I guess, or to New Jersey. Same ****ing difference.
The Hulk, suddenly without his Republican opponent's menace, celebrates in the only way Republican friends of Dick Cheney in the green know how, get toasted and snort crack made out of Gerald Ford's ashes.
While doing this, Howard Dean cleverly brought out his Transmogrifier Powered Up By Crazy Liberal Screaming, quickly gave out a good YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH! and turned the Hulk into Dean's easiest prey, tiny cute little kittens, exhibiting his next sacrifice at the Democratic National Convention to Satan.
TKO! HOWARD "THE DEANSTER" DEAN WINS IT!
Champs
Howard Dean
Week Two
Yeah, I know two weeks haven't ****ing passed. More like two days. But sometimes I'll take like ten years to update this and still say it's just the next week, and sometimes I'll take like ten minutes to update it and say it's the next week, so it all balances out in some weird ear****ing way. Bear with me, nachobastards.
The scene, the peaceful, albeit totally ****tardian, city of Tokyo, complete with cosplayers, robot dogs, ear-raping business men, and of course, giant fish of doom.
It was a normal day, Godzilla romping around and setting fire to random things like orphanages and such while bespectacled Japanese scientists would shout things in Engrish to make TFE laugh, like, "OH GAH! IT BREAK PAREMETER LEVEL NOW! FISHWIVE TIMMUUUU! ^_^" (With the smiley included somehow in their speech), and the classic, "AAAAAH! GAZZZZILLLLLLAAAAA!". A normal, rather basic day for Tokyo, yet unbeknownst (Is that even a ****ing word?) to Godzilla, two forces were evily working against him and Tokyo's proud tradition of getting assraped by stupid dinosaurs.
One, a traitor, the evil council of SEELE, a super secret ultimate council of guys who liked to sit in the shadows, play Risk, and say things like "Indeed...".
They were plotting to change the entire balance of life! The circle of life, mother****ing Rafiki, all that ****ing ****! The ***** in The Little Mermaid! The balance of the world! All that crazy Disney ****!
They were planning to give Tokyo a way to...DEFEND ITSELF...
The way?
A snot nosed fourteen year old named Shinji Ikari whose favorite activities were A.) Cowering in fear, B.) Cowering in fear, and C.) Furiously pleasuring himself while cowering in fear. This boy was supposed to be the new pilot of SEELE's new giant robot-type thingam****ajig.
Pretty much, they were screwed.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the whatever ocean, Peter Jackson, nefarious fat man and nerd, was plotting something far more...nefarious.
For the release of his inevitably ****ty "King Kong", he would release the actual King Kong in Tokyo for more publicity! Ye Gods!
Tracking down the real King Kong (now a retiree in Miami...****, is "retiree" even a real word?!), he dumped King Kong's black ass on Tokyo.
Now the **** was about to hit the fan.
Godzilla twirled around, faced with a giant retarded monkey and an angsty emo-kid in a giant pocket rocket Evangelion biomechanical thing of death.
Who will win Tokyo?!
King Kong vs. Godzilla vs. Evangelion Unit 01
Private Mod Note
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TFEian Empire
Owner of Senori's Soul
Friend of RBS, FFFB, 499, Mythos, House Dimir, Rakdos, and Hyrule.
Dictator of
Unit 01. Why? Simple- it has weapons. Godzilla's nuke breath could slow the bioengineered juggernaut, sure, but as soon as it gets out the Lance of Longinius, Monkey and Lizard are both dead. Lanced!
Unit 01. Sonic Knife will mess them up, and it can go berserk. Plus Shinji f**ks things up that are way more badass than Godzilla, and King Kong is just a monkey.
Godzilla, no contest. King Kong is too busy trying to get laid from that ugly blonde girl. So while he has to hold her and take her to dinner and stuff, the unit 01 thing will blast King Kong. Then Godzilla will be like RAWR ***** and the emo kid will literally poop his self and then Godzilla uses his fire breath for the win.
Zendikar = Mirrodin/Urza reborn, just with more money rares and mythic bull ****. I hope to god we get another Masques block after this, jumping man on a ****ing pogo stick.
Quote from Flaming.Fist »
The card was already revealed. Failure to read the thread = spam warning. Also, failure to be funny.
One strange morning in the city-ish thing of New TokYork 3, King Kong showed up. No one was quite sure why, but there were rumors that he thought his long lost obsesee Fay Wray was doing work in the city. He begins tearing through the city frantically, searching for her.
Not liking to see his stomping grounds invaded, Godzilla rises from his super-secret oceanic hiding cave to confront the giant monkey. Kong is curious at first, lumbering toward Godzilla, gawking and sniffing. Godzilla has no time for "getting to know you" and quickly shoots a batch of crazy 'nuke breath in Kong's direction. Kong, being a monkey albeit a giant one, is horrified of the ensuing fire, and turns tail to flee.
While fleeing, however, he happened to pass a blonde american girl. Not being able to tell the difference very well, he assumed it was his love Fay. He grabs at her, intending only to bring her up to his face, but the confused girl runs in terror. Kong tries desperately to pick her up without crushing here, forgetting all about the fire.
Unfortunatly for him the city officials, no strangers to invasion by freaky giant animal things, had launched the famed Unit 01 to protect the city. Upon reaching the surface, Shinji saw the massive Kong surrounded by fire, chancing someone. He quickly rushed the distracted beast and slew it with ease.
This infuriates Godzilla, as he had wanted to do in the beast himself for invading his turf. This was not the first time Godzilla had been foiled by Shinji, and he hated it. Godzilla quickly shoots his fiery wrath toward Unit 01, hoping to catch him off guard after killing Kong.
But the ever adept Shinji is not fooled. He quickly jumps back, and prepares to counter attack. Godzilla continues with his barrage of fiery attacks, shooting his laser-eyes at Unit 01, as he moved toward the retreating Unit. (Godzilla had laser eyes right?)
After getting clear of the beast’s blasts, Shinji moves in to strike what he hopes will be a killing blow, ending the battle quickly. He easily out maneuvers the lumbering Godzilla, sweeping behind him, and stabbing him with his Sonic knife.
He had not counted on ‘Zilla’s hide being so thick, though and was promptly bashed by the beast’s tail when the knife failed to pierce its back. The Eva soared down three city blocks, finally landing in a nearby building. Shinji knew he would need a better weapon to defeat ‘Zilla, so quickly retreated to retreive the giant Lance thing.
Taking a more head on approach, Shinki charges directly at the confused, pissed off Godzilla, through his crazy ‘nuke breath. ‘Zilla’s hide proves no match for a giant robot with a lance, and he is impaled like a *****. Shinji and Unit 01 emerge victorious, and covered in lizard scales. Huzzah! The city is safe......kinda.
"There is no royal road to science, and only those who do not dread the fatiguing climb
of its steep paths have a chance of gaining its luminous summits"
-Karl Heinrich Marx Cube
Well, according to the votes, Evangelion Unit 01 is the winner!!!
The Result
Well, Chucklez summed it up well, though it didn't go down exactly like that.
Godzilla and King Kong, sworn enemies for life, suddenly realize that the tension between them is actually a hot subconscious homosexual tension, and decide to get it on right there, right over Tokyo, right where Japanese businessmen can watch in excitement.
Shinji meanwhile, instead of fighting, put on his favorite Papa Roach record and started slashing his wrist. While singing along, "THIS IS MY LAST RESORT!", he noticed that the lizard and monkey and basically ****ed each other to an unholy death, and he was the last one standing, well, as long as he managed to get those cuts stitched up. No one likes boo boo's on an Emo Kid.
EVANGELION UNIT 01 WINS IT BY DEFAULT!
Champs
Howard Dean
Evangelion Unit 01
Week Three
Deep within his evil lair, or shack, or mansion, or something, leader of the evil organization known as Fox (Or ****ing Over X, where X is our best show), Rupert Robot Murdoch planned his evil plans...or smoked crack, I'm not sure.
But it all amounts to this...
On one fine day, he decided, all of a sudden in whatever odd accent he has, that the Simpsons were perhaps stale and their attempts at modernization (lesbians, Lisa sex change, Homer and Apu marriage) were perhaps corny and artificial.
So he decided he would poll the greats of animation for a replacement, the winner facing a dastardly spot on Fox's primetime lineup, while the losers would slink back to their respective channels or cartoon oblivion.
It was simple really, it would all be decided by, a goat eating contest!
The contestants, the fattest of the fat, the most diabetic of the...diabetic >.>, and etc, would face off, whoever had eaten the most goats (Provided by Jerry's Goat Sacrifice and Stuff) after an hour would win the coveted spot!
And now the contestants!
Homer Simpson-
Fresh off a lazy spurt of crappy episodes, he finds himself faced with a pink note and the end of constantly grunting a familiar catchphrase and such hilarity. Will he be saying "Mmmm, goats..." at the end of this ordeal, or "D'oh-****it, I can't make something humorous out of that ****ing Simpsons catchphrase, it's so ****ing passe...
Eric Cartman-
You may know him as the guy from a funny, long-lasting show, he's been anally probed, turned into a cheap Asian hooker, and been sold pubic hair. No, I'm not talking about Bob Dornan, or Dick Cheney, I'm talking about Eric...Wait, it's in the ****ing title, **** you guys, I'm going home.
Peter Griffin-
You may know him as the other fat guy on Fox who is vaguely funnier than anyone else because of inane attempts at humor and amusing pop culture references, but he's also gunning for a better spot on Fox, since his entire fanbase consists of retarded people and me. Will his gut be up to par? ****it, how am I supposed to know, douchebags.
Bill Dauterive-
You may know him as "That fat guy on that one redneck cartoon show on like, TNN", but it's actually King of the Hill, and it's not as horribly unfunny as you think it is. It's even less funny than that, though it has its moments of great unfunny jokes, mostly involving rednecks and (surprise), beer.
Wellington Wimpy-
The notorious hamaddict and oldest person in this competition, he has long changed from the public view of him, going from paying for hamburgers today with currency, to performing more tricks than a new dog. He's got the motive, and he's got the gut, having stretched his out to ungodly proportions with cheeseburgers and the like. It's either this or being a McWhore, and he's got pep.
Homer Simpson vs. Eric Cartman vs. Peter Griffin vs. Bill Dauterive vs. Wellington Wimpy
Peter Griffin by a landslide. He'll start off slow, but Brian and Stewie will be there to bail him out. Besides, nobody executes a random-ass, poorly-thought-out scheme than Peter!
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This is how it works, each week I post a showdown, and you guys vote on who should win.
Through the poll, the winner is decided and I give you guys a front row seat to the action and endgame.
Week One
The scene, The Democratic Party's evil liberal lair in New York, underneath the Statue of Liberty, where Howard Dean plots the upheaval of America with his uber shouting powers. But an angsty weirdo named Robert Bruce Banner has different ideas, managing to catch a helicopter ride with Robot Dick Cheney to the target. Then, they make him really angry, for, to his surprise, he discovers Bob Dole, mangled and forced to be a swimsuit model for the rest of his life by the evil Deanocrats!
He hulks out, confronting the evil warlord Dean himself, who starts shouting about things like "freedom" and "catfish". Well, the Hulk had enough of that, and was about to unleash his green fury when he was interrupted by another Proud American Crusader!
An oily, sad, steroid-filled, reality-showed madman who dons the Hulk-namesake himself, the Hulkster, Hulk Hogan, sent by Zombie John McCain to undermine the Cheney operation and take out Dean himself!
All three furious muscly menaces face off now, veins bulging, muscles popping, Bob Dole-flirting, and etc!
Who will win the final battle?!
Post who you think should and will win, for whatever twisted reasons you have...
Owner of Senori's Soul
Friend of RBS, FFFB, 499, Mythos, House Dimir, Rakdos, and Hyrule.
Dictator of
[thread=43661][/thread]
He's just to powerful. He was able to convice over hundreds of people to vote the opposite way with one yell. Now THATS amazingly powerful.
The Hulk & Mr. Hogan may have brute force and combat experience, however Mr. Dean has the intellectual planning and emotional control of a very sophisticated two year old. As such, he could easily throw either of the other hulks off by dictating an extremely unconventional itenerary of how and when he will defeate them. This will cause them to become perplexed and bewildered as they try to figure out the schedule and its logistical rammifications against the fights budget and time constraints. While they are contemplating on this, Mr Howard will transfigure his face into a mean pit bull's grimmace and growl extremely loudly. Being caught off guard as they were deeply entranced in his previous statements, they will forget they could rip him in to and run out of a naturally preservation of life. Thus, Mr. Dean will have terrified either Hulk into a sissified run which will scar them for life as the entire world makes fun of them. Having seen their high-profile carreers turned into a giant mockery of their former selves, they will inevitably commit suicide or atleast fake their death and withdraw into a hermits life.
No longer staff here.
YEEEEEAAHHHHHH!!!!!
The Official Vodka Duke of the 499
Visit my best/worst cards by collector's number thread!
Stardust Siggies! Wonderful graphics:D
If only the ****ing election could've been like this...
Wait...is my mic on? ***** WHAT?! I can just do whatever I want here. I can just curse like a mothah****ah.
Check this out, niggas:
****ing whoreass mother****ting asswipe eareating ****bag dip**** ear****ers.
Oh yeah...where was I?
The Result
Hollywood Hulk Hogan, suddenly realizing that he was a washed up wrestler full of steroids from the 80s and crack, and that his family had no future outside of a ****ty reality show that no one watched on VH1, because his daughter was a scum-sucking whore who only TRM likes, and can't sing, simply faded out from existence, dissapearing...God, where the stars go, I guess, or to New Jersey. Same ****ing difference.
The Hulk, suddenly without his Republican opponent's menace, celebrates in the only way Republican friends of Dick Cheney in the green know how, get toasted and snort crack made out of Gerald Ford's ashes.
While doing this, Howard Dean cleverly brought out his Transmogrifier Powered Up By Crazy Liberal Screaming, quickly gave out a good YEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGHHHHHH! and turned the Hulk into Dean's easiest prey, tiny cute little kittens, exhibiting his next sacrifice at the Democratic National Convention to Satan.
TKO! HOWARD "THE DEANSTER" DEAN WINS IT!
Champs
Howard Dean
Week Two
Yeah, I know two weeks haven't ****ing passed. More like two days. But sometimes I'll take like ten years to update this and still say it's just the next week, and sometimes I'll take like ten minutes to update it and say it's the next week, so it all balances out in some weird ear****ing way. Bear with me, nachobastards.
The scene, the peaceful, albeit totally ****tardian, city of Tokyo, complete with cosplayers, robot dogs, ear-raping business men, and of course, giant fish of doom.
It was a normal day, Godzilla romping around and setting fire to random things like orphanages and such while bespectacled Japanese scientists would shout things in Engrish to make TFE laugh, like, "OH GAH! IT BREAK PAREMETER LEVEL NOW! FISHWIVE TIMMUUUU! ^_^" (With the smiley included somehow in their speech), and the classic, "AAAAAH! GAZZZZILLLLLLAAAAA!". A normal, rather basic day for Tokyo, yet unbeknownst (Is that even a ****ing word?) to Godzilla, two forces were evily working against him and Tokyo's proud tradition of getting assraped by stupid dinosaurs.
One, a traitor, the evil council of SEELE, a super secret ultimate council of guys who liked to sit in the shadows, play Risk, and say things like "Indeed...".
They were plotting to change the entire balance of life! The circle of life, mother****ing Rafiki, all that ****ing ****! The ***** in The Little Mermaid! The balance of the world! All that crazy Disney ****!
They were planning to give Tokyo a way to...DEFEND ITSELF...
The way?
A snot nosed fourteen year old named Shinji Ikari whose favorite activities were A.) Cowering in fear, B.) Cowering in fear, and C.) Furiously pleasuring himself while cowering in fear. This boy was supposed to be the new pilot of SEELE's new giant robot-type thingam****ajig.
Pretty much, they were screwed.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the whatever ocean, Peter Jackson, nefarious fat man and nerd, was plotting something far more...nefarious.
For the release of his inevitably ****ty "King Kong", he would release the actual King Kong in Tokyo for more publicity! Ye Gods!
Tracking down the real King Kong (now a retiree in Miami...****, is "retiree" even a real word?!), he dumped King Kong's black ass on Tokyo.
Now the **** was about to hit the fan.
Godzilla twirled around, faced with a giant retarded monkey and an angsty emo-kid in a giant pocket rocket Evangelion biomechanical thing of death.
Who will win Tokyo?!
Owner of Senori's Soul
Friend of RBS, FFFB, 499, Mythos, House Dimir, Rakdos, and Hyrule.
Dictator of
[thread=43661][/thread]
No contest!
I̟̥͍̠ͅn̩͉̣͍̬͚ͅ ̬̬͖t̯̹̞̺͖͓̯̤h̘͍̬e͙̯͈̖̼̮ ̭̬f̺̲̲̪i͙͉̟̩̰r̪̝͚͈̝̥͍̝̲s̼̻͇̘̳͔ͅt̲̺̳̗̜̪̙ ̳̺̥̻͚̗ͅm̜̜̟̰͈͓͎͇o̝̖̮̝͇m̯̻̞̼̫̗͓̤e̩̯̬̮̩n͎̱̪̲̹͖t͇̖s̰̮ͅ,̤̲͙̻̭̻̯̹̰ ̖t̫̙̺̯͖͚̯ͅh͙̯̦̳̗̰̟e͖̪͉̼̯ ̪͕g̞̣͔a̗̦t̬̬͓͙̫̖̭̻e̩̻̯ ̜̖̦̖̤̭͙̬t̞̹̥̪͎͉ͅo͕͚͍͇̲͇͓̺ ̭̬͙͈̣̻t͈͍͙͓̫̖͙̩h̪̬̖̙e̗͈ ̗̬̟̞̺̤͉̯ͅa̦̯͚̙̜̮f͉͙̲̣̞̼t̪̤̞̣͚e̲͉̳̥r͇̪̙͚͓l̥̞̞͎̹̯̹ͅi͓̬f̮̥̬̞͈ͅe͎ ̟̩̤̳̠̯̩̯o̮̘̲p̟͚̣̞͉͓e͍̩̣n͔̼͕͚̜e̬̱d̼̘͎̖̹͍̮̠,͖̺̭̱̮ ̣̲͖̬̪̭̥a̪͚n̟̲̝̤̤̞̗d̘̱̗͇̮͕̳͕͔ ͖̞͉͎t̹̙͎h̰̱͉̗e̪̞̱̝̹̩ͅ ̠̱̩̭̦p̯̙e͓o̳͚̰̯̺̱̰͔̘p̬͎̱̣̼̩͇l̗̟̖͚̠e̱͉͔̱̦̬̟̙ ̖͚̪͔̼̦w̺̖̤̱e͖̗̻̦͓̖̘̜r̭̥e͔̹̫̱͕̦̰͕ ̗͔̠p̠̗͍͍̱̳̠r̰͔͎̰o͉̥͓̰͚̥s̟͚̹̱͔̣t͉̙̳̖͖̪̮r̥̘̥͙̹a͉̟̫̟̳̠̟̭t͈̜̰͈͎e̞̣̭̲̬ ͚̗̯̟͙i͍͖̰̘̦͖͉ṇ̮̻̯̦̲̩͍ ̦̮͚̫̤t͉͖̫͕ͅͅh͙̮̻̘̣̮̼e͕̺ ͙l͕̠͎̰̥i̲͓͉̲g̫̳̟͈͇̖h̠̦̖t͓̯͎̗ ̳̪̘̟̙̩̦o̫̲f̙͔̰̙̠ ̹̪̗͇̯t͖̼̼͉͖̬h̹͇̩e͚̖̺̤͉̹͕̪ ͚͓̭̝̺G͎̗̯̩o̫̯̮̟̮̳̘d̜̲͙̠-̩̳̯̲̗̜P̹̘̥͉̝h͍͈̗̖̝ͅa͍̗̮̼̗r̜̖͇̙̺a̭̺͔̞̳͈o̪̣͓̯̬͙̯̰̗h̖̦͈̥̯͔.͇̣̙̝
Not liking to see his stomping grounds invaded, Godzilla rises from his super-secret oceanic hiding cave to confront the giant monkey. Kong is curious at first, lumbering toward Godzilla, gawking and sniffing. Godzilla has no time for "getting to know you" and quickly shoots a batch of crazy 'nuke breath in Kong's direction. Kong, being a monkey albeit a giant one, is horrified of the ensuing fire, and turns tail to flee.
While fleeing, however, he happened to pass a blonde american girl. Not being able to tell the difference very well, he assumed it was his love Fay. He grabs at her, intending only to bring her up to his face, but the confused girl runs in terror. Kong tries desperately to pick her up without crushing here, forgetting all about the fire.
Unfortunatly for him the city officials, no strangers to invasion by freaky giant animal things, had launched the famed Unit 01 to protect the city. Upon reaching the surface, Shinji saw the massive Kong surrounded by fire, chancing someone. He quickly rushed the distracted beast and slew it with ease.
This infuriates Godzilla, as he had wanted to do in the beast himself for invading his turf. This was not the first time Godzilla had been foiled by Shinji, and he hated it. Godzilla quickly shoots his fiery wrath toward Unit 01, hoping to catch him off guard after killing Kong.
But the ever adept Shinji is not fooled. He quickly jumps back, and prepares to counter attack. Godzilla continues with his barrage of fiery attacks, shooting his laser-eyes at Unit 01, as he moved toward the retreating Unit. (Godzilla had laser eyes right?)
After getting clear of the beast’s blasts, Shinji moves in to strike what he hopes will be a killing blow, ending the battle quickly. He easily out maneuvers the lumbering Godzilla, sweeping behind him, and stabbing him with his Sonic knife.
He had not counted on ‘Zilla’s hide being so thick, though and was promptly bashed by the beast’s tail when the knife failed to pierce its back. The Eva soared down three city blocks, finally landing in a nearby building. Shinji knew he would need a better weapon to defeat ‘Zilla, so quickly retreated to retreive the giant Lance thing.
Taking a more head on approach, Shinki charges directly at the confused, pissed off Godzilla, through his crazy ‘nuke breath. ‘Zilla’s hide proves no match for a giant robot with a lance, and he is impaled like a *****. Shinji and Unit 01 emerge victorious, and covered in lizard scales. Huzzah! The city is safe......kinda.
Unit 01 is Teh Win!
of its steep paths have a chance of gaining its luminous summits"
-Karl Heinrich Marx
Cube
The Result
Well, Chucklez summed it up well, though it didn't go down exactly like that.
Godzilla and King Kong, sworn enemies for life, suddenly realize that the tension between them is actually a hot subconscious homosexual tension, and decide to get it on right there, right over Tokyo, right where Japanese businessmen can watch in excitement.
Shinji meanwhile, instead of fighting, put on his favorite Papa Roach record and started slashing his wrist. While singing along, "THIS IS MY LAST RESORT!", he noticed that the lizard and monkey and basically ****ed each other to an unholy death, and he was the last one standing, well, as long as he managed to get those cuts stitched up. No one likes boo boo's on an Emo Kid.
EVANGELION UNIT 01 WINS IT BY DEFAULT!
Champs
Howard Dean
Evangelion Unit 01
Week Three
Deep within his evil lair, or shack, or mansion, or something, leader of the evil organization known as Fox (Or ****ing Over X, where X is our best show), Rupert Robot Murdoch planned his evil plans...or smoked crack, I'm not sure.
But it all amounts to this...
On one fine day, he decided, all of a sudden in whatever odd accent he has, that the Simpsons were perhaps stale and their attempts at modernization (lesbians, Lisa sex change, Homer and Apu marriage) were perhaps corny and artificial.
So he decided he would poll the greats of animation for a replacement, the winner facing a dastardly spot on Fox's primetime lineup, while the losers would slink back to their respective channels or cartoon oblivion.
It was simple really, it would all be decided by, a goat eating contest!
The contestants, the fattest of the fat, the most diabetic of the...diabetic >.>, and etc, would face off, whoever had eaten the most goats (Provided by Jerry's Goat Sacrifice and Stuff) after an hour would win the coveted spot!
And now the contestants!
Homer Simpson-
Fresh off a lazy spurt of crappy episodes, he finds himself faced with a pink note and the end of constantly grunting a familiar catchphrase and such hilarity. Will he be saying "Mmmm, goats..." at the end of this ordeal, or "D'oh-****it, I can't make something humorous out of that ****ing Simpsons catchphrase, it's so ****ing passe...
Eric Cartman-
You may know him as the guy from a funny, long-lasting show, he's been anally probed, turned into a cheap Asian hooker, and been sold pubic hair. No, I'm not talking about Bob Dornan, or Dick Cheney, I'm talking about Eric...Wait, it's in the ****ing title, **** you guys, I'm going home.
Peter Griffin-
You may know him as the other fat guy on Fox who is vaguely funnier than anyone else because of inane attempts at humor and amusing pop culture references, but he's also gunning for a better spot on Fox, since his entire fanbase consists of retarded people and me. Will his gut be up to par? ****it, how am I supposed to know, douchebags.
Bill Dauterive-
You may know him as "That fat guy on that one redneck cartoon show on like, TNN", but it's actually King of the Hill, and it's not as horribly unfunny as you think it is. It's even less funny than that, though it has its moments of great unfunny jokes, mostly involving rednecks and (surprise), beer.
Wellington Wimpy-
The notorious hamaddict and oldest person in this competition, he has long changed from the public view of him, going from paying for hamburgers today with currency, to performing more tricks than a new dog. He's got the motive, and he's got the gut, having stretched his out to ungodly proportions with cheeseburgers and the like. It's either this or being a McWhore, and he's got pep.
Which fatass shall reign supreme?!
Owner of Senori's Soul
Friend of RBS, FFFB, 499, Mythos, House Dimir, Rakdos, and Hyrule.
Dictator of
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