I forgot where I read the concept, but the basic gist was that people that lead a "too perfect childhood" tend not to do well in the adult world where as those that had faced hardship at some point during their growing years (up to age 25) became more well adjusted adults. Basically, the dysfunction of teenage years made for better adults was the argument because experience brings about wisdom.
1. Can self imposed hardship, such as hard work, bring about new kinds of wisdom or must a conflict be naturally occurring to learn "life's lessons?"
2. Does hardship bring about wiser people, or does it destroy them?
3. Do people that have the "perfect life" seek out destructive life behaviors as some sort of natural balance against some sort of deficit of challenge?
Yea I know the questions might suck, so comment on topic or whatever.
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Ambition must be made to counteract ambition.
Individualities may form communities, but it is institutions alone that can create a nation.
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
Here is my principle: Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle.
I believe hardship lets people see things from a different perspective. If someone goes thru life with little to no hardships they tend to believe things like that dont happen. Good example is take a child from a divorced home and a child from a home the parents stayed together. Those 2 children will have very different experiences. In most cases the child raised by a single parent becomes more dependent at an earlier age. That can be both good and bad in the long run.
I do look at people my own age who have lived a very vanilla life and hear them talk like nothing bad ever happens in the world. They just cant comprehend hardship.
I can only speak for non-self imposed hardship. To a point it can make a person, but beyond that point it can destroy them. I have had a lot of experince with personal tragedy. I will post my story below, but I must warn you that It is really really bad, and a lot of people can't even stand hearing it.
Before I was born my mother was exposed to unknown heavy metals, I was to be born a twin, but the twin died before birth. When I was born I almost died due to respiratory issues which would persist for a long time. I grew up and developed mentally very quickly but physically it took me much more time to develop. In kindergarten a teacher struck me for not being able to "sit like an Indian". In first grade I almost died of double pneumonia, recovery was slow and painful. Near the end of the year I would be identified as having a muscle weakness disorder. The next near I was picked on and an older student and they would kick a basketball into my body which would cause minor internal damages that needed to be corrected by surgery. This is where the fighting peaked between my mother and father and it started to become physical. We moved away that year.
When we arrived too our new home my father would loose two screws for a bed. He accused my mother of stealing said screws, and when he went to strike her I intervened. After this for about a year the fighting between my mother and father would get better, though my father spent a considerable amount of time away from home. When I was in fourth grade the fighting got worse and that's when thetorture started in the fall. At first it was just sex abuse on a trip to Mardens(Store) and KFC. I don't remember the date - I remember the toy I got in the KFC meal though as it had a printing error where it listed New York, as a New England State. On the way home I got the stereotypical, "if you tell anybody your mother and brother die." Over the next few years the abuse would increase in frequency, brutality, and pure boldness - right within feet of my mother or brother, he would often play games with our lives, he would also force me to commit random meaningless crimes like stealing nails from a hardware store. Through out this time I started having stroke like migraines(Later Diagnosed as Hemiplegic Migraine ), that would paralyze me for days. My grandmother died and she was everything to me and the only way out I had. On the day my mother told my brother, I was being abused the next room in silence.
Shortly after that, my phyce fractured, I would commonly reference demons at school, and tell my friends about them. I quickly grew depressed. And failed suicide - no one would know about it. Bullying started, and I would get equivalently get caught in lies trying to cover for my dad. Nearly a 7 or 8 month later a teacher finally picked up on it and my dad went to jail. Not having much crime in the area the officers forgot to freeze my parents assists, and my father cleared out everything but the house.
This isn't the end of my struggle, but I figured it would be a good place to stop - because I strongly doubt that people will be able to process any more. My life would not improve and more struggle were ahead - I eventually forgave my father in open court. All this caused serious damage to my mind, and still suffer from complex post traumatic stress disorder, and the stress destroyed several of my bodies systems. I almost died and had to quit high school. I suffer most days here in my room alone. I am sinicle and can keep a friendship for about six months before I rip it apart. My behavior and tone can sometimes become erratic, and very few people can stand it. And the worse part is that I have a nearly perfect memory, and can remember everything(More recent events though are getting harder to remember because of treatments). I know I will not be very successful in my life, and will probably die very young - and there are only fragments of who I am left - you can probably tell in my post that I have lost most of my abbility to interact appropriately. Though in my life I have saved quite a few other people from abuse and suicide. Which I guess is worth the pain, though I am not completely sure if the danger I saved them from was real only to give meaning to my pain. Somedays I can't help but feeling happy - but a lot of days are a pure struggle. I have to say though, alot of the other people that I have helped have gone on to live life normally, and their struggles have helped them be successful.
We could nickname you thread-killer... Just kidding.
I'm very sorry all those things happened to you. Nobody deserves to be treated that way.
I respect that you're able to articulate yourself so well about it. Sounds like you've had to process a lot of life distorting misery. Sounds like your relationship with your grandma who really loved you, saved you, and at least gave you the ability to love and relate to people, even if you feel your actual people "techniques" come up a bit short. I hope you can grow in those areas (little baby steps), and eventually be able to maintain longer term relationships. You should be proud of the good you've done, and how far you've come, even based on the little you revealed about yourself.
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I personally do think that hardship does give us wisdom. "Hardship" is relative, though, and it's always good to be tested beyond what the norm is. If you don't have relative hardship at least, its hard to be wise.
Though I cannot comment in depth at this moment, I think that hardship to some degree can help someone become wiser, but it takes an open attitude and some type guidance to help you view it in the right way. Most types of wisdom are achieved through a change in perception. Without something (or someone) to help you adjust the way you view the hardship, you could get stuck in negativity. When things are going easy, you often have no reason or cause to contemplate why things are the way they are simply because you are content.
One recent example from my own experience is that my mother passed away the same month my daughter was born. Losing a parent that you you are close to and lives with you is tremendously hard, and even though having a child is a joy, it is difficult as well. Having these happen at once had a tremendous impact on me. Throughout time, life and death have always been paired, existing as a cycle. These two primal and visceral forces working at me at once was strenuous, yet I was determined to focus on emerging from it changed for the better. I felt the parity of the two forces as they flowed through my home, I reflected on my own mother's parenting and how it would be reflected in my own, i tasted the joy and bitterness of life and death, looked death in the eye as I gave my mother CPR and looked life in the eyes as my child opened them for the first time. I cried, I laughed, I was sleepless, I was peaceful, i felt a part of the larger than life cycle of the cosmos and for all it's stress, it was amazing!
We could nickname you thread-killer... Just kidding.
I apologize haha, I have a very difficult time judging on how much I should share. My ability to discern what is socially acceptable has become compromised. All this is compounded by the fact that I am alone most of the time because of my failing health which results in me sharing to much. The really bad part is that it's only half of the hardships that I have faced.
I'm very sorry all those things happened to you. Nobody deserves to be treated that way.
I respect that you're able to articulate yourself so well about it. Sounds like you've had to process a lot of life distorting misery. Sounds like your relationship with your grandma who really loved you, saved you, and at least gave you the ability to love and relate to people, even if you feel your actual people "techniques" come up a bit short. I hope you can grow in those areas (little baby steps), and eventually be able to maintain longer term relationships. You should be proud of the good you've done, and how far you've come, even based on the little you revealed about yourself.
Thank you very much - it means a lot. My grandmother did save my life. I hope one day that, I can maintain even simple relationships, it just so difficult - most people don't give me the time of day - and I have a really really hard time trusting people not only because of the abuse but because of the horrible bullying that followed for years after the abuse. I would go into that but not sure if it's correct.
Though I cannot comment in depth at this moment, I think that hardship to some degree can help someone become wiser, but it takes an open attitude and some type guidance to help you view it in the right way. Most types of wisdom are achieved through a change in perception. Without something (or someone) to help you adjust the way you view the hardship, you could get stuck in negativity. When things are going easy, you often have no reason or cause to contemplate why things are the way they are simply because you are content.
One recent example from my own experience is that my mother passed away the same month my daughter was born. Losing a parent that you you are close to and lives with you is tremendously hard, and even though having a child is a joy, it is difficult as well. Having these happen at once had a tremendous impact on me. Throughout time, life and death have always been paired, existing as a cycle. These two primal and visceral forces working at me at once was strenuous, yet I was determined to focus on emerging from it changed for the better. I felt the parity of the two forces as they flowed through my home, I reflected on my own mother's parenting and how it would be reflected in my own, i tasted the joy and bitterness of life and death, looked death in the eye as I gave my mother CPR and looked life in the eyes as my child opened them for the first time. I cried, I laughed, I was sleepless, I was peaceful, i felt a part of the larger than life cycle of the cosmos and for all it's stress, it was amazing!
It sounds like you are all ready very strong. And very wise. That is a really really powerful way of looking at it.
Thanks P0rk! You seem pretty strong yourself. Wisdom and strength is not a destination, it's a journey. This thread reminded me of a sentence I saw that I loved:
When it is darkest is when the stars shine the brightest.
Yes without bad times good times cannot exist just as darkness is only around if light is also around. If you constantly got everything handed to you(like some rich people) then you have no idea of the meaning of life. to you it would be what you were going to buy next or what vacation you were taking next.
Hard times allow you to step out of routine and out of your shell so that you can see life for what it truly is. Life is about those who we want around us. The ones we love whether it be friends, family, or just random peers. Its about finding the glory of the great moments while accepting the pain/angst of the tough times. A little quote...
"A good friend once told me you are memory
without them we equal nothing"
A7x Remenissions Waking the fallen
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In life all we can do is try to make things better. Sitting lost in old ways and fearing change only makes us outdated and ignorant.
Peace cannot be kept by force. It can only be achieved by understanding.
Albert Einstein
Millions of innocent men, women and children, since the introduction of Christianity, have been burnt, tortured, fined and imprisoned; yet we have not advanced one inch towards uniformity.
I believe wisdom is a function of both experience and intelligence. Since "hardship" is experience of some sort, yes, but not always.
Does hardship bring about wiser people, or does it destroy them?
PTSD, as well as the observed effects on abused (on children or otherwise) would suggest that it is indeed possible for hardships to destroy a person. Some phobias and paranoia are born out of traumatic experience.
Do people that have the "perfect life" seek out destructive life behaviors as some sort of natural balance against some sort of deficit of challenge?
Not so much as seeking a natural balance in deficit of challenge, but rather seeking new experiences. It may or may not be destructive.
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"Sometimes, the situation is outracing a threat, sometimes it's ignoring it, and sometimes it involves sideboarding in 4x Hope//Pray." --Doug Linn
Not so much as seeking a natural balance in deficit of challenge, but rather seeking new experiences. It may or may not be destructive.
I think yet another way to look at it is in terms of having experience with the operational parameters of your existence.
If you are a person who has been pushed 5% beyond the pain that others experience, you know you can survive 5% beyond the pain that others have never been tested with. You have a contingency plan for what to do when you go outside that operational parameter. Those who have never been there, may not understand that they can push themselves that far. They can push 5% beyond where the car starts to skid, and know that "Hey, my car starts skidding at 0.93 Gs... and I can bring it back.
Likewise, when a person has never experienced hardship, they don't have a clear sense of how their car handles at the extremes, in rain, or taking a turn hard, because they've never been in a low traction situation in their LIFE. As far as they're concerned, their car ALWAYS handles like it's on rails, because that's all its ever done when they drove it... at 5 mph... in their driveway.
So having never had to push their vehicle, they may eventually just recklessly push, seeking their limits.
I apologize haha, I have a very difficult time judging on how much I should share. My ability to discern what is socially acceptable has become compromised. All this is compounded by the fact that I am alone most of the time because of my failing health which results in me sharing to much. The really bad part is that it's only half of the hardships that I have faced.
In a situation like this, it's fine to share. It's often helpful to share your experiences with others, as long as it is 'venting' rather than 'reliving' the experience. I don't have any trauma that can compare to what you've gone through, I wouldn't say I suffered years of abuse, because that would be disingenuous, especially compared to what you went through. I did have parents who didn't realize what they said in anger mattered. I was screamed at every other week about how worthless I was because I put my glass in the sink instead of the dishwasher and cleaned for hours while I was berated. It made me into the compulsive cleaner I am today. Even the slightest anxiety on my part makes my house or my fiance's apartment spotless in short order. Not a bad trade-off. My real trauma came later.
When I was 19 I was riding in a car with four of my good friends, (Y, W, C and D, I don't feel comfortable giving their real names). Y was driving, and thought it would be funny to speed along the road. To avoid an overlong, over dramatized account leading up the event, Y overcompensated coming around a turn when he saw an oncoming car and crashed us into a tree.
Y was bisected by the steering wheel. I was behind him, and my feet were trapped. D was in the middle seat and smacked his head on the divider, then slumped over and started profusely on me (this is what I immediately remember). I would find out later that W was relatively okay but so dazed he was wandering around, and EMS initially thought he was part of the crowd that formed. My other friend hit his head and wasn't really cognitively there.
I had to break the door open with my elbow. I unbuckled my seatbelt and realized my thumb was bent at an odd angle. I couldn't feel it yet. I tried to get out of the car, but my feet were trapped at the ankles. I laid there for a good hour and a half as my friends were extricated over me (I insisted on this, as I was already an EMT for a few years and I knew I wasn't dying), and felt my lung collapse. After I was flown to the nearest trauma center, I eventually discovered I had broken a lot. My clavicle, any ribs covered by the seat belt, my thumb and my hip. I have a plate in my thumb right now and a bolt in my hip. I spent a week in the trauma center ICU, another week in a rehab facility nearby, and months in a wheelchair. It was almost a year before I could walk unaided.
Y died within moments of having the steering wheel removed. D and C had traumatic brain injuries, and sporatically remember the weeks surrounding the crash. C had less serious damage (only a femur fracture) and was up well before I was. D had severe internal issues and spent the next two years in and out of the hospital, and started him on a downward emotional spiral for years. W had severe survivor's guilt for walking away physically unscathed (being fat can save your life).
What did I learn from this mess? I started thinking differently. I stopped worrying about trivialities. I vowed to never be the guy who didn't speak up (I quietly asked Y to slow down, but I never asserted myself). I stopped taking little things for granted, and became decidedly less greedy over material possessions. I stopped overthinking things and followed my instincts. Frankly, that trauma was the best thing that ever happened to me. I live with it every day, but as I told the shrink they sent to me in rehab, I'll never forget it and I'll always have to live with it - but it will never haunt me. I actually just started getting referred to as the 'Alpha' of our group earlier this year as a joke due to my assertiveness.
So yes, hardship is necessary to achieve wisdom. You can't be wise until you've been pushed from complacency. Wisdom is merely the ability to reach a balance between your animal instincts and your human intellect. In essence, Wisdom is balance, and you can't learn balance unless you fall.
You can learn from your successes, Captain Morgan, and some people do. It is far, far easier to take lessons away from failure.
1) Some level of hardship, difficulty, or challenge needs to be surmounted in order for an individual to grow. If you never need to stop acting like a child, you will continue to do so - I'm utterly certain you've seen someone who has never emotionally matured beyond 18 at the age of 30.
People grow when their emotional sophistication and ability to accept responsibility are tested, and real consequences when they fail to uphold those responsibilities or control their emotions. So yes, hardship from hard work and challenging relationships (of whatever kind) is necessary to achieve wisdom/maturity.
2) It depends on the kind of hardship. Hard work, responsibility, and difficulties dealing with other people are generally net positives for a person and can all occur well before they're 18. You get a job as a cashier, have problems interacting with kids in high school, need to clean up the house or suffer the consequences.
'Hardship' hardship like p0rks story or something from Dickens isn't necessary to make you stronger. It can certainly destroy people, and has.
3) Luckily for you, Captain Morgan, we have a control group AND a test group of people for this. Your control group is people who don't have many millions of dollars. Your test group is on the cover of "People", "Us", Ozzie Osborne, and the phrase "I'm more famous than Jesus right now".
People, in the absence of restraint, don't know where to stop. You have actors and bands that have dealt with their fame pretty well despite missteps - Patrick Stewart, the Rolling Stones, Harrison Ford. You also have guys that could be Keith Richards grandson dropping left and right from drug abuse and other inability to deal with freedom induced problems.
This was until she told me something one day, and I'm not aware of how, if any drugs or sleeping pills are involved, I never found out, but she told me that she'd been having unprotected sex with me in my sleep.
And she was pregnant.
You don't mention the kid again after the second time they try to arrest you. Was it actually yours?
And I second dcartist, the 20 tonnes sounds like an exaggeration. Especially with topics like this, you should strive to be as accurate as possible, because the exaggerations undermine your credibility.
I think experience is always a good thing, although it can also lead to a lot of conflict with people who didn´t have the experience.
I think it is important to note we aren't trying to argue that with hardship comes wisdom. That is not the case, plenty of people go through difficult circumstances and learn nothing from it.
We are trying to argue that real wisdom comes when people learn the right lessons from hardship.
I would argue that some forms of hardship are necessary to obtain experience. I'll add a twist to the discussion. Some people feel some sort of inner "need" to find "meaning in their life" if success comes to them too early or they are raised in a way where there were few hardships and challenges. That seems to drive those people towards some sort of pilgrimage phase in their life. Those "pilgrims" seem to be seeking a sort of experience to trigger a new thought process and inner growth artificially by say going to some 3rd world nation and building huts and wells.
Then there is the reverse of that with penance that one seeks to cleanse their own mistake by taking on a challenge or giving oneself to a form of service. Which is another form of hardship or at least being in the presence of suffering and/or hardship.
So it seems that hardship has a way of moving the human psyche and emotions that a logical framework do not in order to justify the value of the self in accordance with one's relative position in society.
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Ambition must be made to counteract ambition.
Individualities may form communities, but it is institutions alone that can create a nation.
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
Here is my principle: Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle.
On the other side, I am more concerned about the topic, when I see people ignorring people in the wheelchair, idiots parking on the sidewalk leaving no space for wheelchair or babycarts, I get angy. Also I learned to interact with them in a normal way, because still, most people, at least don´t who don´t ignore them, either are superhelpful, but without wanting to interact with the guy in the wheelchair, up to the point that I´ve seen "friedly people" just grab a guy in the wheelchair and push him over the street, although he didnt ask for it.
And then there are these other idiots, especially with younger people in a wheelchair, who go down like talking to a child and speak just like to a child, and not to a 18 year old person.
They just want to be treated as normal as possible.
100% agree. Including all the examples of people doing "friendly" things like grabbing your damn wheelchair and pushing you without even asking or talking to you because they don't want to actually talk, but feel some kind of compulsion to "help" you (like tossing a quarter at a homeless guy while avoiding actually even looking at him).
The only way to feel like "one of us" is if you are treated like "one of us".
Cant understand why it's so hard for people to understand. Meet somebody with paraplegia at a party or whatever, it's like smile, " nice to meet you."... And they're like "likewise, how's it going?" and handshake. Not sizing up the wheelchair guy and scanning him head to toe like a lab specimen or poster child for cancer, and desperately trying to come up with "wheelchair things" to talk about, or being awkward. It's a ****ing party.
The stares and the awkwardness are really not cool. Their paraplegia is their deal. Just like whatever your problems are are your personal deal. They'll share if they feel like it.
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And on that other issue of childhood disability contributing to social incompetence and being mean, etc., sometimes... Yes, of course. Lots of kids with disability have upbringing with little accountability because everybody feels sorry for them and thinks they're cute, and let's them get away with everything. Those well meaning adult *******s who treat them like this are infantilizing them, and doing them no favors. Then when the kids grow up and arent "cute" anymore, they have no normal social skills, and most people dont want to talk to them or think about them. This is doubly amplified with mental disability. It's a sad little story that goes over and over again.
1. Can self imposed hardship, such as hard work, bring about new kinds of wisdom or must a conflict be naturally occurring to learn "life's lessons?"
2. Does hardship bring about wiser people, or does it destroy them?
3. Do people that have the "perfect life" seek out destructive life behaviors as some sort of natural balance against some sort of deficit of challenge?
1) I have no idea. I think that overcoming adversity is worthwhile and beneficial, but I can't say whether or not intentionally handicapping yourself builds character in the same fashion as overcoming adversity set before you by happenstance or things beyond your control. It would depend heavily on the situation, but I imagine the latter would have some greater impact, in that the former may be more easily ignored or abandoned. Which does say things about those who don't ignore or abandon those stresses, but by being self imposed, it seems to me that they'd also be likely to be more within one's control, and dealing with situations you can't control is often a part of character growth.
2) It can be either and even both. I had a tough childhood at times. Not as bad as many, worse than many, but those events helped shape the person I am. Many of those experiences, while unpleasant, gave me insight into the plight of those less fortunate, and I have carried them with me to this day. Do I think such hardship is necessary to be a well rounded adult? I sure hope not. If I could do it over, there are situations I wouldn't mind not repeating, but I'd be hard pressed to actually avoid, change or replace them, because of how they might affect the person I've become.
3) No idea. I think there may be some issues with people not valuing the things they have or taking their settings for granted, so when a person figuratively 'has it all', it's likely easier for them to take an awful lot for granted. When one overcomes or survives hardship, I think it's easier to recognize how precious ones gifts and blessings might be.
As is the occasionally quoted "first world problems", when a person's biggest concern is that their favourite 5 star restaurant is lacking the specific vintage of wine they enjoy with their steak for a meal that costs about as much as the downpayment on many average homes, it's hard to share empathy with them the same was that we do for those struggling just to put food on the table.
Which isn't to say that all people should slip down the long slope of constantly recognizing every last person on Earth who leads a tougher life than they, but I think there's a kind of diminishing returns/giant grey area where ones challenges and tribulations are really more indicative of a bountiful lifestyle.
I'm trying not to assign positive or negative values to these sides of the issue. While stereotypes exist on both sides/extremes, I don't think we can really praise or villify either as absolutes. They just are, and it's up to ones parents and the individual themselves to make what they can/do of them.
1. Doing hard work gains you an understanding and appreciation of what hard work is. Historically, work has been a significant part of the human experience; if you want to understand humans better I believe you need to know what sustained hard work feels like.
2. It's clearly extremely contextual. But I will say that humans evolved to survive, and the ability of people to recover from tragedy is often astonishing.
3. People want intense experiences, and you simply can't have them if you have nothing that you care about. Although we preach peace, there is a reason people seek conflict; it's exciting.
I can't imagine being wise without experiencing mental hardship. An awareness of life brings with it an awareness of mortality, pain, injustice and ignorance, none of which are pleasant ideas.
Experiencing hardship often forces you to confront bitter truths; someone who has experienced extreme poverty or loss of a child cannot ignore the reality of other people who have experienced the same.
Perhaps you could say scientists can be wise without experiencing real hardship. I would say that scientists are intelligent, understanding the rational parts of human existence but not necessarily the nonrational parts. Wisdom suggests the latter more than the former.
To answer the question in the literal sense, "No. Hardship is not necessary for wisdom. Learning is."
However, that answer has a pretty big asterisk attached to it because people (including the touching stories that have been posted) tend to learn what they take to be their most valuable wisdoms from hardship and tragedy.
And on a similar note, the reason that I come to this thread is because I was reading one of Christopher Hitchen's final articles before he died a week ago on the falsehood of "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger." It's an interesting read because, for me anyway, it reminded me that it's not what happens to a person that defines them but rather what that person chooses to define themselves from the experiences in life.
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Vive, vale. Siquid novisti rectius istis,
candidus inperti; si nil, his utere mecum.
~~~~~
Has there ever been anyone who is wise and has not gone through hardships?
Read Siddhartha by herman hesse and you will know the answer, go out and learn it yourself and you will understand.
Yes. Suffering is a key element of our development as human beings. Without it, we can become complacent, foolish and unwise. When we suffer, we find out what it truly takes to overcome that which we are suffering for. If you do not suffer, then you have no passion. If you have no passion, then you will not understand your emotions. Understanding your emotions is the key to handling your suffering. Do not be afraid of suffering. Suffer more.
Hardship is necessary to really grow as a person. Some hardships make you a much better person while others make it mostly impossible to succeed in life using pretty much any definition of succeed.
My story while not as bad as some is honestly my reason for believing that too much hardship is bad.
I was born to a family with a mentally disable daughter. It was had from my parents to deal with this both financially and personally. I think they may have viewed her condition as some sort of punishment and went out of the way to blame everything and everyone they could. From what I can discern now drugs, alcohol, and smoking likely played a large part in this.
My parents lived as drug dealers and users for most of my life. They were extremely paranoid about it, and did not allow me to have friends. They were also super strict with me to keep me away from their habits. I ended up spending most of my time in my room alone.
This was part of my problems in social situations as a child entering into school. Most of my teachers saw me as a bright kid who had a ton of potential.(i could read and write at a first grade level at the age of 4. Probably a product of me reading mostly non-stop as a preschooler since I had nothing else to do while I was alone in my room)
Beyond the drugs and the non-stop drinking my parents fought a lot. It was never just arguments and it was always physical. Most of the arguments seemed to be attached to who spent the utility money, who took the last line of coke, or who each was sleeping with while being gone on random drug benders. So much of the time we lived without electric, water, heat, air, or any of the other modern day comforts. I also remember cooking myself ramen on a fire I built outside of the house with water I got from a nearby creek.
As I got older and more social pressure kicked in I started to bet bullied non-stop. So many times I would get my ass kicked and teachers would do nothing. My parents really didn't notice most of the time because they were to far gone. I was always told I should fight back, so 1 time I did. In high school I got my head slammed in a locker by one of the popular basketball players. i turned hit him in the face right as the principle walked up. I was given a month of afterschool detention(which means I had to walk home each day) and the guy that slammed my head in the locker had witnesses saying that he didn't do anything of the sort.
Prior to high school my parents divorced after spending a night in jail for domestic abuse. I was actually kinda glad of the divorce because I had been hit way too many times getting in between them. Most of my life I had lived without god or religion and had been mocked ridiculed and even persecuted by teachers, and peers. I then started to go to church with my mother where I would just be bullied on by the same people as in school.(often times getting beat on by 3-4 people at a time)
I finally got my first friend at the age of 16. At this point and before I had struggled with suicide and thoughts of killing some many people. I felt that I was lost and that nothing would help. Lucky I managed to get through school and move on to adulthood.
I could not get to college as the nearest I could afford was about 25 miles away. I had no vehicle and no hope for the future. I got a job working as a laborer for a construction company with my day who was an operator. I had the job for a few years until my mother died randomly one night and I became an alcoholic.
This is a story in and of itself due to the circumstances. She called me on a sunday night in january. *****ing about my dad and wanting me to give her money that would most likely buy her some illegal prescription pills. i told her no and she got pissed. After 20 mins of fighting and cursing I hung up turned my phone off and left to go to a friends apartment.(at this time I was living with my future wife) The last thing I said was F U.
The next day I got a call from the police saying that my mom never showed up the next day and my sister(who still lived with her) was really scared. I knew at that time that she was dead. I might have been the only one who actually knew she was suicidal. 4 days later they found her car in a near by lake. The worst part was the last words I said to her and not knowing if it was an accident or a suicide. I never told anyone about her being suicidal and it still eats at me to this day some 5+ years later.
To make things worse I started having debilitating pain in my back and hips. It got so bad that i was taking prescription painkillers just to be able to work. Eventually got addicted to them and lost my job due to a failed drug test. Coming down was so tough and even at this moment I struggle with pain. Not being given a chance to go to college all I know is labor which is not possible now. Thankfully I was able to on my step mothers insurance recently and go to the doctor for it. I was excited to finally have my life back only to be told that I need a double hip replacement due to a congenital problem that was not taken care of after i was born. Coming up with the necessary capital for such a venture is largely impossible so I am back to square 1. At this point it is almost unbearable for me to stand longer than about 10 mins at a time which eliminates me from working most jobs that don't require degrees.
Now my relationship with my wife is at ends. i can't even keep a ****ty job. I can't provide for my 2 girls who are the most important thing in my life. I fear social situations, hate leaving my little corner of my wife's parents house. I am a massive failure as far as society is concerned. I have very little hope for the future and I am still on the edge of suicide. My saving grace and biggest source of stress is my 2 beautiful daughters who I love with all of my life.
Here is to hoping this next year holds the chance I need to find myself and my family a future. Thanks to anyone who reads the story, and thanks to those who have also posted their stories. Find great solace in the fact that your not alone in this world no matter if ti seems that way. All of us who have struggled though such hardships have friends in one another.
"And the day will come when the mystical generation of Jesus, by the supreme being as his father in the womb of a virgin will be classed with the fable of the generation of Minerva in the brain of Jupiter."
Thomas Jefferson
Jefferson's letter to John Adams, April 11 1823
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1. Can self imposed hardship, such as hard work, bring about new kinds of wisdom or must a conflict be naturally occurring to learn "life's lessons?"
2. Does hardship bring about wiser people, or does it destroy them?
3. Do people that have the "perfect life" seek out destructive life behaviors as some sort of natural balance against some sort of deficit of challenge?
Yea I know the questions might suck, so comment on topic or whatever.
Ambition must be made to counteract ambition.
Individualities may form communities, but it is institutions alone that can create a nation.
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
Here is my principle: Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle.
I do look at people my own age who have lived a very vanilla life and hear them talk like nothing bad ever happens in the world. They just cant comprehend hardship.
Before I was born my mother was exposed to unknown heavy metals, I was to be born a twin, but the twin died before birth. When I was born I almost died due to respiratory issues which would persist for a long time. I grew up and developed mentally very quickly but physically it took me much more time to develop. In kindergarten a teacher struck me for not being able to "sit like an Indian". In first grade I almost died of double pneumonia, recovery was slow and painful. Near the end of the year I would be identified as having a muscle weakness disorder. The next near I was picked on and an older student and they would kick a basketball into my body which would cause minor internal damages that needed to be corrected by surgery. This is where the fighting peaked between my mother and father and it started to become physical. We moved away that year.
When we arrived too our new home my father would loose two screws for a bed. He accused my mother of stealing said screws, and when he went to strike her I intervened. After this for about a year the fighting between my mother and father would get better, though my father spent a considerable amount of time away from home. When I was in fourth grade the fighting got worse and that's when thetorture started in the fall. At first it was just sex abuse on a trip to Mardens(Store) and KFC. I don't remember the date - I remember the toy I got in the KFC meal though as it had a printing error where it listed New York, as a New England State. On the way home I got the stereotypical, "if you tell anybody your mother and brother die." Over the next few years the abuse would increase in frequency, brutality, and pure boldness - right within feet of my mother or brother, he would often play games with our lives, he would also force me to commit random meaningless crimes like stealing nails from a hardware store. Through out this time I started having stroke like migraines(Later Diagnosed as Hemiplegic Migraine ), that would paralyze me for days. My grandmother died and she was everything to me and the only way out I had. On the day my mother told my brother, I was being abused the next room in silence.
Shortly after that, my phyce fractured, I would commonly reference demons at school, and tell my friends about them. I quickly grew depressed. And failed suicide - no one would know about it. Bullying started, and I would get equivalently get caught in lies trying to cover for my dad. Nearly a 7 or 8 month later a teacher finally picked up on it and my dad went to jail. Not having much crime in the area the officers forgot to freeze my parents assists, and my father cleared out everything but the house.
This isn't the end of my struggle, but I figured it would be a good place to stop - because I strongly doubt that people will be able to process any more. My life would not improve and more struggle were ahead - I eventually forgave my father in open court. All this caused serious damage to my mind, and still suffer from complex post traumatic stress disorder, and the stress destroyed several of my bodies systems. I almost died and had to quit high school. I suffer most days here in my room alone. I am sinicle and can keep a friendship for about six months before I rip it apart. My behavior and tone can sometimes become erratic, and very few people can stand it. And the worse part is that I have a nearly perfect memory, and can remember everything(More recent events though are getting harder to remember because of treatments). I know I will not be very successful in my life, and will probably die very young - and there are only fragments of who I am left - you can probably tell in my post that I have lost most of my abbility to interact appropriately. Though in my life I have saved quite a few other people from abuse and suicide. Which I guess is worth the pain, though I am not completely sure if the danger I saved them from was real only to give meaning to my pain. Somedays I can't help but feeling happy - but a lot of days are a pure struggle. I have to say though, alot of the other people that I have helped have gone on to live life normally, and their struggles have helped them be successful.
I'm very sorry all those things happened to you. Nobody deserves to be treated that way.
I respect that you're able to articulate yourself so well about it. Sounds like you've had to process a lot of life distorting misery. Sounds like your relationship with your grandma who really loved you, saved you, and at least gave you the ability to love and relate to people, even if you feel your actual people "techniques" come up a bit short. I hope you can grow in those areas (little baby steps), and eventually be able to maintain longer term relationships. You should be proud of the good you've done, and how far you've come, even based on the little you revealed about yourself.
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I personally do think that hardship does give us wisdom. "Hardship" is relative, though, and it's always good to be tested beyond what the norm is. If you don't have relative hardship at least, its hard to be wise.
One recent example from my own experience is that my mother passed away the same month my daughter was born. Losing a parent that you you are close to and lives with you is tremendously hard, and even though having a child is a joy, it is difficult as well. Having these happen at once had a tremendous impact on me. Throughout time, life and death have always been paired, existing as a cycle. These two primal and visceral forces working at me at once was strenuous, yet I was determined to focus on emerging from it changed for the better. I felt the parity of the two forces as they flowed through my home, I reflected on my own mother's parenting and how it would be reflected in my own, i tasted the joy and bitterness of life and death, looked death in the eye as I gave my mother CPR and looked life in the eyes as my child opened them for the first time. I cried, I laughed, I was sleepless, I was peaceful, i felt a part of the larger than life cycle of the cosmos and for all it's stress, it was amazing!
[Clan Flamingo]
I apologize haha, I have a very difficult time judging on how much I should share. My ability to discern what is socially acceptable has become compromised. All this is compounded by the fact that I am alone most of the time because of my failing health which results in me sharing to much. The really bad part is that it's only half of the hardships that I have faced.
Thank you very much - it means a lot. My grandmother did save my life. I hope one day that, I can maintain even simple relationships, it just so difficult - most people don't give me the time of day - and I have a really really hard time trusting people not only because of the abuse but because of the horrible bullying that followed for years after the abuse. I would go into that but not sure if it's correct.
It sounds like you are all ready very strong. And very wise. That is a really really powerful way of looking at it.
When it is darkest is when the stars shine the brightest.
[Clan Flamingo]
Hard times allow you to step out of routine and out of your shell so that you can see life for what it truly is. Life is about those who we want around us. The ones we love whether it be friends, family, or just random peers. Its about finding the glory of the great moments while accepting the pain/angst of the tough times. A little quote...
"A good friend once told me you are memory
without them we equal nothing"
A7x Remenissions Waking the fallen
Albert Einstein
Thomas Jefferson
PTSD, as well as the observed effects on abused (on children or otherwise) would suggest that it is indeed possible for hardships to destroy a person. Some phobias and paranoia are born out of traumatic experience.
Not so much as seeking a natural balance in deficit of challenge, but rather seeking new experiences. It may or may not be destructive.
"Sometimes, the situation is outracing a threat, sometimes it's ignoring it, and sometimes it involves sideboarding in 4x Hope//Pray." --Doug Linn
If you are a person who has been pushed 5% beyond the pain that others experience, you know you can survive 5% beyond the pain that others have never been tested with. You have a contingency plan for what to do when you go outside that operational parameter. Those who have never been there, may not understand that they can push themselves that far. They can push 5% beyond where the car starts to skid, and know that "Hey, my car starts skidding at 0.93 Gs... and I can bring it back.
Likewise, when a person has never experienced hardship, they don't have a clear sense of how their car handles at the extremes, in rain, or taking a turn hard, because they've never been in a low traction situation in their LIFE. As far as they're concerned, their car ALWAYS handles like it's on rails, because that's all its ever done when they drove it... at 5 mph... in their driveway.
So having never had to push their vehicle, they may eventually just recklessly push, seeking their limits.
Yeah, it's a mediocre analogy...
In a situation like this, it's fine to share. It's often helpful to share your experiences with others, as long as it is 'venting' rather than 'reliving' the experience. I don't have any trauma that can compare to what you've gone through, I wouldn't say I suffered years of abuse, because that would be disingenuous, especially compared to what you went through. I did have parents who didn't realize what they said in anger mattered. I was screamed at every other week about how worthless I was because I put my glass in the sink instead of the dishwasher and cleaned for hours while I was berated. It made me into the compulsive cleaner I am today. Even the slightest anxiety on my part makes my house or my fiance's apartment spotless in short order. Not a bad trade-off. My real trauma came later.
When I was 19 I was riding in a car with four of my good friends, (Y, W, C and D, I don't feel comfortable giving their real names). Y was driving, and thought it would be funny to speed along the road. To avoid an overlong, over dramatized account leading up the event, Y overcompensated coming around a turn when he saw an oncoming car and crashed us into a tree.
Y was bisected by the steering wheel. I was behind him, and my feet were trapped. D was in the middle seat and smacked his head on the divider, then slumped over and started profusely on me (this is what I immediately remember). I would find out later that W was relatively okay but so dazed he was wandering around, and EMS initially thought he was part of the crowd that formed. My other friend hit his head and wasn't really cognitively there.
I had to break the door open with my elbow. I unbuckled my seatbelt and realized my thumb was bent at an odd angle. I couldn't feel it yet. I tried to get out of the car, but my feet were trapped at the ankles. I laid there for a good hour and a half as my friends were extricated over me (I insisted on this, as I was already an EMT for a few years and I knew I wasn't dying), and felt my lung collapse. After I was flown to the nearest trauma center, I eventually discovered I had broken a lot. My clavicle, any ribs covered by the seat belt, my thumb and my hip. I have a plate in my thumb right now and a bolt in my hip. I spent a week in the trauma center ICU, another week in a rehab facility nearby, and months in a wheelchair. It was almost a year before I could walk unaided.
Y died within moments of having the steering wheel removed. D and C had traumatic brain injuries, and sporatically remember the weeks surrounding the crash. C had less serious damage (only a femur fracture) and was up well before I was. D had severe internal issues and spent the next two years in and out of the hospital, and started him on a downward emotional spiral for years. W had severe survivor's guilt for walking away physically unscathed (being fat can save your life).
What did I learn from this mess? I started thinking differently. I stopped worrying about trivialities. I vowed to never be the guy who didn't speak up (I quietly asked Y to slow down, but I never asserted myself). I stopped taking little things for granted, and became decidedly less greedy over material possessions. I stopped overthinking things and followed my instincts. Frankly, that trauma was the best thing that ever happened to me. I live with it every day, but as I told the shrink they sent to me in rehab, I'll never forget it and I'll always have to live with it - but it will never haunt me. I actually just started getting referred to as the 'Alpha' of our group earlier this year as a joke due to my assertiveness.
So yes, hardship is necessary to achieve wisdom. You can't be wise until you've been pushed from complacency. Wisdom is merely the ability to reach a balance between your animal instincts and your human intellect. In essence, Wisdom is balance, and you can't learn balance unless you fall.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
1) Some level of hardship, difficulty, or challenge needs to be surmounted in order for an individual to grow. If you never need to stop acting like a child, you will continue to do so - I'm utterly certain you've seen someone who has never emotionally matured beyond 18 at the age of 30.
People grow when their emotional sophistication and ability to accept responsibility are tested, and real consequences when they fail to uphold those responsibilities or control their emotions. So yes, hardship from hard work and challenging relationships (of whatever kind) is necessary to achieve wisdom/maturity.
2) It depends on the kind of hardship. Hard work, responsibility, and difficulties dealing with other people are generally net positives for a person and can all occur well before they're 18. You get a job as a cashier, have problems interacting with kids in high school, need to clean up the house or suffer the consequences.
'Hardship' hardship like p0rks story or something from Dickens isn't necessary to make you stronger. It can certainly destroy people, and has.
3) Luckily for you, Captain Morgan, we have a control group AND a test group of people for this. Your control group is people who don't have many millions of dollars. Your test group is on the cover of "People", "Us", Ozzie Osborne, and the phrase "I'm more famous than Jesus right now".
People, in the absence of restraint, don't know where to stop. You have actors and bands that have dealt with their fame pretty well despite missteps - Patrick Stewart, the Rolling Stones, Harrison Ford. You also have guys that could be Keith Richards grandson dropping left and right from drug abuse and other inability to deal with freedom induced problems.
You don't mention the kid again after the second time they try to arrest you. Was it actually yours?
And I second dcartist, the 20 tonnes sounds like an exaggeration. Especially with topics like this, you should strive to be as accurate as possible, because the exaggerations undermine your credibility.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
I'm still confused by that whole story. How old were your at the time? Did her parents allow you to sleep in the same bedroom?
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
I think it is important to note we aren't trying to argue that with hardship comes wisdom. That is not the case, plenty of people go through difficult circumstances and learn nothing from it.
We are trying to argue that real wisdom comes when people learn the right lessons from hardship.
TerribleBad at Magic since 1998.A Vorthos Guide to Magic Story | Twitter | Tumblr
[Primer] Krenko | Azor | Kess | Zacama | Kumena | Sram | The Ur-Dragon | Edgar Markov | Daretti | Marath
Then there is the reverse of that with penance that one seeks to cleanse their own mistake by taking on a challenge or giving oneself to a form of service. Which is another form of hardship or at least being in the presence of suffering and/or hardship.
So it seems that hardship has a way of moving the human psyche and emotions that a logical framework do not in order to justify the value of the self in accordance with one's relative position in society.
Ambition must be made to counteract ambition.
Individualities may form communities, but it is institutions alone that can create a nation.
Nothing succeeds like the appearance of success.
Here is my principle: Taxes shall be levied according to ability to pay. That is the only American principle.
The only way to feel like "one of us" is if you are treated like "one of us".
Cant understand why it's so hard for people to understand. Meet somebody with paraplegia at a party or whatever, it's like smile, " nice to meet you."... And they're like "likewise, how's it going?" and handshake. Not sizing up the wheelchair guy and scanning him head to toe like a lab specimen or poster child for cancer, and desperately trying to come up with "wheelchair things" to talk about, or being awkward. It's a ****ing party.
The stares and the awkwardness are really not cool. Their paraplegia is their deal. Just like whatever your problems are are your personal deal. They'll share if they feel like it.
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And on that other issue of childhood disability contributing to social incompetence and being mean, etc., sometimes... Yes, of course. Lots of kids with disability have upbringing with little accountability because everybody feels sorry for them and thinks they're cute, and let's them get away with everything. Those well meaning adult *******s who treat them like this are infantilizing them, and doing them no favors. Then when the kids grow up and arent "cute" anymore, they have no normal social skills, and most people dont want to talk to them or think about them. This is doubly amplified with mental disability. It's a sad little story that goes over and over again.
1) I have no idea. I think that overcoming adversity is worthwhile and beneficial, but I can't say whether or not intentionally handicapping yourself builds character in the same fashion as overcoming adversity set before you by happenstance or things beyond your control. It would depend heavily on the situation, but I imagine the latter would have some greater impact, in that the former may be more easily ignored or abandoned. Which does say things about those who don't ignore or abandon those stresses, but by being self imposed, it seems to me that they'd also be likely to be more within one's control, and dealing with situations you can't control is often a part of character growth.
2) It can be either and even both. I had a tough childhood at times. Not as bad as many, worse than many, but those events helped shape the person I am. Many of those experiences, while unpleasant, gave me insight into the plight of those less fortunate, and I have carried them with me to this day. Do I think such hardship is necessary to be a well rounded adult? I sure hope not. If I could do it over, there are situations I wouldn't mind not repeating, but I'd be hard pressed to actually avoid, change or replace them, because of how they might affect the person I've become.
3) No idea. I think there may be some issues with people not valuing the things they have or taking their settings for granted, so when a person figuratively 'has it all', it's likely easier for them to take an awful lot for granted. When one overcomes or survives hardship, I think it's easier to recognize how precious ones gifts and blessings might be.
As is the occasionally quoted "first world problems", when a person's biggest concern is that their favourite 5 star restaurant is lacking the specific vintage of wine they enjoy with their steak for a meal that costs about as much as the downpayment on many average homes, it's hard to share empathy with them the same was that we do for those struggling just to put food on the table.
Which isn't to say that all people should slip down the long slope of constantly recognizing every last person on Earth who leads a tougher life than they, but I think there's a kind of diminishing returns/giant grey area where ones challenges and tribulations are really more indicative of a bountiful lifestyle.
I'm trying not to assign positive or negative values to these sides of the issue. While stereotypes exist on both sides/extremes, I don't think we can really praise or villify either as absolutes. They just are, and it's up to ones parents and the individual themselves to make what they can/do of them.
WCommander EeshaBDrana, Kalastria BloodchiefBGGlissa, the TraitorBWVish Kal, Blood ArbiterRUNin, the Pain Artist
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2. It's clearly extremely contextual. But I will say that humans evolved to survive, and the ability of people to recover from tragedy is often astonishing.
3. People want intense experiences, and you simply can't have them if you have nothing that you care about. Although we preach peace, there is a reason people seek conflict; it's exciting.
I can't imagine being wise without experiencing mental hardship. An awareness of life brings with it an awareness of mortality, pain, injustice and ignorance, none of which are pleasant ideas.
Experiencing hardship often forces you to confront bitter truths; someone who has experienced extreme poverty or loss of a child cannot ignore the reality of other people who have experienced the same.
Perhaps you could say scientists can be wise without experiencing real hardship. I would say that scientists are intelligent, understanding the rational parts of human existence but not necessarily the nonrational parts. Wisdom suggests the latter more than the former.
4th place at CCC&G Pro Tour
Chances of bad hands (<2 or >4 land):
21: 28.9%
22: 27.5%
23: 26.3%
24: 25.5%
25: 25.1%
26: 25.3%
However, that answer has a pretty big asterisk attached to it because people (including the touching stories that have been posted) tend to learn what they take to be their most valuable wisdoms from hardship and tragedy.
And on a similar note, the reason that I come to this thread is because I was reading one of Christopher Hitchen's final articles before he died a week ago on the falsehood of "What doesn't kill me makes me stronger." It's an interesting read because, for me anyway, it reminded me that it's not what happens to a person that defines them but rather what that person chooses to define themselves from the experiences in life.
candidus inperti; si nil, his utere mecum.
~~~~~
Read Siddhartha by herman hesse and you will know the answer, go out and learn it yourself and you will understand.
MTGS Retired Administrator
This is a sig. Yes it is.
Hardship is necessary to really grow as a person. Some hardships make you a much better person while others make it mostly impossible to succeed in life using pretty much any definition of succeed.
My story while not as bad as some is honestly my reason for believing that too much hardship is bad.
I was born to a family with a mentally disable daughter. It was had from my parents to deal with this both financially and personally. I think they may have viewed her condition as some sort of punishment and went out of the way to blame everything and everyone they could. From what I can discern now drugs, alcohol, and smoking likely played a large part in this.
My parents lived as drug dealers and users for most of my life. They were extremely paranoid about it, and did not allow me to have friends. They were also super strict with me to keep me away from their habits. I ended up spending most of my time in my room alone.
This was part of my problems in social situations as a child entering into school. Most of my teachers saw me as a bright kid who had a ton of potential.(i could read and write at a first grade level at the age of 4. Probably a product of me reading mostly non-stop as a preschooler since I had nothing else to do while I was alone in my room)
Beyond the drugs and the non-stop drinking my parents fought a lot. It was never just arguments and it was always physical. Most of the arguments seemed to be attached to who spent the utility money, who took the last line of coke, or who each was sleeping with while being gone on random drug benders. So much of the time we lived without electric, water, heat, air, or any of the other modern day comforts. I also remember cooking myself ramen on a fire I built outside of the house with water I got from a nearby creek.
As I got older and more social pressure kicked in I started to bet bullied non-stop. So many times I would get my ass kicked and teachers would do nothing. My parents really didn't notice most of the time because they were to far gone. I was always told I should fight back, so 1 time I did. In high school I got my head slammed in a locker by one of the popular basketball players. i turned hit him in the face right as the principle walked up. I was given a month of afterschool detention(which means I had to walk home each day) and the guy that slammed my head in the locker had witnesses saying that he didn't do anything of the sort.
Prior to high school my parents divorced after spending a night in jail for domestic abuse. I was actually kinda glad of the divorce because I had been hit way too many times getting in between them. Most of my life I had lived without god or religion and had been mocked ridiculed and even persecuted by teachers, and peers. I then started to go to church with my mother where I would just be bullied on by the same people as in school.(often times getting beat on by 3-4 people at a time)
I finally got my first friend at the age of 16. At this point and before I had struggled with suicide and thoughts of killing some many people. I felt that I was lost and that nothing would help. Lucky I managed to get through school and move on to adulthood.
I could not get to college as the nearest I could afford was about 25 miles away. I had no vehicle and no hope for the future. I got a job working as a laborer for a construction company with my day who was an operator. I had the job for a few years until my mother died randomly one night and I became an alcoholic.
This is a story in and of itself due to the circumstances. She called me on a sunday night in january. *****ing about my dad and wanting me to give her money that would most likely buy her some illegal prescription pills. i told her no and she got pissed. After 20 mins of fighting and cursing I hung up turned my phone off and left to go to a friends apartment.(at this time I was living with my future wife) The last thing I said was F U.
The next day I got a call from the police saying that my mom never showed up the next day and my sister(who still lived with her) was really scared. I knew at that time that she was dead. I might have been the only one who actually knew she was suicidal. 4 days later they found her car in a near by lake. The worst part was the last words I said to her and not knowing if it was an accident or a suicide. I never told anyone about her being suicidal and it still eats at me to this day some 5+ years later.
To make things worse I started having debilitating pain in my back and hips. It got so bad that i was taking prescription painkillers just to be able to work. Eventually got addicted to them and lost my job due to a failed drug test. Coming down was so tough and even at this moment I struggle with pain. Not being given a chance to go to college all I know is labor which is not possible now. Thankfully I was able to on my step mothers insurance recently and go to the doctor for it. I was excited to finally have my life back only to be told that I need a double hip replacement due to a congenital problem that was not taken care of after i was born. Coming up with the necessary capital for such a venture is largely impossible so I am back to square 1. At this point it is almost unbearable for me to stand longer than about 10 mins at a time which eliminates me from working most jobs that don't require degrees.
Now my relationship with my wife is at ends. i can't even keep a ****ty job. I can't provide for my 2 girls who are the most important thing in my life. I fear social situations, hate leaving my little corner of my wife's parents house. I am a massive failure as far as society is concerned. I have very little hope for the future and I am still on the edge of suicide. My saving grace and biggest source of stress is my 2 beautiful daughters who I love with all of my life.
Here is to hoping this next year holds the chance I need to find myself and my family a future. Thanks to anyone who reads the story, and thanks to those who have also posted their stories. Find great solace in the fact that your not alone in this world no matter if ti seems that way. All of us who have struggled though such hardships have friends in one another.
Thomas Jefferson
Jefferson's letter to John Adams, April 11 1823