>HEB: Press the secretary call button and then slam Smith into the microphone.
What a fabulous idea. Both economical and wonderful. You do one better. You slam Smith's face into the call button, and then introduce it to the microphone a moment later. It looks like they'll be good friends. Especially when the microphone is answered.
Secretary With Really Big Hair: What can I do for you, sir?
WHAM!
Secretary With Really Big Hair: I'll get right on that.
SWRBH proceeds to get the minions together and send them up. Problem is, given that they are minions, they don't get to use the elevator's. The HEB is really high up there in this building. It'll take some time.
You find it ridiculously hard to do the two of these at the same time. So you decide to simply hurt HEB and try to get out again. You grab onto him and slam him into the wall. Which actually has a few face-shaped indentations at this point.
When he's duly passed out from pain and skull fractures, you get ready to run.
>SMITH: Utilize experience from the Mustelid War and book it to the nearest fire escape.
Off you go, then! Problem is, this seems to be a rather taller building than usual, and there's no fire escapes to be found. There are stairs, but everyone knows what happens when you run down stairs while trying to escape. Even Elevators are better than stairs. You're not sure which one is worse.
>Stoats: Betray hatless overlords as part of nefarious scheme.
>SMITH: Flashback to Mustelid War, hatch insane plan. Look for an elevated location to land on near the building, and try to make a makeshift parachute.
You waste some time looking out the window. You're in the middle of a large metropolis that you don't recognize. And part of that means there's lots of really tall buildings nearby. Yours, contrary to usual narrative aspects but fully fulfilling several tropes, is actually not the tallest. But plenty tall to be able to get you killed if you jump off the roof sans parachute.
You start looking around the building, as much as you safely can, to try to find materials. But there seems to be a serious lack of nylon around here. Plenty of paper, though.
Down in the employee breakroom on the [redacted] floor, you're punching a punching bag. The punching bag is rather ratty. They got it fairly recently, but you've been using it since then. It hasn't lasted particularly long. They never do when you're around.
Your name should be gutteral or something. Like Vim.
>VIM: Obliterate the punching bag.
>VIM: Leave the gym.
It's a truly mighty punch, but you manage to completely snap the chain of the punching bag and send the thing across the room. It lands neatly at the foot of a wall. After denting it.
>VIM: Get Lunch then charge it to company's account
You're not sure why they let you do this. It must have something to do with your prodigious muscles and your ability to get in the way of anything. But you do get your lunch for free, as you do most days.
What a fabulous idea. Both economical and wonderful. You do one better. You slam Smith's face into the call button, and then introduce it to the microphone a moment later. It looks like they'll be good friends. Especially when the microphone is answered.
Secretary With Really Big Hair: What can I do for you, sir?
WHAM!
Secretary With Really Big Hair: I'll get right on that.
>
My helpdesk should you need me.
SWRBH proceeds to get the minions together and send them up. Problem is, given that they are minions, they don't get to use the elevator's. The HEB is really high up there in this building. It'll take some time.
They're bringing the stoats, of course. Extras, that is. There's already some in the HEB's office.
>
My helpdesk should you need me.
You are now Smith. Boy does your face hurt right now.
>
My helpdesk should you need me.
You find it ridiculously hard to do the two of these at the same time. So you decide to simply hurt HEB and try to get out again. You grab onto him and slam him into the wall. Which actually has a few face-shaped indentations at this point.
When he's duly passed out from pain and skull fractures, you get ready to run.
>
My helpdesk should you need me.
Off you go, then! Problem is, this seems to be a rather taller building than usual, and there's no fire escapes to be found. There are stairs, but everyone knows what happens when you run down stairs while trying to escape. Even Elevators are better than stairs. You're not sure which one is worse.
Done.
>
My helpdesk should you need me.
You waste some time looking out the window. You're in the middle of a large metropolis that you don't recognize. And part of that means there's lots of really tall buildings nearby. Yours, contrary to usual narrative aspects but fully fulfilling several tropes, is actually not the tallest. But plenty tall to be able to get you killed if you jump off the roof sans parachute.
You start looking around the building, as much as you safely can, to try to find materials. But there seems to be a serious lack of nylon around here. Plenty of paper, though.
>
My helpdesk should you need me.
You try, you'll give it that. It's a decent try, too. But in the end, you fail. It's just not easy to make a knife out of paper on such short notice.
>
My helpdesk should you need me.
You are now the third guy.
Down in the employee breakroom on the [redacted] floor, you're punching a punching bag. The punching bag is rather ratty. They got it fairly recently, but you've been using it since then. It hasn't lasted particularly long. They never do when you're around.
Your name should be gutteral or something. Like Vim.
My helpdesk should you need me.
It's a truly mighty punch, but you manage to completely snap the chain of the punching bag and send the thing across the room. It lands neatly at the foot of a wall. After denting it.
Then you head out. It's time for lunch.
You're not sure why they let you do this. It must have something to do with your prodigious muscles and your ability to get in the way of anything. But you do get your lunch for free, as you do most days.
Good idea. You don't need to hear orders when it comes to mastication.
Mastication. A real man's chewing.
>
My helpdesk should you need me.
Why would you do that? This job pays rather well. All you have to do is hit people.
There's a crackle on your radio. Sounds like a chance to hit someone.
>
My helpdesk should you need me.
That would probably suck. But no, apparently it's some jerk in a suit up on a high up floor. You'll have to take an elevator.
You HATE elevators.
>
My helpdesk should you need me.
The elevator is taking too long anyways. You punch it and bend the steel. Now no one can use it. Serves the elevator right.
You start climbing the stairs. And growling. This is not a good day. Maybe you'll get to punch someone in a second.
>
My helpdesk should you need me.
You are quite sure there has never been a Nai in this story, nor has there ever been. You do punch the wall on the way up.
When you get to the top, you're rather winded. But you do get to punch the door down. Revealing the HEB, who's still out of it.
>
My helpdesk should you need me.